STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
Comments
-
nopink glad you are able to get this figured out to spend time with her in a safter setting. COVID is the pits. Even if you are vac and boosted you can get break through stuff happening and even in "healthy" people they feel bad enough. For anyone who any health issues it is even worse. Hope you have a safe and healthy trip.
0 -
This is going to be along coming rant, so bear with me gals!
What is it with people who think it is ok to constantly ask for monetary help when someone else is trying to pay bills and just live? Whose needs are more important? The one doing it right or the one constantly begging? I have run into this at least once a year in the last few years with my eldest niece. She is nearly constantly hitting me and my hubby up for “help”. I helped her once when she was having weight loss surgery and never got a "thank you" for my efforts. She got a dog she could neither needed or could afford and expected me to help pay for it. This past Spring she got another dog she could not afford and expected me to help again which I did not do.
Her latest “cry” for help is because her latest ex-boyfriend was abusive to her and she left him. She expects me to help her with stuff she needs to move into an apartment just because her friends and other family members cannot afford to help her, so she turned to me. She is able-bodied enough to get a job and work but claims she is “disabled” by “mental conditions”. I call bs on it because all her life while growing up, she was spoiled rotten and lazy as could be. Because I told her that since her uncle has retired and we are in the process of selling our home and we are planning on moving across country once we have found a house to buy, we cannot help her as we will have our own moving expenses, she got mad at me and decided to cut me off like she does with others when she doesn’t get what she wants! I have never even helped her brothers for anything, as they never asked for it. Am I wrong for drawing the line as far as she’s concerned?
0 -
m0mmyof3 - Sometimes not helping is helping. It puts the person in the position to help theirself.
0 -
m0mmyof3
Whatever her reasons/excuse (learned helplessness or mental health issues or poor executive functioning or just spoiled) in the big picture she is not your responsibility. All of us use the methods that work for us in the past (or rather that we think will work for us) until they don’t. That’s on her. You absolutely need to set your own healthy boundaries and take care of your needs and sometimes that means people are going to be upset (because they aren’t getting what they want). Doesn’t mean you care for her any less, saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care about her, just that you aren’t her personal atm.
0 -
Thanks gals for listening to my rant.
0 -
This place is quiet anymore. I've been dropping by less and less. In case I don't come back it was so nice getting to know some of you and I thank you for letting me use this place to cope with my life changing events of the past few years.
We are still working on the bay cottage. It will get done some day.
I still get mad at the plants at home, and I have found a new dread of cleaning floors. I finally broke down yesterday and got it done. It may be 2 weeks or a month until I get that sweeper out again. I should buy a new one and perhaps then I would have more incentive.
Have labs and MO appt. in a couple weeks, so yeah, have to think about cancer again. Feeling good, should just be routine stuff and a Prolia shot.
Take care, hope you all are have a wonderful summer.
0 -
ctmbiska you are entitled to try to enjoy some time to not think about things for a bit since you have been through so much.
Get a break from medical drama for a couple of weeks here before it starts up again and scans coming next month and more cancer screening to be done as well. Seems like every little thing they freak out about now and more scans and more worry again. I was sure I did not have it when I got diagnosed even since had not family history. Little did I know about it back then. Learned all about it after it after that.
We are adjusting to a house without our doggies since we lost them both in a few months this year. It has been a hard year so far.
0 -
mommyof three. sounds like you have done enough for this person.
Ctmbsiiia, I feel like you do...it's just not user friendly.
Everyone, try to stay well and best wishes. There has a been alot of changes in my life in the past 3 years and pretty much none of them good. I don't like being a downer but I'm tired and maybe it's best just to stay away.
0 -
As someone who is not a techie person any changes to anything is hard on me to deal with. I have a landline still at home. Can't figure out the cell phone our sone gave us at all. DH who is engineer figured it out and can use it but I am lost. I use old school email and snail mail still. It is nice to see some people still there though I have come to know and that they are ok at least and alive still from their cancer when it kills so many.
