CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.
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Poppy, I think we all belong in Crazytown! I just wish I had time for nesting....(I did buy a new couch in December, does that count?).
On the Redneck TV front: my stepmom had a family of skunks who lived under her porch, and she fed them every night! Now THAT is crazy....
I am leaving town again, if the crazies can believe that, for ten days. Just me (not hubby) this time, and strictly work: back to back meetings...home again in ten days. Definitely not feeling the 'road warrior' thing, but after this, I get to stick around for a while....fortunately, my flight out isn't till Monday, so TGIF and I am looking forward to a quiet weekend at home with hubby, watching the tomatoes grow.
went back on the Femara, at least until next MO apt, after I get back. My thumb is really hurting, knees aren't great either. In the good news dept., my hair is finally getting long enough to look cute (to me).
Love the prom and cat pics. Hugs to all and hope all have a restful weekend!
Octogirl
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Yeah, I'm not feeling the road warrior thing either--part of me says “you're 65 with health issues, your husband is 66 and on the verge of health issues--had that surgery scare last spring & summer--nobody's really making real money at folk music any more unless they're either already famous or young and cute; venues you always depended on are giving up live music because they can't afford to buy ASCAP and BMI licenses; you're spending twice as much as you're raking in; you get more and more anxious over the logistics and it's only the performing part you enjoy--so why not give up your folk music quasi-career and just perform locally for friends who ask you to?" Here I am this weekend, driving 4 hrs each way and spending money on a hotel room in order to play 2 hrs and split $200 or less with my singing partner. And he needs to make a living at this--I don't, and he's three years younger than I am anyway. NC is a different story--there are connections to be made and friends with whom to reconnect at the folk conference (as well as raise consciousness for Musicians United to Protect Bristol Bay--keep the Pebble Mine from opening and ruining the AK salmon fishery forever), and I'm enthusiastic to do what I can to benefit Vital Touch, not to mention meeting my BCO sisters Happy Hammer and her sister, and mustlovepoodles and her DH. Besides, I'm flying--which at my age, believe it or not, is finally less stressful than driving 8+ hrs. a day solo for 2-3 days at a time. (And I also have quite a chunk of change sunk into two CDs--my duo's next album due to be released before Christmas, and my own half-recorded followup solo one--do I want to waste all that)?
But even at these regional folk concerts, I find myself showcasing most often in a hotel room devoid of anyone else besides the showcase host and the next act. All the DJs and venue/house concert operators are interested in the artists already getting the buzz and the gigs (who don't really need to showcase anyway). There are usually 8-12 of these private showcases going on at any one time, depending on the size of the conference. The former President and current VP of my union (Local 1000 of the AFM) both stopped doing these “guerrilla" showcases years ago, disdaining them as “the buskers singing to the homeless;" but they are already famous in the folk world and have no trouble getting official showcases, that everyone attends because there are no competing events in that time slot. (Years ago, I got to do two at the int'l conference--one solo and one with my old trio--and my partner did one at our own regional--because I was on the Board and thus ineligible at the time, I didn't apply; and by the time I was once again eligible, the criteria were much tougher and neither of us ever have gotten a juried showcase since then).
Look--I knew what I was getting into decades ago. I never took into account that every time life would interrupt my career, I'd have to go back to square one when getting back in the game--but each time have to compete with younger (and often more talented) performers. As recently as 10 years ago, though, it wasn't a competition--it was a community, with information-and-contact sharing, cooperation, gig-swapping-and-sharing, and all-around cooperation. At the regional conferences, it still mostly is---as opposed to the int'l conference, which one wag described as the Folk Music Hunger Games. I have no right to call the grapes I can't get sour. But I get the sense that despite having a grown son trying to launch his own career, I may be increasingly more in demand at home than I am in front of a microphone--and though folk music is full of male traditional and bluegrass players well into their 70s, except for the Carole Kings, Judy Collinses and Joan Baezes of this world it's not a senior woman's game.
End of pity party. Got a gig to pack and practice for.
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My handsome grandson and me......
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That picture made me smile.
