STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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early 1970's.... could be earlier. But I was born in 1970 and I do remember watching it and hearing it playing on the tv while I was messing up things I’m sure!Still managed to get cancer though. Wish cancer thought it was too young!! Have a nice sunny day. Everyone! I'm Out doing some errands, I already want to just go Home! Now! ~M~
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Anyone heard from Bluebird -DE lately?
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I was wondering that, too. I haven't. The last time I see her posting is on March 31. She drew a line in the sand at the end of March? Miss her.
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I wanted to stop in and maybe release some pent up emotions. Today was the celebration of life for my friend who died on 20 March. The posts are a few pages back. My husband and I went and I Iasted about 20 minutes before I got to the point where I could not manage my emotions. I left and waited outside for 3 hours. No one gets it, least of all me. I was ready to go and show my support to her husband and family. I also didn't want to be a distraction. Most of those that we know who would be there knew I am recovering from my own bc so I'm sure they understood but I want to understand my own feelings. I'm used to death, I'm a police office and I carry many deceased people around with me, and I know death is a part of life. I also have been exposed to how abrupt death can be and the lasting effects on a family. I was totally taken off guard by the sudden overwhelming sadness. Anyone have any thoughts?
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Bluebird visited her on Aptil 26. Maybe she is spending time with family and friends. I hope all is well with her.
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mollie~ I am sorry for your loss. I think deep down we all are afraid of our mortalities. It's human, I am sure they understood. We can only be so strong and Emotions find us in situations where we can't hold back. Give yourself a break. Nothing about fighting your own Bc issues are easy. I hope you can get some rest. Sending my best ~M~
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mollie-sometimes it’s just too much - the unfairness to family, unfairness to the one who fought so hard, where do they/you go from here living without that person, mixed with all the emotions you have going on with your own situation and fears. We are often so strong all the time that when the emotion catches up with us it is overwhelming and the dam breaks. Completely normal and easily understandable. If you’re worried about your friend’s family thinking you bailed on them, arrange a time to go over and talk with them 1 on 1 to express your condolences and offer support. They will understand. On your end, let go of any feelings you may have of guilt over not being able to last all 3 hours. You’re still grieving the loss of your friend.
I’ve always thought it would be so much better for the family and close friends to put off the celebrations of life for at least 6 months to allow those closest to the deceased to grieve and make their peace with the loss before having to be on display often faking strength when they’re crumbling inside.
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Mollie, I understand your overwhelming emotions.
You and your friend were diagnosed about the same time, but different types of bc. She had a more aggressive type of bc. You weren't close, but you didn't get to visit her before she was already heavily medicated. She's leaving behind a family. You wanted to support the family, but your emotions overwhelmed you and you didn't want to be a distraction. You probably are feeling many conflicted and unresolved emotions.
My emotions are also overwhelming. My Mother died February 28, 2018. I miss her terribly. Bryan is a man at church with Down's Syndrome. He's the choir's biggest fan. I play flute and sing in the choir. Bryan calls me every Saturday evening to check which mass at which church the choir is singing (we have 2 churches and several masses each week). Although we've been at the same church, same mass for several months now, he still calls me. Bryan called me Wednesday afternoon, to ask me to play for his father's funeral on Saturday. I went to the visitation on Friday, and the choir and I sang/played for his funeral. I want to support him and his family, but all I can do is hug him and say a few words before I get choked up. I didn't think it would be appropriate to cry about my mother to his mother, who just lost her husband.
I will probably see Bryan again this morning at church. This will be the day after he buried his father, and my first Mother's Day without my Mother. I'm already crying just writing this. How can I get through the day?
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Mominator. I am feeling so sad reading your post. I am so sorry that your heart is hurting today. Hugging you.
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Mominator~I am sending out hugs of support. You can only get through one moment at a time. If you've got to cry, let it out. You're only human. It's a very emotional thing to go through no matter who you are. I am also sorry for Bryan, but you’re doing the best you can.
I am very sorry for you and Mollie. Sometimes life just plain sucks outloud. I worry about loss 24 7. My heart aches for you..I am so very sorry things happen this way.
Much love~M~
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Thank you everyone. Mominator I wish you strength and love today for Your Mother's Day and for Bryan on this day. Happy Mother's Day to all. I've been ordered to stay in bed by my 16 year old. I Can only imagine what's in the works. At the memorial yesterday Sierra had a Best Mom Ever Mother's Day card for her Mom for today. I'm glad she made one.
