STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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I second third and fourth that! It all sucks.
Thinking of you roseabella. Hope all is ok. 🌷
Much love ~M~
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Rosabella-I’m so sorry. I wish there was more I could say or do to help. (((HUGS)))
TARenee-are you by chance taking biotin for your hair? If not, 5000mg a day can really help.
Alive4Five-ovaries, tubes, uterus, and cervix do not define your femaleness, sweetheart. The tamoxifen blocks all the “femaleness” you’re getting from those ovaries anyway. I had everything removed and I could not be happier. No more periods, no more discharge, no more worry about getting pregnant (I’m a grandma after all), no more PMS, etc. hope it’s not TMI, but I’m most happy that I no longer have various smells from down there especially after relations with my DH. Always fresh and clean 24/7. I still feel pretty and female. My sex drive isn’t as high as it was but DH and I can definitely get it going. And now it’s really easy to achieve the big O from my G-Spot with just penetration and I am now able to achieve multiple Os from clitoral stimulation where before it was 1 and done. It’s definitely not all gloom & doom
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this is not related to my BC diagnosis but I need a place to vent and hope you will allow this bone cancer rant here.
I am just over a year out from dx so you all know what kind of year it has been.
My elderly dad fell outside about 2 months ago and broke part of his hip which required emergency surgery and nearly 6 weeks of care in a rehab facility. My elderly mom has mobility issues and other health issues so dealing with all of this has been physically and emotionally trying. DH has been taking mom to see dad every day for those 6 weeks as I am working full time and DH is not.
Dad returned home last week but he still has balance issues and issues with not picking his feet up high enough when walking a.k.a. a fall risk.
Dad is also 100% guy and isn’t going to be told what to do. sigh. So I have been trying to get him to understand that he has to use a walker right now to try to prevent another fall. He says he knows that but then takes off without it. So I have to be the bad daughter and keep telling him he can’t do that, can’t risk another fall cause I don’t know if mom can survive another incident. Trying to show him we aren’t trying to dictate his life but that he MUST walk more carefully and pay attention and use an aid to help with balance. He says he understands and then does it his way.
The whole time he was at a rehab facility he worried about my mom. They have been married nearly 70 years. I had hoped if he could see that falling could hurt my mom, he might be more inclined to listen to others about not walking alone.
Well, today he fell in the yard and landed on his knees. He is now en route to PCP.
What works?? What can we say/do to help him not fall? Watching your parents age is not fun.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for being here thru it all.
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DodgersGirl, that is such a hard thing to deal with. You don’t want to take away independence but dangit, why can’t they follow OUR directions (I mean, I used to listen to my parents...) Hope your Dad is okay and the fall doesn’t require more time away from home.
My rant for the day: my memory is getting so friggin bad. Today I looked for a sharpie I had been using labeling boxes in my classroom. I finally gave up and went and got another one out of my desk. I finally found it. When I got home. In my pocket. Seriously?!?!?!!!!!! I had been cleaning up my hair and makeup items (I teach Drama, hence the makeup and hair stuff at work) for about an hour. Someone called my room so I stopped to get the phone. Went back to what I was working on and no sharpie. I looked everywhere (I thought). It was so aggravating. I also have managed to lose a 10 ft roll of Velcro that’s i have been using for a class project. (No, it was NOT in my pocket). Bl
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DodgersGirl,
I'm not sure if we can say or do anything to help him not fall.
I've been watching my parents age, especially these last two years.
I think the best we can do is express our worry, and do gentle reminders. We need to walk the fine line between being helpful and nagging. Now matter how much we worry, or nag, the only behavior we can change is ourselves. We need to accept that and let them make their own mistakes. We don't want to hurt the relationship with them.
Big (((HUGS)))
Mominator / Madelyn
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Mominator— thanks for your kind and do true words.
Doctor today told him no walking outside alone and without a walker so will see how that goes.
Again thanks!
