STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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mara51506, a loving mother always puts her children before herself, not matter what the ages. I'm sorry that your mother had to suffer so much. She is pain-free now and finally at rest. May God give you peace.
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mara- How beautiful. Through the very end your mother's main concern was you, her daughter. Through her own pain and suffering her main concern was that you are all right. Beautiful
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Thank you jo6359 and viewfinder. I agree, she really was a wonderful mother to me. I am glad she is no longer suffering like I said and when my time comes, I believe I will see her and my father again. That does make me feel better too.
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Oh Mara, I am sorry that your mom went through all of that. Worrying about you while she was sick. I hope you get to see her again.
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Mara sweetheart: hugs to you.💕
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I'm grieving the loss of my virtual friend who died just a few days ago. Today I visited my other friend who has been in hospice since two days ago, who had a 10 year battle with cancer in all parts of her body. Their journeys are similar in so many ways but also dissimilar.
I hope you don't mind me posting this. I just don't know what to do with myself.
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post all you need to post. I watched my father for seven months in hospice. It was a gift but horrible to witness. Life is wonderful, but no body ever prepares you for losing someone or losing our health. We all must grieve our own way. We are here, we are here! I understand...because I am going through my own grieving and it never gets any easier to understand. Cancer or any disease that takes someone we love, living life is a wonderful thing. But when we have to say goodbye to someone we love. It just isn’t able to be processed. Sending you hugs and support.
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viewfinder- post and vent all you want. You have been through so much lately. We can still be empathic and also a little scared. Micmel has been through her own personal struggles as well as dealing with her father who passed away recently. I can only speak for myself. I don't care what stage of cancer a person is in when we see or hear about someone we care about dying from cancer a thought always pops in my head "is this going to happen to me" maybe it's just me because it's only been 18 months since I've been diagnosed. But there are times I find it frightening as hell. And yeah, cancer does piss me off. Most of the time I don't think about my cancer but yeah when I have friends dying from cancer and hear about virtual friends dying from cancer it does make me think about my own longevity. I don't dwell on it but I'm not going to lie and say I don't occasionally think about it.
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Besides the one friend I recently lost who I had known for years, the woman who was a mutual friend and a mentor to me through this whole cancer adventure - at least the two most recent ones - has stage 4 ovarian cancer. The friend we lost died on her own birthday. When the mentor friend's birthday came up the next week, I had about an hour where I was frozen in terror before I could send her a birthday greeting, thinking I'd lose her, too. I know it's inevitable, because she's had to give up on many treatments lately, but NOT YET. Even if she's getting ready to go, I'm not ready to lose her.
And then I don't know what to do with my awkward, inadequate feelings, like when the friend who recently died and other friends posted on Facebook (which is how most of us stay in touch) how much cancer sucks, and how they hate cancer - but none of them have had it. I get so tempted to say something flippant like "No shit, Sherlock." Or "Duh, it sure does." What the hell's the etiquette for that situation? It's hard to put our own cancer on the back burner when losing a loved one brings our feelings right to the front. And although I haven't needed chemo for any of my cancers, and friends and relatives see me as cured and over it (partly my doing because I've encouraged that), deep down I know that one of the cancers I've had, or a new one, will probably bite me in the butt someday.
Vent over. For now.
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My condolences to all of you with your recent loses. jo6359-like your post. I feel much the same way.
I am super annoyed with this whole process/protocols. June was my MRI and BS appt. month. I have a 1cm enhancement on MRI which is a seroma. Got it from exercising. Doing what I'm supposed to be doing! While I am glad it's nothing, it's annoying. It hurts like a pinch at times and I just don't like feeling like something is in there! I've been wearing a bra 24/7 which annoys me but it's more comfortable that way. BS said she did a lot work in there and to take some Advil after classes!! Then, since this BIRADS 3 score the recommendation is a 6 month follow up, so she wrote the orders for the MRI AND a mammo. Does this seem ridiculous? Overkill? WTF? Lastly, she sort of reprimanded me regarding a note she read from the MOs office. I simply asked them if I could come back in December when I can have another DEXA scan and they wrote it like I was not coming back. Jesus. When I got back to work yesterday I did call and make an appt. for Sept. with the MO. That's 6 months from last visit (Mar). They will call me if lab work is needed as I don't have an order for any. To make things more annoying I do have a lab work order from my primary who I will see in October. If MO and primary both order I will have some duplicate bloodwork done within 30 days of one another. How do you all cope with this?? Is it possible my insurance will deny a claim? Should I ask them to share?? To close this rant the only way I see this working between these Doctors is that any tests MO wants done (namely the DEXA) should be pushed 3 months into 2020 since I go back to the BS in Dec.
PS-Thank you for listening/reading. I worked as a coordinator in a previous life for years and when I can't figure out how things work to bring it all together it raises my stress level. At least I've recognized this as a trigger, well my daughter did.
