Mothers with school aged children
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Anyone thinking ahead to fall yet, sending kids back to school? I think here it's going to be like 2 days a week at school, with social distancing, and distance learning at home - or choose to keep your kids at home full-time. My son with be a 3rd grader, and I have a 4 year old who we pulled from daycare/preschool in March. I'm not too immunocompromised on current treatment, but I still don't want to get COVID-19. My son will be so disappointed if he can't go to school to see his friends at least a little bit. But I know that will increase the risk he will bring home coronavirus to our home. I don't want to live in the basement by myself, I want to take care of my children. hmmm. I'm just worried what to do.
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Yes, definitely worried about this. My oldest will be away at college but my younger son will be a sophomore in high school this fall. We have the option of a Full time online academy but he very much wants to return to school. Part of me says it’s a no-brainer...I am on chemo and can not afford to get this. But I also feel guilty because I know this (online classes) will be harder on him and I don’t know how he will fare or whether it would impact his learning. The school district is planning to reopen, so if we enroll him in online learning, they will not all “be in the same boat.” I imagine there will be many others with a variety of conditions faced with this choice. I understand that monoclonal antibodies may be available sooner than a vaccine and there is some talk of using them to protect vulnerable populations like us. At this point I am hoping for more clarity in the next few weeks to help inform this decision for us. As cases rise, it looks more and more like we will have to go the online route until it is safer.Good luck to you and to all.
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what a scary and crazy time for us mothers! Here we are again trying to figure out what the beat thing is for our children, while at the same time trying to protect ourselves so that we don’t get sick and are able to be around longer to watch our kids grow...AND not have guilt for doing so!
It’s a crap shoot isn’t it?
I *think* our district is going to do k-8 one week on, one week off like A/B weeks rotating (in-person and on-line). 9-12 is home doing on-line stuff. And then of course k-8 has the option to do on-line full time as well.
My husband is a teacher and he is ready to go back. I feel ok about the kids going back. My son (11th grade) will have to get out of the house somehow!!! He is already socially awkward...this is not helping his mental health at all! He will get his license soon so I told him to go grab his friends and go fishing or hiking or rafting or something outside!
We all have to do what is best for our kiddos and only we know what that is! I hope you all stay well
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we are starting online only. You am Ng s as para educator do waiting yo hear of I gave my same assignment or another one.
Crazy times. Trying to get my senior to do college planing is especially trying.
Summer is ok as I don’t have to work BBC and make sure the kids are doing their own work. I am not looking forward to going back. Plus my husband is an ER doctor so he has to work.
It’s going to be crazy around here again.
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I am super uneasy about school. We had my son, who is about to start kindergarten, in summer camp for 6 weeks this summer and I felt fine about that at the time. It was great for him to engage in activities with other kids and have the chance to run around all day. They had good security procedures and the camp only took half the kids as usual. However, we pulled my son out the last two weeks when COVID started to get worse again where I live. I live in a COVID "hot spot" where the virus is very bad right now with our second round of outbreaks. A friend of ours had a child around the same age at a different summer camp and the child caught COVID at summer camp and passed it along to our friend, his father. The child never had symptoms. Our friend has been on a ventilator for the last week and we are not sure he will make it. Awful.
My son's school is starting online, which I am relieved about. The entire school district is starting online. However, I feel bad for my son, being cooped up at home longer, with little social interaction and less physical activity. It would be easier if he weren't an only child but he has no other kids to play with and I feel bad because I work all day from home.
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JFL- I understand your concerns. I am so sorry to hear about your friend and hope he can recover. My husband is an ER doc and his colleague went from healthy to on echmo but has survived. Ii hope the same for your friend.
mtgese are very hard times. Keep you and your family safe.0 -
On a positive note, I was diagnosed with mets in 2014 while pregnant and just “sent my son off” to kindergarten today (online, at least). I didn’t know if I would make it to this milestone. I was in very bad shape at diagnosis and in a critical state requiring hospitalization. I wasn’t sure I would live to my son’s due date yet alone over 5 years. I had a liver full of mets at the time but more pressing, I had uncontrollable hypercalcemia from bone mets that had taken over a large portion of my skeletal system. My bones were aggressively throwing off calcium into my blood, which I learned can very quickly become life threatening at the high levels of calcium I had in my blood. My road has been full of numerous treatments and numerous progressions in my liver. However, for the most part, I have maintained my quality of life and still feel great. Not sure how long I will be around. I am running out of treatments and I have increasing collateral damage from all the treatments. However, today, I feel fortunate to be here.
