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CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.

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  • Lucy55
    Lucy55 Member Posts: 2,703
    edited January 2016

    Dropping in to say Hi.. Busy here.. Have 4 year old grand daughter staying for a couple of days. So I'm " on the hop " 😱

    Ducky enjoy your day out at the markets sound great!


  • shorfi
    shorfi Member Posts: 437
    edited January 2016

    DF...my husband is the ultimate sabatoger...we never use the dishwasher because it is always filled with my favorite things...cookies, chips, pies, etc. I wish he wouldn't bring that crap in the house because I am too weak not to eat it. I would rather have junk food than a regular meal...I know...I am BAD. But I am trying so hard to leave the crap alone. My stomach looks as if I am literally about 7 months pregnant. I used to blame it on the chemo, but this weight crept up on me about a year after finishing chemo. My MO said I could blame it on her. I look like the Michelin tire man. I have no self control, but I had really well today while at work. Have hair appointment tonight, and hope I am not starving by the time I get home. It's crazy, but I know about the recurrence rate if you don't keep your body weight in check...but it is soooooooooo hard.

    Help!!!

  • JerseyGirl22
    JerseyGirl22 Member Posts: 186
    edited January 2016

    Thanks, ladies! I appreciate the warm welcome!

    I'm actually not on the fence with more chemo. The neoadjuvant worked and it was seen working, so I'm happy with that choice, but I'm also ok with the choice of no more chemo. I did have a second opinion and he said I could opt to do more chemo, but it's only an option, not a must. He agreed with my original treatment path.

    I guess I just wish she hadn't even mentioned it... the mention of it was to check off the "more than 4 nodes positive here are your options box.." It just started the whole second guessing myself thing that happens in the wee small hours... I'm planning on officially kicking this sucker to the curb, its just that the anxiety thing jumps in and messes with my mojo! #@^@%#&#@#!

    Next thing I know, I'm jumping the fence and heading right down Main Street, Crazy Town... so handlers, no body guards, just full out me, running amuck!

    gramdma3X, you've done a lot for me, too! I'm always a PM away if you need me, as well as being on the boards. The risks of the chemo they said I could opt for outweigh the benefits, for me at least. I had to have a transfusion during chemo, it messed with my body so badly...

    Molly50, I'm at the 'Too Tired To Run Cafe' it's at the corner of Anxiety Way and Screw Breast Cancer Plaza. Trying to head out now to Peaceful Acres on the edge of town...



  • Molly50
    Molly50 Member Posts: 3,008
    edited January 2016

    Ah but your bouncer likes me! Loopy Thank you, DF. I will wait until I am feeling fatalistic again. Probably as my Monday appointment with MO approaches. I am not crazy about my MO but too lazy at this point to change because I ADORE my surgeon and she's my go to doctor.

  • Hernie
    Hernie Member Posts: 664
    edited January 2016

    Hey crazies, any room in this town for me? DF sent me. I brought my wee pal and a rubber shoe. Totally normal.

    image

  • Molly50
    Molly50 Member Posts: 3,008
    edited January 2016

    Too Tired To Run cafe sounds like my kind of place! Okay so here's my crazy confession of my latest thoughts. No need to comfort me or put me in a straight jacket...yet. I found a small lump which feels like a bean in the axillary lymph node area on my good breast. It is a bit moveable and a bit tender. I had a MRI back in September that gave me an all clear. So I need to mention this to MO on Monday but he tends to blow me off and I dread the appointment. I do see my BS the following week. I want an ultrasound even though this is probably NOTHING. On top of that I have pain in my shoulder blade on my good side which is probably from my damn TE and the tissue shrinkage around it after rads. I am only 4+ weeks out of rads. I should go see my PS but again I dread all these doctor appointments. The next phase of my fatalistic thoughts for 2016 are this...my mom is going to die this year. That is a fact. She is end stage Alzheimers and they thought she would be gone by Christmas. I have said my good-byes to her but I still dread the actual moment so much. My son who was supposed to die nearly a year ago this February (long story about his health history). He's only 17 and special needs. He's my angel. I have these thoughts of losing him this year too and then I have to reel myself back in to remind myself that we have had an extra year and he's still doing pretty damn well. We should all be this determined to live! Then of course my brain jumps to new cancer or recurrence and well...we are off and running through crazy town (and probably half naked while doing it!) My hubby, bless him, knows a lot of these thoughts but I mostly just bottle them up and keep on going.

