STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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peregrinelady,
Hooray for teachers! I can’t imagine that one can know another’s personality based solely on their profession. That’s using a pretty broad brush to paint people and seems quite a close minded way to evaluate people one doesn’t know. But that’s just my opinion
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It just hit me funny because as we all know there are so many different personalities and teaching styles and she made it sound like we are all authoritarian, control freaks. Just a little levity among a serious discussion that is now hopefully resolved.0
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So true and , I imagine, true of any profession. I think some folks have negative impressions of education based on their own experiences. But just as in any group of people, there are wide variations in styles and personalities. Again, using someone's profession to determine their personality type is just wrong and very limiting. Ah well, I’ll just let it be
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My rant is about myself. Here we are coming up on the ending of another year, and once again I don't feel like I have improved myself on anything I say I am going to do (same things every year).
"I am going to have Christmas shopping done early so I can bake and enjoy Christmas events". Did not happen.
"I am going to eat more healthy and exercise". Did not happen.
"I am going to get more organized". Started some, but should have been further along.
I am so angry at myself----I haven't spoken to myself for 2 days!
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One thing that I have learned in reading these boards on almost a daily basis since diagnosis is that we cannot presume to know each other unless we have met in person or dialogued privately. We only know the persona presented. That is why I object to people who do not seem sincere and appreciate those who are here for the benefit of others.0
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I hope it is solved as well. I have only been on this site since 2015 and never experienced the reasons in the past that necessitated the separation in the first place. I agree with exbrnxgrl that we do not need all stages walled off as reading posts is helpful, even if you are not supposed to post. I learned a lot about brain mets even before I knew I had them because that was the subject that I feared most with this disease. Of course, I was on other sites looking up different treatments and scaring myself because I had accidentally gone into glioblastoma threads which obviously I do not have. I think there is value for people to be able to read any posts but not necessary participate in the thread if it is designated for a particular stage. And I remember that there is the thread that offers people to ask Stage IV members questions that they may want to know. I don't think people should take it personally if a mod asks for rules to be respected. Makes life less stressful for all posters involved and avoids the cross thread posting of some of these disputes as well which can stress out even more people.
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And, if this is not already clear, the restrictions were put into place due to the wishes of stage IV members, with the moderators support. Those who view as a moderator imposed restriction are incorrect.
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Thanks for the clarification exbrnxgrl
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Mistyeyes: I"m sorry you're feeling bad. It wasn't a good year for me either (I spent the whole year in txs). I hope 2020 is better 😘
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Placing restrictions on a public site never goes over well. At least it never has in my cyber experience. I am so sorry to read of continued dysfunction here. This is just my opinion-- but if the Stage IV group requested this, then it should have been made private and exclusive to them. There could have also been an open to the public option years ago as well, so the stage IV members would be the ones to choose to participate in those topics or not. I haven't ventured into either section now, I trust that it is working out for everyone now.
I've only been here a short time and I won't be hanging any longer. We all have a disease and somehow still manage to find a way to not get along. It truly saddens me to my core. #Logging out. Many blessings to all -Diane
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Since I was there and a participant at the time, I will add to exbrnxgrl's post...
The decision to implement the Stage IV posting restriction while leaving the forum open for viewing was, as exbrnxgrl mentioned, put in place due to the wishes of Stage IV members. It is also important to note that before the decision was made, input was solicited from the rest of the community. Non-Stage IV members were actively involved in the discussion and the majority (a large, strong majority, as I recall) agreed with and supported the decision.
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#TEAMRUNOR
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SerenitySTAT, I am ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that you would be welcome to post on the Ibrance thread. You are taking Ibrance, right? What other requirement could there be? I have been reading and posting and making wonderful friends with the people on that thread for 3 and a half years. They would never exclude you from posting for not being stage IV. I hope the mods wouldn't either. There have to be reasonable exceptions. This should be one.
