January 2014 Surgery Sisters
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Thanks Ann...I think he's pretty sweet, especially when he's asleep, LOL. We bought and assembled an electric grill together today, since I discovered that my gas grill was disintegrating and didn't want to take a chance on blowing up our condo. It's crazy the way 11 year old boys know everything...it is a very good thing he's cute.
I'll check out "Kitchen Table Wisdom". Eve - as usual, you have brought balance to the equation. Our strength and perseverance are truly the silver lining. We will all come out of this stronger, and because of it, will have not only the love of our friends and family, but also their profound respect. I'm also hoping that I for one will be more open and aware of the happiness and love that comes my way...and try to focus on that person who smiles at me for no reason at Starbucks, or lets me in when I'm trying to merge into traffic, rather than the jerks that don't.
Well...several glasses of wine, and I'm now a philosopher, so there you go. No more wine after tonight, but no guarantee that I won't get out the soap box again!
Sweet dreams ladies!
Diane.
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Michelle, found your blog. Love it!
Anne, your words are equally eloquent and beautiful on Michelle's blog.
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hi ladies...I am on a few boards here...the topic says January 2014 surgery sisters...I had surgery jan. 3 rd 2014...am I at the right place?? I could easily have 20 boards to join in on!! I learn so much from everyone!! Thanks for the clarification...Rosie
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Rosiesride - yes, you are in the right place!
Welcome!
Diane - I can't see any pics that you posted? Maybe I missed them. I'll look further ahead.
I had an absolutely wonderful weekend - the weather was picture perfect. Hot and sunny - first time ever for a Memorial Day weekend - usually it rains. We had a great time up north at our lake cabin. Met with my good neighbor and caught up with each other's lives. Hubby, his brother and I went boating, grilled steaks, had a campfire. DH and I went out at night to look at the stars. One afternoon as we were boating, we saw where the loons nest - something I've never seen before in all the years we've been there. So many precious gifts. I love summer, too, Ann! Your place looks awesome!! We have lots of water toys, but our favorite thing to do is to just sit on the hill and look at the lake, or sit on the porch and watch the hummingbirds. Only bad thing that happened is that I must have gotten too much sun and the wrist on my affected arm started to swell. It went down eventually, but now I'm scared to go out in the sun without wearing long sleeves.
Beverly, we all know what you mean. I've found that when talking to non-cancer folks, like with my neighbor this weekend, that staying upbeat and keeping a sense of humor works best. Most people don't ask, but for those who do, I try to stay positive, although it's hard sometimes. It depends on the person, of course. I vary my approach. Some are better than others. But I'm so surprised by how you are suddenly treated differently once they know. Wow. Soooo surprised. Like you're branded or something.
My DH is probably the only one who really gets it as he's been with me through it all. I try to fill him in so he at least knows how I'm feeling. He's been great, but he can be kind of distracted by other things going on around us - in particular - other people's drama. There are so many things that are vying for his attention right now. I try to remind him that he needs to "take care" of me first and refocus when he's being negative. So when he does ask how I'm doing, I know that there's still hope for us. It's a tricky thing, this having had cancer business.
Eve, we all need a platform for advocating to others. Maybe yours is flashing your foobs at the supermarket. LOL! I wonder if you can get arrested for that (but officer, they're not real...see...feel this...lol) !
Luv you all!
Mary
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I have not been on here in months! I am so glad there are others who share my emotions and experiences! I have finished chemo and I am waiting for my replacement surgery. Anxiously I might add! Why do I feel so different from others?? I have survived and pray never to hear the "C" word again! I have learned so much about myself, DH, sons, family and friends! I am still angry and wonder when that will go away!??????
Thank you all for sharing and, now, listening to me!! I hope all are doing well!
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Hey there Rosie and 2boys
So nice you found us and you are back,
Warning ..I can get a little wordy and wax philosophical...but my intenttions are good.
Mary, rotflmao........yes, maybe I can flash my foobs ....so funny. Your weekend sounds wonderful...did you and Dh get the electrical in?
Yes, Diane your son is a cutie, and they are all alike at that age, I give my 11 yo step son the evil step mom eye when he gets a little too big for his britches. But OMG he actually thanked me for being tough on him and insisting on respect and compliance to the house rules....wow....I am so proud of him.
It is interesting to me how we have all reacted to the cancer crap. I for one am not angry but for some reason I feel deeply hurt. I mean hurting down to my soul.....I think it is the loss of control...but I knew I didn't have that anyway...maybe it's because we have to make a paradigm shift that seems unfair....oh well, onward and upward to infinity and beyond....
