STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Thanks ladies, felt better to get that out to be honest. I know my brother is just trying look after me when on my own and have no problem with helping to get house in my name only BUT will no longer accept being told the financial mess was all on me. We both contributed. I will just keep my mouth closed for my mothers and my sake because there are other things they do help. Coming here gives me a safe space to release it all and not stress out my poor old mother as I know what it is like to be newly dx and choosing not to accept chemo. Thanks everyone.
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So, I was diagnosed in 2012 at age 47, stage 2B triple positive. Right before me was my friend's sister diagnosed at 54, Stage 3. She went Stage 4 around 2014. She passed away last week on Christmas Eve, 2018. Also diagnosed just before me was a friends' friend, her2 equivocal, Stage 2 also. She and I coincidentally shared the same amazing doctor and went through it together. We became friends. She went back to work as a doctor herself. And 5 years after diagnosis, you know, when it's supposed to be safe and all clear, it came back with a vengeance in the Spring, 2017. She was gone by Labor Day, of that year. Of us 3, I'm the only one left. I feel alone. I am fully engaged in my life,and healthy enough to not be as healthy as I should be. I'm a mom, I have a job and future aspirations. But this gets me. It guts me. I don't want to bum my family and friends out so I can't share this with them, because they'll worry. But I'm so mad and still shocked that these amazing women, my peers, both incredible musicians and singers in their churches, positive forces in their communities and families, were taken away by this awful disease. And I'm scared too because we were in it together and I want to live. But they did too, so much. I'm always positive and think I'll beat this disease. I thought we all would. This sucks. That's my rant.
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I think there is just no telling when diagnosed if the cancer will come back or not. I have a coworker diagnosed just 6 months after me. Everything was better about her situation she had 1cm tumor ILC, got to have savi radiation with lumpectomy. I was told I need mx because of 2 tumors, idc and ilc and suspicious area. Her oncodx was 4 mine was 34. I hate to say it but I was envious then months later they found ilc in her hip. She was probably stage 4 all along. Neither of us had node involvement. Her tumor was close to the chest wall where mine were close to the skin surface. Thankfully no skin tissue involved.
I feel lucky to be 7 years out cancer free. You just never know, it is maddening.
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momwriter:
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friends. I lost my cousin to a different type of cancer about two years ago. She was 40, and it's just so senseless, so I understand how you feel.
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I keep thinking how close I feel to my friends here, but at the same time what a choice of friends, huh? It’s hard seeing the last on dates by peoples names. As if cancer hasn’t taken enough...so sorry to hear more friends and family gone. It’s devastating. Until cancer is cured there will always be more people who can stand with you and know what you are going through. Those past friendship will always be special, but they aren’t the only ones that can be special. Have hope
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Sorry for all of us who have lost people. I will have lost both parents soon and my brothers will lose me too. Cancer sucks for sure and is not fair like the rest of life. We just continue to live life and make the best of it.
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Oh momwriter. It is awful but try not to have "survivor guilt" by making it this long at this point either. I know easier to say than do too. How terrible for their families too.
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We can never give up on the hope for better treatments and the ability to qualify for them.
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Thanks for the kind words all. It is nice to have a place to rant where people understand. . In general I feel positive and hopeful for more therapies and cures to become available. But occasionally I lmourn for the loved ones gone, for whom I was as hopeful and positive as I was for myself.
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Told kids about job layoff. Daughter (who lives in another State) basically said she thinks I am "not as well as I think I am" and should just file disability because apparently everything they visit they talk about how "sick" we both are. Really? We see them about 4 times a year and think they can decide how sick we both are. Our son thinks we need to move near him (he lives about 20 minutes from us) but our house is paid for and he thinks we are both so bad off we can't even do laundry apparently. Our house is cleaner than theirs with 4 kids in the house! Those who live in glass houses-----------
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it's been a frustrating couple of days. A dear friend passed on the 30th but I didn't find out until 02 Jan quite by accident on FB. I had actually just logged on to check on her since she'd been on my mind from the moment I woke up until I saw the notice from her daughter. Now I knew full well she was not doing well and her death sooner than later was not unexpected, but a shock none the less. I've been suffering (I know poor Me) from sore dry eyes all day.
Then today I get notified that my life insurance policy that I bought 10'years ago renews this year. Great! You say, you have life insurance. Yes this is great, until you relalize that the automitic renewal is 400+% higher than your original premiums. So from 685$ per year to 3400$ per year. Yes thats right, you read that correctly. That said, I was wished luck when I said I'd look for insurance elsewhere. You know that means the say your cancer has pre emptied you from gaining coverage elsewhere for less.
So has anyone successfully been insured for $750g for less than $3400 per year. (CDN)
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my life ins policy went from about 800 to almost 3,000 too, but what are ya gonna do?
L
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my DH just found out that I no longer have lifensurance! He's supposed to be calling them tomorrow to find out why. It's an auto deduction in his paycheck. Boy he's pissed off about that one!! (I am too!)0 -
I lost my term life insurance when I retired. It was a company benefit 2.5 x my salary. My expenses will have to come out of my 401k.
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I don't have life insurance. I keep getting the "You have been preapproved!" advertisments in the mail though. I should fill one out and send it in just so they stop contributing to my junk mail problem.
