STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Oh Spoonie, you just can't catch a break. It's so unfair. Hugs to you.
mara51506, it sounds like you've made trades this year, with each bad thing being balanced by something good, or at least interesting with the potential for good.
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CT MBSIKIA,
So sorry you both have to go through so much. One cancer is too much for anyone and your kids must be going through hell. I hope your Christmas with your family is special. Just being together is special. All the garland is just extra stuff.
Spoonie77,
I can't bear to think about one of my cats that I held in my arms as it died and the other one I found dead when I awoke one morning. They both lived about 20'years so way beyond typical life span. The images are still with me today and I don't want to experience that again.
I hope 2020 is better for you.
Love and loss two deeply felt experiences and no real road map to deal with these issues other than suffer intensely
“There is no easy way to Golgotha."
WD
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I'm so sorry for all you that are having one trouble after another. I am 1 month post op and did very little for the holidays. Which made me feel guilty! JEESH . My girls cooked for Thanksgiving and Christmas will be a shared effort with siblings. My sis inlaw has lymphoma so we have each other for bitch support. No one should have to carry the whole prep burden but as women (most of us) we are trained from an early age to do everything, make a smooth life for our family etc. I have trouble saying NO (for example I ordered my own xmas present from my husband last night) but I am feeling a selfish devil stirring. About damn time. I am hoping 2020 will be better for us all.
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I'm sad and angry at the powers above! My bro is up here visiting family. My poor dad was going to have his sis stay with him for the 2 weeks bro's up here but she's sick. So after a long time of no falls, I get a call. Thought it was scam. Heard the vm and a message from bay alert medical that they got a call from my dad and helps on the way. Why now?? He's alone. He fell on his face and has 3 cuts. He has Mills Syndrome which is non fatal very slowly progressing ALS on 1 side. Very rare neuromuscular disease. Sometimes I hate how emotional I am to those I love, and my dad is my #1.
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sorry to hear this, such a worry with the elderly. The first time we went away with our children and grandchildrenmy mom fell and ended up in hospital. You feel so helpless and guilty. Hugs, hope he will be ok!
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Oh no!
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thankfully he's ok. His sis is feeling a little better and will go tomorrow and stay there hopefully until bro gets back. It's a very slow viscious neuromuscular disease that cripples you. Wish I could trade places with him. He's not naturally a couch potato and isn't into tv. Double whammy.
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This pain under my left rib needs to go away--it's seriously interferring with my running and I am over it.
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I had fat grafting on Friday and it was a total waste of anethesia. The PS was only able to harvest 30cc of fat off my abs and flanks. WTF? I know I'm not fat, but I've been 15lbs lighter than I am now so I KNOW there is some fat hanging around. Where did it all go? My boobs don't look any different, the left is still bigger than the right. At least I don't have to worry about it not "taking". Reconstruction is not nearly as good as I was led to believe at dx. I don't think either of my PSs have actually done reconstruction on someone as skinny as me.
This was NOT worth the six weeks of recovery.
Edit: Ok I just did the conversion and that's two tablespoons of fat. I had surgery, which comes with significant risk, to move TWO TABLESPOONS of fat! I swear to god you guys I am not THAT skinny. I'm not fat by any stretch of the imagination, but I am plenty lumpy and there should have been no problem in getting more than two tablespoons of fat off my body.
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this kind of bullshit by our clown-doctors is not coincidence....I underwent khyphoplasty to gain a 1millimiter lift, I had lost 4inches over two compressed vertebrae....yeahhh this type of shit happens on a regular basis...and we're the lucky ones because they could also wreak irimediable damages...
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Need to vent again! I F’NG HATE CANCER!!!!!!! Just found out that I am losing another loved one to this S*#++y disease! This time it’s an uncle! I WISH CANCER WOULD GET ITSELF AND DIE!!!!!!!
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Amen to that M0mmyof2! We agree. We are very sorry about your uncle
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Thank You Moderators
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such a nasty disease, sorry for your loss. Last year we lost two friends and a two year old dog to it. Even our granddaughter has said I hate f,,,,ing cancer!
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Haven’t lost my uncle yet. Just found out that he will be another loss to this disease. My mom is pretty torn up that she will lose another brother to this disease. My mom’s oldest brother died from it over 20 yrs ago.
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AliceBastab ! We must be Sisters in Soul! While I was reading Blah!Blah!Blah! In my head it sounded like an adult in the Peanuts cartoon! Great minds think alike!
What do you say when your DD says it makes her angry when you have to take pain medication? She says it makes her think of my narcissistic Sister who is opioid dependent because she has chronic pain.
I want to tell her, SCREAM at her, but I have CANCER for Pete’s sake! WTH do I say within coming across as neurotic as she assumes I might be? She loves me. I’m a widow and I live with her now. She wants to take good care of me.
