STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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willa2016- you took the words right out of my mouth. No one knows what we have gone through and will continue to face. It is the nightmare that keeps on giving. I will never be the same. I used to believe that if you worked hard enough you could solve anything. Notso with cancer. It has its own rules.
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I am angry that we need to worry about our health insurance on top of cancer. Obamacare for some, Medicare for others.
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I am frustrated and very sad because a lady kept looking at me at a dr.s office, I had my cap on and started to fix it thinking there was something wrong, finally I looked at the lady and she said "oh I like your hat" not a good liar at all, thank God they called me.
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I've had stares before but ignore them. I take my phone to appts not just because of the long waits and crappy magazines they have but to keep myself occupied on good positive sites.
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Lasttingiexpected, that use to be me, work hard enough and any problem can be fixed, well cancer has teached me a good lesson, you are so right cancer has its own rules.
Artisa928, I agree all we should have to worry is our health, how to get better, to heal, why do we have to worry about health insurance
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Iz1999...the woman who kept staring at you may have her own issues to deal with. Some people just don't know what to say to someone who obviously has cancer. They stare at you and think, "Shit!!! I hope that never happens to me!" They're scared about their own future and curious at the same time.
Then again, maybe you were truly rockin' that hat!
She might have been there awaiting her own Dx. You just never know. It's like a six-word Ernest Hemingway story. Remember his famous one: "For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn." DD and I have been having a contest to see if we can do six-word stories as well.
"Waiting room. Positive diagnosis. I'm dying." - - That's my entree for today.
L
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I agree that you don't know what that woman might have been going through. I remember in the beginning of my treatment, I caught myself staring at women - to give you an example, before chemo, I saw a few women in the waiting room who had lost their hair from chemo, and I was thinking "this will be me in a couple of weeks", then caught myself and stopped staring.
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So upset and angry. I'll give some background first. I have been dealing with Stage 4 with a brain met since july. Since then I had a craniotomy, and whole brain radiation. The WBR takes months to recover from, to boot, had a taxol infusion last week that made me feel hit by a truck. I am having trouble eating etc too, not because I don't want to but because am ill.
I have a family, brothers and mother who I coown my house with. My brothers and mother feel I should not be flat on my back on the couch with the fatigue from the chemo and if I somehow muster a different attitude, I can at least do a little more.
The anger comes in when I had got up today, I was going to try to do more and then mother gets angry right away. Saying I gave up etc and just being harsh on me. I can't deal with this stress and try to get better at the same time. AAAAAAAARGH
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mara, just want to give you a hug. I know that your family is wrong to nag you. I think they are scared and want to see the "old you" doing things just as before this awful disease took away your energy and strength. Does not make it right in any way, shape or form. Just my hunch on why they are acting so dreadfully.
Please rest as much as you need to and tune it out for your sanity. They need to back off and will take their cues from you so definitely don't let them make you feel bad about needing rest. Hugs and I hope that you find a way to let them know to leave you be!
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Thanks april, it is nice to hear that. I know they are not coming from a nasty place, but it is so hard to deal with. I am just going to do my own thing and let them think what they want. I know I don't understand their stresses as well as I should while dealing with my own. I know I will pull out of this slump, but as I said to my mother, it takes MONTHS to recover from brain radiation, let alone all the drugs I have had since 2015. I said to her that if I could put her in my body to feel the exhaustion, she would have a little more understanding. For now, I am refusing to talk about it and banned the subject. If she keeps pushing, I will ban her from my onc appointments too.
I am so glad there is this board to sound off on.
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Mara, I am so sorry you have to deal with added stress...family can be such a minefield! Would it help if a social worker at your cancer care center had a meeting with them about having more realistic expectations? Or your oncologist, if he/she is a good -and sensitive - communicator? I think CT's right, your mother is probably scared to death and it's coming out all wrong in anger, but it is all about you right now!
Hope things get better in each and every way for you soon. Get some rest. Tell your family we said it was ok.