My older son is moving back to florida. I have said that part of my sorrow is in missing my kids. This move is sad though because he and his girlfriend of 5 years are splitting up. I feel badly that my son has to experience that kind of hurt. But he seems ok, and looking forward to going back to university. he has the GI/Montgomery bill so his options are wide open. I can't wait to see him...we are very close and have always had a fun time together.
My younger son, switched jobs in the Marine Corps and is now a paralegal. His commanders have all written letters of recommendation for him to become an investigator.....he is very excited..AND he and his wife will come home from Japan for his training.... I am just giddy thinking my family will be together again. My silver lining...
love and big bear hugs to all,
Eve
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I have a questionwhen do you become a survivor?
When do you let it go? or do you , ever
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Eve - you become a survivor from the moment of diagnosis.
As to your other question, I've asked others, like a friend who is a 20 year survivor of IDC, and they all say it gets easier as time goes on. Someone here mentioned that we are grieving, which is such an accurate analogy. So, when you think of how that process works.... Like with my dad, when he died of lung cancer, the grief was so raw and overwhelming at first. You feel all the usual things - it's not fair, why did this happen...then it gets easier over time. But lately I have to admit I've been thinking a lot about him and I feel such deep sadness. He died in 2005. So, I'm thinking that maybe it never goes away, but we find a way to integrate this grief, anxiety, anger, whatever, into our daily life and use it in a positive way that helps us instead of hindering us. Finding your own unique way to do that is the challenge. I gotta believe that We. Will. Overcome. This.
Oh and BTW, no, we didn't get anything done work-wise at the cabin! I'm calling a local carpenter for quotes next weekend and will be trying to talk DH into outsourcing all or at least some of the work that we have to do. We'll see how that goes....
Welcome back 2boysmom! The more here on our thread - the merrier! How many do we have now, I wonder?
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I don't mean to harp on this but I have to for a moment go back to one of the last posts I made. The one about people thinking I dodged a bullet because I "only" had DCIS and didn't need chemo or radiation. It's not only everyday people like my family and friends that may look at it that way, it's Breast Cancer organizations that are set up to help people diagnosed with cancer. The social worker I've been seeing at a local cancer center called me a few weeks back very excited to tell me that she has a chance to apply for a 500 dollar grant and wanted it to go to me and my family to help with bills. We were both very excited and she was certain that she would get the grant. She has before. The reply back was because I'm not going through chemo and/or radiation I didn't qualify!!! That was just another example of how people with DCIS are misunderstood, devalued and made to feel less than a person with "true" cancer!! I was told i have cancer, had my boobs cut off, struggle emotionally with that each and everyday, had fills for months, am going in for yet another surgery, but wait.... I'm not worthy of a Breast Cancer Organization acknowledging what I've been through!!!!! Not sure if I'm more pissed or saddened by that! They should be ashamed of themselves!!! Who is to say that just because my CANCER was stage 0 that someone with a higher stage is more worthy?!?!? Sorry if this Offends anyone but really?!?!
As for your question about when we will feel like a survivor Eve.... I think personally for me I will feel like I'm a survivor to some point, after I get through the reconstruction process. I will ALWAYS be concerned and worried about reoccurrence. I know that if there is a reoccurrence it will be invasive- as I have no ducts or lobes left for the cancer to grow in. That scares the $&@! out of me!!!
I think each time that I have a checkup with my breast surgeon and she tells me there's no cancer, I will feel like a survivor! Cancer is a battle. Cancer thought it had me where it wanted me until it was detected on mammogram. The mammogram was my weapon against the cancer. I won that battle! It might have taken my breast, but cancer did not take my life!!!! I just need to finish this reconstruction process to get myself to a point where hopefully I won't see myself as a person who had cancer, but a person who battled against cancer and won!!!! Then I'll feel like a true survivor!
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Eve, so glad your sons will be closer to you. That is a silver lining!
As for survivor status? Yes we are.....even with bumps in along our pathways.
Love and peace,
Ann
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Mary, very eloquently written reminding us of how grief is a process and there is no time limit.
Good for you on not working on your cabin this weekend and simply enjoying it. Hire on those contractors. You deserve it!
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mommyathome, I'm so terribly sorry that you did not get the grant. I can see how you feel almost devalued; like your cancer wasn't bad enough "to count ". It's really weird and doesn't make sense how people can dismiss your situation so easily. We all get that you had cancer. Fortunately you didn't have to go through chemo, rads, etc... But you still had cancer!!!! The emotions are there, the life altering experience is there. If you ask me your already a survivor. I believe that I started surviving the day I was diagnosed. I've survived so much... It is amazing....now I'm stronger, more courageous, more knowledgeable, and see life more clearly. I know what is important in my life and I have to continue yo survive every day.