How do I tell her to back off? And why am I worried about what to say to her? I’m 69 years old! WTH
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I have 2 aunts who rarely take meds for pain. When I had knee replacement surgery even my mom was saying 1 week only. Guess what. If you're in pain you can't do PT like rxd. I'm taking 1 aunt tomorrow who's had knee pain post surgery who doesn't take aleve or advil for the inflammation to get lectured by the doc again. I think since the opioid epidemic is on the news people are paranoid they'll become addicted. I'd tell your dd nicely that it's your choice and you choose not to be in pain.
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I've had to take things like Norco or Tylenol #3 several times over the years after various surgeries - and a few times before surgery because I was in unbearable pain. I never had a problem stopping, and it makes me mad as hell that there is an assumption that EVERYONE will get addicted if they take opioids for a limited time. If my almost-70-year-old ass hasn't gotten addicted yet, it ain't gonna happen. And those opioids kept me from killing myself when I had such severe back pain that I literally wanted to be dead instead - they didn't help the pain that much, but detached me from it enough to survive until surgery. If I have any other health issue that puts me in that level of pain, does anyone think I'd give a rat's ass about a chance of addiction vs. pain relief? Hell no!
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exactly! I once had a nurse warn me when I asked for more pain meds for my brother who was dying of a cancerous brain tumour that it was addictive!
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Bennybear, they have lost all sense of proportion AND their collective minds. It's like health nuts who don't want people in their late 90s to have an occasional cupcake. Too much "one size fits all" and not nearly enough common sense.
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I had a friend who was dying from stage 4 pancreatic cancer and they put him through the “you might get addicted” BS. He was DYING and they were worried he’d get addicted???? Sometimes have to ask myself, how smart are these people?
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I had a cousin die at age 50 from addiction. She suffered a traumatic head injury, didn't get the right support afterwards (therapy, etc.) and I believe this is when it started. It was her way of coping with trying to get back to some sort of normal life. She tried but never did get back to baseline which we were told was totally possible!!! I could write a book on the adventures of her 10 yr addiction and what it did to her family. My aunt called me once to say she didn't want her to be homeless and got her to agree to move in next door to me. She lived at the beach 100 miles away. I took every pill out of the house. I went to the Dr.s with her to understand what she needed and when she needed it. This of course only works until refill time, so if some "friend" of hers took her to the pharmacy for refills, I was SOL getting the bottles back! I tried to help her and one day after getting yet another call to pick her up from the ER I just stopped!! She then moved within a week of me quitting the enabling and I knew I would never see her alive again. So sad. She was very bright, beautiful and successful person before.
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Now with my husbands cancer and pain they don't give him much grief although I did get a phone call when we asked for more oxycodone. They just wanted to make sure of the amount he was taking in the event he needs it everyday. Right now he doesn't and he has 15 pills if needed. Whenever I needed pain killers I would say 6 will do. My cousin was getting 120 filled at a time!!! That's 4 a day for 30 days and she was eating them like they were candy some days.
I also recently learned that Dr.s log into a web site when ordering opiates? Hubby had to get a MRI of his brain and their office called me back to say they couldn't get into the system to get him the script for 2 Ativan he needs to get the test done? That was a weird phone call. The Primary doc had no issue calling that in for me. I really don't know what the protocol is.
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ctmbsikia
I'm sorry. I truly understand trying to help when someone doesn't want “help." My Sister who is opioid dependent is (in theory) being taken care of by Pain Management physicians. I don't doubt the severity of her pain. But I just can't agree with her choosing to escape life by her way of dealing with the pain. And I too no longer expect to see her again while she is breathing. There are things I can't control.
My PCP has no problem prescribing opioids for me for chronic pain and my MO will also. And I'm no martyr. I see absolute no heroism in being in pain. To me that's your body telling you DO SOMETHING! So I take the Tramadol 50mg and two at a time if necessary. My personal pain scale is a matter of intensity. If I don't think I can stand it for an hour, I'll take the meds. If I think it's bearable for me, I let it ride. Again I'm no martyr but this works for me. And after 20 years of chronic pain, I call it working for me.
I would never deny pain medication for anyone with an acute disease. Cancer, kidney stones, giving birth all come to mind. But the current “pain management" smiley charts don't take into account those of us with an addictive personality or even those of us who have addicts in the family. And even addicts deserve relief but need more options.
Thanks for the support everyone.
I've decided I will take pain medication as I need it. And if DD wants to object I'll listen to her concerns and then explain it is ultimately my decision how much I can tolerate. And explain to her again that at age 69 I believe I can stop myself from taking more than I need. And that's the difference between me and an addict.
(Rant over
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There QUITE a difference between needing help with pain, or needing help with life coping skills! It sounds to me like you are well aware of this difference and will be able to help herself manage your pain. Sorry about the added grief from family. Nice they love and worry, but you know you best!!
Best wishes to you!
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I am angry too. I almost missed the bus and waved him down. He did stop but I misunderstood where he was letting me on. I was on the side of the road, he waved me ahead to the sidewalk. When I got on, the driver proceeded to tear a strip off me for being on the road. I almost cried since it was in front of quite a few people.
