STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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I just had a consult for fertility preservation/egg freezing prior to chemo starting and I think this is what may make me snap. I made the mistake of not researching beforehand and was not prepared to hear about tons of appointments, self injections, and all the bloodwork and vaginal ultrasounds (UGH) and now I want to scream and cry and throw things. I don't want it emotionally but I know that if I don't, I will regret it in 2-3 years. I don't know why all the other indignities I have and will suffer have seemed like not such a big deal and now the thought of having something stuck up there every couple days is sending me around the bend. I HATE THIS.
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RE: drug commercials. People think they "cure" cancer, not extend PFS or OS by 6 months. Wish they'd say that instead of flashing it in small print for 3 seconds at the bottom of the pretty pic is sailing and blue skies. When I mention PFS to people, it is met with blank stares, like they can't believe this is a real measurement of effectiveness. Sometimes I explain it just so they can grasp my reality.
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@gamzu - I'm sorry for all the stress you are going through. By the time I was diagnosed with BC I was long past the childbearing years. However I went through several years of infertility treatment in my 20's and that alone was incredibly invasive and frustrating. I can't imagine how difficult the egg freezing process is coupled with BC. Keeping you in my thoughts.
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Same here. I was glad my kids were grown and I had no intention of having other kids when my cancer came. I feel for the younger ones with this awful disease.
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Me too. I cannot imagine being young with cancer and what these treatments do to those pre-menopausal. Best wishes to you gamzu710.
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Feeling really stupid for being anxious about my health. Like, am I really routing for the other shoe to drop? Of course not, but something's going to break. Someday. The milestone birthday perhaps put me in this state? In my head I'm constantly pushing back, everything is fine. I don't want to think about my breasts, my lungs, liver, or my blood counts. All an impossibility now because once you know something you can't unknow it!!! I'm just starting to enjoy my widowed life again. I've been motivated to clean up some more stuff and keep going forward. I still miss him, but for me, it's not as hard as it was. It's true time has healed me a bit in that regard. Time is also the enemy now. So, taking a deep breath. Going in for a mammo this week. Was informed my BS is out on medical leave so I will be seeing the NP. The appointment is now pushed out a few more weeks until November. I'm due back at the GI doc in Dec. MO appt. in Jan, and it's just ridiculous with the delays and such which I totally understand, have now clumped all my appointments together. CT scan of lungs, and Dexa scan I will do before the end of the year so they will be paid for since I've met this year's deductible.. Breast MRI is also due in Jan. as well. I am really going to try to get that pushed out til Spring. Of course that will all depend on the mammogram being fine. I'll get through it. I know it's stupid, but it feels like a lot still, and I just want to be done! Or, at the very least get these out to 6 months, maybe one day a year!!
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ctmbsikia...Please don't feel stupid for being anxious about your health! It is really understandable and we have all been there (or are there now). Anxiety is something that doesn't operate rationally, it just shows up, sets up shop, and stays until it decides it is time to move on. You have been through so much and have lots of appointments both of which anxiety loves to feed on. Vent and talk it out here as much as you need to. Hugs.
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I can certainly understand the scan anxiety. I get very grumpy in the weeks leading up to an appointment.
In my case due to the early stage of my BC and my age I do not necessarily see a benefit to 3 or 6 month follow ups. I'm starting to push back on the doctors to justify the need for follow up appointments. I don't see the benefit of driving 30-40 minutes each way for a 3 minute appointment (weight, BP, any questions?).
I have an appointment with the MO next week My MO has suggested a MRI annually due to my genetic mutation. I declined as I don't think it is worth the anxiety associated with the high rate of false positives. I had a 6 month mammo in August as a follow up after radiation. The BS office requested I come in immediately as a skin punch biopsy may be needed. The skin thickening and edema indicated on the mammo ( and CT scan for gallstones a week earlier) has been there since my first lumpectomy last November. The BS has not been concerned until the two radiologists (mammo & CT) pointed it out. No skin biopsy was needed but she requested a 3 month follow up appointment. I'll go to the November appointment but then plan to move to annual follow up with the BS and annual mammogram going forward. Not sure if I'll continue to see the MO every 6 months or move to an annual visit.
Best wishes to all of you in your upcoming appointments
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Snowdrop: I am beyond appalled at your insurance company. I won't go into my rant about our flawed but universal medical care. I have never been denied a test ordered by the GP or MO. This is so wrong!!
MBC ads. Wow. Yeah I hate them. All those women just loving those extra 10 months more. Maybe 10 months more. Yes we all want more time but don't rub our noses in it that our time is more finite than it is for others. The CBC will not run ads for RX medications. They allow advertising for OTC but nothing that needs a doctor's signature. No "Ask your doctor about living longer" Waaaaaaaaaaa
If I see a "Save The Girls" sign ever again my head will explode. Breasts are "girls"? The Booby Party poster almost did it.
Harley: Things are so bad your way, I would be wanting to run away. But to where? I am so sorry about your SIL's outcome.
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I think we all get nervous about scans and tests and doctor appointments. Once you have had cancer even if it is "early stage" you are a cancer patient to everyone. I hate them but guess I would rather try try to catch whatever is coming back to bite me sooner than later at this point even it means I need mamo every 6 months on my non cancer side right now and ultrasounds as well. They do read them at least and tell me normally before I leave if they see anything or not. Do not think you are alone ctmbiskia in your worries.
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I have a CT 6 month follow-up scan tomorrow. Is it really necessary? I don't want to go.I hate this scanxiety. I have IMO done an excellent job of not freaking out as much as usual. The worst part for me is the time between the test and the result, oh how I wish I could get an on-the-spot reading. I'm hoping that after this scan maybe I can get the next scan pushed out to a year? Ugh.