Rant: I broke a crown. The tooth is dead (root canal), so not that big a deal. I just SOOOOOO tired of dealing with stuff. I need a break. A few weeks ago, I went to my dentist and she (a substitute dentist, I thought) with the tooth with the crown moving around and sore gums. She gave me the swishing stuff to calm down the gums. It worked. But the crown still broke yesterday. I went back to the dentist (still the sub) to find out that my dentist sold the practice. He still works there but doesn't own the practice. His wife died of cancer this Summer. The sub smoothed the sharp edges of the broken crown so it doesn't cut the inside of my mouth anymore. I can have the crown replaced at my leisure, the sooner the better to me, like January. Then my MO is leaving my practice in January so consult with her or new MO will be further complicated. I hate all this crap. Why can't my life just be simple?
All this stuff about who can post where is so boring. I am one of the stage IV people who think everyone should be able to post everywhere. I am obviously in the minority. So I go along with the majority. Like having Trump as the president.
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Yaycee I was saddened by the stressful changes you have to adjust to, and than the honesty of your feelings and the last paragraph made me laugh out loud!
I hope the crown replacement goes smoothly and the new MO turns out to be more clever than your last one...
I just love it when I look at my appointments, and I have nothing scheduled for the week! I understand your need for time off from doctors and hospitals...
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wrenn, I had a front desk person in a doctor's office say "I know how you feel." I DID say (not scream), no you don't. It didn't go over that well but it sure felt good.
Frisky, I HAD nothing scheduled of this week before the crown business. Next week looks empty right now. Let's hope it stays that way. Did I just jinx myself?
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I have come around to the Stage IV only threads. In reading from other Stage IV people and even those who agree, the points make sense.
It would not make sense for BCO to restrict Stage IV threads because for people who are worried about symptoms they are having as possibly being Stage IV, it is good to read. As opposed to posting, a non Stage IV could send a PM if they have questions about symptoms experienced. There is nothing wrong with that.
Where I am having a real problem now are people who are turning this into a personal matter ie team Runor. I like runor's posts, I genuinely like Runor as well. She is insightful, witty and has a lot of value to say. The fact remains that according to a member of this site who has been around a lot longer than a lot of us, the Stage IV threads were requested by members who were Stage IV and earlier. This is not something to debate it just is. It is not personal ie not a slight on Runor. Also, I don't here runor herself asking people to take sides. She is certainly entitled to voice her opinions when it comes to her own situation.
I will say when it comes to making a thread for a particular member that may belong to all stages of threads, that it NOT be put in Stage IV. A lot of members are friends with Stage IV and earlier and it is not right to make a thread in a restricted area and expect that ONLY stage IV can post. I still think of examples like Patty Peppermint and Lita 57 who both participated in other threads without a designation. If one is created in the wrong area, I think the creator of the thread should PM Mods to change it to allow all to contribute. That way friends are not separated from each other. That also takes care of people who may want to stay separate. To each their own.
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#teamrunor? That’s a perfect example of the divisions that can occur on this issue and that are completely unnecessary. Please understand that the current set up is what members wanted and the mods agreed to support. I can’t fathom why lower stage members would choose to disrespect that or use it to create s divisive hashtag. I sincerely hope that lower stage members never have to join the stage IV forum. Please respect the wishes of the members even if it’s not what you want.
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Not sure why this has turned so divisive now anyway. For the year before I was dx'd Stage IV, I did not post to Stage IV and did not see such divisiveness on a site meant to support ALL of us. We ALL should be able to come, read up on others, offer support where possible and treat each other with the respect we ALL deserve. I am glad the previous post was deleted, BUT that should not have to be done. I feel very sad for everyone when this goes on.
Breast cancer is a scary beast for all of us and for our caregivers and people who love us. It should not be a facebook like experience where posters are disrespected because of their views or sides drawn because someone does not agree. It is a lot like toxic fanbases of various movies where when someone gives an opinion, another person has an answer that is disrespectful.