  • Molly50
    Molly50 Member Posts: 3,008
    edited January 2016

    Hi Split-bean! Any admirer of Colin Firth is alright by me! I'm a newbie here too.

  • queenmomcat
    queenmomcat Member Posts: 2,020
    edited January 2016

    Molly: all that is exactly why CrazyTown came to be. It has many more reasons now, as it does inhabitants. But the OMG what is that lump? that pain? Absolutely crazy. Baseless? Probably. What we all first think? Absolutely.

    Split-bean: welcome to Crazytown. The mayor will probably be along with an official welcome basket, and possibly a picture, though I promise nothing. But we're here for you with open arms, patience, understanding, virtual food porn, and the room of your choice.

    (I'm up on the third floor, in a room with a comfy bed, skylight and soaking tub. Lovely thick down duvet and thicker plaster walls.)

  • octogirl
    octogirl Member Posts: 2,434
    edited January 2016

    (((((((hugs))))) Molly! and yes, I do like you so you just sit here a while! :-) But seriously, you have so much on your plate, and I am so sorry about all of it. Thinking of you today.

    It is interesting that bs is your 'go-to' doc, not your MO. In my care team it is the opposite. I like the MO, but I ADORE the bs, who basically told me on my last visit that she hopes she never has to see me again....since that isn't the case for you, I'd talk to the bs about the lump if you are worried MO will blow you off. Whatever happens, we will be in your pocket for the MO visit and for the u/s which yes, you should get!

    Welcome split-bean!

    I have lots to write about my own situation, but naturally work picked today to blow up in my face. So more later after I put out a few fires. Hugs to all.

    Octogirl

  • octogirl
    octogirl Member Posts: 2,434
    edited January 2016

    So, thanks for the happy dances Katy and all!!! Yes I am done with rads! WooHoo!

    Honestly, it went by very quickly, and for me at least, a piece of cake compared to chemo, even though my skin isn't quite as great as it was at the beginning of the week...So given that, my emotional reaction to being done surprised me! I almost burst into tears on the table! Granted, I had a very sucky work day before heading to rads, but it was definitely more than that...oh by the way, haven't been able to corner my boss on the big meeting and what it means. But I have a private meeting with him Monday so hope to know more than. Of course, given that my only interaction with him since coming back from winter break was to vehemently disagree with him in a policy discussion at a small team meeting today (something I hardly ever do. really), he may not be in the mood to confide in me...

    But I digress. Back to ending rads. I wanted to cry, and the rads tech team wanted to celebrate. They all came over as I left to sing a little song, give me a card and balloon, and hugs to wish me well! I told them that they were all very sweet and very good at their jobs (they really did a great job overall) but that I hoped they wouldn't be offended when I said I hoped never to see them again, unless i ran into them at the local pub! Big laugh, but then they pointed out that I do have a follow up apt with RO in a month....and of course my favorite tech wasn't there today, so I will need to seek her out for a hug at my follow up apt.

    So bolstered by the balloon, I decided to stop at the pharmacy to pick up the Arimidex on the way home. OF COURSE, it wasn't ready: apparently they had filled the rx when MO called it in, but they only keep them ten days, and I had procrastinated longer than that...It will be ready to pick up in the am, so I will go back for it tomorrow. I promise. and yes, will start tomorrow or Sunday, per MO's suggestion, and see how it goes. At least by stopping by the pharmacy I was able to ascertain my co-pay, which they told me is only $14, (not sure how big a supply I get, I am guessing one to three months worth, but I forgot to ask), so that is no big deal and one more thing to cross off the list to worry about.

