January 2014 Surgery Sisters
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Ditto to what Ann said..... Diane, you are up waaaaay to early...and after you posted about your plank push ups...I tried to do one...ha ha ha...that's it...I did one...lol. I am so proud of you for your determination and dedication....I hope some of that rubs off on me.
Congrats again to your new Spartan, Ann. Does your daughter know what she going to major in. Lots of growing up with our kids this year. It is so much fun to watch.
We all grew a lot too yes? Not all of it was welcome. But I think the strength that we have gained and the confidence that we actually CAN handle anything that comes our way can take others a lifetime to obtain. If they ever do.
My husband had me help him this morning with the printer. I hate our printer, it is always temperamental. So as he is manipulating the laptop I am sitting by the printer grabbing the pages as they are coming out. OMG The first pages were a confirmation to a really fancy hotel on Harbor Island in Tampa. For two nights. The next pages were ticket stubs for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.
What a guy! He knew I needed a diversion. I balked at spending the money...what I didn't know is ...he received a 1st quarter bonus. Rock and roll.
You all are so special. Thank you for posting and keeping our thread going.
Love, happy weekend
Eve
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Eve,
Gosh hubby sounds wonderful. That gave me goose bumps!!!! Enjoy, it sounds wonderful!!!
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Wow Eve, sounds like you got one of the good ones. My SIL in Ga is a really thoughtful gift-giver. His gifts to my DD shows that. They aren't always romantic, but are always needed. Like before they were married, she had a really old car with an oil leak, so for her birthday he got her a case of oil, because he didn't want her stranded anywhere. More recently, he posted a really nice post on their anniversary, and wanted to post a picture on it, but knows Nancy hates pictures of herself, so he pasted a caricature they had gotten done on their honeymoon. I wouldn't have thought of doing that. My DH never got the idea of thoughtful gifts. For our first Christmas together, he went to a drugstore Christmas Eve, and bought whatever they had. After many years of no gifts, or awful gifts, I finally started giving him a list -and I put everything from a 99 cent bottle of nail polish to a $2000 pair of diamond earrings with lots of stuff in between. The first list was short and just things I really needed- he gave it to my DD along with money, and I got everything on it. That's when the longer, more elaborate lists started- I wanted to be somewhat surprised. It wasn't that he didn't want to get me anything, he just didn't want to have to choose gifts, or go shopping on his own. He was more than happy to go shopping with me and let me pick out something - just wouldn't do it on his own. Even cards from him were picked out by one of my DD's from the time they could drive, before that, I didn't get cards from him. His excuse was holidays were made by companies to make you spend money, and he wasn't going to buy into their greed. And, he did bring me flowers occasionally just because he wanted to.
Anne
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Anne, Yes, yes and ab fab YES I did get a good one. But it took...ok ...3 marriages. And he is younger than me. good combination....
who knew at 53( 5 years ago) I would be in a place where my tiara is polished for me, and I am, if I so choose, spoiled rotten. I rarely ask for anything, a few bucks in my bank account....he cooks and does dishes, but so do I.
I think the BC scared him though. But Nate is the best of the best and if I could wish for a relationship like ours for anyone of you I would. and do.
I get the list, for presents thing.
Nate knew I wanted a bougainvillea a few years ago. But I wanted a sunset colored one. he went to five stores before he found the right one. It was trained into a tree, and is 5 feet tall now and very beautiful. he calls me every night on his way home from work to see if I need anything, and never balks on my occasional need for a Whopper from burger King.
We collaborate on our purchases...which mostly consist of appliances that let us further our love of cooking.
K I have to quit...
can you tell I totally adore my hubby and my life with him?
Things with me aren't always good right now...but when nate comes home...all is well.
A love story for sure. Hope you all don't mind me sharing.
peace
eve
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Eve...this made me cry, both times I read this. What you have is something special indeed.Friday, the yard duty mom at the school and I were talking. David told her back in December that I had BC, and she's been so kind...sending me a card after BMX and making sure the bullies (who had plagued David all year) were not able to get to him. We were talking about where things are now, and instead of the "I'm going great" response I usually give, I admitted that while I am going great physically, that I was having some trouble with the emotional side of things. We talked about the future and I think I made the comment that I was probably more likely to be hit by lightning than I was to meet that special guy who wouldn't mind the Franken-foob thing I've got going on. She told me that she was going through a really rough time in her life, not thinking about romance AT ALL, when it literally knocked on her front door. Her future husband was staying with his Mom across the street temporarily due to his divorce and was sent over to borrow something. I spent time with her husband recently when we were bowling with the boys. Heis a really great guy, who clearly adores her. She says when I least expect it, I'll look up and happiness will be smiling back at me.