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DodgersGirl, I know how you feel. Since the end of March, my husband has fallen six times and I've had to call EMS for five of those falls as he has no upper body strength and I'm not capable of getting him up. The sixth fall happened at the grocery store and two very kind gentlemen got him up. We did have to call for transport because he hit his head. He is a very stubborn man. Uses the walker outside of the house but will not use it in the house where five of the falls occurred. He will use a cane in the house occasionally. Yup, he isn't using it when he falls. Like your dad, my husband doesn't pick up his feet. He has developed a shuffle. Doesn't want to be reminded of that. He does hear the squeak when walking on linoleum floors when going to doctor appointments which hits home that he needs to get those feet up. I have become the bad guy in all of this for trying to encourage him to pick his feet up. To shed a little levity on a very frustrating situation, it's a male gene thing. I wish you strength to get through this.
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Dodgersgirl- both my parents have passed on. But back when they were having balance issues we installed railing throughout the house. My mom had neuropathy, a dropped foot, I'd sing her a song while we were out going to the Dr - "pick it up Katy, pick it up." Silly but it reminded her she had to think about lifting up that foot. It's harder with a dad. Best of luck.
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Dodgersgirl- I'm so sorry you're Dad is at this point. It's a difficult one. We went through it with my father In law and then with my mother in law. It was her 3rd fall that she didn't recover from. My girlfriend is going through the same thing right now with her dad. He managed to survive his last fall but things are not good. I'm not saying this to scare you. I'm not telling you this like those people who tell you the worst cancer horror stories when they find out we have cancer. I am telling you this because I want you to know it is 100% normal for him to do this. It is rare for them to listen to you, your husband, his wife, his siblings, his other children, his dr, etc. All you can do is gently remind him. I sincerely hope you're dad turns out to be one of the rare ones who decides t listen.
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Kathindc, CindyNY, Lula73– thank you for sharing your experiences and the kind words. It always helps to know you aren't the only one going thru something.
Most of dad's falls occur in their backyard where he loves to tinker. I am thinking a walking trail with hand rails would be a great addition, allowing him to remain outside yet have something for balance. He loves the birds, squirrels, and butterflies.
Thanks again!
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I'm really depressed today. My arm started swelling and turning purple on Saturday. MO has ordered a CT of it for Monday to rule out a DVT. If it's not a DVT, I'll have to see a Lymphedema specialist. The CT should also be able to tell if the chemo is working. God willing, it is. I don't want to move on to a harsher one. This one has already taken its toll on me.
I got approved for my disability; in total it will be exactly $3 LESS than what I have to pay for health insurance every month. Yay me, right?
And then the bills. Unfortunately I had to do that again today. How did I get in such a mess? I couldn't have gotten sick at a worse time. All I wanted was to be able to pay for my children to get an education. Couldn't the cancer have waited until that was paid to rear it's ugly head? That's not even to mention the crap I insisted we NEEDED, back when I was healthy and working. Like the pool that nobody uses or the car that would save money on my commute. Ha. Life sure does like putting us in our place.
Anyway, I’m just really down today. I know it’ll be better tomorrow
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SheliaMaria, tomorrow probably can't come soon enough. We have been paying $600 a month for my husband's medicare and supplement and we still have medicals bills on top of that. His SS covers most of the cost good thing we are not dependent on SS to live on like many people are. I wish the beautiful wonderful medical care would come, remember being promised that!
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I don't know if this is the right place or not: it's my DH. He is about to drive me right over the edge. Can I talk about it hete?
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mustlovepoodles - this is probably a good place to vent.
I will say that your name under your pic makes me laugh, it comes up mustlovepoo....
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Of course you can
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Mustlovepoo.....
Yep, I sure do...marble poos; soft turd poos; pipe-shaped poos; runny poos; unexpected, explosive diarrhea poos. I went FIVE times in less than 8 hrs last night cuz I had my Gemzar infusion yesterday. Was wearing my trusty Depends, too, since I have anal/fecal incontinence, thanks to my 20+ brain mets.