I scheduled a dentist appt for tomorrow, I don't want to go to the dentist either, but I'm hoping being annoyed at having to go to the dentist will distract from the stress of waiting for scan results.
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I just have annual mammograms now after 3 years; I think the first year out I had one at six months. Now I'm down to annually on my CT scans for the kidney cancer I had the same year, and that makes me more nervous than getting more frequent scans did. Two of the CTs led to PET scans, and one of those led to a biopsy - so I seem to have mystery blobs that I'd rather have checked more than once a year. I wish someone would invent medical tricorders like they used on Star Trek for diagnosing and treating.
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yes Alice exactly I want a scan that is non invasive and gives instant results .
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My current MO doesn't recommend anything (the MO I loved who saw me through active treatment has retired) But the radiologist Dr.who read the Mammos & ULS to discover my original breast cancer in 2011 recommended an ultrasound every two years. Unfortunately he has left the hospital & the group where he was practicing. I have found him, but now it's at a totally different group & location. And I'm also trying to change the my MO - since my original MO retired and the one I was assigned to could give a rats ass. At this point I'm only looking for maintenance/surveillance care - but we all know the anxiety never ends. Finally got an appointment with an MO that's the head of the dept at another facility.
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Alice would that not be nice? Just wave a wand and diagnose and cure us of whatever ails us?
I had gotten to once a year scans but now on 6 month and follow ups and pokes in the arm again unfortunately. It never seems to end.
Grand-daughter we saw online playing volleyball yesterday and emailed to ask why they were wearing "pink" shirts. A teacher at the school just had breast cancer surgery this week and they were "supporting her". Do not know if was a fund-raiser selling the shirts and money went to her to pay for her medical costs or what. Bet she hates pink too though too and they just do not know but did not want to tell my grand-daughter that since I know they were trying to help their teacher any way they could.
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While I'm glad I finally passed my mammo + us and do not have to go back for a year, as reassuring as they tried to be with me, I just wish the damn thing didn't hurt!! The tech was wonderful and I told her I was having some pulling and hurting going on just recently and it seems to happen after exercise so she took another angle picture. She said the cancer patients are always kind and easier to deal with than other patients. The ultra sound tech had me point to my trouble area so that made me feel OK that she's not seeing anything. Then, the radiologist came in and says he's seen me before (I don't recall him)-he proceeds to give me the bs of how breast tissue still evolves, sometimes due to medications, among other things. I wanted to scream and yell and tell him I'm tired of it hurting and I need it to resolve!! When he mentioned my MRI results this past July, that calmed me. Finally. I wasn't having any pain back then. So, I interrupted him and just asked, are you giving me a 2 today? He said yes and chuckled at my understanding of the scoring system. The results are in my portal and I am equally impressed that the surgical oncology office has already read the report. The NP that I will be meeting and seeing in Nov. put a little note on it. I am grateful for that, and that they took their time with me this morning. I know you guys get it, despite the good news, I just wish I felt 100%.
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I'm trying to not break. I'm waiting for biopsy results from Monday morning, first appt of the day, I think. I know there is no relationship at all between how long it takes and what the answer is. But the wait is painful. UGH UGH UGH
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Oh no Mountain Mia! I hope it comes back today and is benign!
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hugs mountainmia0 -
Holding your hand from here, MountainMia!
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ctmbiskia I am happy for you.
mountainmia will keep good thoughts going your way. Know we care.
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MountainMia...Sending you a whole bunch of hugs and holding you close as you wait for results.
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I'm 58 and have decided that after a very traumatic year, both mentally and physically, that I would request early retirement due to ill health. My job is stressful and physically demanding. My occupational health department requested a letter from my oncologist to support my application. My oncologists assistant saw me today and said, Prof. Won't sign off anyone with early breast cancer who has successfully finished treatment.????? WTF. I reminded him that the only true early breast cancer is stage 0 or 1 dcis, and that stage 2c with 3pos nodes and an oncotype score of 51 is hardly early. I am soooo hurt that the little bollix didn't even come to see me. How little these young men know of the path we have walked and are walking. I hope I outlive him.
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Jeezzzz.... This is for everyone that is dealing with bad news and BS. (Which is all of us) I think some people think BC is no big deal. Sometimes I even tell myself that. Visit before last BC PA said after next sono/mammo I could change to once a year visits. However when I saw her last month she said I have to see them again in 6 months. UGH! I wish I could take a switch and turnoff my anxiety. So anyone posting they are anxious I don't blame you. Thank goodness for ativan. I recently started a new job which is totally stressing me out. Super busy dental office. At my old office I worked 6 hr days, now I'm working 9. I told them this coming week will be my last except if they need me to fill in once in awhile. I am going to start babysitting my great nephew. He is a sweet 6 mons old. Maybe that will settle me. I have started twisting my hair and my niece said to me " could you go back to wringing your hands? "HA HA
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MountainMia, Sending you all the support and positive energy I can!
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emily,
I am sorry that things didn’t go the way you had hoped. Stage II, in all its iterations, is indeed considered early stage and ones Oncotype score is not a factor in staging. It is sometimes difficult to figure out where work fits into your life after a bc diagnosis as everyone is different. I recently retired and am still trying to find my new rhythm in life. Take care.
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Thanks, all, for the good wishes and support. It helps so much! Still no word today. grrrr. Maybe tomorrow... I sure don't want to wait through the weekend.
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The whole work thing is so complicated. I have done well for quite awhile, working in a high stress role but after almost five years of dealing with stage IV I’m getting tired. The tricky thing is, I don’t think it would be wise to try to retire as, not only would my income drop significantly but the extended health sucks. But LTD requires a doctor’s sign off…. difficult as some days I’m great, other days, not so much…
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