Everything No One Tells You About Cancer and Your Sex Life
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Just be glad you can get there. lol
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My husband has decided he's going to sleep in the guest room for the first few days after each chemo infusion, and he hates condoms enough that we'll probably avoid sex during that time as well. This is going to be incredibly difficult for two people who prefer to live practically on top of each other at all times.
Armed with all the information from this thread and these forums, I'm planning to use coconut oil daily - internally and externally, whether having sex or not - through the entire chemo regimen (starting July 17) in an effort to keep my tissue healthy and elastic. I'm also going to bump up my use of medical cannabis extract. It makes sex a whole different experience when I'm NOT going through chemo, hopefully it'll help me maintain sex of some description through chemo itself.
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I would love to hear about your progress, Cheese. Can you tell me more about the extract?
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Trvler, I have a whole thread dedicated to it here.
From a sexual standpoint, when all things are normal cannabis makes me significantly more aroused and highly orgasmic (and I'm pretty high libido to begin with). If it can help me maintain even a shred of sexual interest and function through chemo (and Tamox, assuming I go through with it, which at this point I feel I may not), I'll consider it a raging success.
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Oh dear god. With surgery and the start of chemo dh and i haven't really been very intimate lately. No one mentioned to me that sex was going to be a problem? I'm 40! Was having libido and time management issues with two small kids before cancer. Wow. Why did my MO not even mention this to me :-(
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Tres: My MO never talks about it either. (She is getting fired btw). I once read that your MO and BS are, to some extent, mostly concerned with saving your life. I think some of them will deal with quality of life issues, but not all of them.
Sex is a problem but there are things to try. We haven't done it for a while because the last time it hurt me. I don't know if it was dryness or vaginal atrophy. We did try some coconut oil which is recommended often. I kind of decided to wait until after chemo to deal with it. I don't want to use condoms and worry about the chemo. But I have been hearing about a product on Doctor radio called a vaginal dilator. I guess you use them if you have the atrophy thing. I am going to work on it after chemo so keep checking this thread. I will let you know.
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Astroglide makes an all natural lubricant that I have found extremely helpful. In addition, I found a product on Amazon call V-Magic that works well although it states it's for external use only.
My desire hasn't been affected too much, but I do tend to avoid sex simply because they screwed-up my boob job and I'm having a revision in the fall.
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Jilly, do you mind if I ask if you are able to O?
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Well, DH is getting a lot of hand-jobs because it hurts too much to have sex and I honestly don't have the desire either. But I want to make him happy. Tried sex last night and it was painful
I'm supposed to be seeing a Gyn soon who specializes in BC patients with early menopause and menopause symptoms...maybe there is hope?0 -
Bekah: I definitely think there is hope. They have a women's sex health thing on Doctor Radio and I listen to it as much as I can when I see it on. There are lots of calls about post menopausal issues and I am carefully listening to them. Right now, I am not putting it high on my radar as I have MANY other issues going on with kids and stuff but it will definitely be a priority for me at some point.
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It's weird. For some reason I've been driving my DH nuts. He says I leave phermones all over the place and its like I'm a dog in heat to him. I swear I'm not doing anything on purpose and would turn it off if I could but he just can keep his hands off me! He says this has all just made me more beautiful to him and it's driving him crazy.
I don't feel anything toward him right now. I so wish I did, but I just don't! I'm hoping that comes back after chemo is done.
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Don't be hard on yourself, Bekah. The last thing on anyone's mind during cancer treatment is sex, IMO.
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I know it's normal but it sucks
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Just a question, how in hell can a Vagina atrophy in just 4 months? We even had sex a few times on AC but now near the end on taxol...nope uh uh. Hurts to much even with a gallon of lube. I've gone 4 months without sex in the past and my lady business didn't atrophy! WTF?
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rleepac, are you done with chemo?
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No, I have 2 more Taxol left. My atrophy started near the end of AC. I think that's when it started hurting to have sex. I use coconut oil and it helps some with lubrication but the atrophy has already set in and it's only been a few months
I'm only 43...this sucks! We used to be like 4-5 days a week and now I'm like one day every 3 weeks...maybe.
I need to learn more about dilators I guess.
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Just bought some warming lube....went with my DH to one of those love shops and managed to have a good laugh. It's gotta be fun...instead of work. Totally not like us to stop in at a store like that!!