Anyway...these stories give me hope.
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Hi all. It is so true that when you are not looking you meet the one.
I was married the first time for 20 years. He was bipolar, suicidal, alcoholic, porn addict and had social anxiety. He put me down all the time and i was to chicken to leave and raise my sons alone.
5 years ago.I had a hysterectomy and he walked.out 2 days after because we ran out of bananas. I have only seen him twice since the. I full full custody of the kids and he has disappeared from our lives.
After the separation I was not devastated as the kids and i were so unhappy with him. I went to the lake with the dog and meet the man i am married to know.
He was a single dad with a crazy uninvolved ex. He is kind and supportive and totally unlike any man i have met. Even with cancer he still adores me, teases me and makes me laugh. I asked him if the no nipples and scars on my foobs bother him. He said no those scars saved me life!
So there is the right guy out there and you never know when it will happen.
Linda
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Dtkd, these stories will give you hope. Marrying for the sake of marrying is hopeless. I did that the first time around because he came from a good family but he was an alcoholic. I got two wonderful things, my beautiful daughter and a college degree! At one time, my preschooler told her teacher she had a Coors Lite for breakfast (she didn't but thought it was funny). After that, it was time to go in kindergarten. I knew a champion cowboy by then that I thought I just had to have. After 6 or 7 years of an up and down relationship, we married. By then, it was just to show others he would marry me. Stupid. Lots of crap there, either bad or good. Raised my daughter there so she could have her horses, left when she went to college. Moved from NE Oklahoma (where we lived) to OK City and left teaching to work for the State Dept of Ed. My daughter and surprise little grandson lived with me. I went from there to San Antonio to take a test publishing job and became a vice president. Lo and behold, while being burned on men, there I worked with a normal guy. I wasn't looking. On my desk, I had one of those pottery jars that said "Ashes of former husband." Hoped it would scare off any jerks wanting to ask me out. I had great implants and looked great; men to me were to be used as guys with benefits. I protected my heart fiercely. But, he broke through 14 yrs ago. And, he's still here. He went through prostrate cancer and due to a slip of the knife, sex went flying out the door. You know, it didn't matter. It was an important part of our life (hot part
) but it wasn't a deal breaker. Now, he's standing with me. Not a deal breaker. I almost left him once - not enough romance. I get stupid like that at times. Still carrying that baggage. Oh yeah, the cowboy. I loved him more than myself. Thought he was my soul mate. Really looked good on a horse! There were times I left my child behind so I could travel with him. I still carry guilt over that. He had some bad habits though, cheating, lying, hiding "crank" so he'd rope better, smoker, complainer, fit thrower, all those things I never saw. I knew he'd cheated on his first wife, his second wife, dated a 17 yr old who had went to HS with his son. I still couldn't get past the feelings that I could make a difference. I couldn't. He cried every time I left. Followed me every time. I digress. I just found out that when my daughter was 5 or 6, somewhere in that age group, that he had been touching her. She never told me. She thought it was a game. When she was old enough to know something was wrong, she and I were in Houston where I was teaching. I needed a break from him during our dating period. But, she was so attached to him that when I dated someone else she would be mad. That's enough info on all that for nowl.
"Finding" someone to build a life with is a wonderful thing. Just take as much time as needed. Everyone on here is right. You will recognize normalcy when it is there. Make sure to run if there is a lot of drama. Look for qualities that he demonstrates in every day life. Don't see 'em? They won't be there when you need 'em. Red flags? Run again. So much to watch for. Now this sounds terrible but a recently deceased friend of mine that was a judge told me a long time ago to look at a person and imagine that person going through a divorce, how they treat the other spouse and how they treat their children. It was good advice. Very good advice in comparison now to both of my marriages.
I'm off my soapbox. Just wanted you to stop and think before you jump! Keep your lovely heart open, eyes open and arms wide open. Love will step in. You deserve it, we all do. I found mine even after all my mistakes. Watch and it will just be peeking around the corner! Someone out there is waiting for you...(((hugs)))
Polly
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Love, love the stories.
We have been through a lot, haven't we. I was a little embarrassed to say I had been married 3 times...but thanks for letting me know that I have no reason to worry.
Wow! I am so impressed with how we all have pushed through the worst and learned, grown and become the compassionate women that we all are. We have definitely earned those tiaras.