0 -
I’m f’n p@#$ed off. I was diagnosed in June of 2020. I found it in January, went to numerous tests, ultrasounds, mammograms, MRI’s and was told by the doctor, “I promise you this is nothing”. I felt it in my core that this was something. After 4 months of going back and forth between a breast clinic and my gynecologist, she finally said to me, “go someplace else, get a second opinion, I have felt this growing and I am not convinced”. If she wouldn’t have encouraged me to advocate for myself, I would probably not be here at the rate it was growing. I had a year of chemo, radiation and surgery. It’s been a little over a year since I finished my treatments. In the last year I’ve had 5 more lumps, I am constantly CONSTANTLY, either waiting for the lump, anticipating the tests, anticipating the biopsies, or anticipating the results… then it starts over again. I feel like sh@t because of Letrozole, yes, I have tried all 3 AI’s. I only take it 3 times a week or I wouldn’t be able to walk at all because of the joint pain. I live with headaches, anxiety, and depression. I tried to kill myself a couple of weeks ago. This is no life. Yes, I see a psychiatrist who has me on Cymbalta and a psychologist that is new to me. My oncologist psychologist had the best insight to a happier life, “Everyone dies”…. Screw her. My breasts look like they were in a knife fight, my hair is horrid, chemo frizz when it used to be long and pretty. I HATE THIS LIFE. I was so happy before cancer, successful business owner, worked out 5-6 days a week, now it takes a miracle for me to feel up to getting out of bed and the house.
Because I was diagnosed at the start of covid, I called all my girlfriends and told them to not put off their mammograms. 2 of my friends went and got their’s and were diagnosed with cancer. One of them passed a month later because it had metastasized, I’m so mad that she wasn’t given enough time to FIGHT!! The other one did and she’s doing well, so I am grateful for that.
I am over all of this. PTSD, trauma, whatever you want to title it. If one more person tells me to practice gratitude, or meditate, I think I will scream
0 -
trippostive you have every right to vent. Cancer is hard to deal with. I am glad you have been able to stick up for yourself with your docs at least. You need to have a medial team you feel comfortbale with and trust i your care. Have you tried changing when you take your AI? i know there are lot out there and some can can cause bone loss as well. When I was on letrozole I was on Prolia as well because I had bone loss form it since I am small boned already. Every shot had to be pre-authorized though and my MO took care of getting that done first.
Sorry you lost your friend too. It amazes me I still have relatives who have not had a mamo because they are afraid it "hurts". No, cancer hurts!!
Best wishes to you in your treatment!!!!
0 -
trippositive, thats some crazy shit there. I hope you don't kill yourself because I think there are people who would miss you. I have often had to just grasp one positive in my life to hang onto. I think the trauma of dx then tx then the crap drugs all combine to do our heads in.
0 -
Thank you bcincolorado! I have tried taking it at different times. Looks like you have been on quite a few hormonal therapies, my heart goes out to you. I hope you don’t have any side effects.
Kidi919, thank you for your comments. I’m going to be ok someday, I really just needed to vent. I have to get used to what I look like and feel like now and get lots and lots of therapy with someone I feel comfortable with
0 -
trippositive - I am so sorry for the 💩 you have been through. Cancer (any kind) is a 💩 trip and only those that have been dx understand what we all go through. One day at a time my friend and know that this place is the best place to rant. We are here for you🤗🤗🤗🤗
0 -
Thank you godensrbest, I appreciate it.
0 -
Face it, cancer it awful and no matter what you do your life will not be what is considered "normal" ever again in your life. You are scarred physically and mentally and emotionally. For many who have no good support around them it is even worse for those people. Then after you are compliant and do what you should you still need scans and wories and it coming back again even worse this round. Scan worries are real and a good center will give you results fast as well. I am fortunate to have one here for mine this month that is coming up and know I have an issue they are watching riight now and not rushing to biopsy me yet. Even with the new 3D scanners they still do ultrasound with dense tissues as well and read it and tell me because they know patients are worried. It takes longer but worth the wait to not to know right away.
0 -
BCinCO--you are so right. Today I'm having a damn pissed off day. Everything infuriates me and I know it is all the changes and bullshit from cancer treatment. It's just so damn unfair that we have to go through so much and then suffer the never-ending side effects. You hit it right on the head with "no matter what you do your life will not be what is considered "normal" ever again." I think when that realization hits, it is really hard to take. Damn cancer to hell.
0 -
Hi all, I’m pissed off and just need a place to rant and not feel alone in my anger.
Diagnosed from needle biopsy in early December and told by my sister not to tell my parents until after my dads 80th birthday on the 12th “because remember when you ruined Christmas all those years ago with your liver thing”. Then later “maybe you could wait until after Christmas to tell everyone about your breast cancer. Remember the liver downer”.Surgery in February and chemotherapy in March. Parents buy a very expensive quilting machine for my sister and I to share, but it has to be at her house. Why? Because they all decided that would be best, without really considering it could be at my house. Then she tells me I can’t come to her house for 72 hours post chemo because of her secret heath condition. My infusions are on Friday which means Saturdays and Sundays are my good days on steroids. The rest of the week sucks and I work. But I’m welcome to work all day, drive 20 minutes to her house, making sure I don’t “contaminate everything I touch” for 20 minutes of quilting, then drive 20 minutes home, eat late and go to bed exhausted. Assuming I can see well enough to drive on AC treatment cycles. It messes with my sight.