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big day JFL.
Today I celebrated my youngest 10th birthday something I never thought I’d sees she was 3 months old when I was originally diagnosed and 2 when I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer. My oldes, who was 8, just celebrated turning 18 another mark I think I’d never see. And I’m helping him do college applications. Crazy.
Celebrate and enjoy these moments. You earned it. Keep living your life.
Kindergarten was a big one for me because I knew my child would remember me not memories shared to her.
Congratulations.
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MMy now 18 year old son. He was 8 at my diagnosis. Keep fighting
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I just came across this thread and it has helped me just knowing I am not alone. I finally told my 11 year old that my cancer is back today. It wasn't as gut wrenching as I had imagined it would be. She's still processing.....we all are.
This idea of leaving my children too soon has to be the worst of it. It leaves me feeling so broken that I can not even bear it for long. I'm still very early in this. We are still trying to figure out where all of the cancer has spread.
So thankful for all of you.
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TangandChris--I feel the same way about leaving my children too soon. I love hearing stories like JFL & Leftfoot. It gives me hope. I was diagnosed in Sept with liver mets then had a bone scan that came back positive. For the most part I've kept it together, but we all have our days, right? I'm just trying to spend as much quality time with my kids, especially since my oldest will start college next year.
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some days are harder than others. Reading college essays about how my health effected their life is gut wrenching yet inspiring at the same time.,
we are here for you.I have lived long enough that I have my remivevthem from school . Live on a beach, enjoy out last moments together plans for when I need tgg HT em.
enjoy every day eith your kids. The older mine get, the more I realize what exceptional people they are.Your strength, courage, and love for them will take them places. hug
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Hi everyone! I was reading through this thread and recognize some of you from other boards. I wanted to join in here because I also have two kiddos who are living this with me and it's so reassuring to know I am not the only one.
I'm still a bit new to this whole MBC thing - just found out in August and started Xeloda in early September. So far so good. With this year being as crazy as it is, I have been doing a lot of thinking and self-care. through that I have discovered that one of my biggest fears/problems is the fact that my kids may not have me for some of their milestones. I had always taken for granted the fact that I would just be here - there would be a "next phase" of life - like rediscovering my husband now that the kids are older (18 y/o boy & 15y/o girl) but now I just want to make it to my daughters graduation. I had always planned on seeing them off to college, weddings, grandbabies, new houses, careers etc.. but now I just want to make it out of 2020. That's a bit dramatic I know but that's how it feels. My peer mentor described it as being handed a bomb with no timer on it but you know it's going to blow at some point. And the idea of my kids watching me be sick and decline is heartbreaking.
I am very proud of my son - he was supposed to graduate in 2020 but COVID took that away from him, he is planning on starting college (online) for the Winter quarter and is just a nice guy. The one I struggle with is my daughter. Don't get me wrong, she is an amazing person as well but with her being in the "teen angst" and also dealing with 2020 and all it's glory - she is really not that nice to me. We can't talk serious topics as she gets so passionate about them and starts talking to me like I'm an idiot. She's artistic and a bit quirky (which I love) but that also puts her in this really opinionated and abrasive place where she (like all teens) thinks she knows it all. I tell her I love her everyday - she won't say it back to me. I hope she doesn't regret that later, I would hate to think that she would feel bad for just being her age.
Anyways - sorry this is so long, it's just that the struggle with MBC and leaving my kids early in life has really been weighing on me lately.
Glad you gals are here - it's nice to know there are people that get it.