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Mominator and Mollie, So sorry for the loss of your Mother and your friend. HUgs
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Mominator & Mollie, I'm sorry for your losses. You celebrate your lost loved ones by sharing your sadness with all of us. They will continue to live as long as you carry them in your hearts. Mom, I think it's wonderful that you reached out to Bryan in his grief. Don't underestimate the power of that simple hug.
I think it's easier sometimes to convey our feelings in writing, rather than in person. Perhaps you could write a note to the family & share a personal memory of the person they lost. It would be lovely to have something like that to read both now & years from now.
Hoping time will ease your - & their - pain.
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I'm glad I found a safe place to share my anger throughout my process. I didn't expect my 2018 to start off with a breast cancer diagnosis. I was in utter disbelief. There is no breast cancer history in my family. My genetic testing showed no gene mutations for breast cancer or any other type of major cancer. So that's good news. Also good news, that in spite of three surgeries, I am cancer free.
Even though I found out last Friday from my breast surgeon that I had clear margins after my mastectomy, I am not exactly jumping for joy, doing cartwheels in my house. The worst thing about my process was not the surgeries themselves (doing quite nicely after my mastectomy last Monday) but dealing with the healthcare professionals. Holy s---!! It seems like I'm just another patient in a long line of women who need medical attention at the breast cancer treatment factory. No one truly understood what mattered to me the most - my feelings such as sadness, disbelief, anger, etc. Their lack of empathy and compassion is what deeply pisses me the most right now. I don't consider myself to be an emotionally needy person. I just needed someone to throw me a bone.
OMG!!! I can't believe how bad my experience was with the surgeons and nurses. My breast surgeon showed very little empathy and plastic surgeon showed zero empathy. I gave feedback to my breast surgeon. All she could say to me is "I'm sorry, I don't know when to speak or when to listen". WTF!! You've been doing this for 15 years and you still don't know how to emotionally connect with your patients!! I plan to give feedback to my plastic surgeon when I see him next Monday. He never once asked my how I was doing/feeling about my cancer even though he knew about my diagnosis and two surgeries prior to seeing him. So what if you're the last person a women may see in the process. Some of us are not overjoyed over the thought of having possible reconstruction. I guess it's easier to put a new boobie in than to say how are you handling your diagnosis, how can I be helpful to you in this process.
I've had to do deal with too many nurses scheduling appointments for consultations and surgeries. The office staff seemed disorganized. Thank you ladies for adding another layer of stress to my life!! I had a nurse discuss breast implants at my first consultation appointment with the plastic surgeon. At that time, I didn't even know if I wanted an implant nor had I spoken with the plastic surgeon yet. This same nurse also told me that implants last a lifetime but the plastic surgeon said the silicon implant he uses lasts 20-25 years. Miss Nurse - I do not want to every see you again. You are completely useless to me and trying too hard to help me. I spoke with another nurse yesterday who wanted to know how I was doing. She seemed impressed about my quick recovery. She said to me 'you get a gold star!" Again, WTF!! I don't want a gold star!!! I also told her that I was still dealing with the mental and emotional part of my recovery, that my sleep hasn't been that great (hard to sleep on my back, trouble falling or staying asleep). The nurse skipped over my comment and told me that I needed to take Valium or one of the meds px by the plastic surgeon to sleep better. Is that inappropriate or what???
I would recommend to all you ladies here and all patients in general that if you have not watched the move "The Doctor" (starring William Hurt as the arrogant heart surgeon), please do so. It captured probably better than I could say here the problems with the medical profession. This is a movie all medical students need to watch if they want to be an outstanding doctor. It's an old movie but the message is relevant and the problems still exist today.
Thank you to those ladies who read this. Any comments or suggestions would be helpful.
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Therapygirl, I've given up looking for compassion. I have a few nurses who are wonderful and feel lucky for that. With a few recent experiences, I feel lucky when a medical office just answers the phone. Returning a phone call, even when they PROMISE they will, is unlikely. One person on the phone yesterday gave me a whole sob story about how she was handling all phone calls herself with no help. THAT's NOT MY PROBLEM. But, yes it is. I sit and wait and try to be patient, in pain, trying to stay calm. I called this doctor at 9 AM. Call back at 2 PM. Everything goes slowly no matter how you are suffering. A faster response would make things easier but that is not happening. Ever.
Sorry, therapygirl. I just added to your rant. There are some good people working in healthcare and when you find one it is very uplifting. You can say, "oh, there you are. I knew there were a few."
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omg, plastic surgeons are the WORST. Mine did a real good job and needless to say I really find it hard to believe he is a human being. That's the one I chose the others I talked with even worse.