Always a fun time around here, L
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LOL, yeah, a lot of people think its mustlovepoo. Of course, I was a nurse for 40 years, so I've seen a lot of poo in my time.
Okay, here's the long tale. My DH has been in poor health for over 10 years. Until the last year things had been rocking along more or less smoothly. We got through my breast cancer and his prostate cancer (simultaneously), the deaths of both mothers, the sale of our house and my mothers house, and the move into the full-time RV life. Beginning late last fall I began to notice my DH "slipping." He's 61 and takes a LOT of meds, so I thought it was just that. In Feb he began to have problems with balance and memory. CT scan shows he had a stroke sometime between June 2017 and Feb 2018. Their is also scarring near the brainstem possibly due to his other condition. All of this can cause his symptoms.
Here's his problem: Despite him using multiple forms of reminders, DH constantly forgets things. Constantly. Today we have had 5 conversations about the potluck we're going to tonight. Just a few min ago he asked me about the spaghetti I'm cooking--there is no spaghetti cooking and there has been no mention of spaghetti so far. He forgot a doctor appt this a.m., despite several reminders yesterday. Thankfully, I was there to remind him AGAIN to get up and get ready.
And that doesn't even begin to address "the spelling bee." DH has never been a good speller, but now its 10 times worse because he cannot easily recognize words even with spell-check. Some days are worse than others. When he gets started though, its gonna be a long day. "Spell rabbit" "spell amen" "spell bolt" "spell strange", etc. Its endless. When he is telling me something, he substitutes words to the point that sometimes I can't figure out what he's trying to tell me. Interestingly, DH is still managing to do the bills and the RV & car maintenance. He can do minor house repairs. He walks the dog. These are all things that he has done since he was 14, so they are deeply embedded memories.
Here's my problem: His behaviors are driving me crazy. I'm irritable as hell from dealing with this all day every day. I try to be kind and loving. He's not doing these things to aggravate me. He is as distressed about it as I am. It probably doesn't help that we're both retired, so we have a lot of contact with each other. I have encouraged him to take a music class. I plan to take a knitting class. I don't care about knitting in the least, but it is one place where I KNOW he won't tag along.
I feel terrible about this and it is hard to disguise my frustration sometimes. I can't talk about this with anyone IRL. I'm already on several psych meds (I have bipolar disorder.) I feel like I'm in a Crazy House.
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Geez, mustlovepoodles, even retired people in "normal" r'ships get on each other's nerves.
I'm going thru a little bit of that w/my DH. Because I have brain mets, he questions EVERYTHING I do, and it drives me crazy. I snap at him constantly, asking, "Why do you question me all the time? I have St IV cancer, but I'm not brain DEAD yet!" We don't even sleep in the same room anymore.
His memory is okay, but I've noticed little blips here and there, too. We went away for a weekend, and you wouldn't believe all the stuff he forgot to pack that HE was supposed to be responsible for. I've written up an Excel spreadsheet for him now, where he'll have to check things off when we go away again later in the year. Whether he uses the list or not, is up to him. Ya can lead a horse to water....
L
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Lita-I use a spreadsheet to pack! I’ve got one for family trips, business trips, and couples trips! And that was before my memory issues from BC treatment - LOL! Now I’m glad I have them, who knows what I would’ve forgotten to put on them!
