STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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I agree Lita....thankfully I don't see them that often. I just had to get that crap out of my head and this forum helps.
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I'm new to this board but wanted to vent about my PS. I recently went to a bra speciality shop for 2 comfortable bras and a prosthesis........I had a mx and am in reconstruction right now. I went back to work and wanted to be comfortable and be balanced out so thought this was a great idea but the PS did not approve sending a script :-( The nurse did not inform me why.......they just denied it to the specialty shop. Has anyone had a problem with this before? Maybe they don't approve anything until after reconstruction?? But I wanted something supportive/comfortable in the meantime and insurance covers it so did not think it would be an issue at all. I have a very hard time getting through to the nurse or doctor so haven't approached them about this yet. Plus I'm concerned about being a 'difficult' patient since I still have to have the TE/implant exchange with this doctor in the near future.
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Have you tried having your breast surgeon or your oncologist send the script? That is who took care of mine, not the PS. Worth a second try with a different part of your team
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Love2Hike, I'd ask one of your other doctors for the script. Your BS or Primary Care doc should be willing to write it. You have every right to be comfortable NOW.
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Just letting out a scream of horror in the "Steam room" because today is the day....
If you don't get it, sorry bout that. Leaving it as is.
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I've been thinking of a friend since last night, we met here and I felt so close to her. I was scared so many times at the beginning and she was there to cheer me on, give me advice or just to say she understood. We had similar dx and similar treatment. Her cancer metastasized and when she told me I was so crushed, just couldn't believe it. Within months she was gone, but what was so upsetting is that she wasnt on the board for a couple of months and I'd PM her, message her...nothing. Turns out she had passed away and we didn't know.
anyway, just thinking of her and the others and i hate cancer
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President (I was asked to sensor this by the moderators) ...turning off the TV all day!
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Lita!
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BosumBlues, pajim, BayouBabe, thanks for the comments! I approached my BS and the nurse said they let the plastic surgeon make decisions on that :-( I already had an appt. with my gynecologist though and she approved the script! :-) I was so glad to have her support. Still don't understand why the PS did not approve the script to be sent so I could get some supportive, comfortable bras, but I have an appt. next week so can bring it up then.
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I started this in the Employment Issues thread, but it has degenerated into a rant, so I will post here...
I don't yet qualify for FMLA. Dx in November, lumpectomy in December. Riding the familiar emotional rollercoaster with scary alternative scenarios, one after another. Another test, another biopsy, wait for the prognosis. You all know that road all too well.
I have been totally overloaded at work since the day I started, working 46-50+ hrs a week, and never able to get it all done. I don't yak on the phone, surf the web, or walk around socializing with other employees. I don't waste time. I CARE.
I'm starting radiation in a week, and they STILL keep piling new duties on me. There is NO way I could do everything they expect me to do in 40 hours.
I got a letter from the hospital requesting several months accommodation. We are going to have a meeting on Wednesday, and I guess we will be discussing the "essential duties" of my position. I have never in my life wished so dearly that I could have an attorney with me.
Trying to get my work done between appointments has yielded work days ending at 7:30 or 8 some nights, so I'm so exhausted by the weekend that I end up on the couch paralyzed all day Saturday, and don't get anything done for myself. I don't care about food; I'm so tired I don't have the energy to cook, so I live on soup and cheese and crackers. No exercise, too wiped out.
Between the work load, the stress, (the paranoia), the depression, and the impending radiation fatigue, I just want to throw in the towel and go on short-term disability, but it rankles me that I feel like I've been railroaded into this position.... It's them against me. I'm glad I at have the option of STD, but my income will tank, and I'll have to pay COBRA premiums.
Carrie
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Carrie-
Omg !!! People can be so cruel, hugs to you... I wish I could help with all that burden, try to find time for yourself. Girlfriends??? Family to help at home??? I hope you have someone who is your champion soon..
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Thanks everyone for the support. Y'all helped me hang on until I could see my psychologist today. He helped me to work out a plan of sorts.
At my job meeting tomorrow, I'm just going to say, "I'm going to be really sick in a couple of weeks. I need YOU (emphasis mine) to tell me what the essential duties of my position are."
When I get their list, I decide. It will tell me if they are going to be unreasonable, or if they want to work with me. If it's not going to manageable, if they haven't cut a huge chunk out of what I'm doing day to day, I'm taking STD. My mind has compelled me to stay at this job for financial reasons, but my emotions and body have punched back in rebellion. They will lay me off in a week or two. But I will be better off, ultimately. Living with too much work stress and what ended up to be pure ANGER can't help me heal. I recalled that I always figure something out. I will take a break, go to yoga classes (free, through the hospital service), stretch, sleep, and try to eat right. I will be better off somewhere else where my hard work is appreciated!
