CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.
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Octo- that did bring a smile to my face. "ummm. Mr. Ranger, sir.."
Rainny- I am so very grateful, thankful, and happy about your path report and the "no-go" on chemo. A happy day indeed.
Christine- such beautiful sentiments you shared about your wedding. Just sweetness. That's the only word.
To all of you who supported me today, verbally or non, thank you. It was a good move to get a human over here. I did talk to my doc, adjustments made to meds and a promise to take 20 minute walk before anything else tomorrow. I cried a lot in the last few days, and several times just escaped into sleep. This was just knew of those times I couldn't have prevented it, and it just comes down to damage control. But I do feel a bit better tonight. Trying not to expect too much too fast. Thanks again everyone for the kind words, wonderful stories and the farting.
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Sorry ladies.........I know I'm a PITA with these pictures............but if this doesn't make you smile, nothing will.........this is Genna (Genevieve) my grandaughter and Bobby her son.......today was her birthday, and they caught this when she had just returned from working today..........
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Sula, I want that owl
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Katy.. So glad you've surfaced.. Nothing like some good female company to help.. I hope the adjustment to your meds makes a big difference to you.. (Hugs)
Rainny.. Yay.. Great news..!!!
Ducky.. I just love your family photos.!!
HaHaHa. I've so enjoyed all your embarrassing stories 😊
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Hilarious! Sitting here laughing, and showed it to my husband who is also laughing
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I just wanted to say Hello to everyone and send some big hugs and love! Katy, I am sending you some extra hugs and hope that you feel better soon. I go to that place too (like I know we all do) and often it's so hard to get out of that darkness. I am reaching out my hands to pull you up and out as are all of your lovely friends here. You are beautiful, loved and perfect and will get through this and onto the other side that is full of joy and happiness. Hold your fur babies close!!
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Jewel I guess we all go there.........just as long as we come back..........hugs.....0
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Good morning all,
Katy so glad to hear from you and that you are back, I have a suggestion for you that I just discovered. Have you ever done acupuncture? I have just started it for my dang dumb back, course not sure if it is helping yet but it is interesting. It makes me feel, not exactly hi, but mellow and at peace in some way? I just spoke to a pal and said to her that I wished I had tried it on the scary days during treatment before mamos and such (course I was remembering how nasty it was before Slow & Tomboy created CT). Give it a thought
well cold in Nj this morning and back does not like the cold so heat is on and betting it will just stay on for now! Sweatshirt, heating pad and looking for second cup of hot coffee!
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Good Morning Crazies!
I'm parked on the couch having a SLOW morning and sketching out a game plan for things I am hoping to catch up on in preparing for fall/winter. Switching out the closet/weeding through clothes. Bone broth and bread making. stocking the pantry and changing up bed linens etc. And of course some more Stone Fox Bride stuff. LOL
Sula I know the site is just lovely, but I think it's inspiring me to look for a vintage dress. Although I do think one of those flower crown veil things is in my future. I say yes to renewing your vows.
Rain so happy that the chemical drip part ( other than H/P) is over. When do you start rads? Also I will PM you with some suggestions for meeting up.
Ducky you are not a PITA. But if you were what would you be filled with?
The fart stories are hilarious. We burp a lot around here. It's kind of comical.
Proud glad the acupuncture is supporting you! It works on many levels. Body-mind- spirit. I go regularly now that I am in treatment and actually consider it a PART of treatment.
Katy I am still holding you close. Baby steps. We are here with many soft places to land and nest whenever you are moved to come and rest!
Octo and Shorfi thanks for sharing 2nd marriage stories. It's funny my first didn't happen till I was 40 ( we had been together for 4/5 years already) but it was all so forced. Any way we almost moved to Paris together; he was going for work. By then I knew it was just a charade, but I thought I'd go and just have an adventure. so started packing up NYC life. He went before me to get started with work, and was there on our 6th anniversary. NEVER called me. I went crazy! calling calling calling leaving CRAZED messages. He was out with another woman. That was it. I ended it 3 weeks later. Not a whim- we had struggled with this behavior almost our entire relationship. Talk about lack of self respect on my part. Well that night I pulled up my boot straps and moved on. He of course denied denied denied and said I was insecure blah blah blah. Two years later we had lunch and he admitted he was dating that woman he was with that night. I said, 'tell me something I don't already know' whatever.
Wow I don't know where telling that story came from. Anyway I learned a lot FAST after that debacle. And I chose a man who CHOSE me from the start. So whatever time we have together I am so grateful for.
I have to scroll back a bit to see what Slow and Tomboy are up to. Tom did you get to PM this week? I think you put the first appointment off?