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That actually is a good idea. I think a social worker should be able to wade through the stress. I could actually request one, my mother could do since services are offered for family and caregivers. That may be a good idea. Just need to be able to breathe.
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Mara, that is such effing bullshiz what you're dealing with. Has your mom ever read the info sheets on ALL the side effects these drugs and procedures cause? Make her pull them up and read them!! Also the more cycles you're on, the worse it gets. I'm on cycle 9 of Xeloda, and some days I can barely move, let alone scrub a floor or clean a bathroom.
We're all doing the best we can. Rest assured much as you need to.
Lita
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Thank you Lita. I decided to request a social worker to talk to. I can't take the stress anymore. Mom will go out so it will be confidential. I am sure it will help. I actually managed a little more food today after deciding. I have adv mother that I will talk to others, ie doctors, online, but will not have family decide How I should be progressing.
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My rant. LONG, DEPRESSING, OPTIONAL READ. Please ignore if you choose. I've hit bottom.
I am an emotional BASKETCASE right now. I stayed in Denial for a few weeks, had about ten days of Anger, and now I have fallen into the depths of Depair.
My Dx looked like one of the easiest, most manageable at first. Two small IDC spots close together, detected early. Breast Surgeon said, quick lumpectomy, a few weeks of radiation, and I'm good as gold! I'm able to go about my life a bit shook up, but Denial was keeping me safe. I could joke about it. Given how much more serious other Dx are, I felt embarrassed making any kind of big deal out of it.
Except the BS booked the surgery BEFORE the MRI results came in. New spot, different location, presented differently. Could be different kind of cancer. Cancel surgery the day before (when everything had already been hastily arranged), and schedule MRI-guided biopsy. WHY DID BREAST SURGEON SCHEDULE SURGERY BEFORE ALL THE TESTS WERE IN? That's when everything started going downhill for me.
In the meantime, the only BC support group I've been able to find doesn't have its next MONTHLY meeting until the end of January. I called the Nurse Navigator early this week and told her I needed to talk to someone because I was losing my grip, and she said the Social Worker would call me. Days later, no SW call. I called the NN back, told her I wanted the Psychologist to call me instead of the SW who did NOT call me, VOILA, the SW leaves me a message later that day. I am now in the Anger state- FUCK YOU, SW, I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU, you did NOT CALL ME when asked to. My Anger stage is not cutting anyone any slack. I had to call NN and tell her i DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO SW NOW, I TOLD YOU SO, I WANT TO TALK TO PSYCHOLOGIST. Hope I get a call from a psychologist early next week.
THIS blessed forum has been the only place I have been able to go to rant, as well as gain from the wisdom of others. THANK YOU, folks.
The MRI-guided biopsy was awful. It took three people four+ tries to get an IV in me, and they were RUDE about it- I'm lying on the gurney, weeping- that's the moment when Anger cracked and Despair set it- and no one brought me a goddamn kleenex. I have usually had awesome experiences with nurses, so this was a shock. I was this annoying slab of meat on a gurney whose flesh was not cooperating. As I stared at the dusty ceiling crying, I started to wonder, "Who is this for, really? Is it for me, or am I now a pre-authorized goldmine for the Medical Machine? Are the treatments and drugs I'm being advised to undergo, really for ME, are they going to ruin my quality of life in exchange for a few more years lived in suffering?"
In the MRI machine, I could NOT lower myself fully relaxed (SURE) into position, as the plastic edge was painfully digging into my ribcage. After a few minutes of this irritated direction, someone located a firm piece of foam- which looked like it was MADE for this purpose- and the problem was solved. I guess everyone was pissed that the procedure was delayed because of how long it took for someone to get an IV line in. I felt like I had become a newly discovered Revenue Stream who could be wheeled in and out of expensive tests and procedures and BILLED BILLED BILLED. I kept thinking, "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS." The only kindness I received during the whole procedure was from the biopsy surgeon, bless him, who would lay his hand on my shoulder or back and rub gently a bit to comfort me, and say, "Yes, I know, IT SUCKS."