Carrie
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BosumBlues, that is just incomprehensible. I wish you could have met with an attorney at the time, and sued the pants off of the hospital and gotten that tyrant FIRED. I'm sorry you went through that at such a trying time. It's traumatizing enough to have BC, much less have a superior thwart your efforts to get treatment AND threaten to fire you!
Carrie
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Pammac47, I'm fortunate to be able to see a psychologist (gratis!) weekly through the hospital, who works only with cancer patients. When I first started seeing him, I was mostly flipping out at the weekly diagnosis changes and the waiting for test results torture. Now he's helping me to wade through the mess of emotions I'm feeling, and trying to figure out what I really NEED to do, stepping out of my logical mind which says to stay at the job at all costs for practical reasons. This is one time when I REALLY wished I had a daddy or husband or someone to help me figure out what the hell to do. It sucks being an adult!
Carrie
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Carrie, I don't know what CT laws regarding illness are, but in California, you can't lay someone off (fire) them because of catastrophic illness, especially if they file for state disability. They are protected by law. I worked in payroll for over 20 years.
A lot of people think CA is too "pro-worker" but these laws are in place to protect employees from wrongful descrimination and termination. When they come back from disability, they may not have their same exact job, but they will still have some sort of comparable job with comparable pay. Now this may not help you at all, given you live in another state, but this is what I know. We had an employee who broke both his feet, wasn't workers comp related, it was a personal accident, and we had to hold his job for him for over a year thru surgeries and physical rehabilitation. Years prior, another employee had sarcoma, and we held his job, too.
Can you get some legal advice out there? In CA, we can go to the state dept of employment and get legal help, but that can take weeks. Hope this helps...
Lita
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Carrie, forgot to add that you should do an end run and file for disability b4 they have a chance to lay you off. If they do try to pull some shiz, make a list of EVERYTHING YOU DO, so they can't say they are letting you go on account of lack of work. If you had any dings or negative performance reviews, that's a different story, but I assume you haven't.
Most states will now let you file online to expedite the process. You will get a confirmation number. Guard that # with your life as proof of your filing date. Time is of the essence. Most sites will let you on 24/7 to get the ball rolling. Once again, don't know if this will help since you're in CT, but that's what I would do.
Disability usually pays more than unemployment, and you can usually go out for a year, depending on how many years you've worked.
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Bless my employers, bless my employers, bless my boss. . .
Fotheringay, I'm SO sorry. How can they keep employees if they're not willing to support them? Tell them you need their support.
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My boss was very difficult in MANY ways, but I have to say that she went above and beyond when I told her of my cancer diagnosis. She did the same for others before me who had cancer. It stumped us all, but it was nice to know that she COULD be nice.
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Issues with employer too. I have been clinging on to my job since dx (Christmas 2014). Employer refused to let me have treatment 'or any other tests', telling me that 'cancer is a breach of contract', 'if you want to have cancer you have to resign' etc The day when I told him, I was scheduled to see the anesthesist, lumpectomy the next day, radiation and possibly more starting one month later (if the surgeon had got clear margins the first time round which I doubt). I had asked the hospital to postpone by 2 weeks, as I just couldn't call work to say 'I am going to be off sick for 1 year'. His reaction was 'You can't have treatment, you must give me 6 months' notice'. He meant 'resign', it didn't even occur to me at the time.
He insisted I tell everybody in the company about the diagnosis and I have been experiencing severe bullying from most people since then. For example, constant jokes about people dying, or criticism of people who claim they are too ill to work to get benefits as in 'if you claim you have cancer but you are not dead within a year, you didn't have cancer, you were faking it' (this coming from someone who has taken 12 days off sick since she joined 18 months ago - I have taken 5 days off sick over the same period). Yesterday we had a team meeting and one of the bulliers (a woman who is less qualified than me but was hired to do a job where she gives me orders; 4 of my less qualified and experienced colleagues have also been promoted over me since my diagnosis) said that it wasn't hygienic for me to use the same crockery and cutlery as the other people and I should bring my own. Breast cancer isn't contagious! I am not even having treatment and haven't been to the hospital since Easter 2015 (bank holiday weekend, so that it wouldn't interfere with my work duties). Another woman (that one wants my job and has been absolutely odious to me for the last 2 years) concurred. The HR director and the office managers (who insisted that I have to resign if I want to have treatment or tests) concurred. There is no point seeing them, they would go 'everyone is very worried about you' and 'I don't know but if I had cancer, I would want to have treatment, I don't understand why you haven't resigned, this doesn't look like cancer to me'.