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this is one department I cannot complain about. My plastic surgeon was encouraging, he was kind, he listened to my concerns. I was in ICU for three days and every single morning he was there at 8:00 am. Checking on me. Making sure I was comfortable and he sat with me I asked about future plans for my right breast. He held my hand and said we would talk about it soon , in the future when I was completely healed and more alert. He didn't hurry me at all and he always made sure to take my hand at least once and say. You're doing great, is there anything you want to say or anything you need? Even with follow ups. He would sit with me and listen. He would ask family members questions, especially my DH.... he did a great job. I was very pleased with even my hospital visit. The nurses were great, the hospital was spotless, the attention given was pretty darn good. The only thing I did not like at all was the food. Not too hungry and I have beat up taste buds. I would recommend this plastic surgeon to anyone. I am thrilled with the breast he created for me. With my own abdomen,It matches my other one in shape Perfectly. Just need a lift for the right one. But there are good doctors out there. There really are!!! I wish there were more of them!!! There should be a standard of care that must be followed. Have a good night. Watch for storms. Be safe. Much love ~M~
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Holy cow, your ps visited you in the hospital. Mine never surfaced he had his students visit me.
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My PS visited me in the hospital too. Compassionate and positive. Concerned about my wants for recon and gave me the results i desired. I think that’s the difference between going to a big teaching institution and a smaller community or private group/hospital. Less personalization and more of an assembly line feeling. At my MO’s office it’s a cattle call/factory line. A lot of it has as with healthcare being run primarily as a business with passion/compassion for treating their patients coming in way down the line whereasbefore that passion/compassion was primary.
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my ps saw me too along with my pcp and mo when i was in for infection. That's the great thing about going to a smaller hospital rather than a teaching or bigger assembly line one. It's more personal.
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Thank you Jaycee49 for your understanding words. I know there are good doctors out there, just haven't met them yet.
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Sometimes visiting this thread reminds how much I am grateful for my medical team. I have access to several NCI designated cancer research facilities in the area but chose to go with a smaller private hospital group because I was concerned about the assembly line feeling and knew I would do better with a personal touch. Since the day of my DX I haven't stopped telling people how impressed I've been and how much I love everyone I have come in contact with. Often it's the little things, like when I had my outpatient surgery to have my port put in and mentioned to a nurse that I couldn't wait to have my first cup of coffee of the day, and she had a steaming latte waiting for me as soon as I came out of surgery. I've spent time in multiple departments of the hospital and all of my doctors have been wonderful. Feeling like they care about me as a person has made all of this much easier to deal with.
I'm so sorry for those of you who don't get similar feelings from your medical team. Cancer is hard enough to deal with.
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basically my medical team got real aggressive and really thorough. It brought me to NEAD. I pray it continues... I am very thankful for my medical team. They saved my life. I know I am stage four, but they got rid of a ton of cancer from my body. Hopefully gave me years more I may not have been able to have. I hear a lot of hospitals do not even contemplate operating, they just begin the treatments. The heavy chemo and treatment kicked my rear end, and aged me ten years, but I did what they said. I am glad I did. Other than extreme fatigue. I can't complain. Other than everyday living with fear. Of every ache and pain. The fear of any doctor saying the word scans. That's is when, I loose my marbles. Everyone should have good care! Not assembly line anything !! Cancer is Maddening enough.
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Even though it would have been nice to have compassion from the plastic surgeon in the end I was happy with the results. So I am glad I went to the large teaching hospital instead the the local smaller plastic surgeon clinic.
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My DD's high school friend was in a six car accident last night. Only 2 people survived, the friend was one of them.
Friend was very freaked out over seeing the dead bodies...some of them were small children. She tried to help people get out of their cars.
Here we are worrying about our st 4 shiz when we could all go in the blink of an eye on the freeway.
L
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sorry to hear Lita. Glad your daughter's friend was ok.
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lita, is it the 880 one that was on the news? Nasty accident 1 exit from mine (mowry).
I agree. It's easy to forget that we are luckier than some, like those 2 kids who were killed☹
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Lita,
Saw reports on the local news this evening . 880 in Fremont, right ? I've driven that way hundreds of times. Horrendous and a sad waste of life. It is always all the more heart wrenching when children are involved. Glad your dd's friend is alright.
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OMG 💔 why is everything so difficult? Those young children. As I sit for my scans. I am thinking of those poor families. Lita, I am so glad your DD's friend is ok. There really are no words to what people go through. I am deeply saddened and sorry. ~M~
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What do you do when you want out of your marriage and you’re trapped? I always thought I would make it until my youngest went to college and then I would be gone. Now I’m no longer able to work, have lost all my financial independence and stuck in a loveless miserable situation.
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