I'm a single parent who has lived in a state whose climate i hate (WAY too cold), far away from the little family I have left, because of joint custody and a deep desire to give my child an emotional grounding and best possible launch into life. I've lived here 20 years, waiting for the time when MY life could start, and I could move back home. I've worked loooong hours at jobs I've hated so I could scrape up enough to live in this expensive part of the country for the sake being there for my child. Because of demanding work (read: exhaustion) and maintaining a house on my own, I haven't had the time or energy to pursue any kind of relationship. I always thought there would be a time to come when I could enjoy my body again, I was living for a time for ME once my child was out of the nest. I HAVE WASTED TIME WHEN I COULD HAVE GOTTEN SOME ENJOYMENT OUT OF MY BODY. I can't even remember how long it's been since I've had sex- six years? more? Now my body is going to be ruined.
Work was been reasonably understanding of my need to go to appointments and tests, although my work load hasn't diminished one bit, so some nights I stay until 8 pm to catch up. The RAH RAH corporate culture just seems like such utter BULLSHIT when you stand back and look at it in my current context, and it's hard to disguise my contempt for it.
I don't know if I even want to go through with any of this. I feel like I am DONE. My child graduates with an advanced degree this spring- I will have done my job, fulfilled my biological mission to launch my progeny successfully into the world, so I can slough off, not needed any more in the big picture of biological destiny. I don't want the rest of my life to be surgeries, paranoia, drugs that will sap the remaining life out of me, and age me 20 years in six months. I WANT MY ESTROGEN.
I'm not religious. My friends can't understand/can't handle/don't want to hear what I'm feeling today. So I'm just staying planted on the couch, crying, wondering what I'm going to do.
This is one hell of a mid-life crisis.
Carrie.
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Whoa, Carrie, that's some rant. I find myself upset along with you about the MRI biospy. You do deserve to be treated with compassion and respect. I get your frustration with waiting for a phone call when you desperately need help. I hope there is a good explanation for that. I understand the sacrifices you made for your child.
Now I know that maybe I shouldn't try to answer because sometimes what we really need is to just get it all out. But I can't help saying that I think it can still be your time now! Treatment will not necessarily ruin your life. Remember, there many bc survivors with no major problems who are not posting here on BCO because they are off living their normal lives. You likely don't even need to do any more surgery than the one to remove the tumors. Your child is now grown. Can you move to where you want and continue treatment there? This year will involve a lot of stupid cancer stuff, possibly with twists and turns, but then it should ease up. Life may be different from what you expected, but it can still be good.
Here is another place you might find in-person support:
http://gildasclubwestchester.org/about-us/mission-...
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My rant. LONG, DEPRESSING, OPTIONAL READ. Please ignore if you choose. I've hit bottom.
I am an emotional BASKETCASE right now. I stayed in Denial for a few weeks, had about ten days of Anger, and now I have fallen into the depths of Depair.
My Dx looked like one of the easiest, most manageable at first. Two small IDC spots close together, detected early. Breast Surgeon said, quick lumpectomy, a few weeks of radiation, and I'm good as gold! I'm able to go about my life a bit shook up, but Denial was keeping me safe. I could joke about it. Given how much more serious other Dx are, I felt embarrassed making any kind of big deal out of it.
Except the BS booked the surgery BEFORE the MRI results came in. New spot, different location, presented differently. Could be different kind of cancer. Cancel surgery the day before (when everything had already been hastily arranged), and schedule MRI-guided biopsy. WHY DID BREAST SURGEON SCHEDULE SURGERY BEFORE ALL THE TESTS WERE IN? That's when everything started going downhill for me.
