STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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they're going to take all your nodes? I'd question that. Do they understand lymphedema and the high risk for it by taking so many out, unless they see in surgery cause to take more.
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Yndorian thanks for your reply. I'm glad your tumor is so much reduced and your nodes seem to be clear. Here’s hoping your surgery goes through on Tueday
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About ten years ago, I was all tubed up and ready to go for a procedure and the doctor never showed up. After several hours, the hospital found out he had a family emergency, and his office forgot to let the hospital know. I'll never schedule anything big on a Monday again!
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Update. I did finally meet with the MO. Starting Ibrance/Faslodex on Monday. Will be followed by the NP over the summer, so hoping for an uncomplicated course!
Best wishes all
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Movingsoccermom: good luck with your new treatment!
This morning I had the confirmation that my surgery will be next tuesday. Crossed fingers anyway! Thank you all for your support!
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Hi, just saw this post, and it caught my eye. In both of my BC occurrences (2014 and 2017) my oncologist at Johns Hopkins, who stays pretty current, never mentioned a problem with spironolactone. Before I sent him an email without source info other that “I saw it on a message board at breastcancer.org with no attribution,” I thought I’d check to see what the latest is. Here’s what I found that was published 6 months ago in abstracts:
Breast Cancer Res Treat. 2019 Feb;174(1):15-26. doi: 10.1007/s10549-018-4996-3. Epub 2018 Nov 22.
Safety of 5α-reductase inhibitors and spironolactone in breast cancer patients receiving endocrine therapies.
CONCLUSIONS:
Most patients did not show increased estrogen levels with spironolactone and there were no data suggesting increased risk of breast cancer. Based on hormonal and pharmacological activity, spironolactone may be considered for further research on alopecia and hirsutism in breast cancer patients.
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My neighbor lost her hair on Arimidex and Aromasin she had taken from 2006 to 2011. She knew several people who also lost their hair while taking the drugs. She is now 84 years old and still complains everytime I see her. She points out how lucky I was not to have hair loss. I wonder if my using the generic form of both drugs is the difference. Never heard of sprinolactone but I try to get my neighbor to look into treatment for her hair loss but she never does. I am not sure if it about money she talks about buying a wig but never does. The hair loss is devastating to her. I can't understand if she is that unhappy why she doesn't do something about it, not one encounter with her goes by with mentioning her hair loss.
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I’ve been rubbing castor oil every night into a balding spot at my temple and it’s working. Lots of new growth. It’s only taken a few weeks for it to start working
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I was on spironolactone for a couple years for hair loss and it did nothing.
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Hope I'm not barging in, but I saw the topic and thought this is where I should post my rant.
I can't even express my anger and frustration. Sure I've heard of cancer throughout my long life; but it didn't really affect my loved ones or me though I expressed "so sorry" to those who had it.
All of a sudden it is like a rogue cancer wave hit me and the undertow is pulling me down.
Forget that I was diagnosed with cancer in April 2018. After surgery and 13 days of radiation, I believe I'm considered cancer free.
It was only about four months later that my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer: triple negative, BRCA1 gene mutation. Thus far, two surgeries in the same breast, chemotherapy. Now, after all this, the surgeon is telling her that she needs a double mastectomy and her ovaries removed.
Just about getting to accept this fact about my sister, I get an email a few days ago from a virtual friend that I "met" in a photography forum more than 15 years ago. She told me last July that she had metastatic lung cancer (her husband has very serious cancer too). Email correspondence stopped about two months ago, so I wrote her briefly the other day. I did get a brief response a few days ago: "I'm not doing well; I'm under hospice care at home."
I'm devastated. So upset that I don't know what to think, say or do.
Any suggestions to help get rid of all my anger?
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viewfinder, doing something physical helps me--pull weeds or such. Probably the best is to make bread that I knead by hand--something about punching the daylight out of that dough... My granddaughter who is a potterer probably punches the clay!
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viewfinder a good cry in the shower can get some emotions out too and can hide your tears from others in the house as well I've found.
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Viewfinder, unfortunately, as you get older, this is something that will happen more frequently. All we can do is love people while they're here and keep their memory alive when they're gone. I was at a service for a recently-deceased friend the other day. Today, I got one of those video "friendversaries" on Facebook. It freaked me out at first, then I realized she was letting me know she had made a safe landing, and that we are still friends even though she is ... elsewhere.