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I lost my life insurance at retirement, also. I did find out something interesting from the lawyer who handled my mom's small estate early in 2018. If there's not enough money in the estate to cover incoming bills, the medical bills come last and get written off if health insurance doesn't cover everything. This may vary by state and the amount of the estate and bills, of course. Mom was widowed, so I don't know how it would apply to married couples.
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can you get life insurance if you have BC? I do not have life insurance and since my diagnosis I never bothered to look into because I figured I’d automatically be rejected...
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I have $270k on me and crap, it will be due soon...it's up to $1000+ a year. Going to have to break it down to monthly auto with draw or something. Oh and RITA wants $600 from my husband and I since our community doesn't do reciprocity.
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7of9, I used to live in greater Cleveland and those RITA forms were the biggest pain. Thanks for the flashback!
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Colonial Penn has term policies for people under 85 no health questions asked.
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I wonder about colonial penn. Hard to believe anyone would have low premiums with a serious preexisting condition. There has to be catch somewhere, maybe after you pass.
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https://csn.cancer.org/node/232860
Answer specifically about colonial penn for people with cancer. The 5 year disease free is probably covered as well. All about statistics.
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All of those “no questions” policies are comparitively expensiv per thousand dollars of coverage. They also tend to be only for low amounts of coverage and may only pay reduced face amounts if you die in the first few years of coverage.
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From the commercials we see here from Colonial Penn it sounds like very low premiums but not a ton of coverage either. May a couple thousand. If you want or need more I don't know if the "no questions" part applies or not. There is a ton of small print on the screen no one can read. Might be worth checking out for anyone not insured right now.
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Yes you are both right here is something to consider
https://www.bestlifequote.com/blog/life-insurance-...
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Molliefish, if you are over 50, with breast cancer and insured for $750,000, Canadian, for $3400 a year, KEEP THAT POLICY! Hub just had his 20 year term expire and they automatically rolled us over to new rates that went from $30 a month (for $200,000) to $260 a month for that same amount of insurance. Insane!
We view insurance as serving a purpose for a set amount of time. We carried extra term policies for the time we had minor children at home to raise. fter that, we let that policy lapse. If Hub gets bumped off at work I am going to be in dire straits as I have been a Domestic Engineer and while I do pretty much everything, I get paid for none of it. Marketable skills? Puhleeze! We do have a small policy we bought in our early 20s.But as others have said I am not eligible to be insured until 5 years after my diagnosis and even then you can bet the premiums will be .. premium. So I say again, haivng recently looked around at what's out there, if you have $750,000 for $4000 or less in annual premiuims, hang on to it!
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Another disastrous visit from younger brother. He came for coffee. My mother is newly dx lung cancer stage IV. He spent a long time trying to convince that passing away is peaceful. (He and his wife took care of her mother when she passed from lung cancer so he thinks it is peaceful and nothing to be afraid of. My mother asked him on three separate occasions that she did not want to talk about death. His wife proceeded to tell her that my younger brother feels like he was always shoved in the corner and his opinions never matter and try to lay a guilt trip on a dying woman. He also picked up my tablet and I did not realize that he was looking back on all my grocery purchases from amazon etc and passing judgment on my finances. He got angry when I told him that was not his business. Needless to say, all devices are now set up with a pin but I am so upset with him. Almost don't want him coming by. He still tells me that I should get a job. Um, I have been dealing with brain mets and had massive radiation to my head, twice. I also have had chemo and been in active treatment for 3 years. He believes he understands me and that I am not terminal. I don't spend every day focusing on the dying, but it will be fact sooner than later most likely. He does not understand this dx for myself and the fact I am also looking after my mothers daily needs. Need a break from it all. Thank god for these boards and my social worker since I would have long since gone crazy. I know that if this happens again, I will kick him out.
His wife and him said if they want to come over, they do not want to talk small talk, eg TV shows, movies, even politics. They should actually respect my mothers and to a lesser degree mine since she is the one most compromised. He is a huge stressor, she is 80 and practically bedridden. The fact that they come into MY home which I co-own and disprespect and pass judgment on my previous financial decisions is disgusting. I would keep my opinion to myself if the shoe is on the other foot.
The posiitive to come from the visit is that my OLDER brother and his wife who are trying to help me get back on my feet will no longer have resistance. I do trust them and that all they want is to make sure I will be OK in a single household and not in so much debt. That is a blessing to have unloaded that stress and I can sit back and allow the help knowing that they will not stop me from deciding things.
Still can't believe people trying to guilt trip my mother and trying to tell me I am not sick. They even judged my need to wear wigs to feel emotionally better. It is nice not looking in the mirror and seeing my permanently bald head. Until they experience cancer themselves, they need to stop telling me or my mother how to deal with it. Assholes.
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If they are visiting they should do what the person they came to visit want to do if you ask me. Just my 2 cents.
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Mara~I have one of those families also. I'm sorry. Cluelessness. Just realize you're doing the best you can, you can take money with you. I've made bad financial decisions and I personally do not care. I'm dying. I just don't know how soon. A lot sooner than I ever thought. But I know I always have been a Good person, friend and child. Sibling... no one is perfect. Those people are just plain clueless and if they did ever get cancer. The world would have to stop for them. I'm very sorry ! Just one day at a time. And next time they want to. Visit. You're just too busy spending money. Hugs to you
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Micmel, thanks for the laugh. My mother and I had a good chuckle. I may just have to use that.
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