In the meantime, the only BC support group I've been able to find doesn't have it's next MONTHLY meeting until the end of January. I called the Nurse Navigator early this week and told her I needed to talk to someone because I was losing my grip, and she said the Social Worker would call me. Days later, no SW call. I called the NN back, told her I wanted the Psychologist to call me instead of the SW who did NOT call me, VOILA, the SW leaves me a message later that day. I am now in the Anger state- FUCK YOU, SW, I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU, you did NOT CALL ME when asked to. My Anger stage is not cutting anyone any slack. I had to call NN and tell her i DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO SW NOW, I TOLD YOU SO, I WANT TO TALK TO PSYCHOLOGIST. Hope I get a call from a psychologist early next week.
THIS blessed forum has been the only place I have been able to go to rant, as well as gain from the wisdom of others. THANK YOU, folks.
The MRI-guided biopsy was awful. It took three people four+ tries to get an IV in me, and they were RUDE about it- I'm lying on the gurney, weeping- that's the moment when Anger cracked and Despair set it- and no one brought me a goddamn kleenex. I have usually had awesome experiences with nurses, so this was a shock. I was this annoying slab of meat on a gurney whose flesh was not cooperating. As I stared at the dusty ceiling crying, I started to wonder, "Who is this for, really? Is it for me, or am I now a pre-authorized goldmine for the Medical Machine? Are the treatments and drugs I'm being advised to undergo, really for ME, are they going to ruin my quality of life in exchange for a few more years lived in suffering?"
In the MRI machine, I could NOT lower myself fully relaxed (SURE) into position, as the plastic edge was painfully digging into my ribcage. After a few minutes of this irritated direction, someone located a firm piece of foam- which looked like it was MADE for this purpose- and the problem was solved. I guess everyone was pissed that the procedure was delayed because of how long it took for someone to get an IV line in. I felt like I had become a newly discovered Revenue Stream who could be wheeled in and out of expensive tests and procedures and BILLED BILLED BILLED. I kept thinking, "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS." The only kindness I received during the whole procedure was from the biopsy surgeon, bless him, who would lay his hand on my shoulder or back and rub gently a bit to comfort me, and say, "Yes, I know, IT SUCKS."
I'm a single parent who has lived in a state whose climate i hate (WAY too cold), far away from the little family I have left, because of joint custody and a deep desire to give my child an emotional grounding and best possible launch into life. I've lived here 20 years, waiting for the time when MY life could start, and I could move back home. I've worked loooong hours at jobs I've hated so I could scrape up enough to live in this expensive part of the country for the sake being there for my child. Because of demanding work (read: exhaustion) and maintaining a house on my own, I haven't had the time or energy to pursue any kind of relationship. I always thought there would be a time to come when I could enjoy my body again, I was living for a time for ME once my child was out of the nest. I HAVE WASTED TIME WHEN I COULD HAVE GOTTEN SOME ENJOYMENT OUT OF MY BODY. I can't even remember how long it's been since I've had sex- six years? more? Now my body is going to be ruined.
Work was been reasonably understanding of my need to go to appointments and tests, although my work load hasn't diminished one bit, so some nights I stay until 8 pm to catch up. The RAH RAH corporate culture just seems like such utter BULLSHIT when you stand back and look at it in my current context, and it's hard to disguise my contempt for it.
I don't know if I even want to go through with any of this. I feel like I am DONE. My child graduates with an advanced degree this spring- I will have done my job, fulfilled my biological mission to launch my progeny successfully into the world, so I can slough off, not needed any more in the big picture of biological destiny. I don't want the rest of my life to be surgeries, paranoia, drugs that will sap the remaining life out of me, and age me 20 years in six months. I WANT MY ESTROGEN.
I'm not religious. My friends can't understand/can't handle/don't want to hear what I'm feeling today. So I'm just staying planted on the couch, crying, wondering what I'm going to do.
The is one hell of a mid-life crisis.
Carrie.
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My boss left me a POST IT NOTE attached to some paperwork that said "You're my only employee who did this incorrectly." Well I'm sorry, assface, do you remember that I was out for over a month because I had a body part amputated?