Scrolling back. More later crazies.
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gaia....that first husband story sounds quite familiar here....add to the mix a dependence on alcohol...not pretty. But in my case I put up with it for 17 years....sigh. I did get two children and two adorable grandchildren out of the deal....still wasn't a good deal for me and I know exactly what you mean about choosing someone who chose you...so have fun planning that wedding! It will be lovely. A vintage dress sounds perfect to me.
ducky, your pics always pick me up. please keep them coming, I need them!
Katy, hope today brings a bit of virtual sunshine into your life.....it is almost looking like rain here in the Great Central Valley, which right now we need more than the sun of course...
WARNING: self indulgent pitiful RANT coming below:
As for me, I've been hovering on the edge of CT for no good reason. I find myself hitting a wall every day sometime between three and five pm where I don't want to do anything but crawl into bed (and maybe watch baseball on TV...) Even on days when I've been productive at work, walked in the am, I just want to crawl into bed and feel sorry for myself. I've had a bit of an issue with hubby wanting me to stay positive. I know he is just worried about me, but dammit, sometimes I go to a dark place and it is hard to be positive when one is going through such hell. I want him to just take care of me, not to tell me I should stay positive! I try to go outside and look at hummingbirds and focus on the joy, but it just doesn't cut it.Adding to my CT depression is that my vision is worsening. I feel so non functional when I can't see well. As I think I've mentioned, about five or six months before my bc dx I was dx'd with a non treatable, permanent partial vision loss in one eye due to injury to the retina. Won't get worse but won't get better. What is getting worse, thanks presumably to the Taxotere, are the cataracts I also have in both eyes. YES, I know they can operate on those (when the rest of this is done) but my eye docs have said that the operation is a bit more serious for me than for your average person: cataract surgery has a small but present risk of failure that could lead to blindness. So for me, with partial blindness in one eye already, they are happy to operate on the bad eye, but don't recommend surgery on the good eye until it is so bad I can't stand it...
and of course, when I mention the vision issues to my MO, who is otherwise quite responsive, he sort of shrugs and says 'yes....that can happen...talk to your Ophthalmologist...in December, after chemo.' So yeah, apt scheduled in December..but in the meantime, I think, well, they know there is nothing to be done so they just shrug. Crap. I HATE being blind, even partially! And by the way, that is one of those things hubby says I should get over ('after all, it won't get worse' he says: easy for him to say, and not even accurate for the cataracts !!!!) that I am not over.
So yeah, I guess I have fallen a bit down the rabbit hole myself. Thank you crazies for letting me rant for so long and for being such a great source of support...To help me sleep there are my little brown buds that we call green, but honestly, they don't keep me from hitting the wall, or feeling sad, and I am already noticing that I am increasing the dosage. Whether that means I am developing a dependency or not, I don't like it. Honestly, I've long hated chemicals/drugs/medicine of any type....I prefer not to feel foggy or to have foreign stuff in my body.
I might try acupuncture also, PTS. But I would need to schedule it in the morning......and maybe yoga would help. Frankly, I've resisted yoga because one of my sisters, who seems to find ways to remind me that she is healthy and I am not (fuck that, fuck her, sorry for the language) credits yoga for the fact that she has (thus far) avoided the bc that another sister and I have both had/have.
I'd like to wind back the clock and just pretend none of this ever happened.
END OF RANT
Hope the rest of you have a good weekend. I will be hanging out, watching baseball, trying not to feel sorry for myself..xoxxox
Octogirl.
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Octo
this is just quick to say- (and please forgive the 'french') Forget the 'yoga sister'.
I've been a very serious practitioner/student and teacher of the art for 30 plus years and here I am. Interestingly ( and sadly) two of the teachers/mentors that I had early in my exploration of this practice also had cancer; one ovarian, one pancreatic. And they were the real deal
So Fuck that - it's not to say don't practice /explore it but definitely find a peaceful and non judgemental place to do so
Again- Sorry guys- just needed to back up octo on that one
PS acupuncture is a good option!
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(((((octo)))))
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yes, Octo. (((Octo)))
Ok to spill. You know that.
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Just checking in. Thanks everyone for the continued support.
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((Katy)))---
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(((Tomboy)))
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Thank you all! (((((hugs)))) back to all of you.
and yes, Gaia, thank you. intellectually of course I know you are right about yoga and bc and how to approach it...and by the way: the sister who has practiced yoga and meditation her entire adult life (not just for the past year or so) and was married by a Yogi and eats a mostly vegetarian diet and has done so for years and years and years? Yep, that is the sister who got bc. Edited to add: so yeah, the sis who thinks she is avoiding it because she has taken up yoga and is following a healthier diet: um no. She must know on some level that isn't true. I try to remind myself of that to be kind. But dammit, it is hard to be kind when I hear something that sounds judgmental.