    But I did come home and have a good cry. Not being in active treatment is weird. And I don't see either MO or RO until the second week of February. What will I do with myself?

    Hang out in Crazy Town, obviously. and count the hairs on my head obsessively. and yeah, I may call MO's office before then to talk about my concerns. Have the feeling the answer will be to be patient and wait: wait to see if I do actually have SEs, wait on the hair as it will come......why are we always waiting?

    But for tonight: PARTY TIME! Hubby is taking me to what passes for a good restaurant in a small town. This being the Great Central Valley, it is of course a red meat type of place. So, he will be designated driver, and screw BC, I am having prime rib and a martini!!!

    image

    (the two things they do best at this place, which is the only restaurant in the area that is as old as I am....). Fun times in the small town tonight.

    Here is a pic of my balloon, just in case it cheers anyone else as well...

    Hugs to all

    Octogirl

  • queenmomcat
    queenmomcat Member Posts: 2,020
    edited January 2016

    I'd guess that bursting into tears after finishing your last rads treatment is an entirely normal reaction! Ridiculous. Foolish. Even, dare I say it...CrazyTown? But we've finished an incredibly intense (physically and emotionally) rollercoaster ot treatment. The thought that we've successfully finished the active treatment stage of an incredibly traumatic disease? Sure. The thought that we've fallen kerplump on our asses, ejected from a time of intensely intimate interactions with the medical world and are now out on our own, alone? Also, sure.

  • DecisionFreak
    DecisionFreak Member Posts: 435
    edited January 2016

    Oops, shorfi, did I get it wrong? Was it you that made the short post about the chocolate cake? For some reason, I thought it was slow. beppy, lol,

  • 7of9
    7of9 Member Posts: 474
    edited January 2016

    it was a two attivan day for me...got a lot accomplished at work but I'm not sure if watching the fault in our stars while taking down the Christmas tree was a great idea...so now I'm eating vanilla ice cream watching a comedy.better. 11 more days til surgery. ...wishing it was tomorrow already

  • dsgirl
    dsgirl Member Posts: 193
    edited January 2016

    Molly50, I love my bs too, she actually did have an ultrasound machine right there in her office, so if your bs does to, have her take a look at that a bit closer. I had several lymph nodes that ever so often decided to swell up, and felt like a bean, so off to bs I went.

    Best of luck, an praying it's nothing to worry about.

    dsgirl

  • DecisionFreak
    DecisionFreak Member Posts: 435
    edited January 2016

    Split-bean, my brain is evidently muddled. I have no excuses except sleep deprivation. Welcome to Crazy Town! I am glad you have joined us here. You will find this to be a very warm and welcoming and kind place. You can talk about what is REALLY going on with you, and you will find very wonderful women on the thread who will really and truly listen.

    slow, you are an inspired Mayor!

    Crazies, I am so tired I could cry. I didn't do much today except have a huge temper tantrum in front of my mother's home health nurse when I discovered that my mother's doctor gave her a prescription for a very low dose of long acting insulin. The chemo has completely destroyed her body's ability to keep Anne's blood sugar control. The Hellcat (me) was back! I don't seem to be making myself clear about this problem. Anne's blood sugar is on a roller coaster ride and we, the family, are in the car.

    Imagine Sigourney Weaver being evil as only she can be while looking a little like Jessica Lange, except with brown hair and about 65 extra pounds on her bones and fangs for teeth, wearing a Betsy Johnson beanie with pearls in the weave and dressed in a glitter t-shirt and jeans. I know. It's an awful image. That was me today. The beanie hats keep me warm, and they are fun.

    I went ballistic!

    We are talking about blood sugar running between 300 and 500 points since the last chemo! The nurse had bought me a book, and it said that it is sometimes necessary to prescribe a short-acting insulin for use when the short acting insulin doesn't work. Really? Why did the doctor think that a tiny dose of long acting insulin was going to keep this high blood sugar under control? Why didn't he prescribe short-acting insulin in case we need it? After my meltdown, the home health nurse suggested that perhaps she needed to call and speak with the nurse again. She knew I was not angry with her. I am taking Anne to the ER every time her blood sugar goes up over 350. I don't care what it takes.