The same evening, I had a meeting with my landlord, who is also anxious about my health, and the British PM is due to give more info about her Brexit plan this week, so this came at a time when I am already very very stressed: I am a EU national, working and renting in the UK, I don't have any family or friends who can help me financially or give me shelter either here or in my country of origin, and I don't have any savings, in fact I have about one year's salary worth of debts, thanks to my medical expenses, medical insurance (premium is in euros, not great with a falling £) and professional exam fees. I am not one of those foreigners who are a drain on the NHS, I have my own health insurance policy which pays for treatment in my country of origin (something that is probably going to become a requirement for us after Brexit anyway), I got diagnosed abroad, I was going to have treatment there, and the hospital which I had chosen (not the first one) was going to try their best to minimise disruption at work. However I have to carry on working to pay for this, and to keep a roof over my head. I am very, very angry and was unable to sleep all night.
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Penzance and Fotheringay, I am so sorry you have to work with such horrible people. There is no excuse for the treatment those asholes are putting you through. I pray they never have a major health problem, but if they do, perhaps then they will reflect on how they treated you and feel deep remorse and shame. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Penzance, even though lately I am not too thrilled with our government, I am so happy I live in the USA. An employer would NEVER be able to get away with what yours said to you under the ADA and other laws. That being said, some employers are just jerks like fortheringay encountered. They stay within legal limits but ride people and threaten their jobs. That is as bad as it still causes a lot of heartache and worry. Hugs to you both and to anyone with a jerk of an employer. Mine acted great so I am blessed. I work for a not for profit and we tend to be more family oriented than corporate America but the wrong boss and that would be out the window as well .
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I was dx in Oct had Mastectomy in Dec. Saw the medical oncologist on Dec 27 she wanted a CT, echo and port installation for Chemo. Finally got the CT done on 1-12, met with RO on 1-16. She requested my report for my CT saw an issue on kidney, and T11. She requested a pet scan and urologist. I took the report to the MO office the same day. Met with surgeon yesterday for port placement today. As I am sitting in the surgeons office, she calls to tell me my echo results, which were good, but there is a spot on the bone we should do a bone scan. I am so pissed that she waited 10 days to tell me this. So now I cant start chemo next week as I had been hoping as this could change the stage. I have had so many delays and I dont know why, all I can do is cry.
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Goingcrazy8, we are all here for you. Just reach out to us at any time. Don't know how all this will affect your chemo, but I'm sure you'll be back on track soon. They want to get the Dx right b4 they start.
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This forum is exactly what I need right now. In July of 2015 my mother had a stroke and my father in-law passed away from lung cancer. It was a very trying time to balance the care of two. My husband of 36 years became emotionally became involved with another woman at this time. He claimed they were "just friends" and I would not understand he needed a best friend to talk to. When this relationship was discovered, after getting all the information I needed to make a sound decision to move forward, Ithen got my own bc diagonsis. I have 2 more months to go of a year long treatment. My children have been great but I have felt so isolated and embarrassed of his unsupportive behavior. The husband just doesn't "get it." I keep telling myself what goes around comes around. Venting is great therapy, thank you! Any others with jerk husbands out there?
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Oh I am sure there are other Jerk husbands out there. Mine has been good but I hear you on the elderly parents. My parents are constantly having life threating emergencies both dealing with blood clots to the brain and strokes. They are afraid and exhausted as am I. I hope I will be able to get away for a week. Just when one emergency is resolved another pops up. I hate this.
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My husband has never been very good at showing sympathy for others. He has been mostly a, "suck it up and move on type" of guy. Things were different when it hit home with his father, who has lived next door for almost 28 years. This was family crisis mode and I feel so cheated on that he turned to another woman who obliviously had other intentions other than "just friends". Some days I feel he is only here because out of guilt with my diagnosis, he needed to stay.Just hard to move forward wondering if he can trusted again in times of real need. This is not something I need in my life right now.