Also, as we look at a new man, lover, perhaps husband....they are looking at us. I have known Nate as a close friend for 10 years before we got together. he told me that I was the only woman that he would consider to be Daniels step mom. Nate saw me raising my sons....quite the compliment.
And he's right, Daniel and I are 2 peas in a pod. I just love being a mom again, even if it is part time.
Nate and I lived together for a year before we married. it was a bit of in house training for him. lol I was the teacher , he the student.
Something I didn't know about him, was that his parents (who are still with us) would have awful arguments. There would be times where they didn't speak for days. So if Nate and I had a disagreement he would not talk to me. OMG...had to nix that right away. And did.
I had to learn to live with his love...no obsession for University of Florida, The Gators, sports....all year round, the Miami Dolphins, Nascar....the list goes on...but I just figured if you beat 'em join him. it has been fun.
In a tribute for father's day...Nate drives 200 miles a week just to spend time with Daniel...wonderful dad.
I hope you don't mind me going on about this. I don't feel well physically well right now, ok emotionally, but as I have said before I am still in pain and just...something isn't right. I see the MO on Friday so we'll see. My hubby is my rock and so loving and patient.
just the positive part of things right now.
There are great guys out there....
Thanks for listening,
love you all,
Eve
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Oh Eve, it does take time doesn't it? I was a sulker. My DH got me out of that. He used squirt guns of all things! I'd go pouting and all of a sudden water would be everywhere. Hard to stay mad with a water fight going on. I used to could "freeze" people out for weeks. He taught me how to stop doing that and work through issues. It helps a lot now.
Please get better. We'd all be lost if you weren't keeping us talking on here!!!
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Eve...of course we don't mind you sharing....you are the glue that keeps us together. I hope you feel better soon. I've also been having a rough time. Aches and pains...anxiety at work....fatigue...got a cold and hurt my back. But today I got up....and I felt great! It took me about 3 hrs to realize that I felt great. I was out golfing...which I do even when I don't feel good...and it donned on me....OMG I feel good today....NOTHING was bothering me. I almost pinched myself. I enjoyed my entire day.
Laurie
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Hey Laurie,
I know what you mean. I felt really good yesterday. And now today, I am exhausted with shooting pains in my arms, boobs, and legs....just so strange. I have the anxiety in the middle of the night when I have skipped the Ativan....I don't want a crutch....but,I also want to sleep. :P
So glad you are out golfing. I bet after such a long winter it feels great to get out in the sun and play. I did go down to the pool yesterday..but I had to drive....sheesh. it is just a few blocks away.
Polly, the squirt guns sound like so much fun. When we wash the car I'll nail my step son and hubby with the hose...ha!
and no worries, I WILL get better...there is no other option.
love you guys
eve
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Yes....we will have our ups and downs....but we are ALL on the mend. And we will someday have mostly good days.
Laurie
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Polly and Linda...I've been out shopping all day and came home to all your wonderful stories. Thank you so much for sharing them with me. It is so unfortunate that you (and Eve) had to go through all that crap before you found happiness. I've been there, and know what a good man looks like, and although I have dated many bad boys in my day, I'm looking for the Eagle scout now.
Laurie - so glad you had a good day...you were due! You are right. Soon they will mostly be good.
OMG - it's so HOT today - over 100 degress! Thank God for the AC!
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I am feeling the need to give all my friends a very big group ((((((((hug)))))). You all continue to amaze me with your strength from your stories.
Eve, my daughter's best friend will be attending U of F in the fall. What a coincidence.
Laurie, I had a great weekend, too. Felt great at my DD graduation and spent the weekend on the grad party circuit eating and drinking too much. Diane, I made up for the wine you are not drinking so the universe could remain stable. Lol! Back on the wagon, though, with you know what on Tuesday.
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just a quick LOL
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Hahaha! Thank you Ann for having my back! I made the most delisious chile/cumin crusted tuna with a cilantro dressing over super greens tonight, and thought, "Wow, a nice glass of Chardinay would be fabulous with this". Maybe in a few more weeks I can help balance things out.0 -
Eve, my grandson is headed to Daytona Beach on a bus with a bunch of high school wrestlers. It's a national wrestling championship and he finished 4th in the state for OK, wrestling for Varsity as a freshmen. He's still my baby...Here is he leaving practice at OU to load up and having to take pictures with his family hanging on him...can you imagine the horror????
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LOL..he doesn't look horrified Polly. He's a handsome boy. You must be so proud of him! Oh Daytona...as Eve knows, I spent my summers just one beach south of there as a little girl with my Grandma. He'll have a BLAST!
