STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Stllivin- not TMI at all!! I’m only 15 months out from my MBC diagnosis, and I completely understand the emotional and physical battle, and quite honestly the fear that I’m losing both! I see how much other people continue to do, and cannot help comparing myself. I just don’t think I’m handling it as well as I should be.
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Shelia...I was In shock for 3+ months after I was Dx'd st IV de novo w.mets everywhere. I could barely walk w.a walker. All I did was lay around and watch TV.
Don't doubt yourself. You will handle it the way your character allows you to handle it. Don't apologize, and try not to compare yourself to others. We are all on our own paths, and we all have our own way of dealing w.it. There is no right or wrong way.
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Had a pretty tough emotional roller coaster of a day for a lot of reasons. Reading some previous posts I absolutely agree that there is no right or wrong way to go through this but go through this we must. Hopefully with love and compassion from others. Long story with too many twists but I have a sister who just cannot understand what I’m going through, just no empathy there. It’s really odd and of course hurtful. So the gist of today is that she cancels she yet again on me and when I tell her I can’t trust her I get back a nasty text of basically how it’s my fault and ends with how she is there to support me. Really, how? Every time she has agreed to do something for me she has canceled and she just doesn’t get how much this hurts me right now. Some people just don’t understand how hard this is to go through and that we need compassion. I do have a wonderful husband and other family and friend that support me and I try to focus on that. I can’t keep the people in my life that hurt me. The cancer is hard enough. What do you ladies do with the folks that just can’t seem to help and actually hurt? It’s very confusing to me. Thanks for listening and hope everyone gets a good nights sleep.0
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My fam doesn't know about me because i don't have the mental strength to put up with bs talk or actions. Imo its healthy to cut out people in your life who aren't a positive, fam or not. It's very liberating.
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definitely agree... get rid of the toxic relationships. There is no reason to waste time on people who would not walk over a puddle for you ... no less an ocean . So to speak. It's better to focus on keeping well. I have cut out many many people from my life. Including the majority of my family. They are annoying and selfish. I don't have time for that. I do have time to tell them where to place their issues... they don't usually like that. But oh well. I don't want to hold anything in anymore. It's too hard to worry about other people's feelings. If they won't be worried about yours.
Much love ~M~
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Peachymom, to be clear, I (believe it or not) try to be positive. I have told people to wait for the light, it will find them.( I am not talking about a traffic light here, we ALL have to wait for those!) I have told them to hold out, quietly, still. Life may never be the same again but that does not mean we won't have brief flashes where life is good and we smile in our hearts.
However, Jaycee was talking about how someone of Facebook chimed in with the words 'on a positive note' and I took issue NOT with positivity, but with how it was presented. Positivity can be offered generously on a silver tray OR someone can use that tray to bash you over the head. And I think Jaycees example pointed to being bashed on the head by someone grandstanding for attention. So positivity is not the problem, it's the way it's handled that I get annoyed about.
I have good days, and I want my friends to be happy for me. I have bad days and I want my friends to be patient with me. If I am having a bad day and someone starts lecturing me on how I just have to think about how much worse it could be (and that is likely what I AM thinking about and what's making it bad!) well, that day is going to get worse quickly. So yes. We have to shift our focus when we can, for our own sake, and offer hope and gentle support to those trying to pick themselves up. But some bouncy cheerleader swooping in 'on a positive note' to make a party out of it all and turn our frowns upside down. People get hurt that way!
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it depends on who is saying it. My bff says it could be worse, stage 4. Her sis died 4 mo after dx from pancreatic cancer. I chose to take it that yes if i have to have had cancer that I'll take stage 3a any day bc. I dont know why but other types of cancers scare me more. Maybe because you can't take organs out. I do feel at ease having had bmx and chemo and rads even though there is still always a chance and I'm high risk. I used to have some anxiety but I've learned to not think about what ifs in all aspects of life for stress alone can create or worsen health issues. I'm more zen like nowadays just taking things as they come. If i progress I'll deal but I'm not going to spend a minute of worrying for life is short. Having had 3 people my age die unexpectedly makes you think.
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Thanks for the input and I think you’re right - for now I will have to not have contact with my sister. I got dx about a year ago and this entire year with her has been bad, she just doesn’t get it and causes me more emotional pain when I have enough from a stage IV cancer diagnosis. For some of us our situations could be worse and I try me best to focus on good things I need my life but when others tell you this I find it minimizing and not letting you have your feelings. I do not like when people try to talk me out of my feelings
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I'm 3 yrs post treatment and need to rant. I've torn my rotator cuff on my BC side and I'm so tired of the pain I could scream. I'm tired of there always being something, tired of finding out that radiation can predispose you to more than I knew, tired of appearing like a wimp ...I'm just so sick of this all. I don't have time for drugs that also make me hurt. I'm supposed to be getting on with my life by now...not always dealing with pain. I'm try ing to get into PT.