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My aunt has home hospice with lung and bone cancer and she still has her Norco when she wants plus the morphine.
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Warning. Rant. Extreme language and politically incorrect behaviour to follow. Small children and pets should be removed before reading.
Friend has DCIS. Small tumour. She calls me to tell me she's decided to have a mastectomy. I ask why? Why a mastectomy? Well, what do I need this breast for? It's not like I'm feeding children anymore.
What the fuck kind of ass backwards stupid thinking is this? I don't need my breast? In that case why don't ALL women line up and have their breasts mowed off the moment they're done with babies? And if that is a good way to think we shall also lop the peckers off men who no longer want to have children. A man with a wee penis stump is able to sit to pee, like us breastless ladies do. Let's get rid of all useless body parts. My eyes don't work as they once did, damn failing things, let's just gouge them out and be done with it.
Women make these decisions in a state of panic and 9 times out of 10 when you are panicking, you are stupid. The LAST thing you want someone to do in the case of a critical emergency is panic! You want the calm, rational, SAFE person in control. Any woman having been told she has breast cancer is NOT that sane, rational person and should NEVER be allowed to make any decision concerning her future health in that moment, in that mental state.
I told my friend, it's easy to hack of your boob and a whole lot different trying to put one back. I said, your doctor should NEVER have taken your word for what surgery you wanted in that moment. Your doctor is an asshole if he/she did not counsel you to consider all your options. Your doctor needed to tell you what your overall survival rate is with lumpectomy and rads VS mastectomy. Your Number One concern should NOT be if you 'need' your breasts! Your Number ONE concern should be what option gives you the greatest chance at living to old age. THAT is the question to ask, THAT is the hard evidence that must be laid before you, not the leap to mastectomy based solely on the fact that you think your breast betrayed you.
She went to see the surgeon today who said that she may as well have a mastectomy because 'at this stage of her life' it makes no difference to have a breast or not (she's 52). This is from a woman doctor! A woman doctor who apparently had a job as a meat cutter in a slaughterhouse prior to upping her credentials with a few online courses from a third world country. I was so fucking angry when I heard this. This advice was NOT given on her survival statistics. It was given on....what? There are SIDE EFFECTS to mastectomy that were glossed over. It's one thing if the surgeon had said, Look, your situation is dire and your best option at life is to remove the breast so that's what we're going to do. Okay. That makes sense. Survivability is the point of this whole exercise.
But when you have EQUAL life outcomes with lumpectomy + radiation OR mastectomy, EQUAL LIFE OUTCOMES...what is this doc thinking? My surgeon was very careful not to advise me one way or the other. She very clearly stated that hacking a breast off was pretty permanent and NO GUARANTEE THAT I WOULD NEVER AGAIN GET BREAST CANCER. My surgeon told me that I needed to think this through. Based on science, not emotional panic.
So my friend, for DCIS, is having her entire breast taken and it sounds pretty much like her surgeon sold this to her as if it was a no problem, no side effect, easy peasy thing. Her husband actually told me that the surgeon said the recovery from a lumpectomy and mastectomy are pretty much the same.I said nothing. I had spoken with her before and tried to tell her she has options. I also told her that many women who have mastectomies get on with life perfectly fine and never look back, never second guess and are unabashedly flat and free. I hope she falls into that category where she feels this is the best choice she could have made. No regrets. Because regret is a bitch. I am angry as hell that some surgeon, for god knows what reason, tread where she had no solid medical reason to do so. I feel that my friend was unsupported by her medical providers but who cares, a useless old boob can be tossed in the trash and it's all good, right? I pray for my friend that her surgeons skill with a knife is better than how she has conducted herself so far. I would be very reluctant to bare my flesh before anyone who had such a casual disregard for the integrity of my body.
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runor, is your friend planning to have reconstruction? And a UMX or a BMX?
A common misconception among those choosing to have a MX is that a reconstructed breast is a real breast, with the normal feelings, specifically sexual feelings, of a breast. A nipple sparing MX? Well then there is still a natural nipple with natural feelings, right? No. I can't tell you how many women post, after the fact, that they didn't know that they would lose all natural feeling in their breast and nipple when they have a MX (with the possible exception of surface skin sensation).
If your friend is not aware of this, you might want to let her know. Maybe this won't matter to her, but it's one of the biggest after-the-facts complaints I've seen on this site - even those happy with their decision still talk about missing the natural feeling of the breast. It's something your friend should understand before she makes a final decision.
She should also know that a recurrence, or new primary breast cancer, is still possible after a MX. The risk is low, but this site is full of women who've unfortunately had that experience.
A MX might be the best decision for your friend, if the area of DCIS is large, or if she will live in fear of a recurrence, or if she has reasons to believe that she is high risk for either a recurrence or new primary. What's important is that she make an educated decision, not a knee-jerk one.
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Runor and Beesie:
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