Again, we ALL deserve respect, we ALL must follow what was set out here. Nobody has to agree, but we must respect that and be kind. Turn this thread back into what it was, a safe place to vent anger about cancer or things that have happened in our lives. A stress reliever, not a stress giver.
Now I have said all I will say on my own opinion.
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Just checking in to say, every time you read, thank a teacher. Every time you balance your accounts or pay a bill, thank a teacher. And on & on. Teachers don’t get enough credit, respect or salary and yet we keep turning our children over to them b/c we trust them. My extended family is in Sweden and educators are the revered profession there and it warms my heart. So, to all you teachers, THANK YOU!!
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Yogatyme, I definitely agree teachers are not paid nearly enough in the US. They should not have to have two and three jobs to make ends meet for sure.
In Canada, teachers are better paid for the responsibility that is put on them and that is good. Our teachers in Ontario are probably going to have strike action soon, but it is not about wages but about cuts to the education system that thinks it is reasonable to have close to 40 students per class and expect that kids who have special needs or just questions in general will be taken care of. I thank them for standing up to that.
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No Jaycee, you didn't jink anything! These types of events happen to people in our age group, but the cancer treatments routines on top of everything else of course will make everything feel overwhelming...
Last night, while talking to mo about my next line of treatment—before she leaves the office for San Antonio— I managed to squeeze in that I was going to cancel an appointment she had made with the cardiologist, because I could get an EKG at the office of my primary doctor...
So, I saved myself a trip uptown and will squeeze all that needs checking up with my primary...hopefully, nothing will happen to change my small victory...
Long live all teachers, I would be nothing today without them...although I was an enfant terrible, they always made feel that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to, and they were right...now if only, I could figure out this cancer thing....like Jane McLelland did, that would make me very happy! She’s my new hero
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I don't have kids but teachers and nurses get extra love and thanks. In Oakland schools are closing not just because of budgets but underpaid teachers can't afford to live in the bay area anymore. They either commute from far away, leave or live in rv's. How sad is that. People have full time jobs and they still need food stamps or affordable housing. Just mind blowing.
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Frisky, I love your avatar photo. Such a cute kitty. My cats are the opposite. As soon as they see me using the laptop, they both decide to sit on my lap.
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yes, it's a real shame what's going on here...I come from a large family of teachers...my sister, an elementary school teacher, lost her husband to lung cancer very early in her marriage, but she was able to raise three children—whom are college professors now— because a college education is available to all in Europe. She has been able to take numerous transatlantic vacations, owns a well furnished home, all on her teacher's salary...and I must confess occasional gifts from me....
Once, I was invited to a party given by a high school teacher, the seamless marble floor, high tech kitchen, and overall design details of her home, would have been matched only by the interiors of well educated, upper middle class people in this country...I never asked....but maybe she was also getting alimony...
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As it should be Mara, pussycats love the warmth and security of a welcoming lap...I lived my whole life with cats, but now I feel as if I have no strength to take care of anything and anybody...just managing to keep my plants alive...but most of them need transplanting, which might happen this weekend, when I'll go to ikea to buy some lightweight but large containers...
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Hi folks,
We just wanted to hop in here to first, thank you for getting this thread back on track, and second to reassure you that the Stage IV ONLY forum will remain as-is. This special forum has been functioning very well for the past few years, since it was implemented. If you do not want to see this forum, rather than wishing for it to be password-protected and private (effectively removing it as a resource for other Stage IV people who may -- or may not ever -- join or post in this Community, without an "invitation"), we'd suggest blocking the forum so that it is no longer tempting to you. If you still want to support Stage IV members, there is a Stage IV forum Open to All to Contribute, where you can post.
We continue to thank you all for your respect and cooperation with our rules.