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Diane, I sent you a private message on foob protectors. Good luck"
Beverly, I wish you peace in your heart and sorry you have to face such I sensitivities. Please don't take offense to my comment but I feel like I do need to clarify one thing you said. You mention the possibility of a recurrance and that it would be invasive. All of my research has indicated that you cannot have a recurrance with DCIS because by its nature it is not invasive and cannot spread. If you were to, God forbid, get BC again it would be considered a brand new primary cancer and not a recurrance of the original. Not that it makes a big difference, but, with so much misinformation out there on BC I thought it worth noting. I also fully note that it doesn't make a bit of difference in how you feel or react to the cancer diagnosis. You are so right that cancer is a battle. I am so happy that you have won yours and I hope more women do. Unfortunately, not all of us can say we have won the battle. Some of us are still in the midst of battle and hope to lower our chances of a reocurrance... God bless us every one.
Love,
Ann
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Ann - just wanted to say I love the title of the book you mentioned - "Kitchen Table Wisdom." Sounds great - kind of like the idea behind this site. Love that BCO is here and that we can share our wisdom at our virtual kitchen tables / desks. I honestly don't know what I'd do without this thread.
I'm reading "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips." I've been trying to wean myself away from the computer in general and don't typically read books on cancer, but this one caught my eye. Lately I've been focusing more on how to eat right and moving towards getting healthy. Maybe that's a sign that I'm 'getting over' the panic and anxiety stage and moving into the healing phase. I feel like having cancer is not like chapters of a book - it's a HUGE series! And then a movie, lol!!
Marissa - I agree with what you said, I know what is important in my life. That is SO key to all of this. It all comes down to that - knowing what's important and not wasting your time with anything else.
Sweet dreams!
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Girlstrong- thanks for your response to my post. Your name seems to fit how you handle your diagnosis! You are strong emotionally and physically and seem to be able to keep it all in perspective. Emotionally handling the diagnosis is half the battle! Thanks for understanding and empathizing w me!
Mmtagirl- thanks for clarifying the point about a reoccurrence. Yes, it wouldn't be dcis, my question is my bs said they got the cancer but of course there could be cells left behind.... Would these be dcis cells that "turn" invasive??? I understand that even though on January sisters thread we have all had surgeries around the same time, have varying diagnosis and treatments. My point about the battle was we detected the cancer before it was so spread that it took our lives. That's the first part of the battle- finding the cancer. We are all battling still along the continuum.... Some with surgeries, some with chemo/rads, some w hormone therapy... But the cancer didn't win!
My gram was diagnosed on Thursday with ovarian cancer and we said goodbye to her on Saturday.... In two days the cancer took my grams life. She didn't have a chance to battle. That was the point I was trying to make. We do have a chance to battle and we have different "weapons" to use for this fight.... Knowledge, surgeries, chemo/rads, etc.
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Hi Ladies...I'm tired from class, but pleased with myself for getting through my first day of my training diet. I also saw my PS and scheduled my next (and I hope last) surgery for fat grafting/nipple recon, for August 18...just 9 days after my black belt testing. I'm really certain my PS thinks I'm crazy for wanting to do this, but he also seemed impressed and didn't try to talk me out of it.
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mommyathome, I do have invasive DCIS....I just finished a very interesting article about this...I'll find the link and send it to you. It is so frustrating to figure out the verbage we hear or read in needing to know just what the heck has happened and could happen. I've yet to find agreements about treatments for DCIS. I've noticed some people having a lot of chemo or a lot of rads and I didn't have either. But, I did have a low Onco score. Still, some MOs would shout from the rooftops knowing I didn't get rads, my PCP is having an absolute fit. I ramble and now I'm not sure if there was a question...just sort of chimed in here, so I'm not answering anything. I thought you made a good point and don't we all worry about that one little cell floating around and who's to say where it will be?
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Meme and Beverly, this is what I hate about this disease. Every step of the way every doctor, research article, website has a different interpretation and hypothesis I. How are we ever going to feel comfortable when the experts can't even agree. I stand corrected. Thank you.
Mary, Crazy, sexy cancer tips? I need some of those! I need to get my crazy, sexy back!
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I also have been given 3 different diagnosis. Frustrating.
