STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Just read online about someone 37 years who just died from this awful disease. So young and how sad. Hate cancer.
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Mad at big heavy snow that fell. Got about 8 inches out there. Did not stick where have to shovel but took out a big branch from the tree in the front yard and all over the front yard right now. Guess should be thankful did not fall on the house.Still snowing and can't even go move it out the way so DH can deal with it with a chain saw when he it is warm again at some point. It is almost summer right????
Also have 2 little grandkids which were to be 2 nights and now delayed because of snow so more stress and trying to entertain a 6 year old and 8 year old for 4 days it sounds like at least is harder. Love them but usually is it one night and they go home 2 max is hard. Now sounds like could be 4.
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yes, I saw it was 90 Thursday and Friday ALL THAT SNOWI couldn’t deal with those swings. People laugh at me for freezing at 65 but at least it’s not snowing.
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bc, praying for you as you have your grandkids for longer than expected!
spookie, RIGHT? We're "freezing" when the temps plummet to 65! I get it!
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We did child labor trying to move the branches from the front walk and out of the yard. It may end up a week or so before it warms up again well before DH can go out there with a chain saw and cut in manageable pieces. Dug out some old snow boots I still had for the grands to use and had them carrying small branches to a pile behind his truck which parks outside since we only have a 1 car garage and the car goes in there. So it is all piled up behind the truck and out of yard now at least. They also shoveled the walk where the big snow fell off on the walk as well.
Woke up to more flurries though. Do not think anything is sticking but sure glad did not plant my flowers yet!!!
Watched more kid shows than I have since my own kids were little. Know they are going home today but still do not yet if they are being picked up or we are driving them 30 miniutes each way to go home. They have school tomorrow still.
Guess compared to being poked at and the tests and everything I can handle a few more hours.
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When my grands were younger , neither me or the other gma could handle them together. DD would send us one each when they had a date night. And even then, the older one could be a handful. I admire you!!!
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We did survive. Watched way too many kid movies and yesterday afternoon they wanted to watch Elf even though it was not Christmas and wanted Grandma to make popcorn which I pop myself on the stove for the movie. I did which made them happy at least. Finally dropped them off at 5 last night and was too tired to even fix supper last night for us and went to bed to rest. Day of all the final clean up in the house and rest today before doc appt tomorrow morning.
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Wow, they redesign or whatever BCO calls their disaster has really driven people away! This was always such an active thread.
We went to an outdoor family event today. People were really spread out, which was good. We sat down by Hubby's brother and nephew-in-law. I mentioned to N-I-L that I saw they'd just been at a music festival in Chattanooga, and he talked about how much fun it was. I didn't see his wife, (Hubby's niece), so I asked if she was working (critical care nurse). He leaned in to me and said, "No, she got a nasty case of Covid, but she's starting to feel better!" DUDE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE! STAY AWAY FROM YOUR FATHER-IN-LAW, WHO HAS PARKINSON'S AND OTHER HEALTH ISSUES!!!! AND CANCEL THAT OTHER FAMILY EVENT AT YOUR HOUSE NEXT WEEKEND!!!!
Of course, I'm conditioned to not say any of that out loud. It's really infuriating because these are otherwise sensible, fully vaxxed people. With the up-tick in cases lately, why are people going to packed public events? IDIOTS!!!
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I am absolutely for certain sure that I'm not alone here with my sadness, my worry, my boredom over a "Good gads, will this ever really be over?" situation.
BC diagnosed in early fall 2020, then surgery and radiation up to Jan 1, 2021. Moved to oncology checks every 3 months. With hand joint pain due to AI, consulted with a naturopath.
She has authority to order large scale blood panels in order to determine my overall health (other blood panels for cholesterol and such were totally fine).
BUT BOOM, the results of the blood tests from the naturopath have put me on what I call "Mr. Toad's Crazy Train." Actually, most everything was OK to very good, BUT neutropenia (low white blood cell count) was found.
Now, I do NOT recall getting a test for neutropenia or leukopenia AFTER radiation ended. But now I really think I should have. Yes? Maybe a few months out? Anyone else get a test after radiation??
And no one within the conventional MD treatment world has brought that up. Yet.
I also take buproprion which can kick off low white blood cell count. And no one has asked about, discussed that or any of my Rx's. Yet.
Due to the low blood cell count, the oncologist ordered an abdominal ultrasound.
And the results were fine for all organs, although an "echogenic focus of 0.8 cm" was found on the head of my pancreas. No other issues. Consulting radiologist wrote carefully on the report that it was *indeterminate* and maybe a CT rather than MRI "may be considered" for further evaluation.
Well, you know what's coming: an MRI of the pancreas. WTH?
And on Thursday, I have a bone marrow biopsy scheduled, at the order of the oncologist.
