CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.
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ducky and Tomboy , thank you for sharing your relationship with Beppy with us . I am so glad I made the drive to meet her , PoppyK , Octogirl and a couple other BCO ladies and then she drove to have lunch with me along with PoppyK and Tomboy . I was so thrilled . I know I won't forget her . Even her last text was to tell me to hug Wyatt . Love you all .
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Molly, I will never forget meeting you the first time either! I only wish I would have picked a fancier place! But it was like I loved you instantly too, and thats why I don't understand why we keep delaying the pleasure of meeting again, except I'm such a hermit and I understand you have got some very full hands.
I hope everyone is all right today, and I am so sorry lucy and cubbie, thinking of you both.
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Well, certainly The Crazy that inspired/proved the need for CrazyTown hasn't lessened! So it is to be hoped that the lovely ladies (and a few gentlemen) who've been touched by Beppy will stick around. Certainly I will be!
Still having nightmares like whoa, with the finals week of my first semester back to school in mumble-twitch years. What connects this to CrazyTown is: while I was going through cancer treatment, the nightmares about school predominated. The old standard of realizing I had to take an exam for a class I'd forgotten I'd signed up for and never intended. Having to go back to a school from which I'd graduated. That sort of thing. But now that I'd taken the voluntary plunge back into a very real school....what happens? I start having nightmares about surgeries for issues I hadn't known about, but I'd forgotten to tell the student with whom I was working that I wouldn't be in class that day.
Hilarious, or at least bemusing, when I'm awake, but I'd seriously like a word with my subconscious to the effect of "OK. I get the point. You can shut up now; losing sleep to anxiety dreams isn't going to help the underlying waking cause of said anxiety." But then wouldn't we all?
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Queenie, it sounds like even your subconscious has a subconscious! I can't imagine what it's like to go back to school these days. I know a lot of people who are getting graduate degrees, and it's all changed so much from when I was in school. There's more emphasis on collaboration, and everything is online. You'd think that would make it easier, but I've had to help out my co-workers with navigating the online learning management systems of these various colleges.
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Yeah, a sea change in educational presentation from when I was in school. On the whole, I do appreciate the collaboration and the online learning, but I'm with you: learning the expectations of how I was to learn was almost as challenging as learning the material itself! But on the whole, a resounding success, given my intent was to move on from the Psychological Rabbit Hole of Cancer Treatment. I'm too tired and distracted to startle at phantasms any more. At least when I'm awake.
This is at the local community college so a slight disjoint with what I've done previously, from the educational standpoint (four-year degree then master's in library science) and what many of the other students are doing now. But then I wasn't sure if I had a talent for school period any more, what with one medical treatment and another, much less for the business sequence I was after., and I didn't want to go through the trouble and expense of applying to a graduate school only to find out I flamed out in the first semester..
Oddly it was the (computer) networking class I ended up enjoying, in the sense of being genuinely challenged, and learning something which might stand me in good stead out in the real world.
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QMC, what is your field of study this time around? More librarianship?
Ducky and Tomboy and Poppy and Molly, loving your stories of Beppy!
Here is mine: I tiptoed into Crazytown sometime in late July 2015. I was partway through Taxol, had spent the last month with a ghastly cold and was finally awake enough to explore online, where I found BCO. It's safe to say I was more than a little crazy! It didn't take me long to see how Beppy's gentle humor supported everyone here. I loved her belly dancing clip art when someone had a clean scan or a happy moment. And I was so impressed when she said she maintained a spreadsheet to keep everyone's stories straight, and that those unbelievably detailed posts about all of us took her up to three hours.
I was fortunate enough to see her on her summer odyssey last June. The day after she, Shorfi, and Ducky got together in Philadelphia, she and Bud drove north and spent the day in Rockaway Beach, Queens, where she grew up. Then she stopped off in Brooklyn, and we met at a little tea shop around the corner from my CSA. We sipped tea and talked about BCO, our families (of course), about breast cancer treatment and growing up and food and flowers and... She was very uncertain about whether to go ahead with treatment. Having been through it before, she knew it would be very hard. I don't think we spent more than an hour and a half or so together; they were going to see how far west they could drive that night. Her husband was just as nice as she was. He took this picture....
