STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
Comments
-
Need to vent. CANCER SUCKS! Lost a very dear friend, she was the sister I never had, to ovarian cancer after battling it for seven years. She always held out hope. Three and a half weeks ago she was still hoping there was something else to try If not it looked like hospice care was imminent. Fly high my angel. You deserve the peace.
0 -
I have a friend, love her to bits, but she's of the opinion that if my cancer comes back it's because I 'manifest' it, by thinking about it. By pondering it. By worrying about it. Don't you know that people cause their own cancers? What was going on in your life that brought it on the first time? Obviously I was out of whack somewhere to have that cancer land on my head (or in my boob!). Oh, I get it, my attitude was the problem. Bad attitude = cancer.
But if her line of thought is to be believed then we all will somehow manifest or manufacture our own demise. Do the victims of random violence get up in the morning and think, gee, today I hope some butt nugget in a too fast foreign car mows me down in a crosswalk, what a fun and interesting way to die. No! Or does some soggy individual out hunting for mushrooms in rainstorm, worrying about being struck by lightning actually ATTRACT the lightning because he's thinking about it. Is thought the same as a lightning rod? Hey lightning, I'm thinking about you, go ahead, strike me dead, I deserve it, I MANIFEST it! Zap! Why then are we not manifesting cures? And lottery winnings? And a small waist and no cellulite on my droopy thighs? I wish for those things too, but they never arrive. Just cancer.
Manifest my ass.
0 -
I so agree runor! I doubt my friend who recently passed from this crappy disease wanted to get it, let alone DIE from it! I sure as Hades didn’t plan to get it or make it happen! People who say that kind of crap need to have their heads examined!
0 -
oh the blame the victim, you weren't positive enough! None of us wants to be a victim or a hero! Grr!
Maybe it's a way to not own that it can be random and can happen to anyone! I also hate the if you took this,,,,, you'd be fine. And don't get me started on the blaming big pharma and there is a cure, double grr.
I lost a friend too earlier this year and she was the most positive insightful woman I know!
0 -
Runor, is that like the physical equivalent of the self-fulfilling prophecy? That is a real psychological phenomenon. There is no physical equivalent. Manifest? That is not even the correct usage of that word. A Facebook friend posted something today that applies. I've been smiling about it all day.
Don't try to explain yourself to stupid people. You're not the jackass whisperer.
0 -
If having the wrong attitude or worrying about cancer brings it on, how do you explain little children who get cancer? Probably most of them had no idea what cancer is until they were diagnosed.
Or young women who are newly married or pregnant or who have very young children and are at the happiest time in their lives... only to be hit with a diagnosis of cancer? Did they manifest their own cancers?
It's astonishing sometimes what people believe.
bennybear, I think you are right that this is how people convince themselves that a cancer diagnosis can't happen to them.
0 -
Jaycee, you are correct, my usage of the word manifest was incorrect. Probably should have been manifested. Which just sounded clunky to me. Like the word kilometers. What an ugly word. "I would walk 500 kilometers and I would walk 500 more..." No. No. The metric system has killed lyrics.
Beesie, I so agree! If our thoughts and focus 'bring forth' (to avoid that unwieldy beast 'manifest') physical events, then what happens that babies can be born with such terrible deformities and health problems? Is that because the worry of their evil mothers damned them while they were still in the womb? Oh those rotten, rotten scared pregnant women bringing forth all those poor wounded babies.
If I'm being honest, which I rarely am, what's the fun in being honest? But if I'm honest I probably believed something stupid like that myself. It's the uppity world view of one who has yet to be smote by bad luck. (Jaycee, smited, smitten, smut?). We all float in our bubble of denial because the thought, You Are Going To Die, pretty much knocks us over. We buffer ourselves from the pins that would burst that bubble. We do that by saying such things and perhaps believing such things as 'you can get cancer by thinking about it." Yeah? (eyes scrunched shut thinking Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp....nothing. )
0 -
I have a relative (from whom for reasons that will become abundantly clear I only watch from afar) who believes and preaches from her social media platform that we do indeed cause our illness AND we cause the other bad things that happen to us by our own negative energy. Car accident? Your negative energy did that. Lost your job? Same thing. Got raped? Your bad mojo.
