Life does not end with a stage IV diagnosis (really!)
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Thank you. I will look.
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Sadly, martymart and debsing passed away as well.
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Wandering, debsing and MartyMart are the other two women who have recently passed away. There is an "angels" thread that one of the members keeps updated with regards to this information if you're interested, I keep the thread on my 'favorites' list, tho it certainly isn't a favorite in that sense but simply a way to keep informed.
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All three passing so close together has been very difficult to handle but debsing seems to haunt me the most. She kept saying she doesn't want to die, she's not ready to die. Gosh, I really didn't think she would. I feel so sad for Deb and her daughter.
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Hi all,
Yes, those losses pile up. At any given time, we have stage IV sisters living fairly normal lives, going through tough times, recovering from tough times , facing the end of this life and everything in between. One thing that has become important is cherishing the everyday. To be fair, I was always the kind of person who tried to appreciate life's everyday gifts, so this is not some personal growth I've gleaned from having bc. Still, knowing that I'm only as good as my next scan or symptom, heightens this awareness. This morning, I watched my granddaughter and dd take a water babies class that was taught by my other dd. Then, I went and got a pedicure. Later both dd's, granddaughter and myself are going to Ikea. Very ordinary stuff, right? I couldn't be happier. I think of those who struggle everyday. I have been there and know I will be again in the future. I hope that when I am going through hard times, you will honor me by living as best as you can and enjoying even the most mundane things. Speaking of mundane, it's time to shift the laundry to the dryer. I'm still looking for the pleasure in that
Caryn
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Well said caryn
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Nicely said Caryn. I hope you had some delicious Swedish Meatballs at IKEA
I Love that place, I drive two hours to Miami just to shop there...0 -
tilda,
Thanks, we had fun. Even had some gravlax in their cafeteria. I got a lovely pedi this weekend and went out to a family luncheon to celebrate my younger dd's birthday (24) which is tomorrow. Today, I spent most of my time with funny, chatty, smart and endlessly fascinating 1st graders. My class brings so much to my life and I sure do sleep well at night!
Caryn
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can someone point me to the "angels thread"......I can't seem to find it.
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Busy weekend. Worked all weekend with teen boys with disabilities. Great event and happy young men and parents. Went to concert with friends, then out to dinner. Laughed and laughed and laughed.
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kay, Take a deep breath.... https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/56/topic/694012
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Here's a direct link:
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I just read many of your positive post which are so encouraging to me. I am just a month into the bone mets things and have millions of questions but have found so much information on this site. I think our positive attitudes help us in so many ways. So glad to see long term survivors here.
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Caryn,
You wrote precisely what my last four months have encompassed. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer Dec 6 and was fearful. Well that was nothing compared to Dec 23 when I was told that now 11 weeks after a negative mammogram I was stage 4. Four months of self education and medication have been uplifting and I have been surrounded with love and support. I am loving the grace period. You are right, life does not end with the stage 4 diagnosis. It is nothing any of us want but there are some hidden blessings. Carolyn
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Normal? I have a miserable cold and sore throat. I guess when I spoke of normal, that included the less that desirable aspects of everyday life. Yup, we have to deal with those too
Caryn
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Yes. Just because we are stage 4 does not mean we can ignore the rest of our bodies, although I have tried. Cold UGH. Went to podiatrist yesterday, have been ignoring foot pain in both feet for way to long. Arthritis in one, bone spur in the other. Cortizone shots in both. Treatment for BC is less painful than shots in your feet
Today to dentist, cleaning and 3 crowns needed. Ignored teeth during treatment, catching up is miserable.
On the better news front, just booked a week in California at the end of June for kids and myself. I have to be in Anaheim for a conference, so we are leaving a few days early to hang at the beach. Then head up to Disneyland where my conference is. While I am working, they can go to Disney or hang at the pool. They will be 16 and 20, so they should (fingers crossed) be able to handle the days on their own.
Life goes on, the good, the bad and the ugly
Nel
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Nel,
I do agree I neglected my teeth too know I am paying for it. I am also going to San Diego California May 21 with my family. Going to seaworld, Legoland and other things. I am excited I don't think about cancer during this time.
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Ugh, wish we could get a pass on dental and all the other stuff. I guess if we live with stage IV, we have to live with ALL aspects of life.
At stage IV, we are often hesitant to make long range plans. I question making these types of plans myself, but keep taking deep breaths and plan away. I applied for and was accepted to become a mentor for new teachers in my school district. This is a two year commitment and assumes that I will able to work for at least two more years. California has a two year induction program for new teachers so they can move from a preliminary credential to a clear credential. I really feel a strong call to do this, so I thought, why not?
I also booked another cruise (Alaska June 2015), but made sure I bought travel insurance that covers pre-existing conditions. Yup, life must go on, until it can't. Despite my trepidation, that's the bottom line for me.
Caryn
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Caryn,
I travel for my job and would love to know what travel insurance you found that covers pre-existing conditions. (I'm self-employed so don't have coverage through an employer) I think I mentioned in another thread my husband and I are celebrating milestone birthday's next year and we're planning a trip to Ireland...he removed Scotland and England from the mix so we could really see and experience Ireland.
In addition to scheduling travel beyond 1 or 2 years, I'm accepting new client's. Mentally it helps to make long-term commitments (in my business 2 years is long-term) so I can indefinitely extend my deadlines...if that makes sense. In other words, there ain't nothing gonna stop me from working!
I look forward to learning more about the travel insurance so I can add a little extra security to my travels. Thanks so much!
