STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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A friend(facebook) just posted a joke, if they were a plastic surgeon they would 100% put a squeaky toy in every breast implant. I should post on the stupid comments.
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Runor, I’m proud of you for sticking around. Even though I was crazy scared, I left the boards after my original active treatment ended. I think for me it was easier to pretend I wasn’t as worried when I didn’t talk to other cancer survivors. Even as a stage IV now, I still consider myself a survivor, btw
Your humor is one of the things I look forward to as I’m reading the boards. And your raw truth is totally relatable.
I think I must’ve missed something though. I guess I thought you were “in the clear”, so what is it that they are“watching”? That in and of itself would cause panic in anyone.
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Swess, way back in the beginning a big, hairy looking object like a spider web (radial scar) showed up in my boob. They went in and did lumpectomy and got clean margins.
I found a new lump in my good boob, had mamm, new lump was a cyst. But the bad boob, well it looks like whatever that big hairy thing was, that was supposedly removed, IS STILL THERE. So they cut out something, and yet the original finding of architectural distortion remains. It has been explained to me that this could be post surgical scarring, or this could be typical changes after radiation. But this hairy looking thing was there BEFORE biopsy, surgery and radiation and it is still there! So what is it? What is it doing? Did I have more than one blob of cancer and we missed one?
Last mamm (on the 20th of March /18) says it has not changed or grown. Well that's a bonus. BUT THERE IS STILL SOMETHING THERE! It was not cut out, it was not radiated into dust. No one is saying it's cancer. Nor are they saying it's not. They're saying we will look again in 6 months and see if it changes. And this makes me feel anxious and like taking risky street drugs might be an appropriate reaction. And then I get lady with clipboard telling me, in essence, that I might need help getting over this. Well, it ain't exactly over, is it? It seems to be just hovering, not good, not bad, not overly concerning but a little concerning .... I give up. I am going to spend the next 6 months pretending I'm fine. It's what I do everyday anyway.
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Good luck, notered. Cbt therapy helps with dealing with other aspects of life too where you can't change what is or what has happened. Wishing you peace.
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good luck notered. Cbt therapy helps to deal with other aspects of life too in dealing with things or people you can't change. These should statements while may be true cause even more distress, which could put someone like me back in the psych ward, 5150. I have a long list of shoulds I've given up on for my own mental health sake.
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Just remember, runor, you never have to pretend here. I’d be worried as well.
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I am angry, mad, closed off. So many different emotions each day since finding out your having a BMX. Today my papers came in from both surgeons telling me what I need to do for surgery. All the times of things happening and my husband have me this look like it sucks but you got to do it and I lost it. Closed the papers didn't want to talk about it. No one understands but you ladies. I want to run, I want to ignore it all. I keep trying to stay positive. I do for so many except my husband and closest friend. But I am a mess. Each day is a day closer to surgery, 3 weeks. And within that I have other doctor visits and tests for other things. .. I am just frozen in place. Thanks for letting me get that out.
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Juniper - ((((Hugs)))). The beginning of all of this mess - is enormously overwhelming... A lot to do while a lot to process - at the same time. I remember wishing that time would stand still and I wanted to hide in my bed and just stay there until I felt safe. But, had to keep going. I made lots of lists of things I needed to do - and just kept moving forward. But, it took everything in me - to keep moving forward. My sister was a lot more supportive than my DH. He actually wasn't that supportive... You will get through this!!
Runor: EXACTLY!!!! Thank-you for putting it all words...It feels good to read your posts!!
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I've had several people (some in my own family) tell me I needed counseling to deal with having had cancer. I feel like telling them to F' Off! because where was this phony concern when I first started dealing with cancer! One woman that my hubby works with even went so far as to say the only reason I went through reconstruction was for him! My hubby shut her down with, “No, she didn't do it for me. She did it for herself and her own reasons, including the fact that it would have been harder to deal with having to look at herself in the mirror and seeing her body has physically changed and it wouldn’t be the same ever again if she didn’t do it.”
Some people just don’t get it or would know how to deal with it if it happened to them.
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to be clear, if the aim is at me with my therapy info, thats not saying there's something wrong with you. Cancer sucks. People suck. It's meant to help you work through the anger, depression, anxiety. We can't change people and many situations we are in, but there is help when you've had enough of being in the shitty state you're in. Make the changes you can. I cut off most of my fam after i came out of the psych ward when they acted like it was nothing and threw away the material to educate them. Best decision ever.
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My feeling is - what can therapy really *change*? I've tried it - at the suggestion of others. It's done nothing for me. The fact that I had BC - will always be a fact. Therapy doesn't change that.
The *only* thing that actually does help me - is going to the gym. Not sitting in front of someone - having to answer questions. The gym doesn't ask questions. Working-out makes me feel free...and makes me feel safe. I don't know how else to explain it...but for me - therapy doesn't work and an hour in an exercise class or on the stationary bike is much more effective and cheaper!!!
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I went to more than one support group during my first year: one for St 4 women only and one monthly 4 Christians with Cancer.
