STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
Comments
-
Feb 10, 2018 12:42AM molliefish wrote:I was diagnosed in May 2015. I have a friend who was diagnosed in June 2016. I'm er\pr + her - she's triple neg. We aren't that close. I'm on my way to a longish future with tamoxifen and a very good prognosis. She's just decided to stop treatment to 'get a few good days before she dies'. She has a 9 year old daughter and a husband who lives and breathes for her. But for the grace of God (or whomever you believe in) go I. I have posted here before. I don't know what to say or do or how to act but I am running out of time to say it or do it or act it. Cancer stinks.
I just got home from a family holiday to find out that She's already been admitted to hospice and is currently so heavily medicated that she's not lucid. 35 days. between then and now. So horrible.
0 -
Molliefish....
So sorry for your friend. I'm on the precipice of deciding what to do after Gemzar and maybe one more thing stops working. My 20+ brain mets are way worse now (they can't radiate anymore or there will be tissue necrosis and I'll end up a vegetable). My family has even noticed the difference in my response time at finding words and pulling together semi-coherent sentences. My brain just freezes up for a few seconds. I also get dizzy now even when I'm sitting down - very scary.
I plan on doing VSED (voluntary stopping of eating and drinking) when the time comes. I had thought about "End of Life Options" cuz assisted suicide is now legal in Calif, but it COSTS $5,000 TO GET THE DAMN PILLS!!!!! What's up with that? Who the heck has 5 grand hanging around just to use for that purpose? My family will need that money for my cremation expenses.
Depending on the state of my liver - when the time comes - VSED may only take 3-5 days. No feeding tubes, no hydration IVs. Your body just goes naturally. I WILL have Hospice support to keep me comfortable, however. I don't relish the idea of "palliative sedation," but if I have to be heavily medicated, that's the way it will have to be. VSED could possibly take up to 10-14 days, but that's better than 35 days, right?
Trying to plan a few day trips and overnight trips with family to make some memories.
This sucks. I originally wanted to rent a Winnebago or camper when I "officially retired" (b4 Mr. Cancer eloped with me) and travel to all the National Parks west of the Mississippi, but that ain't gonna happen. We'll be lucky if we get to go to Yosemite this summer, and I'll probably be in a wheelchair by then because all the numbness is coming back from the bone mets, too. They can't radiate back there anymore either cuz they've already gone in 3 times and RO can't go in from any other angles without tissue necrosis in that area, too.
The fun never stops...L
0 -
molliefish cancer does stink. It affects so much of everyone's lives and continues to be never-ending in pain, worry, and scars both physically and mentally. I know everyone is told as a child "life's not fair" but cancer sure shows us that is very true. Especially when someone with young kids has to deal with this.
0 -
Lita & Molliefish - I'm sitting in a parking lot at the moment, after having grabbed a tea from a drive thru window. I've been driving around for the last hour trying to avoid my negative thoughts about my mammogram call back happening on Monday. I've been glued to this community since the call came, and thought a drive might help. Here I am back again online furiously looking for a 'cure' on the boards. It's minus 8c and I don't even feel the cold after reading the exchange you ladies just had here on the thread, and now a feel a sickening sense of shame at my self pity. It's been replaced with a sense of sorrow at both your situations. Please know that a complete stranger has just shed tears in a freezing Canadian parking lotfor the stinking unfairness visited on your lives. Like you Molliefish I don't know what to say to either of you that would be of any comfort. I'm hoping my tears can only represent some kind of tribute to the stoic and brave beauty of your souls.
0 -
I really do find this crushing to the spirit. I have had a long career n policing and all of those whose death I have investigated live with me. I see their faces. I remember almost all of their names but some how this one lady and her impending death is so much more. I fear not for myself. I know we all die. And I know the value of sharing your message having seen all of these people die. But this time. This time is different. I'm very sad.
0 -
I really just can’t even put into words the emotions running through me after reading today’s contributions to this board. Very sad and very unfair all around!
Dancing Elizabeth & all those who don’t know what to say to people who ask after your health: I just say, ‘So far so good, fingers crossed for the tomorrows ahead to be able to say the same.’ It sums it up nicely without too many details and doesn’t jinx the future with a definitive statement that we may not be able to hold to.
Wishing everyone a peaceful uneventful night’s sleep😴😴😴
0 -
Guess my rant the other day worked. My mom is putting everything in writing that I get once she passes, including the cabinet that was my dad's.
0 -
Mommyof 2 - the similarities on these boards is astounding...my dad’s cabinet (that he used to store tools in) was his mother’s china cabinet circa 1930s. It’s now an awesome book storage unit in my home. That cabinet will forever be in my heart, so full of good memories from my childhood...it still smells like my dad’s woodworking projects when it’s opened (dad passed from asbestos induced cancer in 1999). I’m so glad you’ll be getting it one day and hope it gives you as much comfort as mine does me. Funny how a structural piece of wood can become part of your life
0 -
Oh, I almost lost my grandfather's tool chest he made and his tools. He was a carpenter and my dad was going to follow in his footsteps. My grandfather told him to go make something of himself. I showed an interest in my fathers woodworking projects. He taught me how to hammer nails in straight without holding the nail the entire time. He told me that the chest and tools would be mine. When he died, my mother was going to give it all to my brother. I spoke up and said nope they were mine, dad promised them to me and said brother could have the Craftsman tools. I got it! Lucky I did. Oh how I love the smell when I open that tool chest! Pocket watches that were our grandfathers my mom gave him and when he was dying he told his wife in front of me that he wanted her to bring them to him so he could give them to me to pass on to my son to keep them in the family. Never saw them.
