STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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to you. You need one right now it sounds like you need one.0 -
Hi ctmbsikia, Why do you have to continue seeing your BS? My MO orders my mammograms and I have decided to let my PCP follow the Dexa and my osteoporosis. I just saw my MO yesterday and because my liver function test is now normal I only have to see her every 6-months. Low carb diet worked! Are the labs the same? If so don't once is enough!! Your PCP should have been sent your recent labs that you had done. Maybe, you could change the appointments so they are closer together. I use my PCP as a second opinion. It is always harder getting used to a new doctor. This was my 3rd visit with my new one, but I do like her and find her easy to talk to. I didn't feel that way with my last male doc. Best wishes.
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I'm pretty sure the BS would have released me after year one. Definitely by year 2. If everything was clear. But it's not. I keep getting birads 3, I had a 4 last year and biopsy showed that it's fat necrosis. She's a surgical oncologist. She only does breasts, and she's excellent. So, although I shouldn't be complaining at all, after all there's so many others dealing with so much more, I do strive to get to a point where I know who orders what and be done with one less appointment, or test. I'm just in the gray area trying to look forward to the day that MO is once a year, and my PCP will be the driver of the bus. I'll get there.
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Latest activity: Jan 22, 2021
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Jan 21, 2021 09:55PM Octoberwind wrote:
Well, at least you look good in hats, I look terrible in hats. (I'm not wearing a hat for fashion, it's cold without hair)
Your head has a really great shape. (Round? val? As opposed to square?)
My neighbor (friend/cousin/?) had CA and they did great. (And what about the ones who didn't do great? You going to tell me all about them too?)
You're so brave. (It's not like I volunteered to take someone else's place in the cancer line)
I know they are only trying to be nice, but I feel as though I should write a book about what NOT to say. What I really want to hear is:
When is a good time for me to call/come over/walk with you?
Do you want to talk about it?
Spot on. Too many things though to mention isnt it? I could add:
I could also mention the stuff like returning to work and never having a bad day, and act as though nothing has happened, even though this would have to be one of the hardest things any one could go through. The expection that once the treatment's have finished it's 'over'. It's never over. The thing about it's been a few years now so it's like it never happened. Youre not a woman who's had breast cancer, and lives with the emotional crap for the rest of your life.0 -
Amen! ^^I^^^^^^^
My head is still reeling. Slept for maybe 3-4 hrs. last night. Had that "lost" dream again and woke myself up right as I walked into a pig pen and one of them came after me wanting to knock me over. I was screaming for help but nothing was coming out. I was having bad dreams after my husband passed but they stopped after a period of time. They are always of me wandering around-lost. I never get anywhere. Not sure if this means anything, or if I just need to cool my jets and keep going. I turned on classical music today, hopefully I'll be better by the end of the day and I'll stop worrying about something that hasn't happened yet.
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ctmbsikia - I hope your day improved and you get a good night's sleep tonight.
rubyredslippers: I have to comment on one item in that list of eye-rolling things often said, remarks about head shape. I had a boss once who had had a very thick head of hair prior to chemo. When bald, it turned out that his head was pointy, like a gnome's hat. So there is that.
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Thank you Jelson. I am better. I should be good continuing living life each day as I have some time before next test and appt. Simply will not do me any good worrying about the next result and possibly having more surgery. Taking 2 months off!!!
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a friend and former colleague passed today. I got an email from an admin at my old office that he passed at 14:28. I worked with both he and his son and sadly we arrested his youngest son just before Christmas. He was a good man, a nice person and a good cop. His cancer was a spinal based cancer. He was 40 year veteran of our agency and must have been no more than 65. It’s sad that his life ended this way, though I know he enjoyed his life and career and clearly wasn’t ready to go given that he worked until just before Christmas. Shitty.
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I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, Molliefish. I have a dear friend with cancer who is struggling right now, and I'm afraid I may lose her soon. Cancer sucks.
Trish
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Molliefish, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.
Trishlya, yes it sucks.
I saw an interview with an actress from a sci-fi show I liked years ago, in which she was discussing the death of another cast member who was a close friend of hers. She used a phrase I'd never thought of, but I really liked: "I was so glad to be able to help him die." It wasn't meant in an assisted-suicide sense, but that she'd been there to listen and let him know how much she cared. It reminded me that I'd had recent text conversations with my friend who passed this month in which we'd talked about how much we meant to each other, and how she was approaching her final phase of life, and about her family. And I realized that in some small way, I had helped her die, and it was a comforting thought. It's rather like tucking someone in for a last sleep.
ctmbsikia, I'm so sorry you had such a distressing night recently. I hope it was just a one-time thing. Hugs to you.
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ctmbsikia - I read somewhere yesterday that people experience sleep disturbance in the nights leading up to the full moon. When I googled this, the research I found was ambiguous,I couldn't find the article I had just read, but I am going to conduct a personal experiment next month because I certainly can't explain why I sometimes toss and turn!!!
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molliefish sorry for your loss and for the family.
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molefish - sorry for your loss. The Big C sucks. Some day , a cure? maybe not, but maybe better tools to manage and keep at bay, and tools that are not so hard on those who need them.
