STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Alice,
Here's what my older sister said when I called to inform her that I had been diagnosed with 3 kinds of breast cancer at 41.
Me - Wanted to let you know that you should get a mammogram even if your medical insurance doesn't cover it until you reach age 50 as I have just been diagnosed.
Her- No thanks I'm fine. I choose not to get breast cancer or any cancer.
Me- Are you honestly implying that I chose to get breast cancer?????
Her- Why yes! The universe asked you if you would be willing to accept cancer, and you must have said yes.
So there you have it ladies. We all CHOSE to accept breast cancer. I knew she was very New Age and very odd but this just blew me away. We were never close but I felt an obligation to inform her that her family medical history had changed. That was the last time I spoke to her. Twenty- six years ago. Don't miss her at all.
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Wow, ddfair, I wish I had known that the first time I got, I mean, "chose" cancer! Where do people come up with this stuff??? That's crazy. I'm glad you haven't had to have contact with her for 26 years. How sad for her.
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Golly ddfair. I have no words. I can see why you have cut ties with that sister.
Stay well & safe,
Jane
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Thanks for your support ladies. BTW Sunshine, what part of San Diego are you in? I was born and raised in North Clairmont. Jhl, I have 8 other siblings so I can afford to cut ties with someone who is not supportive.
De
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Sunshine99, she has a lot of self-diagnosed ailments that change all the time that I'm supposed to be sympathetic about. She finally started seeing a primary care doctor after decades of not going to one, and of course she thinks the doctor's a fool because she has a copy of the Merck Medical Manual so she knows EVERYTHING about medicine. 🙄🥴🙄🥴🙄
I have to rant about her every so often so I don't scream at her directly. Everyone has their bear to cross and she is mine.
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Alice, the last line of your post says 'bear to cross'. Maybe you meant to write, cross to bear. But the way you wrote it, bear to cross, is PERFECT! You got your bear, cross that bitch off!
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ddfair, we're in Mission Hills. I lived in Rancho Bernardo before I got married and we lived there about 10 years before we moved to Mission Hills. I love our street and our community. We have (for the most part) wonderful neighbors. Anyone would do just about anything for someone else.
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Rumor, I wrote what I meant to write. I'm not religious so the other wording doesn't have any relevance for me.
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Sunshine,
I'm sooooo jealous! As I look out my window at a foot of wet yucky snow. I really miss San Diego especially during winter. Glad you have such good neighbors.
De
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Missing my Valentine of course but doing Ok. Sucks bigly being out here alone but I’m learning. No thanks to all of you!
Chose not to answer my crazy friend today. Feels good. Not my fault she has no clue but wants to use me (or anyone who will listen) as her sounding board of a drama driven life. No thanks.
Had a family zoom today. All is well with them.
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Zoom has been our lifeline here and understand. That and the phone and email. Will be ever be able to see people in person again safely????? Can't help but worry if won't l won't live long enough at this point.
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Hi bc.-I am glad you are able to connect with people. That's a good thing. How are you doing out there with vaccinations? Have you and your husband gotten one yet? Will you be? Sorry for so many questions! Hang in there, spring is coming. You will be able to get out soon
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Hi ctmbiska. Here in Colorado I think we've done fairly well with how they do the vaccine compared to other places I see on the news where people just wait in lines for hours on end. They seem to schedule people for appointments to go at a certain time which helps avoid that a lot.
They are dong it in groups here. First was over 70. My mom got hers She lives a few miles from us in a senior independent apartment and has staying in there pretty much. Several in her building though have gotten COVID I know. She can see if on their CCTV they have there by putting TV on a certain channel if anyone is by the mail before she goes to check or if she is going to do laundry. They have a trash on the floor they drop in the hall. They do have sanitizer at all the elevators I know. For months the whole building had been on total lock down. Now we can go to her apartment and take her groceries at least so she does not have to go outside in the cold weath
The group that came up after them was teachers you had to be 65. We are neither.
The group after that will be disabilities but you have to have 2. Cancer only counts if you had chemo in the last year. Dementia (even though COVID can kill people with it they say more) does not count. DH has 2 so he might get his.
I'll be the group after that wish is disabilities with 1 and people 60 and up.
Then it goes to everyone.
So I'll be last. Kids will get it as teachers. DH as sick person. Me at the end.
I know grands have been doing online classes so have been at home the whole time. Mom is an RN so know they are super careful there. Have a feeling will miss another grandkids birthdays though. May make one the end of May maybe.......other one in July should be able to do at least because outside if nothing else!!!
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Not really angry, just sad. My uncle died on the 21st of stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He was just diagnosed 5 days before. He hadn’t been feeling well and my aunt (his sister who cares for my 100 year old Grandma) forced him to go to hospital. Some poor effervescent young emerge doc told him he was sure he could resolve the issue but it was not to be. I think we all hoped it was kidney stones or gall bladder. He was 68. He had Mets to liver, lungs, bones and who knows where else. I feel bad for his wife. She is shell shocked. She had an aneurysm quite a few years back and he was HER care taker. Such is life. Love and best wishes to all, as always. Nikki.0
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I'm so sorry about your uncle, Nikki. I just lost a dear friend last Friday to ovarian cancer. She was only 44. It never gets any easier, does it?
Trish
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Molie and Trish, I am very sorry for your losses. It never fails to shock me how very cruel and unfair life can be. Sending you both my condolences.
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molliefish and Trish, I'm so sorry for your losses.