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Diane,
Aww, what a cutie. That's quite the float - he's a proud Texan
Is that a rattlesnake I see in the rocks? That's one reason I live in MN. We JUST have mosquitoes, lol! I have a SIL who lives in McQueeney, TX, which is just outside of San Antonio. They are on the Guadalupe River. They also have land in an area where oil was found and they are waiting to get their well put in. After that, I suppose they'll be millionaires. Talk about luck! They are the ones who bought a little cabin across the lake from us. They spend most of the summer here. 0 -
Mema4,
My understanding was that if it is DCIS it's not invasive as it is contained in the ducts?!?!? Did they find DCIS and then some that became invasive???
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Thanks Mary. He says he chose Texas because my mom visits her cousin there every year or so and it looks fun from the pictures and postcards she sends. He didn't know that we lived in Belton TX when I was a little girl from about age 8-10. There are soooo many different kinds of venomous snakes and the scorpions totally freaked me out. However, I still remember how nice the people were.
I got to sleep in slightly, since I have the garage door guy coming to check out the clunky sound it's making. Why does everything keep breaking?
Yes, this whole BC thing is confusing and frustrating, but for those of us like me, who have been deemed cancer free after BMX, I think we just have to focus on how lucky we were and support those of us who still have more treatment before they hear those words. There are no guarantees, but there never are. About 6 years ago I was in the hospital with bacterial pneumonia for 4 days. I thought...this is how I'm going to die some day. Hell no! My lungs got better and although I had a few scary colds for about 3 years, I haven't needed to use axsteroid inhaler for the past few years...knock on wood! I never thought I would be dealing with this. My sons father had a heart attack just over a year ago and he's fine now, but my point is...stuff just happens. The only control we have is how we choose to deal with it.
I'll get off my soap box now, but let's all just keep kicking BC ass!
I love you guys, and can hear us getting stronger from our posts every day. Yes we're grieving, pissed off, hurt and scared, but we are all still here.
Have a wonderful day!
Diane
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Diane,
Oh, right. I was thinking you guys lived in Texas. Silly me - that's my hormone brain! Must have been thinking of Michelle
Yep, that whole DCIS debate is ongoing as far as how to classify it, how to treat it, etc. Like Eve, I sometimes go over to the Stage 4 thread and women with mets to look at the signatures - what kind of cancer, what stage, what treatment they all had....and it's all over the board. A few have DCIS as original diagnoses and now have mets. So not to scare anyone, but you never know... Beverly, I can understand your fear in it turning into invasive cancer, like the rest of us had / have. It was really terrifying and paralyzing to be diagnosed with a 5+ cm ILC tumor. Lobular is better known as the sneaky kind of cancer. It slips past mammograms and sometimes doesn't show up very well on any kind of imaging. It's all bad stuff no matter what you have. But like Diane said, stuff happens, altho we still have control over NOW and hopefully many decades to come.
I'm going for a walk - it's a gorgeous day today and summer is FINALLY here. We skipped right over spring and are enjoying temps in the 80s all week. I'm loving that!
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You guys are great. None of you get mad at discussions and that makes it easy to be on here. I have learned to shut up on other threads
It's funny but when I had the lumpectomy and found out that clear margins weren't gonna happen, I don't think the word "invasive" stuck in my head. My family seemed to avoid it because I still don't think they ever used it. But, my BS did and sure enough, it is on the path report. It's complicated so no one should feel "corrected" mmtagirl. We learn from each other. It was your post that made us think. And when we're frustrated or not for sure, that's what we forget to do, think it through. Drives my DH crazy cause I'm always reading stuff and have to use a dictionary to read them.
Mommyathome, I had Stage 0 when I went into the lumpectomy and within a month I was a stage 1, always a grade 3. I really don't know about the invasive part and how bad is that? When I had the tests and went into the lumpectomy, everyone acted like it was no big deal; I was assured it was all contained. I wake up and not so. It's a few cells and they can't get clear margins. I am so sick of my DH telling me it is over. He is a dear and has stood by me through everything! Even my doctors love him and my family wants to give him a medal. He went through prostrate cancer 8 years ago and loves to compare our cancers. Anyway, he's on my SL - go figure that one out!!!
bc101, I go to the stage IV sites as well. I want to see how women deal with this disease at that stage and how long they've had cancer. It makes me ashamed that I'm such a whiner. Then, I realize they too started with questions, some of the same as ours! I don't think I'm grieving and I think I'm less mad at the BC than I am at the medical field. I know that sounds weird but, look at us. Our questions are not unreasonable yet they've been asked for decades. Billions have been poured in for research and yes, we have more meds and improved testings and treatments. BUT, why is it so hard for us to find information? No one can agree and that leaves us, the patients, in the confusion. And that pisses me off.