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Hi Deanders--you are feeling exactly how I feel. I was dx at the same time, an incredible shock. I have 3 daughters, 17yo & twins 14 yo. I have the same fears. Today I likened it to a guillotine above me, not knowing when it'll drop. I'm actually very positive around everyone but those dark thoughts enter my head several times/day. I want to make the most of these beginning stages since I am still strong and healthy but it's such a head game. Every day I tell myself it's going to me a "cancer free" day in my head, that I'm not going to think about it. But then I get reminders...I had to check out of a store early today because a sad song came on the overhead radio and started to cry. It comes at the most surprising times. I'm hoping the fear fades as we become confident that things are under control. I just want you to know you are NOT alone. I'm happy 95% of the day but when I'm alone or see something, I crack.
I find great hope in these forums.
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Hi ladies
I'm meeting with a thoracic surgeon tomorrow and things are getting so real. It comes in waves, moments of feeling ok and others of terrible dread and sadness.
My 11 yr old seems to take all of this in stride, but I don't think she really gets it yet. My 28 yr old might not either, possibly coping mechanism. My little 2 yr old grandson came over Sunday. I was sitting on the couch and felt this overwhelming sense of emotion. Mixed with happiness of being here with him and not knowing how long any of this will last.
I like the guillotine analogy. Im trying to stay positive in front of my family. My husband has heard me cry and vent and I think its too much for him. The first time around he stayed in denial as long as possible.
Im scared at the idea of leaving him and our youngest alone without me. How will he manage things? Will he be able to help her thru the pain?
How does anyone get thru this? ?
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hi everyone,
Glad to see this topic revived! Deanders - I have a screechy, howler monkey sounding teen girl too. Reminds me of the terrible 2s when I called her my troll baby. She is a big meanie to everyone right now but does still tell me I love you some nights at bedtime, when she isn’t stomping away and yowling. I think she is part cat, lol! I take her volunteering with me a couple times a month at a goodwill type place and she enjoys rolling her eyes at the outdated fashions and judging the people who donated the clothing - mommy & teen bonding time!
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mine is going to be 16 in a couple of days ..
How good it is to see them doing this stuff !
How much we already accomplished - I know we never would want to live our children but it is a big difference leaving 50 year old in a stable relationship and with children of their own and a 2 y.o. which would not remember you even...
I look at my daughter and mentally count all the ticks in the boxes I wanted to tick - "can enjoy cycling", " knows the joy of when you dont understand some math questions, wracked your brains trying to figure it out and then it slots into places", " i managed to impart the attitude to fitness , food, money etc that I wanted her to have", " read such and such books, go to such and such places ".
I hope the above will help more people than hurt them in case they have not accomplished x y and z ; the very point of it is to appreciate what we already managed where we are all on a sliding scale rather than to be upset at what we would have wanted to manage or could have reasonably expect of we did not have MBC
At the end of the day we all walk under guillotine- everybody dies ; it is just that we have high likelihood of dying far far earlier...
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ladies, I wondered how you are approaching Halloween this year? How are you participating? It's the last year for my twin girls and we are putting rules in place so they can still enjoy but be safe for all of us. I have always been the "Halloween house". When my girls entered kindergarten I would have several families coming over & eating pizza around the fire pits and us moms would start T & T while the dads stayed back and handed out candy. A few years later we changed it to just feeding the kids beforehand and having an after T&T party with the parents while the kids played games and traded candy. This year is so different. Between COVID and my situation, definitely no pre or post party and strict rules for my girls. I'm thinking my husband & I will set up a table and lay candy out so the kids (we get 100+) can grab their own without touching others. We'll just bring the wood burning fire pit out front, grab a hot cider and wear our masks so we can still say hello to people. How are you guys doing it?
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hi Pamela,
I think we’re doing something similar, I’m spreading outan old tablecloth on the lawn and putting baggies of candy on it. I’m going to do them all the same so no kiddos lingering over making a choice, just grab & go. I’ll probably wave from behind my storm door or front window. I love Halloween so trying to make it as fun as possible. Might make a balloon arch to grab attention since we’re in the back of our neighborhood & a bunch of other neighbors not participating. Can’t wait to see costumed cuties but sure don’t want their cooties!