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Gosh, JJ. I wish I could give you a gentle hug, or at least a "low" five. Torn rotater cuff is soooo painful. I'm a big believer in PT. Hopefully, they can give you some relief.
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Mine is off on my OTHER side. I think I over used it and messed it all up. DH is nagging me to go get it checked by doc. I say I can only deal with one thing at a time right now. Still recovering from biopsy in my mouth and had to get full dentures before age of 60 and issues in mouth because of reactions to cancer meds. It makes you old before your time if you ask me. I feel like an old person now. Senile from cancer and SE. Hate cancer. Hate people who say "you are a surviver" when it just means I haven't' died yet.
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JJOntario
That sounds so painful! I hope you get PT real quick and get some relief as soon as possible!
bcincolorado. I hear you, and it does suck. hugs.
Amica
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Amica, further to all the holidays in Canada...did you see this today?
https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/ottawa-federal-ho...
I immediately thought of you! Personally, I never thought we had many holidays, you have heightened my appreciation of them though! I hope you're doing okay.
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Strangely, I functioned really well the first 11 months post diagnosis stage IV. After my treatment plan had to change, I’ve just gone downhill. I literally have a hard time doing ANYTHING anymore. It takes so much energy, and I usually end of short of breath. Truly, I think it’s lack of emotional well being more so than cancer. And I’ve been on anti-depressants for years. All I do nowis lay around. It’s sad and a bit scary. Now, the pain is very real. And if it’s not one pain, it’s another. I finally got some relief from the terrible shoulder and armpit pain, only to start struggling with my back. Is it the mets? Is it muscular? Whatever it is, I can’t seem to find medicine that helps. It is relieved with lying down, but it is excruciating with sitting. It’s hit or miss with standing. Ugh. I’m falling apart.
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Sheila-I’m so sorry things have changed with the change in treatment. I have 2 things to offer up that may help-curcumin for pain and inflammation (I take the Solgar brand as it has significantly higher availability, works faster, and works longer and is water soluble). I recently started CBD oil and it has made a significant difference in my mood. It’s also supposed to help with pain and inflammation as well. Like you, I’ve been on antidepressants for years. We tried adding a second antidepressant and it didn’t go to well. With the CBD oil I have somebody hope for my mood. Hope this helps you!
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Sheila I'm so sorry you are in such pain! I do not know where you live if medical MJ is available or not. My DH suffers quite a bit with many health issues and his doc actually recommended he try it. It is the only thing that has given him any relief. He could not sleep through the night before because of the pain and was a huge grouch as a result. He limits when he uses it and suffers most of the time until night time when we will not be going anywhere. You cannot drive with it all.
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How do you obtain CBD oil and how to you use it?
Thanks
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Pi-Xi
Love it! Why do I think that holiday is going to end up in the summer?
Seconding Bella, on the CBD oil questions. I wonder if it is available in Canada.
But there is some information at this link:
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I stumbled upon the store. I took my son to lunch and we had to park several shops up from the restaurant. One of the shops I passed had a small sign so I walked in. The brand is Dove Medica. It's organically grown and produced right up the road from where I grew up. Here’s the link to their site. I’d give them a call and discuss your needs with them before buying. They had additional strengths in the store as well that you can probably order by phone.
https://www.puritibydovemedical.com/
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welp, last night I slept like ass. Seriously, at least they should get our sleep hammered out and make sure whatever meds we need to sleep we get. I laid there thinking about everything. From my life and mistakes to questions I’ll never get the answers too, from having such. Financial strains. The wonder of our next meal sometimes rings truthful. My stomach ended up hurting. So badly. I think I’m getting an ulcer. I’m never hungry I am sure that’s no good for stomach acid. Ugh I hate all of this. I don’t know why I even bother waking
up somedays. Just to say oh another day of not living. And more hours of fighting cancer or finding a comfortable spot for my spine. Somedays I just feel done with it all. Like impending bus running me over would sound like a way better option then suffering somehow everyday I have left. I’m watching friends suffer and dying. It guts my soul. No wonder my stomach is rotting. Sometimes I wonder why a god would allow such disease and pain. I hope someday to really get the chance to know that answer. I need the answer.0 -
Egads007
thanks for the very useful link, like the following information
"CBD oil is considered a Schedule 2 drug in Canada and should only be sold to those with a prescription, according to Health Canada. But it is widely available online and at head shops... people should go to the Health Canada website to find producers that are licensed and legal.