Thinking of all the crazies today, including those who are reading quietly....
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Thank you for the pics Rain and Ducky!
xoxox
Octogirl
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It's the spreadsheet that flabbergasted me originally. Three hours on those posts? I can believe it...and am further chagrined and flabbergasted at this woman's dedication to appreciating us all/ Thank you for the photograph of you both, rainny.
As for me, no: it's not 'more' librarianship, but rather a change in career direction. I haven't quite figured out what that direction is. I'd orignially thought business, either to work on my own editing business or vault into another/more advanced business direction. (Maybe an MBA, if I can get the funding.) But I'm thinking more about the IT path.
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Loving the pics.
Beppy hated having her picture taken. I can understand hating one's pictures, but she was so beautiful, kind and vibrant. I'm glad she let us take a few pictures of her.
Ducky, You are the reason Beppy stayed with BCO! (There was fighting on the board between some people that made Beppy question whether BCO was a place she wanted to be.)
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So very sad to read of Beppy's passing. May her spirit fly free.
Love and hugs to all.
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Anxiously awaiting my grade for the course I just finished. If I calculated the points she had given for each assignment I think I might be walking away with an A. Just hoping this holds true
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Hope so too, Mommy! And rain, I remember seeing that picture of you both! You BOTH are so pretty! Those smiles! I seem to remember you having a pretty one too, Pop. (plus she has adorable freckles, everybody,
)I love that purple and green belly dancer
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Mommyof2: come back and let us know what you got? (and sympathies about waiting for grades--I'm waiting for my first semester's results after 22 years away from school)
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Looks like I won't know what I got officially until just before Christmas. It's exam week for those who had to take a final (didn't fall into this category thankfully).
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Oh Mommy, I'm sure you did fine. Breathe and wait
Thank you Rainny for the story and picture. All the stories are making me love Beppy more.
Think right now a little good news is good for us. I didn't get into an argument with the oncologist yesterday. Instead, he is trying to order me a breast MRI instead of mammogram. My labs were all good except for my Vitamin D - that was down to 26.. He wants it between 60-80. So back on the D for life I think. I ran out about 6 months ago and never got more. My level was 64 when we checked it last year. So other than the MRI - he basically kicked me to the curb and I don't need an appointment with him unless something comes back. 5 years cancer free! I'm sure Beppy is dancing with that news. I miss her so much..
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hey, great to hear the stories of learning and moving on after cancer, dang but that is why beppie gave us c town.it has helped to heal us all and give us strength. She would be proud of all0
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What a beautiful surprise I received this morning......when I opened BCO on my IPad and checked my Email, there was a message and when Iooked at it it said From:Beppy, and a chill went through me.......thinking "OMG, how did I miss that".......I didn't.....it was from her husband........and I was so appreciative of his response to my message to him, considering what he has and is going through.............I met him when they cme East, and he was a wonderful person.........my heart goes out to him........but I felt so honored to hear from him........just wanted you all to know.........everyone in the cold....stay warm today....hugs to you all........0
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M0mmy , I hope you get your A. Octogirl , I am in the tech world . . . Telecommunications not IT but they are so close these days . I need to take some IT courses especially networking and now I need to learn about VMware since it looks like it's going to be what my servers will sit on . Rainny , I love seeing the picture again . Our picture with Beppy had us all in emoji masks . Not sure who has the picture . Duckyb , so nice you heard from her DH .
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Me too. Worked hard for it.
Ducky, that was so sweet
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Molly, I think it was Beppy, or might have been Poppy (?) who took the emoji mask pic. It is on this thread and I was thinking this weekend when I had a bit of time I would try and search back to find it.... Funny thing is: that pic was taken the first time I met Beppy in person, when a bunch of us got together for lunch at the Mission Inn in Riverside, CA. and with my poor memory, I can't remember who brought the emoji masks (might even have been Beppy?) but I do remember this: I was SOOO happy to see the masks! I wanted us to take a pic in honor of the lunch and finally meeting in person, but like our beloved Mayor, I hate having my picture taken, and I didn't want it on the internet just yet (still haven't quite gotten up the courage to post it here even though I am sure any friend or family member reading this will recognize me right away. My sister, a bc survivor who lurks here sometimes, told me she recognized me right away. ) Anyway, regardless, It just felt like the perfect show of sensitivity to take a pic with the masks...
after all, we are beautiful inside, regardless of the outside face. Beppy, of course, was beautiful inside and out.