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We all live and we all die... and we are very angry and sad when this and illness happens to lots of people all at once... and we are very stressed... and we are often terrified... me too to all of that. Cry, punch, scream and also breathe, be outside and LIVE.... some of us don’t have long. Why spend it being angry, sad etc
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Viewfinder- We are all entitled to our feelings; even those of sadness and anger. The goal is to never let the sadness and anger become the focus of your life. As long as you're not harming yourself or others deal with it however you're the most comfortable with. That could mean crying, shouting, stomping your feet, etc. In my opinion it's okay to feel anxious, angry, scared and frustrated. As we grow older, our friends and family are becoming ill and even dying. As days pass, and you find you cannot focus on anything else but these feelings of sadness and anger it might be time to consider counseling or sharing your innermost feelings with a close friend or family member. This site is for those of us who want to rant and Rave. For myself, most of the time just putting it down on paper or this thread helps me to deal with my feelings of sadness and even anger. I'm very sorry to hear about your losses as well as your fear regarding yourself and your sister.
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Thank you Beaverntx and bcincolorad for some great suggestions. I will give them a try. I especially need to get back to some physical exercise...walking...which I haven't done for some time.
Sometimes my anger and frustration turn into feeling nothing at all...like I'm numb. Next minute I'm just very sad.
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Everyone needs to vent and this is a good place to do it. At least here you can vent to those who really know what you are dealing with and not to someone who has never had cancer themselves. Even those who are well meaning really do not understand.
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Sorry. Sorry. Gotta say it. Why in the name of god does anyone feel they have to hide their feelings of anger, pain, exhaustion, fear, WHATEVER, from the people in the house? Do you live in a house of stupid people? Too stunned to deal with an emotion? Are they emotionally and mentally crippled? Weak ethically? Dim-witted? Are they all pathetic and self centred and if you express something unpleasant or uncomfortable, will they all dissolve into useless puddles of gunk? When did it become your job to shield them from REAL LIFE? Because cancer is pretty friggin REAL LIFE. And real death. And all the real thoughts that go along with that. Cancer involves real treatment and real pain and real effects, lifelong and otherwise. And we should slink off to the shower to cry so no one can see our tears? OHMYGODICAN'TEVENBREATHERIGHTNOW!!!!
I will not be a martyr. There is no special place in heaven for martyrs. I will not be a liar. There is no place in heaven at all for liars. I am not going to mask anything so later my family members can feel that they failed me, a feeling that I prime and set them up for if I wander around like a mechanically smiling, tight lipped, agony filled bullshitter, spreading a thin veneer of "I've got this all together." No! No! This is an EVIL and UGLY thing to do to the people you love. Unless you don't actually love them. And you think of them as incredibly stupid and useless. And harbour the idea that being a long suffering saint will somehow save you. It won't. It just breeds a dragon in your house. A big, ugly, soul-sucking dragon that devours you all. It's called Unspoken Truths. It's called Not Saying How You Really Feel. It's called Pretending Everything Is OKay when Nothing Is. It is its own sickness. If you can't tell your kids and partners that you're scared and sad they can't tell you they're also scared and sad. Great dynamic! Real family closeness in that brittle, artificial, delicate, might break at any moment tightrope you're all walking - pretending nothing is wrong. When you can't talk to your family, they can't talk to you and that's how that cookie crumbles and if that is the aim ... then cry in the shower.
We don't spend all day every day walking around here boohooing that I had cancer. But when it gets me down, I don't pretend that I'm all happy happy fun joy. Why the fuck would I?! So my Hub gets to forget something that I myself NEVER frickin forget? Aww, wouldn't that be so selfless and loving of me? Sacrificial, really, to bear all the burdens on my own life. Well to hell with that! Sacrificial goats never came to a good end, sacrificial ANYTHING never came to a good end and no gods were ever appeased no matter how many children were hurled into lakes or burnt on altars. So ... DO NOT sacrifice yourself with fake silence and insincere smiles. Do not shuffle off to cry in the shower. Do not hide that you are mortal and afraid for your life, afraid of all that you will lose and miss out on if you die. Let your family KNOW that what you fear losing is them, them them. Let them see you cry. Let them see you be bitchy and unfocused. Then, when you get over it, because we all do, we have to, let them see that you carry on anyway. Or let them see you stay in bed. But for the love of god, LET IT BE REAL.
