STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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I am guilty of holding back from my family about the odd bad day. For me,it is when I have a depressed crying all day thing. It does not happen often so I don't want depression drugs. This is probably why I don't share it with my family. I am living alone now, used to coown a home with my mother, no marriage or kids. Mom died in January so I recognize it is grief. Those days are fewer but still happen. I also dont want people to assume I will live to older age. It is unlikely. There are many Stage 4 people on this site who went longer and then declined quickly. I don't remind all the time since they know I don't believe it.
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jo6359, so true! It's that phenomenon like, where were you when Elvis died? Before we had a child Hub and I charted our life by known dates. Then after child was born it became charting life by how old the kid was when something occured. When did we take that trip to the lake with our parents? Hmm ... the kid was about 6 years old so it would have been (doing math in head). Now it's life Before cancer and life After cancer and it all looks the same but sure as hell doesn't feel the same. Some line was crossed. Some barrier broken. The bubble where I thought dying was something that might happen. Now I know it WILL. Boom! Mind blown!
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runor- I do remember where I was when Elvis died. I had spent the day water skiing with friends in Pensacola when I heard the news. I have never been good with dates. Yet I will never forget December 12th. That was the date my doctor called and told me I had breast cancer. You are so right. Life after cancer does not feel the same way life did before cancer.
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I found out a second friend, who lives near me, is going to be put on Hospice tomorrow. She has very bad cancer. I'm so sad. Two friends on Hospice in one week.
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viewfinder-Yikes. Two friends in one week is a lot to deal with. My sympathies
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Oh, Viewfinder, I'm so sorry to hear that. Went through that with a dear friend recently.
I am just terrible at marking dates, whether for positive or negative reasons, so I guess I'm lucky that dates related to cancer don't jump out at me. And I've had cancer before, of a different kind - and ditto for since - so that pretty much knocks out any special feelings about boob time. It's just another link in the chain of shit that happens, and that I move past once the immediate treatments are over. I think of my oncology appointments as wellness visits, not cancer patient visits.
Jo6359, I think we had the same co-worker! There's always some Queen of Pink who barely had cancer (my co-worker had hers aspirated by needle in her doctor's office), but wants to be the poster child forever after. My QofP was especially bad because we had another co-worker with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer at the same time - and I had just returned to work after my bout with endometrial/uterine cancer and a thorough hysterectomy. But if either was mentioned, the QofP would open her eyes extra wide and say, " But I have BREAST CANCER!" and hand out ribbons. Urgh.
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view~I am so very sorry that you’re going through this. It isn’t really an easy thing to accept for one no less two special people. Please know we are hugging you gently with support !
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Alice- I've already had my 3-month follow-up for end of treatment. I look at checkups as Wellness visits. They're looking at me and asking me questions. Other than labs, nothing else will be done unless I report an issue or I have hinky labs. 99% of the time I'm okay with that. I had surgery before chemo. So there isn't any objective data available as to whether the chemo work. As long as I feel great and continue to function at a high level I am grateful. When I have an unexpected pain, a thought will cross my mind" Oh crap, the chemo didn't work" My mind quickly moves on to other issues more important than something I have absolutely no control over. Crazy thoughts do crop up occasionally. I want to continue to live my life the way I did prior to cancer which is exercise, social activities, work and advocacy.
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Viewfinder, I am sorry to hear about your friend. My sympathies go out to you, your friend and everyone who loves your friend.
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Thank you everyone for your very kind replies!
Today, members of a ladies group at our church signed up for helping my friend and her husband at home. We'll take turns going a few hours week-day mornings so the husband can get out to go food-shopping and pick up any prescriptions. We'll also do some light housekeeping and laundry, if needed.
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viewfinder- what a wonderful way to help. Instead of only extending your sympathy ( which I'm sure is greatly appreciated ) you are donating your time. You are allowing her primary caregiver to take care of other business and also take a brief respite. So many people could learn from your example. Kudos.
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I'm so sorry about you friends, viewfinder. I hope the coming days are filled with love and comfort.
My mother in law passed away last week from lung cancer. My husband was able to be with her and his father during her last day. It was peaceful and free from pain
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Thank you jo6359 and DogMomRunner for encouragement.
DogMomRunner, I'm sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. Cancer really sucks! I'm glad to hear that her last days were peaceful and free from pain.
My husband died six years ago after being sick for 14 years. He fooled his doctors by living that long but he walked a few miles every day and ate right, which I really think were the keys to his longer life. In the end, he had in-home hospice care. They did a wonderful job of keeping him comfortable and let us know when death was imminent so our small family could be with him when he passed on to a place where the is no pain and suffering.
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DogMomRunner sorry about your loss. I know it is a loss for you too. I'm glad she was not in pain.
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Viewfinder, what a wonderful and compassionate thing to do. That kind of help is so much appreciated and takes so much stress off people. As stated above, a concrete way to help people and give back at the same time. Hopefully will help you out as well.
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viewfinder great idea for meals. When someone at church had a massive stroke and was in the hospital we took turns taking food to them so no one had to cook. Eating out is exensive too.
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ctmbsikia - If anyone in this house would have even dared breath a word about my hair coming out around the house or in their food (which it has BTW)--I think I would have dumped whatever they were eating on the ground and stomped on it and gone on strike as far as any meal preparation! I am on "nastyzole" you know. . . .you were far too kind. LOL.
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My photography forum virtual friend lost her battle with cancer yesterday. It was announced in the forum. So very sad, even though we expect this. Rest in peace, Olga!
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viewfinder~I am so very very sorry for your loss!! More than words can ever express! I just lost my father so I amgrieving also!!! Hugs from across the miles.....
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My condolences to those of you who have suffered painful losses in this time. I send you hugs with all my heart
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Viewfinder, I lost a friend too earlier this month, to pancreatic cancer. I planted a rose in her honour in my garden. Roses don't survive in my garden. They die. So do we. It's a staggering and BIG thing to think about and deal with. I haven't figured out how. I am sorry for your loss. These things strike close to the bone these days.
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I am so sorry for all of your losses. Cancer is terrible for everyone and those left behind.
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Thank you everyone for your expressions of condolences and sympathy. I really appreciate it. I do expect my nearby friend do die within a few weeks, if she even lasts that long. She was put in hospice just a few days ago, but she's had a hellava ride getting there.
It's my turn to go over to her home this Monday morning so the husband can get a break and do a little food shopping. As sad as death is, it doesn't really scare me. I've observed several of my loved one die during the past several years. Not fun but an sad fact of life.
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runor, micmel and viewfinder- all of you have experienced such terrible losses over the past month or so. I wish I had comforting words for you but I find it usually takes time. I am very sorry for your loss.
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Thank you, to all of you wonderful ladies.
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RIP EDITH GONZALEZ, great mexican actress and great woman. She was a warrior, cancer sucks!
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yndorian-Cancer does suck.
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OUTLOUD!!
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Thank you viewfinder and bcincolorado. I am sorry that anyone has to go through the loss of family or friend to cancer. I know that death is an inevitable part of life but sometimes that's hard to take in. What helps is knowing that they are no longer in pain
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I total agree DogMomRunner, my mother died in January from lung cancer. Even while she was so sick, she not only dealt with her own suffering and pain, but she never stopped worrying if I was alright. She would go to bed in her hospital bed in the living room and I could hear her asking if I was alright in her sleep. I think my original cancer diagnosis back in 2015 and then the stage IV took a very bad toll on her health. When she died, she was no longer in pain and no longer had to worry about me. I take comfort in that if I start to feel sad about her.
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