While I'm on here, I just want to say that I feel so rotten. I should be grateful, relieved, dancing in the streets because I got off easy with a DCIS dx, zero lymph node involvement, no radiation or chemo required. But I'm so depressed I can barely function, and then I feel GUILTY for being depressed, which makes me more depressed. I'm filled with anxiety too, because all I can think about is where in my body there might be more little cancers hiding. I can't sleep and I can't enjoy anything anymore. My reconstruction surgery is in three days, and I'm terrified that once all of this is over, I'm just going to be left with the emotions but nothing to blame them on. Why am I so ungrateful?? #worstpersonever
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Fotheringay and Perdly: Just let it all out here. This is what we're here for.
One of the things I emphasize is that it doesn't matter if you're St I or St IV. Cancer is CANCER! It's still a shit deal if you only have tumors extracted or if you're facing the death sentence that is St IV metastatic cancer. Everyone's situation is different. Everything has to be factored in...ass hole bosses, f'ing ex-husbands, undesirable living situations, insensitive family members, etc. Whether you have St I or St IV, you will go thru a plethora of emotions, and that's just how it is.
No one gets off scot-free...ever.
I'm sorry you can't find support where you need it. Shetland makes some good points. I don't give personal advice on this thread unless it is specifically asked for. I try to keep it general. We are not here to judge each other, and we're not shrinks, either. We're just here to offer a compassionate 'virtual' ear for you to voice your frustrations and misery.
Anxiety about recurrence is no joke. It DOES happen, and all you can do is take one day at a time...sometimes one HOUR at a time. One of the hardest things about BC (or any cancer, for that matter), is the isolation one feels. There is NO ONE who can understand exactly what you're going thru in YOUR body and in YOUR mind. And it's not as easy as popping an Ativan or Xanax either. When the drug wears off, the feelings are still there. Each woman has to work thru them in her way and in her own time.
Try to find some solace in knowing that things WILL get better for you. You are both St I, so you should have many more years ahead. Another thing that a cancer Dx does is make you take a good, long look at your life as it currently stands. It's a wake up call. You've been given a second chance. Leave that crappy job; move somewhere else; take a trip; make an effort to bring more people into your life if you can.
As for finding a way to cope a little better, BCO has threads for spiritual people and also for atheists. As I said, everyone has to navigate the waters in their own way. I've gone to both secular support groups and spiritual support groups...I stopped going to one secular group b/c I wasn't getting anything out of it and found the spiritual one had a little more meat in it, even tho it only meets 2X/mo.
December is a crappy time to find groups b/c a lot of them don't meet during the holidays. Feel free to pop in here and rant as often as you need to. You can also PM the ladies here as well. There are a lot of women who've really been to hell and back and they can offer some personal support.
Hoping this helps a little bit,
Lita
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I would be so tempted to leave my boss a little post it note. You're the only manager I've ever had to be so insensitive perhaps you never had an employee who has dealt with cancer. Make it an extremely large note posted for everyone to see on their door.
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Perdly,
Your boss should indeed be crowned (ideally, with a bucket of molten gold a la Game of Thrones) ASSHOLE BOSS OF THE YEAR.
I understand you paranoia about recurrence. Can't say more than that. I just understand the fear.
I haven't had my surgery yet, but I can project that it is something that tales a long time to recover from, physically AND emotionally.
I will be back here, so rant all you want, and people will listen.
Carrie
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Thanks, Lita,
I was a mess all day, paralyzed, crying, alone, and being able to wail and shake my fist at the universe here helped. and your response helped.
My friends' responses have infuriated me, as they range from "keep a positive attitude!" to "put your combat boots on and power through it!" Easy, coming from people with supportive spouses with secure finances who could quit work and lay on their bed of pain until they were ready to go back to work. or not go back to work at all.