I am, as you can imagine, freaking out.
And oncology is NOT talking to me, not about why exactly or what they're looking for, although I can imagine and have used Dr. Google and talked to the naturopath
The naturopath has been a calming influence and she is not happy and is very concerned that oncology has gone into "panic mode," as she said.
I get wanting to check off all the boxes, but this is way out there and off the rails.
Everything the naturopath knows and can see indicates there is "no there there," and she's urged me to relax and just get through the tests. She doesn't expect anything really to be found.
I have NO symptoms of any kind related to low WBC count. No fever, no pain, no aches, no fatigue, no slow healing wounds. In fact, a few cuts and scratches I have had are healing well, like always. No pancreas issues, either.
Anyone else go through this "OMG! Now we're off to do ultrasounds and biopsies because we didn't do a test and now someone else did and ..."? Yes, I know: I've had cancer. But until and unless the *naturopath* had ordered the wide spectrum panel and the info came back - the oncologist didn't do it, my regular family practice doctor didn't order it - this info was not known.
I'm not happy. And I am very concerned. As well as sad, and worried and kinda bored with the waiting for what I hope is resolution - again! - of this round of issues so I can get back to trying to do things that have been on hold for 2.5 years!
Anyone else go through this?
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I'd ask your oncologist WHY on all the procedures! Some of them automatically go into overdrive instead of taking a breath first. Remember, your oncologist works for YOU.
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You do have a right to get a second opinion on everything but if they are concerned cancer is spreading somewhere I would ask for another MO second eyes on the situation. You might want to check with your insurance to make sure who you see is in covered in your plan as well. Best wishes to you.
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Micheleh57, I personally decided to put my MO "in charge" ( I know she has a very good working relationship with my RO and SO). So far, anything I question, plan (dental, vaccines, routine stuff, travel to finally see elderly parents...) I pass by her and then my long time GP. All these treatments definitely affect WBC. Its all a balancing act . I am hoping for clearance to fly to old parents at the end of the month.
Alicebstable, I so wish people would get it. I'm in Manhattan where we have been at "high" level. Masks are "encouraged." All literature, if you choose to read, outlines the stats and reminds people that cdc gudlines recommend masking indoors and in crowded outdoor settings. If my umbrella hits you as amd your entourage breath by,, you need to be masked!!!! Its 18", not 3 feet, not 6feet. if you decide to get on the bus and/or subway i use to commute everyday, cover the pie-hole, and your snot maker, or go home. Locals mask.
Well, tourists did NOT get the memo. They just see the "recommended" part. One guy said to me "it says recommended, not required " and on public transportation, where it IS required by law!!!!!!
I will be killed by vacationers who think that because they are not in their town, it doesn't count.
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This is very minor in the scheme of things, but the "safe" hair/nail salon I was actually comfortable going to because they kept mandatory masking, basically gave less than a day's notice to announce that they were now "optional" but if you ask, they'll "accommodate" and put one on.....
I hate how this puts the onus on the vulnerable person. And it does seem pointless if the person at the next station is unmasked or there are a bunch of unmasked people walking around. I no longer feel comfortable at all there.
I was finally happy being able to cover up my taxotere-damaged nails that never grew back right
Might have to go back to trimming my own hair. 0 -
I have not even had my own hair cut at all since COVID and live with a transplant DH in the house so we are so careful. Chopped off 6" on the back deck of our house a year and half ago but it down to my waist now and driving me crazy and need a major cut but do not feel safe going at all anywhere. Hate feeling trapped because we are afraid to go anywhere.
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I’ve started cutting my own hair with just a little help from my younger daughter. It’s a simple straight blunt cut. Before cancer I had very long hair, but with all the meds trying their best to thin my hair , it looks better short. At least my hair is still dark.
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I went gray early (staring in my late 20's even heredity). Dyed it for many years since did not want gray hairs with my dark hair. Dyed at home myself but when cancer surgery could not do it anyway let it go and that was it and now all gray. Figure I'm in my 60's now so not as bad. Gray and young with kids was sad.
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There’s a local news anchor who let her hair go gray during the pandemic. It’s stunning. 👍
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I letmy hair go grey during the pandemic and I really like it! I knew that I would eventually stop coloring it. I also let it grow to collar bone length. I now have mostly very dark brown spiral curls (natural) with silvery grey framing my face. I am very happy with it and saving money since my hairdresser used to color it and it was not cheap!
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Pre-Covid, I used to frost my hair but then nature took its course and it is now silvery gray frosting rather than ash blonde. It has always been baby fine but was much thicker before all the AI's. My last haircut pre-Covid was in January 2020 since my next appointment in early March was canceled by the lockdown. I let it grow and wear it most days in a ponytail since it doesn't seem to want to curl anymore. I have ventured into the local walk-in salon picking times of low volume and they mandate masks. So I have had it trimmed twice in the last year. They just cut off the dead ends and blunt cut it. So I call it my Covid cut. It is probably not all that flattering but it is minimal upkeep and that suits me for right now since we seldom go anywhere other than grocery shopping and to medical appointments. I agree coloring it was not cheap so having that extra money to use elsewhere has been great, too.