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Ladies,
You are all so amazing and strong! I love reading your posts as well. I've been feeling much better emotionally and physically since my exchange being done on June 2. I've been off pain meds since Wednesday June 4 and no longer even taking ibuprofen! Yay!!!!! The only problem I have now is a weird sensation in my hands. It's not painful like when your hands fall asleep but it's like little tiny needles going into my hands... Like little zingers, similar to the ones I got in my breast after BMx. Could this be nerves too? Is it normal? Omg really don't want to call ps again, she going to think (know) I'm a hypochondriac!!! I won't be surprised if one say I call and her number has been changed lol. Seems like I'm always calling for something!!!! Should I call about this or wait and see if it goes away? It happens throughout the day, all day on and off. It's been happening gor a few days now. Whenever I wash my hands it feels like they're on fire..... Just weird. Any ideas?? Going to clean out my old classroom today in one building and then setting up my new class next week w a friend in a different building. I'm so excited about a new beginning. I think this moved totally happened for a reason!!!
,
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Polly - good for him! He will have a blast. And he's MUCH better about photo ops than my 7th grader. LOL
So I'm trying to be inspired by you ladies who are being much healthier than I am. I rode my exercise bike for 30 minutes (almost 7 miles) last night, and NOT just because I had restless legs. LOL Of course then I had a little bowl of ice cream, but hey, baby steps.
Laurie - I meant to ask you how it is golfing after bmx? I've been wanting to try but since I still have TEs, Hubby is like NO WAY. I see my PS this Thursday for the first time since before rads and I'm going to ask him. I miss playing golf but don't want to hurt myself either.
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Polly, Linda, Eve - I am so happy for all of you that you have found good men. I, on the other hand, have absolutely no desire to even date, much less marry again. My marriage was wonderful at first. When it was just the two of us, we were great together. I later figured out that it was wonderful, because he made all the decisions and I followed happily along,thinking that because he was a man, 6 years older than me, with much more life experience (he had been in VietNam), he knew how things were supposed to be done. As children came, and life became more complex, I still deferred to him 90% of the time. Gradually, I realized there were other ways to do things. He had an explosive verbal temper, and again, when it was just me, I thought I deserved it. Until the day he came home from work, and I thought I had everything done the way he wanted. He went into our bathroom and came out screaming that the drawer in the vanity where we kept band aids and ace bandages, etc, was a mess. I realized at that moment I would never be able to meet his standards and stopped trying. And while I couldn't stand up for myself when attacked, I learned how to protect my babies, although it took a really long time. We ended up being a family when he was at work, but as he was due home, everyone scattered to their own rooms to avoid confrontations. I encouraged him to work the 4-12 shift at work. He thought it was because the pay was better, it was really to not have him home in the evenings with the kids. All of their birthday paties were held while he was at work. One of the things that made it even harder is that he would read his Bible every day, and was a pillar at the church. He also denied, denied and denied having an anger problem. His anger was over as quick as it started, but when I wasn't ready to cuddle 10 minutes after he called me horrific names, he would tell me I was crazy, he would never speak to me like that- he was just trying to tell me that I had spent too much money on groceries. The sicker and more dependent he became, the outbursts lessened, but the anger went deeper as he lost his independence.
I can give you all my rationalizations on why he was the way he was - his dad was Archie Bunker, possibly PTSD from Vietnam, etc, but it really doesn't matter. I don't want to compromise my life in any way to accommodate another person. I have a very full life with my kids and grandkids, I can come and go as I please. I can have cereal for dinner if I want. I am very blessed that all my kids and their spouses love spending time with me, my grandkids and I all have great relationships and my life is good. I am not at all bitter about my marriage - if anything, I pity Bob because he never really got to know what fantastic kids he had, and what amazing grandchildren. I asked him several times in his last few years why he wasted his time yelling at everyone for opening the doors too often and letting the a/c get out, instead of using the time he had left, be it days or years, building memories as his legacy. He had no idea what that meant.
Anne
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Oh Anne, that last sentence says it all. I can relate to the timing of having someone at home and having them gone. It just made life easier.
I forgot to tell everyone that my stupid little cowboy ended up dying on his front porch. I told him on my way out for the last time that he would die there. Of course, he all of a sudden found Jesus and crying as I left. He always did that. Anyway, he was divorcing his fifth wife and was all alone. Just shows that life doesn't always end the way it should. I wonder what his last word were? However, since I just recently found out what he did to my daughter, it's a good thing I wasn't there. I haven't let that go yet.
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Wow. What colorful lives we've all led.