I'm not eligible for FMLA, so if I take too much time off for my (what will likely be a mastectomy), they can fire me,
There I go ranting again.
I don't have the results back from the second round biopsy, so I'm in the "waiting for results hell", too.
Point is, I needed to blow, somewhere where someone would actually GET IT. I do feel like I got it here.
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR HELPING ME NOT TOTALLY LOSE MY SHIT TODAY.
Carrie
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Perdly, you are NOT the #worstpersonever. You have been through a lot too, and it is very normal to fear recurrence. Take care of yourself. Here is some information on Managing breast cancer fears. Vent here all you need!
Fotheringay, hang tight. We're all here for you, and please keep us posted!
Hugs to all you amazing strong people!
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Like most people with a BC diagnosis, it has been a terrible rollercoaster these past few months. I just find myself having to reassure other people - oh, it's not so bad, oh, the prognosis is good yada, yada, yada to the point I want to scream - I just want to start saying no, it's terrible, but then I turn into a blubbering mess. Better to stay positive and then wake up crying at night... Anyway, the surgeries weren't too bad, but I went through a terrible couple weeks where we didn't know if I was going to do chemo or not. My onco first said I should, then tried to talk me out of it once I decided to do it, and then let me walk out of his office with no further treatment. But that didn't feel right, so I kept bugging the dr and got a second and third opinion, until my MO decided to have my second tumor tested - thank goodness he did! It's a different cancer and HER2+, so more chemo and Herceptin for 1 yr.
The Sunday before Thanksgiving, I drove 9 hrs to Salt Lake City with my parents to go to a fertility clinic to have eggs preserved before starting chemo. My husband did not go with me because we had already planned a trip to his home state to visit family and he didn't want to cut that trip short. So he and our (nearly) 4 yr old daughter left on their roadtrip on Saturday, we left on ours Sunday. Monday and Tuesday were ultrasounds, shots, blood-draws. (besides the 2/day shots I've been giving myself for the 10 days prior, and the numerous blood draws over the past 2 weeks - my right arm vein was bruised from so many pokes). Wednesday morning, I had the egg retrieval - went well and got 17 mature eggs to freeze - woo hoo! Then I flew to city where In-Laws live to be with my family for Thanksgiving. I'm tired and crampy and not feeling great, but it's so great to see everyone.
Thanksgiving day was pretty normal, uneventful, it was at my Husband's Sister's house where we were staying. My MIL brought a nice bottle of wine that she knows I like. I know I'm not supposed to go crazy with the wine, but I hadn't been able to drink for 2 weeks, so I had a couple glasses. After dinner, BIL wants to go around the table and say what we're thankful for. I say something like thankful for an uneventful plane ride so I could be here with everyone. Other people say family or whatever. Then SIL is next to last and is going on and on about how happy she is that I'm doing well. And while I want to interrupt and say appearances aren't everything, I just smile and nod and sip my wine. The last to go is my 8 yr old niece. She smiles coyly and says "I'm thankful for the baby in mommy's tummy."
Jaw meet floor.
I chugged the rest of my wine and excused myself from the table. I just couldn't.
My husband and I were trying for a baby when I found the lump. I know that they shouldn't put their life on hold for me and I'm truly happy for them, but dear lord, have a little compassion. SIL knows I wanted to have a baby this year and everything I went through just to freeze eggs so that some day MAYBE we can have another kid.
Love my SIL, love my husband's family, but dear lord, that is not something I was prepared for. It's like SIL knew it was a bad idea, but thought she was making it better by talking about how great I was doing and that they were praying for me.
Ugh, I just wanted to scream. I went to the bedroom and had a good cry and did eventually talk to Husband and SIL about it, but had a puffy face the rest of the night. I still can't talk about it without crying.