Hugs Katy! Jack looks so happy to be on his walk. And I wish I had woods like that here! Do you think Oregon could stand one more relocated Californian?
Octogirl
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Octo- sure there's room! For keeper DH and Gabe too!
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Beppy- this seems so..... ME! Anyone else? For the CT archives.
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ooooh, love the wood scene, assuming that is Oregon? I visited pals in Eugene many years ago and loved the area.
decided that my heating pad had warmed up my butt so went to the gym and swam and walked in the pool. I need to get a new exercise plan in gear and be sure to do something on days I feel alright. I was really enjoying the retirement thing and spending more time at my gym, lordie but my BP is better than it has been in years and my weight is actually lower than it has been in some time. So need to work out new plan, today at least I did laps and pool and got my heart rate up and really did not eat bad.....course it is only 2 so all could go to the toilet on that score!
seems we all deal with the blues and more, I am doing all I can now not to get down about this new dang back issue and will keep looking for solutions
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Iris- Go Girl!
Yes that is Oregon. Today. About 2 hrs SW of Eugene. I walk up a hill to the top of the street and enter that wood. I'm crazy not to go there every day. Oh yeah. I AM crazy.
Here's one more pic from today:
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Katy, several of my pals retired to the Eugene area many moons ago and did so love the area. Funny as it was 2 couples that moved out there and I went with another pal from NY to visit. Dang trip got weird when the Oregon pals got possessive of us NYers, it was odd to say the least! But Oregon was gorgeous.
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Gaia, octo, for all those people who say if you do this, do that, no cancer, fuck them, fuckety fuckety fuck. There, I said it. I really believe either it is environmental (chemicals, toxins we have no control over that is spewed into our environment), or just the random luck of the draw. I've also seen things that say it can start with an injury, but that is purely speculation. Last night I said it's like playing a lotto I never wanted to play, and I won. The blame thing is total crap, in my opinion.
The most important Thing I hold onto is that my great aunt Josie had a similar cancer to me at my age and she lived to 99. My daughter said whenever she gets panicked she will lose me, she thinks about her too. I've been in crazy town for about a week with my gas cancer, but it seems to be subsiding today. I'm sure it is my digestive system recovering from chemo, but in the dark hours....I'm on the tilt a whirl in crazy town!
Katy, beautiful pic! Next time hubby and I do an Oregon trip I'm coming to see it all!
Gaia, burping is absolutely acceptable in my house, but as for farting, that is done off in a quiet dark corner. Yep, 20 years together and hubby and I still get embarrassed if we do a random oopsie in front of each other!
Octo, so sorry about the eyes. I am helping my dad through something similar. He went and got cataract surgery on one eye, which didn't help because he has a hole in his retina. So another surgery for him. I watch him struggle with vision issues and would do anything I could to help him. Sometimes people just don't get it.
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I would so get up and walk with you in those woods every morning!
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I guess then, Tomboy, I'll put you and Italychick in my pocket tomorrow morning!
💗💗
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Katy, just print out Anxiety Girl and take her with you, and you will have me covered lol!
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haha- maybe I'll fart on it first for extra mojo!
Glad the gas cancer is resolving.
🎪🎪🎪
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Katy May I be on that walk too? So beautiful.
Italy- yes to everything you said! It's funny because my whole life people have been like 'wow, the way you live you're gonna live to 120" and I used to say 'SHUT UP, I live this way because it feels good and not because I think I'll be exempt from anything'. But still it is a shocking thing.
The problem with the holistic wellness community in general ( not everyone but many) is that it's a heroic tradition- cleanse fast purge deny and then you will be safe. If life happens and that doesn't work out- then the whispers are 'oh she/he must have done SOMETHING. So yes very punishing and blame oriented. It's very sad because it's supposed to be about WHOLENESS and like I've said before life is messy and you can't just take the parts you want.
Octo and yes case in point your yogi vegetarian sister.... oy.
I guess I've been ranting too today! It's a rant day.
Love all of you to pieces
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Yes please, Christine, come walk with us. I thought of you twice while I was in the woods. Once I thought about lying down on my back on the earth. But I was wearing my prettiest white cotton shirt. Oops! Later, I wondered about the last thing that made me want to scream....and I didn't want to scream anymore. I just have to get up and do this every day. Before the rest of life gets in the way.
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