Until marijuana is legalized in Canada, the only people who can legally buy cannabis or cannabidiol oil from a licensed producer are patients with prescriptions.
Dried cannabis and CBD oil from licenced producers will become legal once the federal Cannabis Act passes."
So it looks like in Canada, you can get a prescription for CBD oil. I wonder how many doctors are willing to do that. I have to admit I know nothing about legal marijuana prescription practices in Canada or the U.S.
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The reason these CBD oils are becoming widely available and laws are changing where a prescription used to be required won’t be is because CBD oil does not contain THC - the part of the plant that causes the high. Cancer patients weren’t enough to get this change completed (go figure). The finding that the oil also helps with seizures and parents were being arrested for making it/giving it to their children to stop debilitating sometimes constant seizures under a doctor’s recommendation was what tipped the scales. Additionally the way the laws were written it classified all of it as marijuana and made no distinction between THC and non-THC components.
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Micmel - there you go again, putting words to my regular thoughts. I’m sorry, love. Xozo
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I can't believe that science has not perfected painkillers yet.
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I live in Canada. I get CBD oil in the mail. No prescription. It is easy to find and get. Not arrested yet. Mind you, illegal grow ops surround me and now massive legal ones are under construction so me with my boring old CBD oil is really not what the cops are worried about.
I was taking it because I was told it has great tumour supressing abilities. But once my lumpectomy was over and the tumour was allegedly gone, I kind of didn't see the point. I felt no different taking it than not, so I quit. But getting it was never a problem.
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runor, how to you take it and does it help with joint pain?
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runor
I feel like I have such bad luck right now that I would be one of the few people to be arrested for trying to purchase CBD oil mailorder.
I was reading an article yesterday which indicated there is quite a bit of turmoil with doctors prescribing medical marijuana in Canada, because many of the doctors feel uncomfortable with it, feel clinical evidence is lacking, and don't know dosage etc. The Canadian Medical Association has decided to abandon its medical guidelines for cannabis once it is legalized, leaving even more doctors in the lurch. I have a lot of chronic pain and no doctor has ever mentioned medical MJ to me.
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I am a Canadian who had no problem getting a prescription of CBD by a medical doctor - pain clinic at cancer center. I am closely monitored, which I like, as it took a bit of time in my case, to get the proper dosage. It is delivered discretely to the door. My health care team is supportive. Surgeon actually suggested it as I had some radiation damage to one lymph node which caused nerve pain so I asked for referral to pain clinic with prescribes MJ. We are in a pilot project.
Moth, I also have osteoarthritis from an old sport injury and the CBD works amazing!! I am back to swimming, mountain biking, starting to kayak this week again and hopefully skiing in winter. It also helps me sleep and keeps me relaxed.
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Amica,
The usual CBD dosage is a dropper full (about 10 mgs). It's best to take it UNDER the tongue and hold it there for a minute. After, use a juice (a few ounces) chaser to swallow it (the taste makes ME gag). My palliative care dr wants me to start taking EVEN MORE now.
There is some good stuff and bad stuff out there...you have to do your research. I just CAN'T understand why the med establishment is so behind the times.....oh, wait a minute - YES, I can. MMJ will ultimately EAT into Big Pharma's profits.....duh! Opioids do NOTHING for my pain. Only MMJ seems to help, and it's keeping brain seizures (from my 20+ brain tumors) at bay. I have made "canna-butter" and "canna-oil" out of OG Kush and Granddaddy Purple buds (put 'em in cheese cloth and simmer them in melted butter/oil) and then made cookies and brownies. Be careful with edibles - See link below...you don't want to end up like Maureen Dowd. What an idiot! Everyone knows you start off with a QUARTER of a piece of cookie, candy, or brownie, not the whole damn bar, and then WAIT to see if you have a weird reaction. I guess Dowd never had any "stoner" friends from high school or college to show her the ropes?
I was not expected to live past January of this year, and I don't know how long I have left, as eye issues and my balance are indeed starting to get worse again after my Whole Brain Radiation from last year, but I put my faith in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, AND MEDICAL MARIJUANA! It's what has kept me alive these past several months
). As long as I can still pretty much see, walk and string a couple of decent sentences together, I'm doin' great ).LINK:
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/201...
In Maureen Dowd's latest column for the New York Times, she describes her scary experience eating a pot candy bar while reporting on ...
Incidentally, I stay away from "sativa" strains as they can make you a little paranoid. Indica strains are more relaxing and sleep-promoting. CBDs will not make you "high" as they don't have psychoactive properties. Do you have a "friend" who could score you some stuff? That's what we used to do b4 it was "legal."
L
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