Too many cancers deaths. We need better screenings to catch cancers earlier, and better treatments that effectively wipe out the cancers that we find, without destroying QOL. molliefish, I can't help but wonder if your uncle didn't go to a doctor sooner because he was as scared of the treatment as the disease. I've been hanging around here long enough to have seen a lot of progress. Improvements in survival rates are wonderful, but it's all just little steps along the same path, rather than plowing a whole new path that gets us to where we need to be - the elimination of cancer as a terminal disease.
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I sent this message to my palliative care doctor yesterday. Now I feel guilty, like I threw someone under the bus. Haven't heard anything back. Did I overeact?
"I got a call from this office last Friday, Feb.19 at 3:00 PM. The person on the phone said that the palliative care team wanted to see me for an IN OFFICE visit. I was confused and asked if they thought that was safe. We finally ended with the conclusion that someone would call me back either later Friday or Monday. As soon as I hung up, I knew I would get no call. I did not. People need to think about the effect their words will have on a stage IV cancer patient. I thought about that call on and off all weekend. Did it mean anything? Was there some problem? Should I do an in office visit? I'd like to but I still don't feel like it would be safe for me."
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Pancreatic cancer is, IMO, the sneakiest nastiest one out there. DHS cousin didn’t feel well, admitted to hospital, 2 days later, gone.
I’m sorry for your loss.
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jaycee, you were not over the top and you didn't throw any one under the bus. Whomever dropped the ball in communicating with you crawled under there themselves.
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Terrible losses, we are so sorry to hear this
And jaycee49, we feel they truly need the feedback, and you deserve the courtesy of a callback and explanation! Nobody needs this kind of additional stress, especially from those who are supposed to be helping.
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jaycee, the critical line in what you said is this one: "People need to think about the effect their words will have on a stage IV cancer patient.". If your doctor and his staff need to be told that - and obviously they do - then, No, you did not overreact and you should not feel guilty.
All doctors (and medical personal of any sort) need to do a better job of putting themselves into the shoes of patient before they speak, and also in how they get information to patients. How many books do we need from cancer doctors who develop cancer and then say "I had no idea what it was really like to be a patient" before the medical community realizes that they don't handle patient communications very well? This is true across the board - I'm currently dealing with my own issues about this on some non-breast cancer issues - but you would expect that doctors dealing with Stage IV patients would be the most aware and most careful. If your doctors are not, good for you for telling them.
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So sorry to hear about your losses. I know pancreatic is often caught near the end and too many people put off going to the doctor when they first feel ill. I am so very sorry and sorry for your family. Condolences to you all.
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Jaycee - you are not out of line, and absoutely right that people need to think about the words they say, before they say them. You are right to be concerned about Covid and office visits. Ideally your DR should call and talk to you.
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no Trish you are right, not at all. I’m worried for my Mom who lives alone since my dad died in 2012. She is going to move to New Brunswick to a second house on my youngest brothers property but until then she has been so lonely by herself out in the middle of the country. It was ok when it was the 2 of them and my brother visited regularly but now with COVID she’s all alone. So close and yet so far when we are trying to protect her. Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease right???? I’m sad for her to lose her second sibling of the 8,both younger than she.
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Molliefish and Trishlya, I am so sorry for both your losses. As much as all cancers suck, there's something extra terrifying about pancreatic cancer - maybe also glioblastoma, the thieves in the night versions of this disease, that can steal loved ones so quickly and mercilessly.
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Yes, pancreatic cancer is devastatingly sneaky. My father died 6 weeks after diagnosis 6 months after my twin sister had passed from MBC. All I could think of was how he literally was dying from cancer at her funeral and didn’t even know it. 2008 was a horrific year for my family.0
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Molliefish and Trishyla, sorry for these losses. I always hope some wise words come to me but more and more I find my reaction to be mute stupidity in the face of the landslide that cancer is, just shoving people over cliffs like a glacier wears down mountains.
Jaycee, you say what you need to say. You speak up. Do it in the hopes that some other person will be spared the inelegant handling that you have had to tolerate. Wait. You don't have to tolerate it. Doctors are not some elite class, despite their own opinion of themselves. They are, after all, service providers.0 -
I messaged the doctor on her portal with what I had told you. She messaged back the next day that since I hadn't seen them for several months, she got the process started for an appointment. (Had them call me.) The whole no call back etc. was ignored. I ended up making an appointment for a few weeks away. So I just ended up doing what they wanted. Don't we always? I would like to start a grassroots effort to try and get the medical system to stop treating patients so badly. But they are used to it and get away with it. Because we let them. How many times on this site have you heard a person say, "I didn't want to be labeled a complainer" or something similar. Many many many times. I'd like that to change but then I would be labeled a complainer. Oh, wait. I already am.
Back to writing emails to support the NM End of Life Options Act. Much more satisfying. One of the senate committees meets on Monday.
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I hear and support your efforts jaycee. Hoping you get some satisfaction. Remember that Rolling Stones song?
I was up early today and did the deed of figuring out our tax returns. As the saying goes two things are for sure. Death and taxes. It was a little hard for me seeing his hand writing. He was not electronically advanced, so we did his business via paper and pen. Now, this is the last year I will have to do it this way. He kept going. He did several jobs in the first 2 months of 2020. He did his best to try and remain normal despite knowing he was dying. Rationally, I feel I am moving forward, but emotionally I just want to quit on days like these. I did put a meal in the crock pot, and I think I will take a nap now!
Take care.
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