I was sexually abused from toddler hood on and that belief makes my head explode and rips my heart into shreds. I do not know a single two year old who's responsible for anything other than maybe throwing a toy on the floor. Adult me knows I sure didn't cause that but that tiny girl inside? She wonders and feels even more worthless.
0 -
Runor, since you put "manifest" in quotes, I assumed it was the other person (who you were complaining about) who said that word in that context. I would never criticize your wordsmithing.
0 -
I think the only way the negative thoughts thing may work is when you are expecting the worse, you may maybe unknowingly doing something to lead to your expectations. This doesn't apply to cancer and such but I think the theory is if you're a negative person, you're more likely to create the situation you don't want. Not in every situation but for example, my cousin's sky is always falling. Annoying as hell. I'm going to lose my job. I know it. So her mind becomes I don't care and shows in her job performance. Low and behold she's let go. The thought led to the (lack of) action and she's convinced they hated her. Stuff like this where sometimes you wind up unknowingly playing out actions that become the result you fear.
0 -
edj3, I would think that this relative of yours must have an ever smaller group of friends. The simple truth is that most people get hit by some crap in life. As I am fond of saying "$#!+ happens". And while sometimes what we do leads to the result, when it comes to those horrible life changing events, most often our actions or attitudes or thoughts have nothing to do with it. If she puts the blame on an individual's negative energy every time something bad happens, over time she's pointing the finger at just about everyone. She must have lived a really charmed life up to this point to be able to hold this attitude. If she was someone I knew, that's probably what I would say. "Lucky you that you can think this way. Once something bad happens to you that's outside of your control - and something will happen one day - you will realize how wrong you've been and how much you've hurt people by your attitude." I bet if you posted something like that on her social media (not suggesting you do!), you'd get a whole lot of 'Likes'.
As for you, give that tiny girl inside a big hug from me.
0 -
more hugs! Take a look at a picture of that tiny girl, breaks my heart, no way no how is that your fault! I have a small person in my life who has also suffered like this and I am trying to do everything in my power to support them.
0 -
The stupid car is going to cost us more flipping money! We just had a issue that we had to repair recently. Hubby went to go to work and another fricken issue!
0 -
So my husband has lung cancer and started chemo yesterday. Since diagnosis my phone, his phone, everyone in the family phone has been blowing up! I need it to stop--- but don't suspect it will --and I may need all these people later!!! I'd just like a little time to see what the cumulative effects of chemo are going to do to him. I was just getting educated on neulasta. Not sure if he will get the shot on Thursday or not? I have Claritin on hand. I don't think he realizes bone pain can be a pretty bad side effect of this med. Oh boy
I let him go to treatment on his own today since it's only 1 IV. I will go on Thursday when he sees the Doc.. They stress to keep as normal routine as you can. Our phones blowing up and having this cancer be on our minds 24/7 is too much and nothing remotely close to normal. I know we need time to just be. Hope it comes soon-if not I'll be pissing people off especially with a holiday next week. Stop calling!
/end rant.
0 -
Ctmbsikian – So sorry to hear about your husband.I am sure that all your family wants to help, but I know it is annoying.I think maybe a group text may be easier, or talk to one family member and tell them to call the rest of them.Loving and caring families is good, but can be overbearing.
My neulasta was a thing they put on my arm (like that commercial on tv).Then you don't have to go back the day after for a shot.Of course, I don't really know how things will work with lung cancer.
I did chemo on my own and my husband went to doctor's visits with me.Worked out good because I was 5 hours doing chemo and slept a lot of the time and watched netfilx, I wouldn't want someone there to feel like I had to talk to.
Will be thinking of you and your husband. Come and vent - being a care giver is hard.
0 -
Or put a message on your voicemail and turn the ringers off. Update as necessary.
0 -
My daughter received a call Sunday from one of his friends who has reserved space at a local bar/restaurant for a benefit and gave her date/time/place. No one asked me. I think it's too soon and not sure that it's really needed. We aren't destitute people, however --I will take this one in stride as I know he has touched and helped a lot of people in his life, so if they want to thank him and help him, I will go along. It will be very overwhelming though.