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I’m betting insurance will deny coverage. They are sticklers for tests, etc being on the exact date you are entitled to and not one day sooner. These doctors frustrate me with scheduling superfluous appointments and meds because what the heck they don’t have to pay for them and if you decline either they are taken aback. After all their’s is the last word and gospel of course. Not.
Diane
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If you get problems you may be able lo get your doctor to appeal. Some docs will fight the insurance companies and some do not want to take the time to do it.
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Since the lab orders are coming from two different doctors I find it hard to believe that insurance would give you a hard time. You can always check with your insurance carrier to be on the safe side. I’ve had this happen and both were covered. I had an epiphany moment because I am not a fan of needles and this is how I avoid having it done within weeks of each other when I know both doctors will order bloodwork I’ll let the doctor from my first appointment know that I’m going to wait until my other appointment so I just have to have the one time poke. They are ok with this. Just make sure you give the lab both orders. The only time there was a problem is when one was dated. It has to be done on or after that date.
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I'm going "VSED" - Voluntarily Stopping of Eating and Drinking when the time comes. Totally legal in Calif 'cuz you're not taking pills (or paying several thousand $$ just or the death meds). Your body just knows what to do. You didn't have to tell it what to do when you were going thru puberty or pregnancy. Kidneys shut down from lack of hydration (DO BE SURE you have a palliative care dr on board - and I do
- to give you "sedation" meds for if ya need 'em), and you'll be home with the Lord and your family members who have gone on b4 you in a week to 10 days, depending on how compromised your organs were b4 you started the "letting go" process. Rarely does it take more than a couple of weeks.I can't tell you how much COMFORT this brings me. WE ARE ALL GOING TO TRANSITION sooner or later, so why fight the process. My family is totally on board with this.
Blessings to all of you,
L
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Dah kath! Thanks I can just take both orders and do both at one time. If insurance kicks one back, then there will be a war. The only denial I've had so far was for the Prolia shot earlier this year. Even though DEXA is due in Dec. doesn't mean I have to do it then. Plus in 2020 I will most likely have another carrier then.
Lita, that sounds like a plan and glad you are comforted by it and your family is on board too. When it's time though!!
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Lita57, I basically agree with you. I don't want to hang around because of artificial this and that. The process that you speak of also gives family members some time to come to acceptance.
What is really difficult is when someone dies unexpectedly and suddenly, like when my 18 year old daughter was instantly killed in 1987 by a reckless driver who had been drinking and on drugs.
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die,"
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First hugs to all dealing with grief! I had two people close to me diagnosed at the same time last year as me and they are both gone! I am meeting with my friend who lost her sister for lunch today and going to visit the family of my friend who died, they are out of town and it will be the first time. She has been my rock when things came up in life. I so miss her!
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viewfinder- I I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. That is something you never forget or get over. My 17 year old niece was killed by drunken driver while stopped at a red light. The drunk who was driving with a permanently revoked license left the bar at 5 p.m. and within three minutes he destroyed many families and killed five individuals. Back then the law was very lenient on drunken drivers. I desperately hoped this young man stopped drinking and received the help he needed. I also wanted him to face the consequences for his actions. That didn't happen.
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Medicare says Mom has to do a month of physical rehabilitation before they will consider paying for her back MRI. Smart Mom asks, how much would it cost if I pay for it myself, answer $242. She will get her MRI friday, atleast we can find out if it is a pinched nerve syatica (sp?) Or inflammation on a disc. One you treat with heat the other ice. The lyrica and pain meds are doing nothing for her as far as relief.
I think it is ridiculous that you wouldn't get an MRI first before treatment.
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Lita good idea to make sure all are on board first as well. My DH grandma decided to stop meds after asking her doc what would happen if she quit taking them and he told her she'd be dead in 48 hours. He got her on hospice with morphine right away so she was not in pain at the end.
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Every year I sit down with my Mom and Dad to review their advance directives, medical proxy, etc. When I started this over 20 years ago, my father was quite perturbed at putting everything down in writing. Upon reviewing it annually he has become an active participant and has made a few changes throughout the years. Initially, both my parents wanted to be buried but over the past five to seven years they both decided on cremation. Every year my parents are so involved in this process because they do not want to be in a position where they're kept on life support without any hope of recovery or if they are in incredible pain with no recourse of treatment. When I review this information with my parents I always make sure I have at least one to two siblings with me while we review their information. My parents arevery happy with this process and look forward to reviewing their information.
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Meow, are you in Canada? An MRI for $242? Not where I come from. Is that the copay? I would double check that figure.
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It's really terrible when someone passes unexpectantly...especially a child, where there's no time to prepare.
Just went to a memorial of a young man (well, at 43, that's still young to me) who passed in his sleep; cause of death still not determined - parents didn't want to do an autopsy. They are deeply grieving, and I feel so much compassion for them.