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Sandy, that doesn't sound like nearly as much fun as it should be. funny thing is, in my field it isn't the frustration of the performance competition, and the pay isn't low...the meetings will be ok to good and I will get to see some work colleagues who are also friends who I don't see often enough. and going to places with good restaurants is always fun ('good' and 'restaurant' are fairly mutually exclusive terms in my small town). For me, it actually is the getting there part of being a road warrior that I can't stand. I'd rather spend 8 hours in a car than fly for three hours, any day. (and this trip, since it is bi-coastal, I have no choice about flying). I am more likely to die of bc than of flying, but flying scares me more. Irrational, I know. So the getting there sucks. and the hotel room life sucks. and unlike my last trip (hard not to love work travel to Mexico City, a truly wonderful city with truly delicious food!) this time I am going to go to places that don't excite me: Phoenix: been there, lived there, hate the summer weather, and May is already too hot. and Orlando: never been, but meh. I love Disneyland, but oddly have no interest in seeing the Magic Kingdom, especially in May when it is hot and likely crowded. Anyone know any fun things to do in Orlando that don't involve big crowds?
I also need a shot of bravery: here is the other part of my dread for this trip: Hubby and I do have a very good friend in Phoenix...the widow of hubby's best friend since childhood. Hubby's BFF died almost two years ago, complications following leukemia. But (true confessions time): I haven't been able to bring myself to tell his wife about the bc. I have also been putting off telling her I am coming to town (probably because of that same dread) but I really have to do so, today. Or sneak in and out of town without calling her. I am not sure why I don't want to tell her about the bc or that I will be in town, except that she is very fragile, still, following her husband's death, and I don't want to go there with a discussion of cancer. So, I am caught in a trap: if I see her without telling her will she know something is up when she sees my short hair? (Her hubby went through chemo,and she is in the performing arts herself, and thus very aware of appearance changes). If I tell her, or she guesses, will she be pissed I didn't tell her sooner? She has big issues with the medical system, which she blames (probably unfairly IMO, but that is another story) for her husband's death. Will any bc talk trigger talk about those issues? Or does she just remind me of my own mortality? But, if I go to town and don't see her, I will feel like a horribly terrible non-friend. I owe it to hubby and to his BFF to keep her in my life. And in any case, I love her and I want to see her to know how she is doing and I know she would want to see me.
Last saw her almost a year ago, right after my dx but before surgery: hubby and I went to Phoenix to spend the first anniversary of her husband's death (which very sadly is also her birthday) with her. That was a good visit and actually was surprisingly distracting for me (in a good way) at a crazy time, but I told her nothing about my bc. Just concentrated on supporting her. This trip, I just feel awkward and sad. and I am afraid seeing her will make me crazy, but being in Phoenix for a few days and not seeing her seems impossible.
Sigh. this feels like the flip of the situation where people stop wanting to be around us when we get bc. I get SFBC and don't want to be around a very good friend. I really am crazy. Thanks for letting me rant. This is hard for me. I am going to have to email her now.....
Hugs to all;
Octogirl
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oh, meant to add, about the 'good cancer': I had a RO tell me that when I was considering using him for rads...that is one of the reasons I went with another doc....I really wish I had looked him in the eye and said something like 'how could it possibly be good?'
The phrase 'good cancer' needs to go.
Octogirl
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I am more than a little glad to have retired. I was i sales, did the road warrior bit, was pesky telemarketer and made nice nice to tons of buyers over the years
No desire to do that anymore and can not imagine dealing with current back and dumb foot stuff now
On the positive, l love my gym, exercise keeps me semi sane,
Weather is stunning today, gonna do dinner on the dec3k tonight as too nice to be indoors
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Ducky, another gorgeous couple!
Lori, Boone's is definitely the appropriate wine to serve with racoon!
Calidancer, Yay for a vacation out of CrazyTown! Sounds like it was well worth the aching feet.
Poppy, I'm glad to hear the anastrozole is working out better for you. Fingers crossed for a good ultrasound next week! Look at the redecorating this way - your kids are now old enough that you don't have to worry about crayons drawings on the wall, and you can accessorize with something besides Lego's.