    I have to take an extra trip to meet with the plastic surgeon next week. I will be away from home for three days. It is 500 miles round trip. I don't drive. It is too late to schedule a Mercy Flight so I am going by bus. I went online and sent an email to an oncologist at an online service that links up professionals in various fields with people that have relevant questions. I asked him what would get me thrown off the PS bus. He said smoking and being emotionally incapable of tending to the surgical site???? Not exactly his words, but you get my drift. I was trying to figure out how a PS would figure out if you were emotionally capable of caring for your little wounded breasts. I don't think they have a test for emotional capacity to care for your surgical wounds. Anyway, I think they will give me a blood test for nicotine and a by-product of nicotine that stays in the body for about 10 days. Good thing I don't smoke. Smoking interferes with wound healing.

    I know this is a CRAZY RANT! I wish I had the energy to respond to you crazies out there who are going through hard times and to celebrate with those of you that have great news.Just re-read the description of me today in my beanie with pearls being evil, and maybe it will make you laugh. Thinking of all of you and sending good vibes your way.

  • Molly50
    Molly50 Member Posts: 3,008
    edited January 2016

    DF, I am so sorry about your mom. You are a wonderful daughter, rants and all.

  • DecisionFreak
    DecisionFreak Member Posts: 435
    edited January 2016

    Hi, Molly, SillyHeart

    I posted a photographic portrait of my mother Anne (pron Ani) a few days ago. I have been her advocate.

  • queenmomcat
    queenmomcat Member Posts: 2,020
    edited January 2016

    DF: laughing, but with that break in my voice that means I'm this close to crying in frustration for/with you. But not gooey. It's your turn to be crazy just now, and someday, when you've found your comparatively tranquil place,you can be there for whoever's stuck just then.

  • cubbie2015
    cubbie2015 Member Posts: 773
    edited January 2016

    Octo, glad to hear you are done. I hope you enjoyed your celebratory dinner. You deserve it. Don't worry, the hair is coming!

    Decision, I love the description of your "rant outfit". The glitter T-shirt really completes the picture. You do such a good job of advocating for your Mom.

    Split-bean, Molly, and Jerseygirl, welcome to Crazytown!

  • bcky
    bcky Member Posts: 70
    edited January 2016
    imageimage

    TomBoy My beautiful Gina (RIP) is on page 173. Gosh darn it. LMAO!!! You scared me. I was like "Did I delete the pic?" LMAO!

    Decision Freak I laughed and laughed. I love that you went ballistic. I do that too. We are Ballistic BUDS! Certainly there is no test to determine if a person is capable of caring for their surgically healing breasts but I think they mean if a person was schizophrenic or crazier than we or worse so devastated by BC that caring for the surgical site is too much.

    Congrats! Octogirl.

    Shorfi I am on Phentermine. It is an emergency weightloss drug. I have the same belly. It is horrifying. I have never in my life been this out of shape. Since my breast cancer dx I completely let myself go. I stopped working out. I was so emotionally distraught that a shower everyday after my mastectomy was allot to ask. My apartment was so dusty and creepy for months during cancer treatment. It was like time had stopped with my BC dx that when I got mentally well enough to do more than dishes and make the bed I realized I had not vacummed in months. LMAO. My paintings had so much dust on the frames. I had not cleaned the shower in months. LOL. PS my couch became my bed after dx. I had found the lump in my breast in bed and since then I still cannot sleep in it. Plus with all my surgeries the couch keeps me from rolling over on my healing side.


  • DecisionFreak
    DecisionFreak Member Posts: 435
    edited January 2016

    cubbie, Molly, and queenmom, I am sure that I was a sight to behold! I was quite the opposite of chic. I forgot to mention that I was wearing Muk Luks on my feet, and a double strand of white turquoise (howlite) with matching beaded drop earrings. If I had gone outside, I might have been arrested for indecent exposure of my bizarre appearance to the public. I don't know what has gotten into me. Have I lost my mind?