I married at 22 but divorced 3 years later. I think I was looking for my prince charming and found a best friend who would take care of me. Not a bad thing, but I wanted more. Met my (now) hubby and sparks flew. He is 11 years older than me, has a son 10 years younger than me and had been married twice before. Needless to say, he was 38 and a confirmed bachelor when we met. LOL We've been together 14 1/2 years now, so just goes to show, you never know. He never would have believed he'd be married again, but I guess I'm his "third time is a charm"
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Happy Monday girlfriends!! Count me in with the supportive and loving DH. We were high school sweethearts, then went to the same college, then got married, 2 kids, 1 miscarriage, and 1 BC later... we are closer than ever. He is my best friend. I used to think our relationship was "boring" due to the whole high school sweetheart thing but now I feel just the opposite. After what we've been through we are closer than ever. I still don't feel sexy in the bedroom department and he is very understanding and doesn't pressure. I appreciate that; hes my best friend. Still trying to find a new normal.I have my follow up visit with my RO tomorrow and then an appointment with my PS on Thursday for my first fill since surgery on January 29th!!!!! I am way behind most of you other girls, the whole radiation throws everything off course. I am in no hurry, I am just smiling everyday that I am blessed to be cancer free/remission or whatever it is you want to call it.
Mommyathome: I have the slight pins and needles in my hand on the involved side. This started a couple of weeks ago. This could be the first sign on lymphadema or (in my case) could be residual side effects from my chemo and/or radiation. My MO is not concerned and says "just watch it". It comes and it goes. Some days not even there, seems to be positional, and so I am thinking that it is secondary to muscular tightness in my chest after rads. I am seeing a lymphadema therapist soon to get baseline measurements of my involved side; I am requesting a light compression garmet to wear in case I do any air travel.
Peace out! Marissa
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Marissa and Beverly,
I have the same pins and needles stuff, and the sharp quick bolts of pain in my boobs and upper back. I see the MO on Friday, I'll report back with any answers.
What a handsome family Polly. Hope your grandson throws everyone down and Pins them for the win.
Anne, sigh, so sad that we , so many of us, put up with crap for so long.
I never had the independence of having the financial independence to call my own shots. I don't have to worry about that now, but when the kids were little, that was a large part of my motivation to get married again. It was always about my boys.
You know, we talk about "the new normal" the definition of normal........conforming to a standard; usual , typical, or expected.
well freaking HA! not, no way ever again am I , or I am pretty sure you all are looking for a new of normal.
let's not be "normal" let us no longer conform because that makes everyone else comfortable and happy, let us be unusual, let us be no where near typical, let us do and be the unexpected.
Ya baby...
peace out and rock on.
Love you ladies
Eve
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Didn't mean to change the narrative about what everyone is sharing or change the feelings about a "new normal' I am just all about empowering us to set our boundries and gain strength from all that we have been through, endured and to know that we are not at all normal but fantastically special.
eve
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Marissa and eve, thanks!! Ya Eve, let me know what they say.... I go tomorrow for my Pre op for hysterectomy so my minds on that right now. If its still tingly Wednesday I think I'll call my ps.... It must be something- even if it's just another nerve thing.... Who knows, right?!?
I like the, why find a new normal just be you idea.... The more different and crazier the better I think!!! I'm started to get easily annoyed by the normal people anyway lmao!!!!
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Hi Ladies!
I do not usually post much on the site, but read it almost everyday. I can relate to each and everyone of you and all of you have helped through this journey! It has been an extremely difficult few months! I am a teacher and did not return after my surgery. I have finished my chemo and anxiously awaiting my exchange! Yes, I can't wait to be squishy!!! Lol.
I agree that I am searching for the new normal also-whatever that maybe!!! You have made me feel "normal" through tough times. I miss my exercising, kettle bells, and hope that I can return soon, by seeing that others have returned has given me hope!!!
I wish you all the very best and hope we all find happiness in our next 100 years!! ((((HUGS))))
Joanne
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Welcome 2-boys-Mom! It is a good site to hang around. I find myself checking in at the weirdest of times just to see what everyone is up to. Hope you will stay with us.
Momatom, you know you like that picture! Besides, I do look like that when I get up in the morning. Maybe sometimes worse. I really need an eye job. Boobs aren't even done yet and I'm worry about my eyes.
Off to PT today. Trying to avoid that awful L stuff. I look forward to PT, always feels better later. Been cheating on the Arimidex...1/2 every night now. Ever seen that tiny, tiny pill? It's like trying to split a seed. Going for my own research!
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