That lunch was an important gift for me: I had just been to two different conferences in SoCal, my first time really among professional peers outside the office since dx, and since I had lost my hair. Hair was just starting to come back at that point and I was very sensitive and worried about it. So, after being at meetings and feeling so exposed for several days, it was so wonderful to meet Beppy, Poppy and Molly, and the others, and most of all to feel that I really was with people who understood, who got it, who looked beyond the hats and scarves and saw me, not just cancer. I finally could breathe. (Tomboy: if you had made it, it would have been the perfect day :-))
Since then, I had the pleasure of hanging with Beppy up in Oregon, where we (and Katy/Jackbirdie) talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and ate my matzoh ball soup and lots of other goodies. I remember Bud bringing in all the food they had brought for the weekend and wondering if they planned to feed an army (it is the Italian thing, and of course I had the Jewish thing going along the same lines, so perfect symmetry there :-)) That weekend, meeting Bud, I also saw that Bud really was a mensch (which was no surprise, given that Beppy's love for him was clear whenever she spoke of him): He was perfectly fine with hanging out with the girls, letting us talk and talk (he did escape with a book to the other room at some point, can't blame him for that :-)) and mostly just showing Beppy how much he loved her by helping to make our weekend by the coast happen by getting her up and back from SoCal and by doing a lot of the heaving lifting....
Much peace and love to her family.
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I'm hoping there's space for me in CT (and I'm sorry I hadn't had a chance to meet Beppy before her passing!). It seems like I'm circling the rabbit hole quite a bit these days. Discovered masses during a standard mammogram back in May (a mammo I was going to keep putting off) and diagnosed with IDC in June. Endured 20 weeks of chemo (8 of A/C, 12 of Taxol) and had BMX with TE expander placement this past Friday. I opted for BMX to avoid high anxiety mammograms on the left side for years to come...and (to be vainly honest) in the hopes end result would be more symmetrical. After my diagnosis, had a full body PET scan where a large solid mass was found in my right kidney. Had a follow-up CT scan and visit with urologist who informed me that the 6.3 mass in my right kidney was 95% likely to be renal cell carcinoma (wamp wamp!)...so I'll be going under the knife again on 1/11 to have that kidney removed. The week before I will have another CT scan just to see in urologist's words "what we'll be dealing with during surgery." So that puts me squarely in town centre of Crazy Town up until then.
There's a part of me that wishes I hadn't had the mammo in May as the treatment plan is just a complete and utter sh$t show (pardon my french). After kidney surgery, it's radiation and then hormone therapy. I've also opted to have my ovaries removed for good measure. One of my favorite women I befriended at the cancer center had conquered bc years ago...but had to come back thanks to stage iv ovary cancer.
I have a really great husband and 4 kids in a beautifully blended family so I'm fighting hard. I'm just wishing the weapons didn't take such a toll on me. I feel like I've aged 20 years in the past several months. Bright sides: my fake boobs will likely be perkier than the ones I've lost (hey, I nursed 2 kids). And I've discovered just how kind people can be. Even perfect strangers. I've been inundated with cards and meals and love.
Nice to meet all of you CT denizens!
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Welcome pepper . Pull up a rocking chair and join us on the CT porch . I will make you a hot chocolate with Ativan sprinkles for good measure . I am sorry for the double diagnosis . Are you going to get genetic testing ?
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Of course there's room for you in CrazyTown, Pepper. The forum, the CrazyTown Faux Inn with its infinitely expandable front porch, and alas, the rabbit hole we all know too well.
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Welcome and here is a gentle hug for you Pepper
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Pepper .. Welcome to Crazy Town...this wonderful home that Beppy created for us ..sorry you are going through so much ..We are all here for you .
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Thought you all would like to know......I spoke with Shorfi.....she is hanging in there......sends her love to everyone............
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Tell shorfi I send my love .
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Ducky ..Yes , please tell Shorfi I send my love too . .
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Pepper43 - You are always welcome here!
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