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You poor girl, what a cruel irony...I am so sorry. I'm glad you were able to talk to your hubby and SIL about it. Negotiating the emotions surrounding her pregnancy and birth will be tricky, just don't beat yourself up for anything you feel. It is damn hard to celebrate others' joy when the bottom has dropped out of your life and dreams. It isn't petty or mean to feel that way...we aren't saints, just human, and it doesn't make you a bad person. In spite of your pain, I know you will be a great and loving aunt. I wish you all the best with your treatment and healing and don't give up hope. {{HUGS}}
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I'm struggling this week with alot of "feelings" and I don't appreciate it. I had a nice Thanksgiving in spite of some shitty family stuff and I wanted to just stay in that after glow for awhile, but doesn't look like that is going to happen.
My mom really really upset me over Thanksgiving and while I was ready to move on from it, she just has to dig into and get it all worked up. We had planned for her to come for Thanksgiving and stay for a few days, the kids would all be here and she would be meeting her granddaughter's husband for the first time. It was supposed to be a wonderful time, but it took a turn for bad because mom has issues with driving, she just doesn't get into the car. I had hoped she would be able to get thru it, but it didn't happen and it was hurtful to everyone. This was a big deal to me too..more than I realized until after. But, this Thanksgiving marked 3 years from my mastectomy, and spending the holiday in the hospital. It was a blessed day as I was going to be cooking and I really wanted her here.
It has hit me like a ton of bricks, but the realization that my mother has put herself and her feelings in front of me so many times for so many years. I've overlooked it, blamed myself for it, made excuses for it. But, this time I'm having a really hard time doing that and keeping my feelings in check. I don't know how to tell her how hurt I am without feeling like I'm going to make her feel bad.
This thing with the car is a phobia, but it has caused so many issues in her life. She doesn't participate in life in a normal way, and to the point that she expects everyone to work around her issue. Mom didn't come see me in the hospital ever during treatment, hell she didnt even come after the birth of my 7 year old. She guilted dh into having us stop by her apartment on our way home from the hospital.
There's so much more to this, but I'm just really angry and depressed.
Also, I found out one of my friends here passed away. She had been MIA for awhile and I'd been asking around for her, and no one knew. Finally I was able to send a card to a mutual friend who was going to forward it to her....I sent that out and then found out a few days later she had actually passed away on 10/12. It happened quickly she was dx'd with mets earlier this year....and just like that she is gone. She was older than me and in some ways felt a little like a mother figure when I was going thru early dx and tx she would encourage me, commiserate with me....just be there ya know?
bleh, I hate BC and what it does to lives. Thinking about her kids and husband.
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Not sure that I am angry. I think I am more sad.
I lost a very dear friend on Monday night. She was fine in early Sept. She started to walk funny and her hands would not work right at the end of the month. She seemed confused and forgetful. Doctors were unsure what was going on. By the end of October, she was hospitalized and doctors were frantically trying to figure out what in the world was wrong with her. In hindsight, her husband had been noticing things for several months prior to October (maybe beginning in late June he said) and now she is gone. She was only 64.
The disease they are attributing to her fast and horrible death is CJD aka
Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/185884.php
This disease is so rare, that one in one million people in the world are diagnosed yearly. It can be familial although no one in her family of 5 siblings knows of anyone who had it. It can be spontaneous or, rarely, it can be attributed to eating affected meat (think Mad-cow disease) but that is very, very rare. But, she did go on a cruise to Bermuda in June as well as back to the island in August for their anniversary (they love Bermuda) staying in a hotel for a week.
The reason I posted this here is one never knows what will happen. Day to day, month to month, year to year. Life is short ladies. Live it. Eat that dessert, enjoy that movie instead of cleaning the closets.
Thanks for listening.
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I am so sorry, April. What a terrible loss. My heartfelt condolences to you and her grieving family.
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I'm sorry April....((hugs))
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April....condolences. We just never know, do we? Glad I renewed my life ins policy. It went up a lot this last year cuz the 20 year term was up. I still want to keep it because it has a clause where you can cash out 25% when you're certified in hospice. We'll probably do that. It will help with my final expenses.
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