0 -
I had some skin cancer on my forehead removed twice and now it’s back! I had a growth removed from my shoulder blade over 12 years ago and now it’s back!! Hurts like hell. Couldn’t even sleep. Can’t believe I have to go through this again. I sick of being on the sick train 🚂! I want some normalcy!!!
0 -
My dad's was a gun cabinet as he loved to hunt. Not that I would be using it for that purpose when I get it. I would use it for displaying other things.
0 -
I knew a couple who when they were older decided to just not buy gifts and gave items to the kids they wanted to have them. That way there would be no fighting when they were gone. My DH grandma just put in her will that if anyone fought they got nothing. Good idea too. Cancer makes you think that is for sure.
0 -
Egads007, yes, still the place for ranting with mild cursing
. We like lists!
0 -
Dianarose- I am sorry about your skin cancer, I want normalcy for you too!
0 -
Dianarose - when I was going through treatment I often felt the same and would often say ‘I just want my boring little life back’...I feel your pain! Hang in!
Kathindc, Bcincolorado, Mommyof2 - we all noted how the smell of the boxes brings on a wonderful memory rush. Makes perfect sense as apparently the sense of smell is directly wired to the memory area of the brain. Too bad my right breast wasn’t wired so efficiently lol! Anyway I made sure to open my dads cabinet today and take a big sniff in...I felt so much more at ease than I have all week during this god awful wait!
Mods - thank you! It’s so nice to have a thread to scream, mildly curse and blow off steam. The whole community is a god send
0 -
egads - there is no shame. We all have our individual walks through this, though together. Some walks are more frightening but the fear moves and fades.
((((Lita, molliefish, micmel, dianarose, all of us, moderators too)))))
0 -
Rant that cancer has damaged teeth so bad I will have to get remaining teeth out (they'll fall out in couple of years he said) and get dentures. Not even 60 yet. More stinking surgeries because of cancer and now teeth gone too. Stress from cancer just damages everything. Hate cancer.
0 -
bcincolorado. Is it the stress or the blockers? Did you have chemo? I wonder if chemo damages teeth also. Ah jeez, so sorry you are going thru this on top of everything else. I better start taking better care of mine and make that dental appointment.
0 -
(((bluebird))), thank you
0 -
Thanks. Freaked out about the whole denture thing. All my stress has always gone to my mouth anyway. Don't know what all caused this. Since I have to start stupid Prolia now....more dumb needles too......they wanted me to see dentist. I've shrunk 2" since being on Femara and think my bone loss was from that and cause me to lose my bridges too I had on my back teeth. Now dentist says might as well give it up at this point and not spend more money getting it fixed since I'll lose it on Prolia. UGH!!! Cancer is the pits. I was first in my family to have it.
0 -
bcincolorado- so sorry you’re dealing with the teeth issue! Before you agree to anything with this dentist, I’d go for a second opinion and maybe even a third. Prolia and other bone building drugs can cause osteonecrosis of the jaw but it is rare. It is also documented as usually occurring after tooth extraction where things don’t heal properly. Meds like Prolia that have crazy sounding side effects that don’t seem to make sense (it’s supposed to build bone not deteriorate it) tend to make headlines even though the incidence is rare. With that information, I wouldn’t want any extractions at if at all possible. Not even sure you should wear dentures over exposed bone. Definitely a second opinion needed. Here’s links to an article that discusses it:
0 -
Feb 10, 2018 12:42AM molliefish wrote:I was diagnosed in May 2015. I have a friend who was diagnosed in June 2016. I'm er\pr + her - she's triple neg. We aren't that close. I'm on my way to a longish future with tamoxifen and a very good prognosis. She's just decided to stop treatment to 'get a few good days before she dies'. She has a 9 year old daughter and a husband who lives and breathes for her. But for the grace of God (or whomever you believe in) go I. I have posted here before. I don't know what to say or do or how to act but I am running out of time to say it or do it or act it. Cancer stinks.
I just got home from a family holiday to find out that She's already been admitted to hospice and is currently so heavily medicated that she's not lucid. 35 days. between then and now. So horrible.
And then, she's gone.
0 -
I am so sorry molliefish, *sending out a virtual hug*
0 -
Mollie~I am so very sorry! For you! Please accept my hugs of friendship and wishes for finding peace somehow! ~M~
0 -
More dam snow coming lol . That’s how my clothes line looks right now!0 -
Mollie, my condolences...so sad. I hate this disease!!
0 -
Mollie, so sorry to hear about your friend.
Dianarose, brrrrrr!
0 -
Dianarose- lol@ pic, gotta love those nor’easters...3 last week, sick of them. Personally I use it as an excuse NOT to do laundry.
0 -
Mollie, so sorry.
0 -
I'm so sorry Molly...I hate this stupid disease...
Lump in my throat...just learned of the passing of a very kind woman - who used to work behind one of coffee carts - near my office.
Every day - we would talk about things...mainly about her DD and my DD (and, how hard school is). Her DD is close to my DD's age...
I never shared with her that I had BC (as I've only told very few people) - but we talked about many things...
She went into the hospital for back pain...and it turned out to be Stage IV cancer. (I don't know what kind of cancer, but, I assume likely BC).
Anyway, there is a hole in my heart for this sweet lady and a feeling of deep sadness for her daughter...
Group ((((Hugs))))) ..
0