Sandy, I think the problems you are describing is why we see a lot of talented musicians go into music education rather than trying to make a living performing and recording. I was talking to some of our high school music students a couple of years ago, and music education was the way they were leaning for their college degree. a gain for our schools for sure, but a loss for people who may never hear these people perform.
Octo, that is an awkward situation. I hope your friend understands that you were trying to give her more space to recover from the loss of her husband before giving her your news.
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Octogirl, may I give you another way to view visiting your friend (which you definitely need to do)? What if she was the one who had cancer and you didn't know that you were left out of the opportunity to pay forward the support you got from her during a difficult time in your life? I think you might either be over protective of her or maybe it's just hard to open up and go down that road again mentally. I know that I am at a point if people ask me I just tell them that I am fine except for needing more surgery in the near future and thank them for the concern. But, there's a part of me that craves being able to really talk about my fears with my closest friend. I'm also afraid of going down that road even while I really need to as well. So I avoid those situations. Crazy stuff. Anyway, I am not criticizing you but I do believe you owe it to your friendship you open up.
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(((🐙))) So difficult Octo.
Molly- Bravely, wisely, and compassionately written. It's if course so individual but my gut told me I agree. Hugs to you too.
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yeah, thanks Molly and Katy, you are right of course, Molly. I already emailed to tell her I will be in town and we are making our plans to get together probably more than once while I am there. She was very happy to hear from me: she has been busy at work (a good thing, she is self employed and really couldn't work for a long time before and after her husband died). But next week is a bit quieter, so good timing on my visit. And I think I will tell her, before she guesses...but I also think I have to do it in person. I am not sure why, but I just hate writing it down but maybe I am just being overprotective. (either of her or me, not sure which. maybe both). And she may understand: she and her hubby were always very open with us, but she had made it clear early on that she wanted to keep his diagnosis private, not discussed on FB, and the like.
It is really good for me to have this space where I can be a bit open without feeling judged. It helped just to write it out. Thanks and hugs!!!
Octo
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Things have gotten crazy again this week. Have to help hubby with a lot of stuff due to a fractured wrist.
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Octo, it IS weird and still hard to know what to say to someone about our cancer or their cancer, and issues surrounding all of that. You would think it would get easier, like, we'd automatically know just the right words to say. But, what I have found, mostly, is that the words will unveil themselves at the right time. I STILL try to plan what I want to say, even at my doctors, but it never quite works out... I am sure that she would be prepared to give you lots of loving and concern, for your diagnosis, and you may become even closer friends. I hope it all works out, your meeting with her, I bet you will be glad you did.
About the lymphedema gal: Thanks for all the offers of violence! Wow! I thought you guys would be more gentle, and that I was the only one who was deeply offended by her!! Any way, so I went to my last one on Thursday, and there she was, with him again. Whoops. I immediately got shaky nerves when I saw her, and I wondered if it was because I wanted him all to my self. Maybe. But I had brought my computer, because I wanted to let him read what I had wrote about it, because sometimes in the moment, I can be too labile with my words and my emotions. But I didn't want to let her see my avatar name, or even this website. Call me paranoid and I will answer. Sooo0o, I tried to tell: I said that I had been disturbed by some of the things she had said, and I gave one example. Francis, being the sweet and gentle soul that he is, kind of backed up to the cabinet of supplies, and she backed up to the door, and I then backed up to the massage table! (In a very small room, 10 x 10?) I noted that it seemed like we were like leaves on the water, where someone added soap, we flew apart quickly. He assured me that she didn't mean anything by it, and she denied saying that it was my fault. And said she could step out of the room if I so desired. Oh, yeah, put it on me. So I did not proceed with my stated 'case', but only said I would prefer Francis do my arm. And, he could tell, and I could tell, on him, it took us both a while to relax and be our selves with each other, like we normally would do, talking while getting my therapy. And she kept interrupting! And so, I don't know if she was the one documenting the clinical notes from the visit, but if she did, I will be adamant they be expunged from my record, after I read them, if I find them untruthful. So, my last visit with him was not how I had imagined, and I think we were all relieved to be dispersed. AWKWARD!
I hope everyone is out having fun, or lying abed, enjoying your dy how you see fit.