I don't have any answers as to whether it's better to go that way, or to be prepared with hospice, etc. Cancer is a monster,
L
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jo6359, I, too, am sorry for your losses. The man who killed our daughter was a habitually reckless driver who lost his license about six times, if I remember correctly. He spent about six months in jail for our daughter's death before being released. Years later, his girlfriend's mother called and told me that he had killed her daughter in a drunken boating accident. She asked me to go to court but I just didn't have it in me, though I sent her dozens of articles surrounding my daughter's death.
I was in public office at the time and went to Tallahassee with other MADD members and spoke with the Governor. They lowered the legal drinking limit...but not by enough.
Life just isn't fair sometimes, as members of this forum certainly know.
btw, I have all my papers in order, such as will and advanced directive. I also have a list of all important professionals that my family should know. The originals, including a list of key passwords, are in a safe deposit box. I keep the information updated if any changes are made.
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If you chose to pay rather than wait for covered ones, in Canada MRIs are around 700 to 800 $, but that is Canadian dollars.
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My best friend and I had the same discussion yesterday. Her father was jogging and bam He had a heart attack and was gone within seconds. No warning. She never got to say goodbye to him.
My father was in hospice for 7 months. It was special everyday, but only for me, hospice to me, is for the family, because being a full time caretaker is exhausting. That's why there is shifts with nurses. It needs a team to be done. The family gets the real time to spend with the person in hospice. But when I would leave after 3hours of a visit..he would still be laying in that bed for the rest of those 21 hours a day. In pain.
Perhaps that is considered a form of suffering to me. I saw his limbs atrophy, he couldn't straighten his fingers anymore. Couldn't move his legs fully straight. Skin changes. Liver spots,, eye color changes like a silver fish behind his gorgeous baby blues. So it's to me a blessing and a curse. I got my goodbyes. She remembers her father young and strong.
I remember holding mine. And kissing his forehead, moving him into the wheelchair with my own strength. For myself I wouldn't change a thing, but I wouldn't want him to suffer, when he started to suffer.. I believe it is when he decided to let go. The suddenness of a death gives no closure. Especially. Dear God someone so young. So not fair.
I always wanted to die in my sleep, I think we all knew we were gonna go someday, for me it's always been a worry of how we are going to have it happen. I know clearly now myself. But there are always two sides to everything. Every feeling every emotion. Every situation. Never cut and dry. Ever!!
Viewfinder~My heart bleeds to think about what you have been through, and your family. I’m deeply sorry! No words could express.
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The MRI is in washington state yes Mom can pay the $242 not a copay medicare won't pay because she will not wait until 1 month of physical therapy. It is a private company will post their office.
https://www.mycdi.com/locations/renton/It also is has the only stand up MRI in the state I believe. I had my back MRI here it only takes s couple minutes no contrast.
Actually the one on their website site starts at $410, for Mom they quoted $242 Medicare won't cover it.
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Grief is a process. Every individual processes it differently so I feel it's very important to respect ones wishes and keep your opinion to yourself when you're faced with the death of a loved one. Some grief while their loved ones are still living, the caregivers especially. Then once they are gone the process starts all over again. It's relief at first, but then all the things that happened while LO was close to death, to finally being able to cherish the memories of a healthy LO. Both my parents are deceased and I have experienced both sudden death (my father coronary collapse), and mother (diabetic, heart disease, and dementia). Sudden death is life changing. I took FMLA from my job to care for mom until we figured out what to do. Never expecting Dad would go first, right? We placed Mom in assisted living, sold our family home, still cared for her everyday and she passed just a year after. We never told Mom sister was diagnosed with BC in that year. I'll never forget one day Mom was in the hospital and so was sister with surgery. Another day the hospital team took me in the room and recommended hospice. That was a hard day. Mom went really fast and I was not able to watch and be with her after her breathing became labored. Amazingly, Mom knew this about me. Her last words to me were-"you better go, and make your Dad a sandwich" My sister later told me she thought Mom could sense her there as well and was hanging on for her. She passed shortly after she left.
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ctm~ A huge hug from me. Sounds like your one hell of a woman who has experienced a hell of a lot of struggle. I only can hope that all of our loved ones get that chance to speak up and be who they should be for us when we need them as we had always been through our lives there for them. My DH is already my savior. But at the end of the day when it gets to be too much for him. I'll gladly step into hospice to alleviate stress on him. He always insists I'm going to outlive him. But I honestly don't want to. I wouldn't make it. I would follow in his footsteps... death an unwanted reality we all have in common and can never escape or out run no matter who you are, or how much money one May have.
Has anyone heard from Sas? (Creator of this thread? I'm concerned!
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If you click their user name it will show where they posted last and looks like last was 2 months ago.
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