I stopped going to the weekly ALL cancer group at kaiser b'cuz I wasn't getting that much out of that one. The Christian group no longer exists because the leader just passed away a couple months ago from pancreatic cancer
and no one else has stepped forward to lead it.The St 4 group is across the Bay, and I can't go to that one anymore because i can't drive, per dr's orders, all because of my 20+ brain mets. I've had some mild bleeding from time to time, and dr is afraid I could have a major bleed on the road and kill someone.
I may ask my palliative care doc for a referral as things continue to get worse for me. Counseling is NOT shameful. Get some if you need it. I miss the support groups as sometimes you need the face to face interaction.
L
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what type of therapy is key otherwise ya it's just talk. Look up cbt. That requires action on your part. It doesnt negate your feelings like you may think. Your feelings are valid. It helps you think differently to help you cope. I had this in the psych ward as a mandatory thing to attend. I was this is foo foo for awhile because i didn't give it a decent chance. My father recently had a stroke that left his left side compromised. He's doing pt but it doesn't seem to be working as well as we hope. He was playing tennis last year at 78, pillar of health with pefect labs, bp, cholesterol, etc. So it was a shock to his docs. He's a big stresser so we figure that the cause.
Im working on his mind using cbt but being respectful that his feelings are real. We are slowly working to this may be as good as it gets. It pained me to tell him you are at more risk for more strokes once you had one but he has to know so he can work on his anger and depression and anxiety. Its slooooooooow but baby steps are happening. Its a mindful daily thing to do. Cbt doesn't end. It needs to be used daily to achieve peace with things/people you cant change. Let go of the shoulds in others. Shoulds are for you for you have control of your mind.
My parents didn't do anything about my mental issues from childhood that escalated to 40 years latet being 5150 to the psych ward suicidal and all, but im there for them in their 70s dealing with their mortality, body breaking down, and fear even though im dealing with shitty ses and stage 3 bc stuff that's more than enough for me who is alone.
Bro and bff know. Bro just gives support and prayers. Bff sometimes is surprised or says things that i could get in a twist over making my headaches worsr but i know she loves me and has done a lot for me in the past esp when i had my mental rock bottom breakdown. I could say she has no experience with cancer, but shes watched her father die from it at 21 and her sis in 2015. Everyone is different in how they process it. I've learned the long hard way that I'm it in taking care of me. I don't expect others to get anything. And i feel at peace which is the best case scenario for things or people behaving badly.
Eta, not all therapists are good or kind. Like docs youneed to shop around. Make sure their credentials says cbt in it.
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I agree - therapy is great for some or probably most people.
I've been to about 7 different therapists and not once had it made me feel any better! In fact, I would feel much more depressed after spending an hour hashing over everything that is wrong in my life (a lot of it I can't change - so - talking about it makes me feel even worse).
I think I'm not a good candidate for therapy...:-(
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I think you should report the clipboard Queen to the Practice manager. She is the person that needs counseling on how to speak appropriately with patients with breast cancer, or any cancer!
Some one on my friend list posted that squeaky toy in reconstructed breasts! I have a pretty dark humor, but saw absolutely NO humor in that. It takes a year out of your life and pain to do it. I suggested maybe he could try them in his balls if he had testicular or or any other male cancer. I saw it posted during whenall of the Me, too was going strong. Who touches our breast to make them squeak! Really went all over me.
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dancingelizabeth, i bet none of them were cbt therapists. Look for ones who list it as type used. Of course you need to talk about what's wrong, that's why you go, but cbt teaches you how to change your thoughts that will in turn lift your mood. It's work on your part. And it takes time. And it's not pleasant until you mster the techniques. But stick to it and life becomes easier to deal with. If you can't change stuff then this is the way to go. Otherwise you remain where you are.
This type of therapy isn't for everyone, it's for those who really want to feel better, who are done being angry at things that they (really) can't change, are sick and tired of being so depressed and anxious all the time. Cbt is the only one that with a lot of work and tears worked for me, and i was at the bottom: suicidal. I tried killing myself. I have no SO or a unconditional fam, and just 1 friend literally. So few are worse off than me. Plus I'm on fixed income and live alone. None of these things have changed. I had to change my thought patterns or be locked up again. Stats are those who have been committed to a psych ward are likely to wind up there again. I was asked by a pt in there what is the # of times I've been in. Huh?
And it's horrible in there, and i was in a nice one. They take everything that you may use to harm yourself or others like cold meds i had on me and my cell phone. There are no power outlets in the rooms. Want to dry your hair, go in the tv room where you can be watched. Mirrors in the bathroom are what you see in prisons. No decor in the rooms, just desk chair and bed. All to prevent people from harming themselves or others. Food is like cafeteria. For me the thought of going back makes me vomit. You don't want to go there. People like me who have been in there can never work for the government jobs. It's on you record that they check.
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Extremely depressed today. Been going through problems with my youngest. He has some kind of anxiety depression that has caused him not to graduate college. Everything seemed fine until senior year then disaster I find out the last minute. Trying to help him. But he does not want my help. The 3 roses bushes I bought and wanted to put in this spring are still not in. I went outside to plant them. I can't the ground is filled with roots and clay.