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Mustlovepoodles - I don’t envy your plight, you must feel torn in two most days...wanting to live up to the ‘in sickness and in health vow’ while also having a very human reaction of annoyance. My DH forgets things and there is no physical or emotional reason. I’m convinced he’s just a lousy listener. Some days he’s just a...well, a dunce! It drives me crazy and it can snap me from sugar to shit in a New York minute! Like you, I feel terrible if I let it show...but for crying out loud when I say “the car keys are on the counter” and he replies “what do you mean?” I can’t help but exclaim “what do you think I meant..peel the cantaloupe?!?!?” Sheesh. Now don’t get get me wrong, I love him like no other, he is truly my angel from up above, but some days I could drop kick him across the front lawn! My situation is no where near yours, but I get what you are feeling and sympathize. I think your idea of finding separate hobbies/classes to get a breather from it all is excellent (just don’t knit a noose lol!) My DH took up golf and I have the gym...it’s made things better for both of us. Perhaps you could check out support groups specific to your situation? I betcha there are specific online groups too (besides us...we’re here for you too!) Big hugs!!
P.S. I have noticed the poo thing for a while too, but was too chicken to say anything because you’re always so nice &kind. I’m so glad it was finally put out there LOL!
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Wait a minute. You can peel cantaloupe! Rofl! I never noticed the poo 💩
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Marijen -Yes but you can’t start the car with the peels LOL!!
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So funny! I know what you mean Egads!
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MARIJEN - LOL!! My turn to be a dunce...hows that for karma kicking my ass across the front lawn!
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I don’t know Egads, maybe we should be thankful they’re so clueless. Just saying...
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Mustlovepoodles - I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I know that my grandmother had so many of the same feelings of irratation, anger and then, of course, guilt while she was dealing with my grandfather's alheimer's. Stroke, Dementia, Alzheimers, they are all so devasting at so many levels. Have you talked with his Doctors about support groups for memory loss patients and thier families? Grandmother (forgive me) poo - poo that but I know sometimes just getting with others to see you aren't alone is super helpful.
seriously - HUGS to you and your DH.
On a funny note one day my grandparents were making their beds (they slept in two twins) and Granddad said "Louise, have I ever been married?" Grandmother said "Well Jack, we've been married for 66 years." Granddad's response was priceless - "Then why the hell do we sleep in separate beds?" bwahahaha!! I miss them both so much.
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LOL, smwusaf. Guys never forget THAT stuff, do they?
No, I do not have a support group. DH is very sensitive about this. He doesn't like to talk about it and he doesn't like me talking about it, either. We live way out in the mountains, so there's not really a lot of services out here, beyond the local small hospital.
I have been a nurse for 40 years. I cared for my severely mentally handicapped son for 17 years, until I just couldn't do it anymore (DH can't care for him at all now.) I guess I'm a little mad that things have turned out this way. Although I knew that DHs illness would eventually get worse, I didn't anticipate that it would affect him intellectually. I thought our biggest problem would be his lungs and heart. I feel like I've been cheated and then I feel so ashamed!
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Well stay strong mustlovepoodles, vent here if you half to or see if there is another online forum for memory care caregivers. Just remember, it's okay to feel all those things. HUGS
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Als/neuromotor diseases and Altzheimers/dementia are THE worst. None have cures, treatments to speak of (just lessening of symptoms), all are progressive and all are the most debilitating where eventually pt is bedbound unable to speak or swallow.
My bffs mother has altzheimers and is entering stage 7 of 7. Ive been with her on that journey since dxd a few years ago. Its horrible. Im praying my dad doesnt have als or pls or another of the horrible neuromuscular diseases.
I never complain to myself about bc and ses. With cancer, you stand a chance of remission, even in stage 4. There are txs to try. Many get back to their lives like before. With motor neuron shit and dementia shit, it's a sentence on death row for a slow aganizing death. Ill take cancer any day over that. Just being a close support to my bff and her ailing mother is rough to see.
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Roseabella~ I wholeheartedly agree. It's just devastating to watch. I am so sorry if someone here is dealing with this. My heart truly goes out to you. Much love and support. Hugs of strength, here is to the wonderful care takers, that everyday help and take care of those who need it. A big huge thank you and wishes of a rainbow of colors, with a huge freaking pot of some serious gold at the end of it. You deserve it. Best wishes and love ~M~
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