Tips for fighting the dark clouds
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Yes, Nature and Laughter. You know what else makes me feel good? People watching, especially: Babies and little children that are so amazingly cute and charming and funny. And at my cancer center, everywhere I look I see people taking care of their family/friends/patients with so much love and care, even if it is "just" silent companionship.
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I wanted to revive this thread as I have been feeling very down lately. Just depressed, lonely, and scared. I read through some of the suggestions and they were a great help.
I took a little break in my workday to Facetime with my sister-in-law and my 4 month old nephew. Seeing that cute little nugget helped brighten my day a little.
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Hi Becs,
Thanks for the post - I was noticing it was quiet but hadn't done anything about it.
Sorry you're having a rough time but glad you got to talk to your sister in law and nephew! That's great! And happy some of the suggestions here helped. Seeing new life always makes me feel hopeful. It's coming onto spring here in NZ and there are baby lambs all over the place. And some baby calves. And the birds are flirting. Saw some baby ducks over the weekend too. So that's boosted my mood.
Sending hugs to all,
Terre
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I looked thru my posts on this subject to see if I'd mentioned "artist dates". I've written about them on other threads. My son had a creative writing class in college with an ongoing weekly assignment to try doing something they didn't normally do and then write about the experience. It could be simple as listening to a radio station you whose type music you don't normally listen to, or taking a different route home from work that you've never taken before. If you're adventurous for activities like skydiving and zip lining, try them. The idea is to get out of a rut, think more on your feet in the moment and think outside the box. For us, no writing required unless you wan to!
This is why it's a good idea to plan for a day trip, a weekend get away, a short vacation or an extended one. I found that in the process of doing these things, I am focused on where I want to go, and not on bc. I get busy gathering information like pricing, addresses, times, points of interests, places to eat and so on. It gives me something to look forward to and then I enjoy having the new experience. I've built up a lot of memories of the good times I've had. My favorite souvenirs are the pictures I take along the way.
Dh and I have visited botanical gardens, gone to concerts at new venues, toured historical places, taken scenic drives on country roads we've never been before, toured wineries and more. Some places you just know are going to be terrific. Some are kind of duds. Some turn out to be pleasant surprises. Do what interests you or what you think you might be fun. Places close to you that are points of interest but you've never taken time to see can be enlightening. We toured a restored train depot, low keyed but so cool.
I've gone to Trader Joes grocery store with my son to the one near where he lives, but never gone to one just myself. Last week, I drove 45 minutes to a TJ's I've never been to with a list of new items I wanted to try, taking my time getting familiar with all they have to offer. Afterwards, I knew my niece worked in a nearby store, so I drove around looking for the place, found it and popped in to surprise her and say hi. It would have been easy to just stay home, but I made myself get out of my comfort zone. Later, it was fun trying out the new food items, ginger snaps, bruschetta, Mediterranean hummus, ect.
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Divine,
I love the idea of new experiences, especially involving things we don't usually do or try. I think my Sydney bridge climb, helicopter flight and the upcoming tattoo fall under those categories. Very good for the heart, mind and spirit!0 -
What a great idea, Divine! Thanks for sharing it!
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exbrnxgrl, yes, your adventures fall right into this category!
My theory is that for most of us, getting a stage iv diagnosis is possibly the most intensely shocking moment of our lives. Thrown into this new reality, one way to counteract the incredible shock is to have opposite types of shock and stimulation, ones with positive and if possible, intense emotions associated with it. After bc, I rode the Millenium Force roller coaster at Cedar Point, voted one of the best in the world. Not something I normally do, it was the good kind of scary and I screamed the entire 2 minutes and 20 seconds of the ride "whose idea was thissssss???" and of course, it was mine.
The more positive experiences I have, the more it makes me seek out new ones, so it's kind of addicting but in a good way. Not all adventures have to cost money, tho from time to time I will make a stretch and go out of my comfort zone to spend a bit more without breaking the bank on some great adventures. Occasionally, something will just happen my way, like receiving a gift certificate for a pedicure; had never had one and found it to be PURE BLISS.
Artist's dates helped me tap in to finding things that appeal to my senses,and not just doing activities simply because it's what everyone else does. Activities such as walking a labyrinth or strolling thru a public urban garden speak to my soul, so I seek more of these type things out. Looking for positive experiences is creative and can be tailored to anyone's personal taste.
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Hello ladies
I just found this thread and I want to thank you for starting it Terre. I see many of you on the Bone Mets thread, but I really like the idea of this and will take some time today to read through the posts.
I am 'freshly' dx'd- Surgery in June staged me at IIIA but PET/CT this august bumped me to IV with extensive bone mets. So a LOT swirling around for me.