Beautiful day in Dallas. My cat no longer smells like a skunk...he decided to challenge one. He is right there on the SL with my DH! Everyone have a healthy day!
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TJ61 - 3 different diagnoses meaning 3 different types of cancer at the same time? Where are you in your treatment now?
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The thing for me also, is the medical community being all over the place in their opinions....and boy do they like to tell what's best for you. That is why I google everything. I compared my US, Mammo, Mri and path report from the biopsy. I had 4 different diagnoses, the only thing agreed on was that I needed to have the biggest tumor removed. Even my BS wasn't really wanting to do the BMX.
Funny the call I received from her after she received the final path was IDC. So I was right and because I had researched I made the right decision. Another thing that really upsets me is a new report came out...that the docs think we are basically nuts to have mastectomies in the first place...that most of them aren't needed. But the idiots acknowledge that we go ahead with the surgery "for peace of mind" WELL YOU FREAKING BETCHA WE DO!
Just my 2 cents.
What is bothering about my path report is..my Nottingham score or grade. I am grade 2...but part of the grade 2 is how fast the cells divided. I am 7.....if I were an 8 I would be grade 3...so that bugs me. Especially sitting here without any further treatment.....oh well, I see the MO soon and I have some questions for her...depend on it.
Went for a walk with the pooch and am now watering the garden....no rain lately and it's been in the90's so a real battle trying to keep everything hydrated.
ttyl
love
Eve
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You hit the nail on the head, mema. I'm mad at the medical field and especially my 1st BS....for thinking he could shrink my tumor before surgery, for the radiologist or whoever didn't see it wasn't really shrinking, for the 2 failed attempts at trying for clear margins....with lobular cancer! REALLY? Hindsight is always 20/20, but if I was smart, I would have done like Eve and researched beforehand, and I did do some, but I trusted my doc. Turns out he was wrong. Oh well, I gotta believe I caught it in time and then caught the fumble, too. To think anything else is just too damn scary. My DH says the same thing, too and yes, he is seen as supportive as all heck by my team. Supportive, my butt. I think he just likes to see all the young, good looking nurses and docs, lol! It's always amazing how young they are. Everyone is younger than me, it seems!
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Eve, my 1st BS is probably behind that report. He did a study and was very outspoken in the media about the reasons why women get MXs. When I went to him I didn't realize how anti-MX he was. He seemed to steer me away from MX whenever I wavered. Then when I finally decided to do the BMX he said he'd support that, but wanted me to do it for the right reasons. I had plenty of reasons - all of them right! If only I had known he had an agenda. Oh well...can't go back. Onward and upward!
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You all must think I am nuts for doing such extensive research...still do with every little thought or suggestion.
If I may....tell you why I am like I am.
Former hubby who died from a brain tumor.
He had colon cancer 2 years before the brain tumor. Chemo for colon cancer and many, many cat scans during a year of chemo...FULL body cat scans. I never got the CD's from those scans. (kick myself for that)
K, he's done with chemo...yay! all is well for 2 months. Then he doesn't feel well, headaches, so we go see a PCP...oh it's just a sinus infection....hmmmm. that dx came after a cat scan of his sinus'. So doc gives him steroids to help with the inflammation. For 2 or 3 months my hubby is taking this stuff....I kept telling the doc that he was having headaches only in the morning that began a few minutes after he got up and then went away in 20 minutes, but he would have to sit down until the headache dissipated. THAT IS A CLEAR WARNING OF A BRAIN TUMOR. Which, yes I found out by googling and researching. So, I called his pcp and insisted that he have a brain scan....he was in the hospital within hours after that scan. Huge tumor. The pcp met us at the hospital and after getting him settled in, waiting for the neuro surgeon this pcp takes me aside and tells me straight up that "my husband is going to die" WTF!!!!
Then the neuro surgeon comes in and begins a speech about neuro robots that can be injected into you and the litte buggers can eat the tumor....wow how cool is that....and after surgery.....husband absolutely does not have the worst kind of tumor.
I could go on with more stuff that is just unbelievable.......turns out YES is is the worst kind of tumor...NO cure, NO robots,
SO that in part is why I do not trust anyone in the medical profession.
I know the docs are what we have....but I also have my brain and I can check everything out...so I can ask the right questions.
Heck, I might save my own life by doing so...oh wait I already did.
Beverly, if I was faced with your history...yes my friend I would be pushing for what you are doing. I know it is difficult but in a few weeks I think you will be on your way to to looking forward to teaching again. A great job and getting back to normal.
love you guys
Eve
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