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I had been cutting my own hair for years pre-Covid, so I've got my regular short messy hair I've had for years. And I hadn't colored it since a year or two before cancer, so that's been at least five years. If my shoulders get any more painful, I'm out of luck.
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Oh for heaven's sake, all of the crap going on in my life and now the tenants in my back apartment were fighting with each other and calling the cops during the night. I found out because, of course, sleeping soundly after finally falling asleep during the loud fireworks being set off all around by neighbors, the cops wake us up in the front banging on our windows looking for the guys who are fighting in the back.... Still up now after being scared awake, insomnia.....
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re: hair, I understand about being unhappy with your hair. Perhaps you can find someone to cut your hair outside. I have a friend who cuts hair in the backyard, got a good business going through covid cutting hair outside. Mostly word of mouth referrals. I have only had one haircut total since last June though....
For me, weirdly enough, my previously almost straight brown hair grew back in super curly and partially grey and actually looks great short. Best hairstyle I've had in decades, compliments of chemo. Everyone who sees me now without a hat tells me how great I look. More compliments on my hair than I had in my whole previous life when I spend hundreds of dollars to get the perfect hairstyle over and over....
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oldladyblue that is hard to deal with and hope you can get some rest. Some people are so rude and have no sense. Makes you wonder if they were not raised with any manners at all if you ask me. We always taught ours growing up to be quiet and not disturb anyone else. If you are making enough noise to bother someone else you are too loud.
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ctmbsikia: I know I'm late to the game but I just read your post about having 65% risk of bc. Is that risk of recurrence? Mine is also sky high if I look out at 10-15 years from now according to Predict! I agree that it is what it is and there's nothing I can do about it. Well not nothing, I did chemo and surgery and rads and herceptin and perjeta and neratib and now zoladex and anastrozole. But I guess all that only gets me a 50/50 shot of living to a ripe old age.
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hapa dropping in after a couple years absence. Your name is familiar. There were a group of us all diagnosed at the same time. I remember the different journeys we all took in our treatment process.. I remember all the wonderful support from fellow sufferers. This site was a welcome relief for ranting. It was so important having a forum to express anger and fear without repercussions and judgment. Sometimes it feels good just to get pissed off. So many of us women spend an inordinate amount of time trying to help others come to peace with our diagnosis. I already have plenty of past data on survival statistics but I have avoided reading new research on survival statistics for her2 positive. My head's in a good place and what will be will be. I feel I've done everything I can and now it's time to live my life with my fingers crossed. I am feeling great. Hope you are too
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I've been yelling expletives at the clouds, so I thought I would let off some steam and tears here. My plans this weekend were to drive with friend to the city where my sister lives. The friend has health problems and doesn't need to make a long journey alone. Then I would get to visit relatives a few days. Now the curse of covid is rising fast in that area. Being stage 4 and on active chemo (erubulin) I wear a mask in stores and don't go into crowds. My relatives really don't want to see me, except maybe Outdoors for a short period of time as they couldn't stand it if they were responsible for giving me covid or worse. I don't know what to do, fulfill my commitment to my friend, stay in a hotel, change return flight home. I haven't had long-term success on any treatment so feel lucky to have made it 3 years . But I feel I'm running out of options &time. Cancer is bad enough without having to throw in covid, that most people are just ignoring because it isn't a major health risk for them. I really miss the person I used to be-- hiker, skier, volunteer, camper, gardner. And I miss seeing my family. Ahhh, I guess I need to respect my relatives's concerns for me. Took meds, , hope I can get some sleep . Will have to make decision tomorrow.2
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nopink2019, virtual hugs for you. ((( )))
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Tough decision. There aren't any easy answers. Good luck to you regardless of which decision you make.
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Problems solved to everyone's comfort level. I go, my sister moves to her daughter's house nearby to limit our indoor exposure. Changed return flight to shorten trip & avoid more chaotic airports. Stressful, but ok now. Whew!
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Hi jo6359, I've been absent lately as well. I hate wandering off but I needed to do it for a while at least. I'm not that great with moderation, especially on the internet. Anyway good to hear you are doing well. I'm doing my best to get on with life and not think too much about cancer. It gets better every day. I had a "medical episode" recently (still ongoing, I had some vaginal bleeding, ultrasound clear, but my estrogen levels are rising but not pre-menopausal yet) and I think I've been handling pretty well. By that I mean I'm doing what I can and what I should and trying not to worry about things that haven't happened yet!
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