My husband says is he was going to do that but a month later nothing. He is retired, I can't stand it anymore.
Why can't they recognize the pain I feel. I tell them all strsight to their face. What the hell am I doing here?
Ps spent 10s of thousands of dollars on my oldest and no degree.
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meow....just hire a gardener. That's what I had to do.
I love my dh dearly, but he makes gardening promises he doesn't keep. Got tired of the bullshiz and just hired a service that comes once a qtr. They transplanted some bushes for me.
It's well worth the $, and I don't waste energy nagging dh.
L
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Well my husband planted the bushes and the sun came out. I wish I could do more feeling so useless these days. And I fell off the exercise band wagon. Need to get back on.
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meow ~ I am sorry honey. My kids went through something similar.... effed it up and now are working full time jobs forever!!!!! Foooorrrr eeeeevvvvvveeeeerrrrrr!!!
That is how I pronounce forever also when I speak to them, I’m sure they’d like to punch me but oh well, at this point it wouldn’t even hurt after what I’ve been through ! It's not our fault. Tell them to get their asses up and plant the bush. I would get so frustrated at times I would just go outside and start slowly by myself . When everyone else realizes what's going on, they were tripping over themselves to get outside. If that doesn’t work, try just causally mentioning hiring a garden handy boy. To you're DH. Usually that threatens their manlyhood. Wake them turkeys up. I am going throug the same thing with my kids. It's an adjustment sure.... but for us it's nothing we can change. They most certainly can! I am sorry. ~M~
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Maybe I shouldn't be too pissed about this, but I AM.
I closed out an IRA back in January (so my husband wouldn't have to be encumbered by it after I die and have to deal with ID, death certificates, etc.), and I thought it was ALL taken care of. So, I get a STATEMENT in the mail today, and there's a BALANCE of about 30 bucks in the account now. WTF??!!!
Looking at the spreadsheet on p 2, the moneys POSTED AFTER the January 25 close out date. Now I'm going to have to go back to Wells Fargo and raise a little Cain. People are just imbeciles these days. How hard is it for ef's sake to close an account?
I'll tell you what, most of the people who work in banks these days are youngsters with NO ATTENTION to detail. I have better things to do (hello? Infusions!) than traipse to the bank AGAIN and deal with this. I'm going to play the CANCER card BIG TIME now. (I really didn't do it when I first went in there last year, but now I have no choice...)
Fun, fun, fun,
L
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Lita - how frustrating!!! I don’t blame you a bit for going back to raise hell....they should take you to lunch for your trouble at least!! My father died of cancer back in 99’ and after my mother did his final tax return (and very careful marked the ‘deceased’ box on the return) the tax people called my Mum and told her they needed my Dad’s signature. After picking herself off the floor she told the lady that my Dad had passed....the lady STILL insisted on a signature (obviously didn’t listen to a word my Mum had said). My Mum didn’t hold back and replied with ‘well guess you’re asking me to dig him up to get your damned precious signature!’ ‘Look at the deceased box checked off you idiot!’ Then she hung up. Never heard another peep out of the tax lady again. Small as it may sound my Mum still has a sense of satisfaction from striking back at ineptitude!
Go give em’ hell!!!
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You know when it rains it pours. So true. I won't go into detail but I have been working with a national organization chapter for over a year now. Did alot of work volunteering, I was asked to take on chapter officer duties as a HELPER just found my application for national membership has not even been looked at. It has been over 2 months I did alot of work on that application and feel like I was being used. This on top of everything.
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Hey everyone,
Before I lost my hair to chemo it was really long and blonde. I stopped wearing my caps a little over a month ago because I was finally comfortable enough to go without them. My hair is full and it's growing really fast but of course it's still short. So today I saw someone that I haven't seen since before I was diagnosed and I've known him for about 4 years. He says to me "You look like a man with boobs". I said seriously do you think I cut off all my hair for no reason and I informed him that I've been in treatment for cancer. He felt like crap after I told him that. I wasn't even mad but some people just do not think before they speak.
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Kmajor - you should have told him ‘yeah but my hair will grow back, your missing mouth filter seems permanent’!
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How horrible. You think I should know better at age 60, people are so unkind. What kind of a response does he think he'd receive. I need a permanent vacation, so mad I just got an email from the very person that told me the organization hasn't even looked at my application saying here is another thing you can do for us. Unreal what a slap in the face.
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Meow - email back and tell him to print and then where he can file his request! Sideways
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People are just rude these days that's for sure. I honestly didn't know what to say to him cause it just floored me that such ignorance came out of his mouth. People would stare when I was still wearing my caps and I would just smile and speak. The whole time I was thinking...OMG you would think these people never saw anybody with cancer before.
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kmajor, I am glad you told him, he should feel bad. I can't imagine what he expected your response to be.
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I still am mad. Can't believe I am allowing it to get to me. I should do the treadmill tomorrow morning.
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