Edited to add: This rant is not aimed at any one person. This is not an attack against anyone individually. This is a rant against the idea that people have to keep a stiff upper lip and hold the family together by denying their own pain blah, blah, blah. But this is NOT directed at any person. It is this belief, idea, notion, phsychological mindset that I am raling against. Not any individual To be clear.
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Runor---- Oh my, I love you. You say what I feel. I am single, I live alone. I don't have a husband or children. But I do have a sister and brother. I do try to stay strong, but there are days/times I tell it like it is. The pain, the sadness, that Yes I am stable now but that this is a terminal illness unless they find a cure. That I will probably not live to old age. The thing is, my family doesn't want to acknowledge it. They change the subject, or say " Come on you are going to live another 30 years", or they just plain shy away from me. They make excuses to back out of things we had planned. I know they just don't really want to be around me. I remind them of mortality when they look at me. They don't want the reminder. They want to go on their happy way with their own families and plans. I guess I cannot blame them to some point. Cancer is ugly and scary. They want to enjoy their lives - making plans, buying cars, taking vacations. But for me, life is lonely. I heard that cancer patients are usually lonely. That we have to travel this "journey" alone. For those with good support, I envy you. Count your blessings that you can cry on someones shoulder and even though things may never "be all right" you have someone there who cares.
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I had a real outburst a few weeks ago. The 25 year old commented on how a piece of my hair found its way into his sandwich. Husband in the room and also had a comment about the hair that's around. I said ---Why don't I just stop taking that little white pill so my hair will stop falling out and then I can get cancer again!?
Just saying keeping it real can work. They were stunned and I hope there will be no more complaints about my hair ever again!!
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Runor I sure wish you lived nearby and we could go for coffee! My therapist keeps telling me to take care of myself and let things go but I have such a hard time with that! I’ve spent my whole life making things easier for everyone around me and I feel so helpless when I let people help me. My husband is one of those who thinks I’ll be around for another 20 years but I’m not an outlier. When he planned his fishing trip with his friends at the same time I wanted to take a trip I reminded him the median life expectancy is 3 years and I’m halfway there and after I’m gone he can fish as much as he wants. He went anyway. If it was just the two of us life would be so easy but it’s complicated by our disabled son recently coming to live with us after his wife (who I’ve never liked but I’ve tried) filed for divorce and his children spending time here. He doesn’t usually ask how I am because he really doesn’t want to know. He just knows that things are still pretty normal around here. I have some friends that I open up to but I don’t like to burden them much because they have their own issues at home but we all share. It can be just as tiring (or more so) to get my husband or son to do things as it is to do it myself or let it go. When I let them know I’m really tired it’s the attitude of okay, get some rest and then things will be normal, not that they need to step up and I’m often too tired to fight the attitude.
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Wanderingneedle, there are way more women like you than like runor. (I know. What a shame.) I run into them here every day, over and over. It makes me crazy. I did everything when my son was growing up but then we shared until my diagnosis. Now, HE does everything. Shopping, cooking, dishes, laundry, cleaning and he still does car and house maintenance. They have to be trained. I left for three years. That worked. A little drastic, I know. But if you've been taking it all on for years, that will only end when you CAN'T. That will be sad. Women's lib .... pffft.
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I made a promise to myself...if people ask me how i am, i tell them the truth. The other day rhe check out clerk asked me, and i said, "Well, i have st 4 terminal cancer, and it's pretty bad." She said I'm sorry, and i said i am too.
Not gonna lie anymore or put on a fake smile. People need to know that we're all gping to die, and it ain't gonna be fun.
I just wish dh and dd would get a clue...i keep asking them, "Do you think I'm making this shiz up? You all need to get used to the fact that i won't be here too much longer and step up to the plate."
L
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Good for you Lita!