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Yup you sound just like me. So our vaginas are actually shrinking? Wonder if it has something to do with the taxol? Lube seemed to work during AC but now it's like it's growing shut! Has anyone used dialators with success?
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Must have something to do with lack of estrogen because it happened fast. I certainly went 4 months without having sex when I was single but my vagina didn't atrophy.
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Definitely talk to your Gyn, but I had great success with dildos from online 'toy stores'. Unfortunately, all the 'medical' dilators I could find were too small in circumference to work for me. But I am now having comfortable sex with DH again after feeling like I was 'glued shut' for months. I used three different size dildos, starting smaller in girth than my DH and worked my way up to slightly larger. I also used a vibrator at the same time to help bring blood to the area and help the vaginal muscles to relax. I found doing kegal excercises when inserting the dildo was absolutely essential! The idea is to insert the dialotor or dildo as far as it will comfortably go with minimal pain. Then do the kegal squeezes around the dialator until it begins to more easily move further into the vaginal canal. Repeat the process until the dialator is fully inserted. Take your time and use lots and lots of lube. There is no rush! Inserting the dialtor this way will help prevent further trauma and injury to the vaginal tissues. Once fully inserted, I left it in as long as comfortable to get the tissues used to being stretched out again. I tried to set aside time to do this at least once or twice a week. Once I was comfortable with one size and could move it easily in and out of the vaginal canal, I moved up to the next size and repeated the whole process. This took several months but was worth all the work. I still have to use the dildo/ vibrator before sex to prepare the area, so it does take away from the spontaneity. But we try to make it part of foreplay. I also find that if I go a few weeks without sex or using the dildo, I definitely start to tighten up again. So I think it might be something that has to be done on a regular basis or else the tissues will just go back to square one.
You will need to measure the circumference of your DH when erect and see if the medical dialtors will work for you. Otherwise there are plenty of dildos on the market that you can work with. Some sites are better than others about giving accurate sizing information. PM me if you need some links.
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VERY helpful, Amy. Thank you. Did you start during or after chemo?
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I started closer to the end of chemo, but that was mainly because it took time to research and purchase the correct sizes. There's no reason why you couldn't start during chemo as long as you go slowly and are gentle with yourself.
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Thanks, Amy.
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Has anyone tried this?: http://www.cynosure.com/product/monalisa-touch/
There was a thread opened, (I should go look for it). I'm very interested in trying this treatment.
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I would love to hear more about it.
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Trvler, I found the thread: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/150/topic/829333?page=1#post_4404969
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Thanks, LB. I bookmarked it. I will read it later when I get time.
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I was diagnosed with IDC in 2009 at age 62. I had been taking hormones for menopausal symptoms. After a mastectomy I started on Arimidex. Gradually, intercourse became more and more painful until I could not engage any more. I went to a women's health clinic where I did bio feedback and dilation, as well as internal chiropractic adjustment. In other words, I tried everything, but the pain became worse. The devastation of being unable to have intercourse with my very supportive husband, was almost as bad as the cancer diagnosis. It is amazing to finally find a place where women are talking about this issue. I am at the point now that just the thought of attempting to have intercourse terrifies me. Not sure how to overcome that and give it another try.
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I've done kagel exercises since my 20's , when I was first diagnosed in my 30's 25 yrs ago with Triple Negative the chemo left me sterile and I was afraid of totally losing our sex life which had always been great. Everything dried up super fas.t My MO and my gyno advised me then to use it or lose it...which was a little scary and so we started using KY jelly which was like night and day and condoms during chemo so I wouldn't get pregnant. No worries about that as the first round of chemo totally blasted me. Diagnosed again last year triple positive with Taxol/ herceptin and now on arimidex I was worried about having problems again, but my MO this time ( a woman as is my gyno) also said if we keep on it, it should be fine and surprisingly it has been. Of course during chemo there were plenty of times that even the thought of sex was impossible because of all the chemo SEs. My mo and gyno think that it is all the kegels I have been doing all these years that have kept me in good shape despite having been put into instant menopause in my 30's ( I never took hormones) . Who knows , but with lube and kegels I'm totally good to go.....without lube ... No way no how. Has anyone's Drs suggested kegel exercises or was that just an LA thing
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I kept meaning to ask about Kegels. I haven't done them much. BUt I was wondering about if it would help. I will try. Hopefully not to late.
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