Welcome , wench! I had a man call me wench once, I kind of liked it.
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*Day. And I think Francis must be very careful around/about her. I think she might be dangerously ambitious.
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Thank you Tomboy, it's amazing how people can say something then in a blink of an eye or confrontation they claim they didn't say it. If I say something out of order I put my big girl panties on and fess up to it. Just me :-)
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I am on the outs right now with a pal of 40 plus years and not sure I know or if I want to reconcile with her so it happens and in my case we have changed lots
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Do as your heart guides you Proud.
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Tomboy, I am so darn proud of you! That took courage. Sadly people like that rarely hear the truth about their behavior. My eye doctor is like that. I actually think he has a personality disorder or he's slightly autistic but I went back after an appointment where he made me feel awful and I told him he needs to learn how to treat people better.
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Exactly, Molly! I just wanted to let her know to consider it a 'teachable moment'...
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As my Mom always taught me, put people in their place but do it with finesse and grace 👍
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Hi Everyone. Just getting caught up on the posts.
Octo, I'm glad you are going to see your friend. It might be awkward and difficult, but she's important in your (and DH's) life. I hope you are pleasantly surprised and it goes better than you are expecting.
I want to add to the "good cancer" talk. I had/have treatment at a teaching medical center. (It's wonderful. Their philosophy is to treat the whole patient, including nutrition and mental health.) A week into radiation, I saw the new resident on rotation. He was lovely, but I could tell he didn't want to use the phrase "good cancer" when talking about breast cancer and how I should do during rads. I told him that it was fine for him to say that breast cancer patients usually do well during treatment and have favorable outcomes. He thanked me and really was concerned about how words can have a HUGE impact.
Well, DH just came home from a camping trip with the boy scouts. I am going to show him all of the stuff I bought that needs to be hung on the walls and furniture moved! Nesting, nesting!
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Hi Tomboy! I love reading your posts. I can hear your voice as I read the post. I know I've told you before... but you are very insightful!
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oh wow, windy here in nj, saw big piece of siding hanging loose on my roof, sort of glad that I have an association to handle stuff
Back sore after a test for my nerves so waiting on callback from doc, was hinge to do chiro,later today, dang it all
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I have been a "quiet crazy" for several months. Currently inhabiting Crazy Town waiting results of my Oncotype test. Surgery was 4/4/16, follow up appt was not until 4/21/16. BS recommended Oncotype testing and I agreed. MO appt set for 5/5/16. Received phone call on 5/4, stating that the oncotype test results had not been received. Turns out the BS office never ordered the test! New appt with MO now scheduled for 5/19. Met with RO last week and he tentatively offered partial breast radiation, pending the oncotype results. Had my treatment planning session last week also. They planned for one week partial or 3-4 week whole breast at that time. Simulation scheduled for 5/21. Going crazy wondering which it will be and will I need chemo. Ready to get this going! Oh, when I left a message with the BS nurse expressing my dismay and displeasure about the test not being ordered, I received a call with an apology, and a excuse that the primary nurse was off that day and missed seeing the order in my notes. AGGGGHHHHH!
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Welcome, LTAfun! I see you've gone to crazytown right away! Welcome home.
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LTAfun, welcome to Crazy Town, even if you are here for a sucky reason, we are glad you found us....how frustrating that they didn't order the test! Hope things go smoother from here on out....your MO may have told you this, but generally the chemo (if needed) is done before radiation....I'd check on that with RO and MO before doing the simulation (hopefully they will have the test results by the 19th) because if the MO does recommend chemo you'll probably want to wait and do the simulation closer to your actual radiation tx dates....and either way, we will be in your pocket and thinking of you for your apts! The waiting really is the hardest part!