--The Mods
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I can empathize about not having strength to take care of anything. I was largely the same way after brain radiation. I could not look after my cats properly for months and even now, have had times where I could not summon the energy to take care of litter box duties. I have been lucky thus far that they have not made me pay for it yet. I can also empathize with you having to try out a new drug and not knowing what effect it will have on your body. As I said elsewhere, I hope the new treatment is kind to you and lasts a long time.
My cats like the computer and the tuxedo kitty I have chewed the back sole right off of a fairly new pair of skechers that I like when walking in the spring. Needless to say I hid my treadmill shoes in the closet and am going to get white duct tape to reattach the back end of the skechers. I don't wish to buy a new pair. I also darn socks and sew the inside of my denim leggings to save a buck. The leggings are worn to just the right colour and stretch that I like.
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I have NOT suggested that stage 4 should have to post everything behind closed doors. I have suggested, repeatedly, that stage 4 should have at least one thread that is exclusively behind closed doors so that blunders like mine do not happen. So that no stage 4 ever has to go to a mod and complain that someone who isn't stage 4 posted.
Because ...let's be utterly clear...no real harm was done. No one was hurt by my post. If someone was annoyed, well annoying someone is not a crime nor violence. I did not suggest, at all, that someone's situation wasn't dire. And yet, based purely on my staging, someone felt they had the right to complain about me. Maybe it was even someone my post wasn't directed at? I don't know. As I have said, over and over, this is about making changes so that stage 4s have a place where they are safe from the input of non-stage 4s.
I added the Death and Dying thread to my fave list a long time ago because thoughts of death and dying have been a struggle of mine for a very long time. I went there hoping to find something. What I found was a big sign that said 'Look But Don't Touch'. Does this offend me? Sure does. This isn't a museum with priceless relics. I can touch something without breaking it. We are not a bunch of fumbling 4 year olds with grubby fingers.
I do not object to the NEED for a stage 4 only thread. I object to the PLACEMENT of a stage 4 only thread and I use all caps because there are those who read my posts and fail, absolutely, to grasp what I am saying and I hope the all caps place emphasis on the message that people keep missing.
Someone (forget who, sorry) said this seemed personal to me and I thought, Yes. It is. I believe all people are equal. Period. I believe we all get to play in the sandbox or no one gets to play in the sandbox. The people reacting to my suggestion of a private room are also taking this personally. They do not believe all people are equal. They believe some people are more equal than others. They believe that special allowances (exclusivity) should be allowed to people with stage 4. It only makes sense to me that people who are stage 4 who feel that no lesser stage should ever comment on their thread should want a place where that is guaranteed to never happen! Otherwise what you're saying is," I want special treatment that no one else gets and I want everyone to see my special treatment."
Thus my assertion that this is much less about stages and much more about personality. There are some people who object to my All Are Equal approach because they have a Some Are More Equal approach. Yes. We are going to clash.
Lita comes to my mind. She shared her journey, raw, lots of it posted in the Steam thread and other places. Would it have been a loss if she posted all that behind a closed door? Absolutely! But here's the thing. Lita did not cling to her stage 4 diagnosis and refuse the offerings of other people. Lita did not huddle behind the velvet rope. I honestly, honestly, honestly do not think this is about being stage 4 or not. I don't. This is 100% about how you go through the world as a human being. I have never been one of those people who says that those of a different colour should have to ride at the back of the bus. I have always gone through the world with room for all, or room for none.
Make a place, off screen, password only, out of sight, out of mind. Stage 4s can post there to never hear the voice of someone who has nothing to offer. If you truly feel your fellow women in this journey have nothing to offer.... nuff said.
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Thank you mods.
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Mara, I totally get you! Although I can easily buy whatever I want, I take great pride in using and enjoying what I have, which I could never consume in a lifetime...
Materialism for some reason has lost it's charm...inner peace, silence, good company, a home cooked meal, and a good story is what I treasure....
Becoming free of doctor's appointments and medications is my primary goal...moving back to Europe will be a dream come true....I now miss my family...and my old childhood friends...that are, by the way, all school teachers....amen!
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