  • SlowDeepBreaths
    SlowDeepBreaths Member Posts: 6,702
    edited January 2016

    To All My Lovely Crazies,

    I'm afraid I must take a leave of absence for a bit. I know I leave this thread in VERY capable hands. I really do LOVE Crazy Town so much, but I'm facing a few challenges that need my attention. So I will be joining the lovely JAN and company in the quiet crazy group. I will be cheering you ALL on from the sidelines.

    Welcome to the newbies - Jerseygirl22, Molly50, & Splitbean.

    image

    Here is your welcome kit consisting of a magnifying glass, mirror, flashlight and coconut oil. Please use these items sparingly!!


    Here is the balance of the FAMOUS spread sheet!!


    Our very much loved QueenVice (she is still contemplating that name) is leaving for Chicago tomorrow?? If that date is correct, have a wonderful time QueenVice!! Or did that happen last month??? Yes, I'm confused. haha

    Our sweet Cubbie has an MO appointment on 1/12/16.

    Beautiful Momwriter has that nasty MRI coming up in the BIG machine on 1/12/16. I have claustrophobia too Momwriter, so I can totally relate. Extra hugs for you!!

    Our lovely new member grandma3x has her surgery coming up on 1/13/16 and she has her pre-surgery appointment that same week.

    Our determined to kick pain to the curb, Shorfi has a spinal injection coming up on 1/15/16 and I am sending you all my best good thoughts that you'll finally get some relief from your pain!!

    Last but definitely not least, our wonderful Katy has that second eye surgery coming up on 1/15/16. Your texting buddy will be front and center on that day!!

    That is it for January. For February,

    One of our newest members, PMR53 has a port removal on 2/11/16.


    Octo, I'm so excited for you to be finished with rads!!! Whooooo hoooooo!!!! As promised, I'm throwing you an Octoparty!!


    Here is your Octoloons!!

    image

    Your Octotizzers!!

    image

    and......your Octocakes!!

    image

    I'm so proud of you. I'll be keeping an eye on that hair growth. A few years from now we will both be braiding each others hair!! haha

    Party on Crazies!!


    Much love and kindness to all!!!!!
    xxoo

    Edited for typos....I never get it right!! haha

  • Tomboy
    Tomboy Member Posts: 2,700
    edited January 2016

    Hey. I came to say I love crazy town, but it's getting a little weird around here for me. Those of you who know me, (and make sure you know me) feel free to pm me. Something has changed 'the flavor' of c-town, and it just does not feel like the place SlowDeepBreathes created, and that's too bad, because it was such a sweet place. Carry on

  • bcky
    bcky Member Posts: 70
    edited January 2016

    Can't sleep Monday is nipple surgery. Generally a few days before surgery this starts. Fifth and final surgery.

  • octogirl
    octogirl Member Posts: 2,434
    edited January 2016

    ((((SDB))))) and thank you!

    Octogirl

  • rainnyc
    rainnyc Member Posts: 801
    edited January 2016

    What Octo said!! You're in my thoughts, SDB!

    You too, Bcky. Hope Monday comes quickly for you!

  • duckyb1
    duckyb1 Member Posts: 9,646
    edited January 2016

    Don't think I am missing.......I am leaving CT........when the fun stops, and 'you begin to "skim and skip" over posts it is time to move on........like Tomboy......(if you know me PM me)......it was fun while it lasted................take care everyone................

  • DecisionFreak
    DecisionFreak Member Posts: 435
    edited January 2016

    I won't be around either. Please join us on Chilling Out to talk about great movies and television!


  • Molly50
    Molly50 Member Posts: 3,008
    edited January 2016

    SDB, hugs to you. I am sad that as soon as I joined this lovely group you all start leaving. You seem like such warm, wacky women. Medicating

  • Hernie
    Hernie Member Posts: 664
    edited January 2016

    My thoughts exactly.

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