Hugs;
Octogirl
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Well, my residency here in Crazy Town is getting even crazier. Over the weekend, I drove 4+ hrs. ea. way to & from Iowa City to do a concert, and it took a lot out of me. That's about as long a drive as I can handle per day (stayed there overnight). Now, the SERFA music conference I'm attending this week (runs Th-Sun. a.m., gotta arrive Wed. night) is about 45 min. east of Asheville, NC. It's always been a lovely drive and I've even done it solo twice: first night Cincinnati, second night, Knoxville, arrive midday the third day. I used to take only two days (overnight in Cincy) getting home. We're talking at least 8 hrs. a day of driving the first two nights, and at least 3 hrs. Knoxville-Asheville. This year, at the end of the conference I'm driving about 2 hrs. e. to Hickory, NC (near Charlotte) to do the Vital Touch breast cancer services benefit our own HappyHammer set up, and mustlovepoodles is coming with her DH. I did the math, and even without the exhaustion and driving-at-high-altitude factor I found flying into & out of Charlotte Wed. and renting a car (doubling back to the conference Wed. night) is cheaper than driving from & to Chicago--hotels, meals, gas, tolls.
So I have my car reserved at the Charlotte Airport and my ticket booked on SW, leaving Midway at 2 pm this Wed. Checking a large suitcase and double dulcimer bag (the other compartment stuffed with various items that either won't fit in the suitcase or make it too heavy to fly for free); carrying on my folding Voyage-Air guitar (it has a zip-off computer compartment on its case and it fits into the overheads), and a tote bag for stuff I must carry aboard into which my purse fits so I don't exceed the number of carry-ons. I used to easily tolerate wearing the guitar/computer case on my back....before bc, before letrozole. And I would get a wheelchair attendant (I always carry my cane when flying) for the inevitable loooooong walk down the corridor. (Bob gets embarrassed if I do that flying with a guitar, because he thinks that people will say that if I'm able enough to fly to play a show, I shouldn't need a wheelchair. He's not going with me this time). If I'm on a short domestic non-music trip and not carrying instruments, I can use a small “spinner" carry-on as my rolling cane.
Now normally, for a 2 pm. flight out of Midway, arriving at noon or even 12:30 leaves me enough time to go through the TSA line (especially if I either get a wheelchair or luck out and get randomly assigned to TSA Pre-Check), check my suitcase & wait for the wheelchair pusher (or if not using a chair, do curbside check-in, go through TSA, grab a snack to bring aboard, and hit the restroom before I board. But now they're saying to arrive at least 3 HOURS ahead of the flight.....and since last week, the TSA lines at Midway are over a quarter-mile long and take at least 3 to 4 hours themselves, not counting checking in!!!!! If I could even physically handle the drive to the conference and back from Hickory, I'd have to leave TONIGHT--and I'd have no time to rehearse, shop, pack (even deciding what to pack will depend on whether my big suitcase has been fixed by tomorrow), arrange stuff for Bob & Gordy (housekeeper is off this week and they are utterly incapable of doing laundry, keeping the ants at bay--a huge problem this spring--or even rudimentary cooking--it's a miracle they can feed the cats or unlock the back gate for the landscapers). And with Bob's lung scan coming up and my family incapable of fending for themselves without me or my housekeeper, I can't be away that long (9 days instead of 6).
No way I can stand in line for 2-3 hrs. with these letrozole-impaired joints, much less carry that guitar case that long either on my back or in my hand (the purse is too heavy to wear on my LE side) without perhaps permanently flaring up my LE.
WHAT THE F--- AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??????
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I just got off the phone with SW Airlines, and they are reserving a wheelchair for me at all ground points--curbside check-in, arrival in Charlotte, and the reverse. Even if it doesn't get me through TSA any faster, at least I'll be sitting down with my stuff on my lap or hanging off the wheelchair handles during the orderal. And they are issuing me pre-board status so I can get my guitar in the overheads before the businessmen with their rollaboard suitcases. (If only the case had wheels....but then it wouldn’t fit). The attendant is gonna get a nicer tip than usual. I will have to leave home (taking an Uber--no way can I wrestle my stuff aboard the long-term parking-shuttle bus) Wed. before 10 am for a 2 pm flight--SW is still recommending a 2 hr pre-flight airport arrival--but I've seen the videos and they are jaw-dropping. For the first time in my life I'm actually thankful to have a disability. (If only it qualified me for a HC placard--but one small miracle at a time is enough).
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good luck sandy, not sure I could do,that
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Hugs to all who need them
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