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Any moms of younger kiddos out there? It seems it makes some older women sad to think of this reality; I could really use some company. My ds is 11 and dd is 5. I want to see them both graduate high school!
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Hi mexhey, I have an 11 too. Also 2 older kids 20 and 23. Yeah, I definitely am thinking about graduation. I freak a little because each of my older girls has a friend who lost their mom to BC in highschool...not going there!!!!
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keep dreaming and living. My kids were 8,5,2.5 and 3 months old at my initial diagnosis. Two years later I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer. This past Zjune I watched my okdest graduate from HS snd I’m watching him thrive in college. My 3 month old is iniw 11 and in middle s hook. I too am planning on seeing my 11 year old graduate from HS.
keep up your hope and take it day to day. Enjoy the small things that happen every day. The big moments will happen as well.0 -
leftfoot - I love that! Congrats on seeing your oldest into college. I know I would have felt emotional and rewarded anyway, but living through MBC and reaching those milestones must be a whole new level of joy.
Dancermom - I certainly don't want my kiddos to endure that kind of suffering at such a young age. But I do regularly consider how they can build resilience while they're young and I'm always trying to build in other nurturing adult relationships around them in the event that things go sideways. It's such a strange both/and. journey.
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I was first diagnosed while I was pregnant with my third; the other two were still in elementary. Leaving them is the hardest thing for me to face. I'm so glad to hear from you all.
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Wow!! Beautiful family.
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truly lovely family
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hi everyone
This thread has always been tough for me to read I have five children and they were 8,10,13,15,22 when i was diagnosed de nova with innumerable bone mets. I honestly felt like I was going through a grieving process when I found out and in a way I was-I was grieving for the life I thought I would have and I no no one knows how long they will live but with a terminal diagnosis it’s a little different. I’m now 8 1/2 years out and I’ve had lots of ups and downs and progressions and med changes but for now I feel pretty good and am so thankful for all the milestones I have been here for. I’ve raised strong opinionated kids which is sometimes very annoying but I’m pretty sure they will be there for each other to pick up the pieces. My babies are now almost 17,19,21,24 and 31. We have a college graduation coming up and another wedding! We also have a 6yr old grand daughter who is the light of my life and they all give me the motivation to get up every morning and live the best life I can that day. Some days are better then others but I’m still here and hope to be here to see my youngest graduate from college-five more years. I also have a howler monkey but we call her a sour patch kid unless she’s on the “take” she’s so sour but knows just how to be sweet enough to get what she wants from my husband. I keep telling him gifts and presents aren’t going to change the situation but he feels some need to do something and it is helping them bond more. My youngest is still in school with no Covid restrictions besides wearing a mask and I’m grateful because she needs this time with her friends-now if I could just get her to clean her room!
Kristin
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hearing your stories of keeping going, raising your kids, being strong, really takes away so much of the fear. Thank you
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Kristen (Party of Five) LeftfootForward,- You guys give me hope. It's been a rough couple of months, and some of you know from other threads that I was hospitalized for 5 weeks in the summer, and while in hospital, had a near fatal Varicies bleed. My liver was also failing and they pretty much thought that was it for me. While I have ascites and a drain in my belly, I'm still here and just restarted working from home ( I ran out of Employment insurance, but i have been managing okay). My son was 3 when I was diagnosed initially and will be 7 in May. It's been the hardest part- Thinking I may leave him before we have lasting memories, that I will miss out on so much. When I see your stories that it is possible to see them grow, it gives me a renewed sense of hope. Our paths are all different and maybe that won't be mine, but the hope is there. He has been coming increasingly aware of how sick I am and has asked questions. I always promised I'd be honest with him, and boy, it's hard answering and seeing it register with him. He says things like " If you die, and I get a new mommy (which breaks my heart), how will I like her when I'm so used to you?" or " I won't have a mommy any more" In those instances I can't be strong, I cry with him because it is unfair to him and I feel like though it's not my fault, if I were to die, that I could change the trajectory of his life. Some days are easier than others but as moms, we all know we'd do pretty much anything to be there with them in the long term.
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