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We are so sorry for your loss(es). We are so hopeful for more targeted treatments, and hopefully one day, a cure. (p.s. Cancer really does suck!! )
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I’m so sick of death. If not for my faith I may just give in. No clue it would be this hard. As much as you think you are accepting of it, there are moments you are thinking I just can’t do this! But you do. This time thing better work out for me. Doing it for my kids.
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to everyone!0 -
Hang in there. There are people you love you and even though it is hard to keep going sometimes you have to keep fighting for them. We care about you too!
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Hi. Working from home today, as well as yesterday due to snow. My joints really hurt on Sunday as the storm started, but I am feeling well today. Just a bit lonely. Wanted to say HI, hope you guys are having an OK day and thanks again for listening to me. I still have lots of ups and lots of downs. Sometimes I think I may be going crazy, but I think after all we've been through, we're probably more normal than some.
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ctmbsikia
You keep so many people here sane!
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You guys are so kind. I really and truly appreciate your kind words. Always.
Ready? I'm not stepping on the ledge again, I can do this. I have a bottle of Pino Noir! One of my best friends mother passed today. She just had her 2nd grandchild. She is 2 years into an MS diagnosis which forced her retirement. She was a hairdresser. Her son and mine are buds. How do you accept all this death? I realize she was older and it is best to not suffer too long. I will cook something and go see her in a few days, as she did for me after my hubs and even after my mother in law passed. All I can do. Listen. Hear her story. Let her tell it to me. If she chooses. Which being Italian, it will be told, if not yelled!
The good years seem like ions ago. She was a great lady. I think to myself, there's as many friends and family in heaven now that they have each other, and although there's still plenty of us here on earth, dear God, please don't leave me here alone. I'm not even 60 yet!
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Sorry for another post, I just had to say 10 Hail Mary's to change my post count from 666 to 667! Not leaving that there all night! Appreciate your understanding.
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I want to second that emotion
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Definitely!
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Absolutely!
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ctmbsikia
There was one spring about 15 years ago when it seemed like all we did was attend funerals. Hubby and I were getting afraid to answer the phone. I'm so sorry you're in that type of situation, and with much closer loved ones. Have some of that wine and yell NO MORE CRAP CRAP CRAP as loud and long as you can until it no longer sounds like a word. I hope the universe hears you and moves the crap elsewhere. ♥️
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I manage a team of 8, and I'm older than most of my team (as in old enough to be a lot of their mothers).
Yesterday one of my team lost her mother at age 64. Another person on my team, her mother (age 58 I think) needs a liver transplant through just bad genetics. She's now in acute kidney failure and I'm so afraid that she too will die soon.
This just seems so unfair to both women. They're both in their early 30s, what a loss. Well it's a difficult loss at any age but I can't imagine losing my mother when I was that age.
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edj3,
My friend who just passed has a daughter in her 30s and a younger (adopted) daughter who is still in college. She was a single mom to the younger one, which leaves her more alone. I remember at my grandfather's funeral, my Dad mentioned that he was now an orphan, since Grandma had died the previous year. Dad was 74 at the time, so I whispered to him that he'd probably best keep that to himself since it might look like milking the sympathy situation.
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Oh no edj3. I know how hard transplant for one is to get. DH had a liver transplant in 2005 and we felt we were blessed when he got that. He was not willing to even consider a living donor because he did not want to risk putting someone else at risk during surgery and felt he had seen his kids grow up already. He was so sick before his transplant and we were not sure he would live. He is still kicking though now. Prayers for them.
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I have not really felt a need to vent much before, but now I do. Strategies for coping, I need more. Getting anxious and depressed. I exercise (walk, hike, nordic) quite a bit, just added back swimming and wts. Miss the aerobic machines, yoga classes, saunas. Cancer is not in the list of medical reasons for early Covid vaccine, so it will probably be May before I can get one. Legislators spend their time fighting the governor on reducing spread, and are now legislating drug laws into the state constitution. My vent, treatment not working, cancer spreading. This is BC 3 for me, and I wonder if the previous treatments (radiation, surgery, chemo ) only delayed what is happening now. Oncologist has told me to quit the Ibrance/Arimidex, says it is not working. She is hoping CARIS will suggest a targeted therapy. If it does not, I guess I am just screwed. PET shows it has spread through lymph all over. It is the fibrosis in the neck and the "rash" on chest. Fortunately, nothing in organs etc. I feel a sense of outrage. CTs did not pick up anything and even suggested some shrinkage. I think at every visit I asked about monitoring and evaluating treatment, and seems as if the CTs are it. So, ask questions and keep asking. Be the squeaky wheel. Ask about changes in general health. For me, I did notice a decrease in range of motion in the arm where the tumor was found in the axilla, and attributed it many other things, including just getting older. I'm sure if I had brought it up (before the rash) I would have been referred to a PT. She said treating for lymphedema (pump, compression garments) did not cause the spread. She also commented that I might be too sick for the raft/hike trip through the Grand Canyon in April when I said that treatment could not interfere with it. I refuse to be a victim, and will go. I wondering if I should adopt more healthy lifestyle changes, and cut meat out altogether( I do not eat much), as well as dairy( I eat a lot), cut out the sugar ( just made a batch of cookies a week ago), and no more alcohol (just bought some wine – although I went for 8 months without any). Advocacy – I don't know if a "cure" is out there, but I think better treatment/monitoring is, but until we demand more, we will not get it.
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