It sucks! I’m pissed! The things I was relying on to help me get through this crappy time, spending time with my sister doing something we both love, is essentially off limits and my sister is mad at me for being mad about it. That’s an oversimplification because there’s more to the she said she said part of the arguments.
So now it’s good bye sibling fun, hello sibling alienation…including the niece and nephew who only hear the hypothyroid induced rage from their mother. The therapist says walk away from the toxic relationship. The family dynamics are forever blown apart because one sister has stage IIIA cancer, the other sister won’t explain her medical condition that makes me such a toxic hazard to her health when none of my doctors can come up with any such condition given the little I do know. So I’m just supposed to be persona non grata until I’m finished with treatment and be happy about it.
I’m so angry. Anyone else experienced a split from someone you expected to treat you with more support and/or compassion? Who disappointed you
0 -
Not really a split but a definite change in my relationship with my BFF. She is aware of my BC dx and the other health issues I have had to deal with such as a pre-cancerous appendiceal polyp that required a major bowel resection in October 2021. Never once has she asked me how I am doing or the progress of my treatment. I am stable at present but the past 6 years have been a roller coaster ride with first BC and then other medical issues. True she has had to deal with the decline of her DH from Parkinson's and Lewy Body dementia with being his sole caretaker and then his recent death. I have never failed to ask her about an update on his care (while he was alive) and how she was doing plus gently reminding her that she needed to keep abreast of her health if she wanted to continue to care for him. Her DD would help out but her adult DS who lives with her (scot free) refused to help her because he found it "too upsetting" and "doesn't like to sweat". I bit my tongue when she reported his feelings because he is a WFH, might help her when he takes his lunch break and waits for her to make him dinner. I still call her to allow her to talk especially to listen while she vents about how unfair it was that her DH had to suffer like this. It is heartbreaking so I want to be as supportive as I can even if she could not reciprocate.
0 -
betrayal I not only have dealt with BC but was diagnosed with a form of FTD. Mine is is not lewy body which can be much worse to deal with mine with affects my speech for now and my memory which is hard and DH has to intervene with docs a lot of the time and talk to people because my words out loud are very limited in what I can say and sometimes say wrong words even though my brain knows better. I can still care for myself and have been diagnosed a couple of years now. and slow progression. With those diseases there is no cure at all sometimes the person even can't remember those that mean the most to them. I feel for your friend. There is a forum called the FTD forum she could join and there are people who could relate to her and know what she has been through if she has not found it yet. It is here. https://www.ftdsupportforum.com/
0 -
kathrynw1thasea - I am so sorry your sister is behaving this way. It sounds like she has made-up a condition to compete with your cancer because she can't stand that your health problems have taken the family's attention away from her. I hope you can find other activities and people to share your good weekend days while you are in treatment. For the future you should consider heeding your therapist's advice.
0 -
betrayal: you are a good friend! Thanks for sharing your story.
bcincolorado: what is FTD? I have a dear friend who was diagnosed over 10 years ago with early onset Alzheimer’s that almost sounds similar. Her short term memory was the first thing to go, then her speech was completely lost. It’s a cruel disease, but there are wonderful moments when we know she is still in there reaching out to us. We celebrate those moments.
jelson: I am following doctors’ orders now. I realize whether it’s a legitimate health condition or just her husband being uncomfortable (which is also the case), the hurt has gone too far and I don’t have the energy to spend worrying about it or fixing it. I do have feelings of guilt for how it will affect the family dynamics, but I can’t control that either. I’ll try to remain the calm in the storm and focus on my health.
Thanks to you all for listening and taking the time to share
0 -
I'm still recovering from BMX with tissue expander placement that I had earlier this month.
I was at the grocery store this week and saw a woman with a "Save the Ta-Tas" shirt on. At first, I felt a sense of solidarity and curiosity about how BC has impacted her. It's been lonely at times going through this, and she has obviously been touched in some way by this too.