0 -
ctmbsikia, our family recently created a family group on a phone app named Signal. It is a secure app(check it out online), you can check it when you want to, and one message goes to all. Of course you can still respond to individual messages via your current message system. Hope this helps!
0 -
Mad that at doctor today was told I should basically be forced to do more around the house. Doing cooking and meal planning and dishes is about all I can handle right now. She thinks will keep me from "being bored". How about energy? Takes all I can do to get up out bed right now. She knew she was making me mad too and I could tell.
0 -
I think that nobody who has not gone through BC treatments understands what we feel! We look "good" on the outside, so we are simply "depressed or lazy." A friend told me (with her best intention, of course) that we have to start training to look gorgeous in bikini next summer ... I'm tired of giving explanations.
And the "manifest" thing... I think I have been a very happy and positive person ... if I still have manifested a bc, I can't wait to see what I'm going to manifest now because bc makes me have shitting emotions every day
0 -
Euphoriaa, I suspect your friend, like pre-cancer me, was blissfully unaware of the long-term collateral damage of cancer treatment. You stated the reality of how your diagnosis and treatment have changed your life, both what you're experiencing now and understandable, justifiable concerns about the future threats. One would expect empathy from a friend, not the remark about victimization.
I'm mostly a "suck it up, babe" person, but admit that I AM a victim of breast cancer treatment when I struggle into cumbersome lymphedema garments at night or deal with not being able to stand on one foot for more than 2 seconds or walk on the treadmill without constantly touching the handrails because of chemo-induced neuropathy. To me, being a victim means something unfortunate has been forced upon you through no fault of your own. Unfortunately, in our zeal to encourage people to be strong, uncomplaining warriors rising above our circumstances, we sometimes find ourselves unable to speak freely about our fears and frustrations. I'm not talking about endless, dramatic wails of self-pity that understandably test the most patient friends' empathy. Rather, we should be able to address our fears and frustrations without feeling that we've "failed" by even acknowledging them. I'm sorry that your friend wasn't supportive.
Lyn
0 -
"I think that nobody who has not gone through BC treatments understands what we feel!"
I would amend that to say that nobody who has not gone through cancer or a serious illness understands what we feel.
I have a family member who's had a different type of cancer, and it's interesting to compare notes on the long-term effects of treatment. I had no idea that she too faces a lifelong risk of mets. I had no idea that the maintenance meds that she is on have side effects not unlike those that we face from endocrine therapy. Similarly, another family member has had heart surgery. Her on-going issues are different, but she too deals with the side effects of meds and faces the same types of fears that we do that her condition might recur. And for her, a recurrence could mean immediate death. Same too with another family member who's had a DVT/PE, and who has had to make lifestyle/activity changes as a result, to reduce the risk of another life threatening event.
What's interesting to me is that until we talked, none of us really understood the long term impact of the disease, the surgeries and the meds that each of us were dealing with and would be facing for the rest of our lives. We all are past our treatments, we all are very healthy and look good. It's easy to think that we've each put our health problems behind us. But 4 very different diseases and each of us are affected by long term side effects, either of the disease or of the meds.
0 -
I think it's especially true if you aren't stage 4. The at least you aren't stage 4.. ok I'm grateful for that but the effects of the txs and tamoxifen make me fatigued, sometimes joint pain, etc. Qol is not very high. Just because I look great when you see me doesn't mean internally matches.
0 -
I'm angry how some companies prey on desperate people. Dad is going to a clinic that offers bemer therapy which supposedly improves circulation. No science behind it, don't believe the rave reviews for if it was real they'd make tons of money selling it more than they do now. He doesn't listen. I get his desperation of being stuck alone all day on the couch all day but to want to spend 1000s to have the unit for home is nuts. I can't deal with it. Wanted me to look at 2 models online. To me it's bs. He had to think for a bit if it helps with his knee and shoulder pain. You don't think people with neuromuscular stuff would be on the news ravinh about it? If it wasn't so expensive I'd say wth. Also since it's not fda approved and only the company has rave reviews and other sites are meh, it's more risk...and too if it'll unexpectedly create another problem. In the beginning he was having hemorrhoid issues. Stopped, went away. Now it's using lower power. But it's something that you can't look up possible ses. It makes me nuts. So I said I can't research it. Already did. I feel bad because he's so miserable but I am the type at stuff I feel is scam like. Ah! Just feel awful and angry.