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HI...I'VE ONLY BEEN ON THE BOARD A COUPLE TIMES..I THINK I WAS TRYING TO DENY IT. I HAD MY LUMPECTOMY IN MAY 2015. 8 X DOSE DENSE CHEMO & 25 RADS. WHEN I WAS FINISHED THAT THEN I STARTED ON TAMOXIFAN FOR 3 MTHS BEFORE I HAD TO STOP FROM HORRIBLE SIDE EFFECTS. THEN I WAS SWITCHED TO LETROZOLE. I NARCOTICS FOR MY MIGRAINES WHICH THE ONC KNEW ABOUT BUT ALONG WITH MY DEPRESSION & MIGRAINES I NOW SUFFER CHRONIC PAINS DAILY. AS I ALSO HAVE A TEAR & A BONE SPUR IN MY L SHOULDER WHICH I'VE HAD 5 CORTISONE INJ. ALONE WITH SEVERE PAIN IN MY L BREAST SO LONG AFTER THE SURGERY WHEN I START COUGHING IT HURTS EVERYWHERE IN MY BODY. BUT WHEN I ASKED THE ONC FOR A RX FOR COUGH SYRUP ONCE. THE NEXT
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HI EVERYONE. ..I HAVE ONLY USED THIS SITE SEVERAL TIMES I THINK BCUZ I WA'S TRYING TO PRETEND IT WASN'T HAPPENING. BFOR I FOUND OUT ABOUT THAT I HAD BC I WAS ALREADY SUFFERING CHRONIC MIGRAINES & DEPRESSION. ONCE I FOUND OUT ABOUT MY CANCER I FOUND OUT MY SISTER HAD A TERMINAL CANCER WHICH DROPPED MY EMOTIONS EVEN WORSE. I WENT THRU A LUMPECTOMY 1 LYMPH NODE REMOVED DOSE DENSE CHEMO & 25 RADS.& NOW STARTED LETROZOLE I HAD ALSO JUST FOUND OUT THAT I HAVE A BONE SPUR & A TEAR IN MY ROTATOR CUFF. ALL THIS ON MY L SIDE PLUS I'M LEFT HANDED...IT'S 1 1/2 YRS SINCE MY SURGERY & TO THIS DAY I HAVE SEVERE PAIN IN MY L BREAST & UNDERARM I'M NOW SUPPOSED TO GET SHOULDER SURGERY THIS SUMMER & I'M AFRAID TO CUZ IF MY ARM / CHEST IS STILL NOT HEALED I'M SO SCARED OF MY ARM GETTING WORSE. I'M IN MY 50s STILL SUFFERING DEPRESSION & NOT FEELING HAPPY AT HOME. I FELT MY KIDS & HUSBAND THINK I SHOULD BE BETTER NOW & STOP COMPLAING. BUT LIVING WITH CHRONIC PAIN 24/7 NEEDING STRONG MEDS FOR MY MIGRAINES & STILL WORRY ABOUT RECURRENCE . I GET SO DEPRESSED . WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR & C WHAT I'VE BECOME. 35 lb OVER WEIGHT THINNING HAIR I FEEL AT LEAST 10 YRS OLDER & IT MAKES ME ALMOST ALWAYS STAYING IN.. I ALSO FEEL THAT MY HUSBAND & KIDS FIND IT EASIER NOT TO DEAL WITH ME THAN BEING INVOLVED WITH HELPING ME TRY & GET BETTER.YRS OF SLEEPING SEPARATELY HAVE MADE US DETACHED. BUT ANYTIME WE TALK ABOUT HIS DAY OR OTHER SAFE TOPICS IT'S OK. WHEN HE HEARS ME SAY I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS IT TURNS INTO AN ARGUMENT I JUST FEEL SO ALONE & THAT IM EXPECTED TO B HAPPY WHEN I'M ALWAYS IN PAIN. I JUST WISH THEY COULD UNDERSTAND THAT HAVING BOTH PHYSICAL PAIN & DEPRESSION JUST KNCKED WHAT BIT OF LIFE I HAD IN ME..IF THIS IS WHAT MY NEW NORMAL IS ...I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN DEAL WITH..I'M SORRY I WENT ON SO LONG...I GUESS I'M JUST HAVING A PITY PARTY TO NITE. THANK U FOR LETTING ME COMPLAIN & FOR LISTENING.
TETLEY
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Tetley, forgive my 2 cents, but you sound pretty desperate. Does your health care insurance provide any kind of counseling? You've been in pain (both physically and emotionally) far too long. When you are down emotionally/spiritually, it makes whatever physical pain you have feel all the more worse.
You didn't write anything in your bio about what stage you are, or where you live, but I would also suggest looking into live cancer support groups in your area. Most urban areas have several support groups that meet either once a week or at least a couple of times a month. It might be helpful to find other women in your area who are dealing with what you are dealing with so you can get the face-to-face interaction that we all need. Lots of family members simply can't cope with a loved one's illness, and they often back away. Do you have any close friends you can confide in?
Cancer changes everything. Our skin dries out and wrinkles more b'cuz of chemo and radiation, our hair thins, we can lose toenails, mental clarity diminishes, and several other challenges become the norm.
Thank you for reaching out to us. We're hear to help and support you. Please find some help for your depression. In my experience, if you don't address it, it only gets worse.
L
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Trump's ban on green card holder moslems is something! My cousin and her husband are in Iran for a funeral. Their 2 kids are here. Their grandmother (my aunt) who got her citizenship last summer after 10 years of vetting is there but none are able to take care of bills, their business and such. My other aunt has tickets to make her annual visit to visit her kids and fam for next month. WTF? This is insane!!
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