Amy
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Amy, the ladies on this forum directed me to:
It's a user friendly site, just plug in your information and it will bring up different carriers that will insure with the conditions you specify, then you just select the one you want.. When it comes to pre-existing conditions, I think the main thing is you have to apply for the insurance very soon upon making your travel reservations, say within 24 or 48 hours of booking your trip. The price is very reasonable and having insurance brings peace of mind. Last August, I checked out the site, gathered my info and got a general idea of how it worked. Then I booked a Bahama cruise through Triple A and was able to go on the site and buy the insurance within the allotted time frame. I look forward to that cruise later this summer!
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Mrs M,
Thank you for the link - I have book marked it for future travels. I looked around a bit and you're right it's user friendly! Thanks so much.
Amy
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Yes life does go on, but always seems to have in the back of my thoughts will I be here, will I be OK for this. I have to go to California for work at the end of June (it is horrible but someone has to do it!) so have extended the trip by 4 days, bringing my kids and going to the beach and then on to Disney . I am pretty sure at this point I will be OK.
We are discussing a major expansion of service area for the non-profit I manage. This is something I have wanted us to do for several years and now the opportunity presents it self. Will I be here to this though and accomplished successfully and will I continue to have the energy to get us through the process.
Well I am doing both and hoping for the general good health I have to continue for some time. At the same time I am encouraging my Board of Directors to come up with a succession plan, whether it is needed cuz I retire on my own steam and time frame or health dictates it is time fo r me to go.
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Amy,
Divine is correct. They key to having pre-existing conditions covered is booking within a certain timeframe. I have used both CSA and Travel Guard. I'm using CSA for my Alaska cruise.
Nel,
Good for you! Sounds like a smart plan for your work project. Yes, it will be tough to come to CA, go to Disney and the beach, but glad you're up to the job!
Caryn
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I went to a wake last weekend. The grandmother of one of my students had passed away. His family is lovely and I just feel a real connection with them. The woman was only four years older than I am and had bc. On top of that, it's been less than a year since I lost my own mom, so emotions are still volatile. I never met this woman but as the service was conducted, in Serbian, and mourners spoke, in Serbian and English, I really lost it. I cried for the the loss of a beloved wife, mother and grandmother. I cried for my own mother and yes, I cried for myself. Life has not ended for me, at stage IV, but it certainly filters things through a different lens.
Caryn
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Caryn,
It is bad enough to attend a funaral because u really don't want anybody to die but to attend a funeral at stage 4 cancer is very emotional. I went to a funeral about 3 months ago and I sat in the last row and the whole vibe just being there and picturing yourself is scary. I had nightmares the first month almost everyday. As days went on it got easier but every time i think about I start going through all these emotions. The funeral was for a childhood friend who died of stomach cancer. He really suffered for 7 months and died at around 45 years old.
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The members of the support group that I participate in at Gilda's Club has a policy/tradition of attending other members funerals if possible. We lost quite of few members in 2013. The last funeral I went to was pretty good as funerals go.There were around 4 of us there to say good bye. During the service one of the family members said that the person who had passed always had ice cream when things were going well or not going well. So our little group went to a local ice cream parlor and reminisced about our missing member. It was a very nice way to say so long to someone we all liked.
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Hi ladies - Just found this thread today and boy did I ever need this.....will add to my favs. I was diagnosed stage IV in April. Talk about a shock! Never did I think cancer would rear its ugly head after only 2-1/2 years. I had put this site waaaaay behind me. I spent a lot of time on hear back in late 2011-2012 and it was nice to finally move on. Well, here I am again....and all your stories, whether they be good, not so good, sad, heartbreaking, inspire me.. I learn something from each of you, and take away more knowledge and feed off of your courage, and persistence, and that is what keeps me going, every, single day. No one, and I mean no one "gets it" except you ladies. I am thankful for this site and all of you! So take this quote "While we live, let us live" and run with it!!! Somedays, I can't run with it....some days, I'm tired and cranky and sad for my husband and kids, and sad that too many young women are dying from this damn disease, but this is life. We all will pass someday.....unfortunately, some of us sooner than others....boooo-hissssss! Thanks again!
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Hi wildrumara,
You and I were dx'ed only a month apart in 2011. It was thought that I was stage IIB after my bmx so planned on doing chemo. Long story, but about 6 weeks later, before chemo was to start, my bone met was found. Cancel the chemo, rads to bone met, straight to Arimidex and here I am almost 3 years later. I live fairly normally and though it won't last forever, I try to enjoy it (except today, when I'm working on report cards). I know that there are woman on the stage IV forum who are going through tough times and do not live "normal" lives and I acknowledge their pain and loss. But it often comes as a surprise to those new to stage IV, that death may not be imminent and life can be surprisingly normal. Sadly, at any given moment, someone is dying or doing poorly on this forum and I don't want to marginalize that part of the stage IV reality, but that's not the only part of it. I just want woman to not put a foot in the grave until they have to and to enjoy while and when they can. I will probably die from this, eventually, just not today. Take good care of yourself.
Caryn
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Caryn, I love this thread. Just on this last page we read about funerals but go on to talk about travel plans and jobs.
Frank Jobe a well known sports orthopedist passed away recently. His funeral was held in Dodger Stadium. His favorite treat was ice-cream. So the one thousand people attending got ice-cream in tribute.
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Thanks, danishgirl. I know a few ladies were upset by the thread title, and perhaps it's contents, when I first started it but I hope most of you understand where I'm coming from. Sigh, now back to report cards. Very normal for a teacher, but not fun
Caryn
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