Then I got to thinking about the whole idea of the "Save the Ta-Tas" campaign, and it made me angry. Dealing with the stress, physical pain, complete life disruption of going through everything up to and including the BMX, emotional impact, not being able to ###-ing sleep at night, constant pain, fear of future rejection of sexual partners, spending my hard-earned money on treatment. Not even hitting 40 yet and having to deal with all this ###... and what's the message? Saving the "TA-TA's"?! So, that's more important than saving lives... or saving people from having to go through so much pain and suffering of treatment... THAT's the message that they want to spread to people having to make this decision now or in the future? Saving my "ta-ta's" could have eventually killed me, or at least caused so much more awful treatment. I was fortunate enough to be diagnosed so early that it WAS an option for me... still, that didn't make it an easy decision.
When I take the 10,000 foot view, I totally get the intention--and it's a good one. I get the long-term view of ultimately finding a cure, and I hope that these products actually go toward research/non-profits rather than just companies profiting off this stuff. Sometimes it just gets tiring always having to take the big picture and go above it... because last time I checked, saving my well-being, my health, my existence, proved to be a little more important than saving my "ta-ta's".
Thanks for listening
0 -
I am angry and upset today. Two months PFC and my family expects me move on and be the same person I was before, maybe even better. They expect me to ignore the negative feelings of despair and try to steer conversations towards whatever the hell they are looking forward to this weekend. Nobody ever asks how I am doing or how I am feeling. I am so done with people today. I wouldn't wish this crap on anyone, but God forbid it happens I am not going to be an asshole like they have been to me.
0 -
icouldreallyuseacupcake,
Thank you for “getting it”! While I agree that the pink bc movement started with good intentions, it has evolved into something infantile and downright silly. It has led folks to believe that bc is cute, fun, and curable and no one dies from it! None of this is true but the pink ribbon wavers don’t want you to know that the number of women who die from bc is essentially unchanged for decades. And don’t even get me started on saving ta- tas. Can you even imagine a prostate cancer campaign urging us to tickle the testes or be good to the balls? There is sizable anti-pink contingent on bco. Wait until October to hear us roar!
0 -
exbrnxgrl: The original breast cancer awareness T's were a sort of apricot colour but the designer refused to let commercial enterprises use it so "they" went for pink. I have seen a few MBC awareness marches were T's are apricot. Is that better? At least it acknowledges people just save their ta-ta's by having a mammo, a lumpectomy and some pills for a few years and all is well.
Ha ha. I love the "be good to the balls"
0 -
LMAO about the "tickle the testes" and "be good to the balls". I was always pissed at radiation when we were given these ridiculous short gown tops to wear which clearly identified what part was being irradiated while the guys there were given scrub pants. Does anyone know how exposed they are for their radiation sessions? I hated the long waits in the waiting area as well because they booked appointments so tight and were never on time. So the number of people who knew your business was more than I liked. Guess you can tell the radiation experience was traumatic for me and one I hope never to have to have again. Don't get me started on that F####g bell ringing. Still startle when I hear a bell ring even if it is on an ice cream truck. Freeing for some I realize but not for all.
alwaysmec: please take care of yourself because you will find that this journey (not one any of us want to be on) can sometimes be lonely, definitely stressful and like weddings and funerals can bring out the worse in family members. Focus on you and come here, we will support you.
0 -
I agree that the start of the "pink" idea had good intentions. About 30 yrs ago I did a walk with friends to raise $ as we had a 30-something yr old friend who had just had BMX. It was scandalous to mention breast cancer. Some of you are too young to remember Betty Ford's announcement in 1974. https://cancerletter.com/in-the-archives/20210625_7/ Now the campaign is silly and has gotten insulting to those of us with this disease. I like them to mention that "cured" is 5 yr survival & innacurate with early stage. The term is NED. And that after "cured" 20% - 30% of women will experience metastatic disease.
0 -
I hate the ta, ta messages. Who are we saving them for? Unfortunately, breasts = sex. I understand breasts... marks you as a women blah blah. When I had radiation, it was guy day...I was the only women in the waiting room in a gown. It fing sucked. I said something to one of the "carers" but was blown off. I had to schedule my appt prior to work so I didn't have any choice about time or day. Then there are the people who think breast ca is no big deal. I was dx in 2019 and not once has my family asked me where I'm at with tx etc. It's like it never happened. I don't bother talking about it anymore because apparently no one cares where I am mentally or physically. The only person who understood was my SIL who died in Dec. She had lymphoma. We used to laugh ( and cry) about both of us having cancer. I lost my best friend when she died and I miss her every single day. When I go I hope we meet up and have our blue light beer together. I miss that shrew sister. The whole shrew sister is another story for another day. I know I should be thankful to be still here but some days I feel like saying f it.
0 -
PS , my daughter wants me to walk for bc in Sept thru her work. She was surprised I wasn't thrilled with the idea. How much $ do we have to throw at cancer?
0