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I think I was a little bit of both. I was good for my children and grandchildren, but I had my husband at night to talk/cry/whine to. I had it in my head that I wanted my kids/grand kids to see that , yeah, life sucks, its unfair and sometimes your dealt the bad hand; but you deal with it. They knew I was going through treatment and I was tired, but we still had fun. When I was losing my hair my older son came over with his wife and brood of kids all wearing wigs. My daughter and her kids would come over with new scarves and to rub lotion on me. My youngest son who still lives at home would always bring me popsicles and check on me. The grandchildren would crawl into bed with me and just talk and laugh. The oldest granddaughter videoed me singing "I'm too sexy for my hair". I think there is a balance. I had my husband who was the best one for me to talk to. I also had my mother and 2 sisters who would listen and was very good not to say too much. At work I had my close co-worker who would let me have my bouts of depression and would feel sad with me. It is harder now that treatment is all done and I worry about reoccurrence at every test or every twinge I feel or have some lingering side effect, my husband has since died, I have my mother and sisters but its not the same.
Edited to add - My husband did step up and take over a lot of the household chores and he took care of all the insurance/money stuff for the cancer. I think some people you just got tell them that you can't do it and they need to.
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I believe in honesty but if a stranger or casual acquaintances ask me how I'm doing, I'm sure as hell not sharing with them I have cancer. Close friends and family member I'm honest with them about what's going on in my life. I've never had to deal with cancer related physical pain. There are days when the uncertainty of cancer hits me. When that happens I find it easy to share with close friends and family. There are certain individuals I will not share with because in the past they compared cancer to having a cold or no big deal. Are they ignorant or mean? Ignorant yes rarely mean. I, too live alone but I am very fortunate to have a strong network of friends. During chemo I found that the only individuals who could really understand certain side effects of chemo or the uncertainty of a cancer diagnosis were people on these threads. Let's face it. We are living it everyday. I still believe if a person is experiencing anger and sadness to a point where they are unable to function for significant periods of time then counseling needs to be considered. Women have been told for way too long to stifle their feelings and to make everything alright. Speak up and speak out.
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Well, my breast cancer was a low stage and grade, treated by lumpectomy and radiation, and now Tamoxifen when I take it. I get tense moments like waiting for PET scan results (from kidney cancer episode), or just being a bit pooped from the last year's medical adventures. And I've been short-tempered as hell at times, and pretty awful to the husband and son. And I feel TERRIBLE for the screaming fits, not entitled to them. Why should I feel that it's okay to ruin someone else's life like that, just because of something I went through (and that they went through with me)? I do not have to live with what Lita57 and other women with advanced stages endure every single day. Those women can scream 24/7 and it's more than fine with me. But the rest of us? How many times do we rant or vent about the same thing, over and over, before it becomes unhealthy?
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Alice- so true. One of my co-workers have breast cancer. Now at work-related functions I try to avoid her. She is early stage, as I am, and she cannot stop obsessing about her cancer. She's 6 years out and thoughts of cancer dominates her every waking moment. To the point she has no friends because they have become exhausted. Of course she now complains about loneliness. She rejects every suggestion regarding refocusing some of her energy on exercise, social activities, counseling, e t c. None of us are telling her to ignore her fears and concerns regarding cancer but to find a balance. Those individuals who are stage 4 and have to endure continuous treatments have enough on their plate. Caregivers need to be heard, too. Its tough on the whole family.
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AliceB, you are absolutely correct, screaming fits should be reserved for only the most severe occasions. Like, when Hub invites his mother to stay with you for a month. For that, screaming is entirely appropriate. (so is heavy drinking). But it's this idea that you have to paste on a fake smile and hide all sadness or fear or exhaustion that I take issue with. Families have to find that middle ground where the cancer person realizes that life goes on and the rest of the family have lives to live and their lives didn't stop happening just because you got cancer. Family member also have to realize that they are lucky to have thier lives continue on because on date X, your life got yanked out from under you in a way that left you disoriented and reeling and that you have to get up and pretend to be normal, when you're not, and live like life is the same, when it's not, and they have to see things from your perspective too and allow you the room to be miserable. It's a balancing act in which BOTH parties give a shit about the situation of the others. Too often it goes one way and that is just not a good thing and leads to drinking and loud singing in the shower ...also not a good thing!
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runor- I still find it fascinating how we focus on our lives the day of our diagnosis and everything that occurs after the diagnosis. Partly, because cancer takes over a large part of our lives. Sometimes, we forget to look at the Dynamics that were already in place prior to diagnosis and treatment. Roles are constantly changing and evolving depending on the needs of an individual or a family unit. In general people do not relinquish their established roles easily. Throw cancer into the mix and everything starts shifting.
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