0 -
Beesie, it's so true. I kind of blew it off when my Mom had BC because it was "just" a lumpectomy and radiation, compared to the advanced BCs that took the lives of two aunts. But it made me not freak out about my diagnosis, because it was "cancer light." I thought the same thing about my kidney cancer, but as I've read more about it, my stage T1b isn't so worrisome, but the nasty grade four feels like there's a vulture on my shoulder. So I don't have active treatment beyond Tamoxifen for the BC and frequent scans for the kidney issue, but the mental part is still challenging at times when it's doctor's appointments every month and way too many blood tests reminding me ALL THE TIME. I lost a dear friend to cervical cancer this spring, and another close friend has Stage 4 ovarian cancer and has struggled countless times to keep it controlled while having a reasonable quality of life. I feel lucky when I think of them, and so many others in my life who have died or struggled with treatment. But it's still hard sometimes, even for those of us with "cancer light."
All cancers suck. Really, really suck.
0 -
For quite some time I have dealt quite well with the after treatment phase. I'm not a crier, I tend to get vocal and pissed off rather than weepy when dealing with issues. In the past few months strange health issues for me- things have occurred which make me pause to consider, is it going to happen to me again?
Scheduled for a (3 month) follow up imaging study next month. Hoping for stable- but one area in the lung was new and a lymph node was enlarged on the last study.
Talking to people everyday about their cancer fears at my job and trying to be supportive is exhausting lately. I love working with people and I truly understand where their head is at, because I'm waiting for answers again, just like they are.
So here I am with the people who get it at BCO. Throw up some good vibes for me, prayers would be appreciated too. Oh- on that note. Recently saw someone comment on social media about their health condition that God cured them- they were faithful and believed and it happened. I'm conflicted. Almost like the manifested situation mentioned not that long ago. I'm glad they have faith. I have faith, but I'm also very literal and science based. God is in all things, sure, guides our providers to deliver treatment, sure, and there are stories of wonderful improvement after disease or accident- miracles.Cancer isn't a punishment handed down by God, it's a cellular replication error out of control with no idea on why it starts in most cases. Good outcomes are not limited to believing a certain way, cause a hell of a lot of innocent people don't make it to no evidence of disease. Dang it. Sigh.
Anyway. Feeling vulnerable. Again.
0 -
mebmarj, at the risk of offending some, I hate it when people say they are cured of cancer because of their faithfulness. To me, that inherently implies that anyone whose cancer advances or ultimately proves fatal only experienced the adverse outcome because they weren't strong enough in their belief or failed to pray fervently enough. What of pediatric cancers? Was that infant affected because she didn't pray enough or is she suffering because of shortcomings on her parents' part? As you've so eloquently noted, cancer is a cellular replication error run amok, not a moral judgement handed down from on high. "Miracles" occur all the time in science, but they're simply identified as anomalies or outliers, not a reward for a particular religious belief. Sorry if I sound cranky. That and the manifestation concept really torque my jaws! (There's an expression I haven't pulled out in ages!)
Lyn
0 -
I think it is hard to face our fears. And I am so thankful for this group because often others just don’t get it. The constant tests and fear is it happening again?
And is cancer ever really light? I do understand what you mean as I and two friends were diagnosed at the same time and they are both gone. And I felt guilty, but I vacillate from feeling ok to getting pissed off to being scared. I had more spotting again so that starts all the uterine worries, then there is the complicated kidney cyst that is being watched. And the spot in the lungs and the neuroendocrine features of my B C, scares me it is all connected. It is like someone said, it’s like the mafia following you!
0 -
"It's like the mafia following you!". That's perfect! Can I steal it?
0 -
I don't like to complain all the time, I'm really grateful for my "light bc", but my SEs are difficult: arm pain (I suspect it is brachial plexopathy caused by rads) neuropathy, cervical problems, bone pain, hot flashes, and a long etc. You all know what I'm talking about. The fact is that people ask all the time how I am. If I tell the truth, I am a complainer, but if I lie, people asume I can do many things that I really can't. I just wish they didn't ask me anymore
0