I will start the rx journey with tamoxifen and herceptin. no Perjeta. Feeling anxious about all the potential SE's as right now I don't feel 'sick' just bothered from a periodically achy hip, which is managed with advil so far. And the sight of one of my larger mets over my sternum- that's a real kill joy.
Right now- for now, it is the mental element- is the biggest hurdle; knowing that this is a big and permanent swing in my 'reality'. So I do sit with the question- What do I want to make of this? So thank you for starting this thread.
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Welcome to the thread Gaia! I've been following you on the bone mets thread too. Sorry for the reason you're here, but glad you found us. There's also one about life after Stage IV dx; you may want to look up that one as well. The first few months are the worst but you do adjust to life with BC. Hopefully your side effects will be minimal. I haven't had herceptin, but my SE's on tamoxifin were minor. Biggest one I had was acid reflux, which caused my teeth to have issues. So keep an eye on your teeth. Also, if they decide they want to start you on a bone strengthener, be sure to get dental work done first and get your teeth cleaned. Probably the best advice I can give you with your very very new dx, is to just breathe. When you feel the fear wrapping its icy fingers around your heart, just breathe. There's lots of good advice here from many people too!
One of the other things I do that helps me is I visit the humour pages here. There's always something to make me smile or laugh, even on really crap days. I saw a fridge magnet that became my mantra/life philosophy - "If you can laugh at it, you can live with it". Well, I can't quite laugh at Stage IV, but I can laugh while having Stage IV.
That said, probably took me 3 months to laugh after dx. Ironically, what made me laugh was chatting with two male coworkers who were asking about my cancer. One shook his head, and he said, "well, they say one in three people will get cancer." Then he realised there were three of us there, one with cancer and he was horrified. I cracked up and said, "well, I guess that's me, so you guys are safe!" A bit of sick humour, but it was the first time I laughed after dx. The statement was made in all innocence and he's a very sincere and nice person and would never say anything hurtful. So, I guess seeing the absurdity of the situation is part of what keeps me mildly sane. Divine - love the artist dates concept and doing something new. And you're so right - we're already way out of our comfort zone, so why not go further?
Can't wait for pics of Caryn's tat!
Hugs to all,
Terre
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Thank you for the kind welcome Terre
Luckily I have had lot's of laughter- it is a big thing I know I have in my pocket re my temperament. What's hard is facing the hormonal therapy as I haven't as much as taken an antibiotic in over 30 years!
And also the intermittent pain I have- it's manageable with advil but in general i have been WAY less active the last few months- so the days I do slip into the dark corners it's compounded my a greatly reduced level of activity. And that's a HUGE change as I work with my body both as a teacher of yoga and a private chef. So YES I have laughter but also a TON of change.
But thank you and everyone who posts here for creating a space so we can come together.
More to unfold.
hugs
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I've been having a tough time fighting the "dark clouds" since my diagnosis of mets in April of this year. I've always had depression and anxiety which was controlled by lexapro, however lately it's not working and since I've been on disability it's been worse. I finally bit the bullet and saw a psychiatrist, who put me on Cymbalta and Deplin. I've tapered off the lexapro and will be increasing the Cymbalta next week. Last night I went to a baseball game with my husband and I was so anxious the entire time, I hate this! I will be seeing a counselor next week, I definitely need it.
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Hi Terij. Welcome to the thread. This is really hard stuff, and if you already are prone to anxiety and depression, having Stage IV doesn't help. I think most of us are on something to help - xanax, prozac, lexapro, etc. I'm glad to see you're seeing someone. I am so sorry you're going through all this and sending you hugs. It does get easier to live with over time, but it does take time.
Terre
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Gaia,
Welcome! Having a sense of humor is a real boon. Hang on to it and it will serve you well.
Terij,
Leave no stone unturned until you find an anti-depressant that works for you. I have been on Effexor since dx and wouldn't be without it. I have Ativan too but only use it as needed. If you're going to have stage IV, may as well find a way to live a happy life, no matter how long or short it is.
My artist has drawn up one version of my tattoo. I asked her to make some changes so she's working on the revision. Finding a good tattooist was funny. It occurred to me that I knew nothing about how to choose one. Younger dd had hers done in Colorado and older dd had hers done in San Francisco (only an hour away, but I figured there must be someone good in my area). I felt uncomfortable going into studios cold and interviewing artists. Then, it occurred to me that my long time hairdresser has lots of tattoos and is very connected to the art and music scene in my area. Plus, she knows me well. I gave her a call and she made a recommendation. I went to the shop. It smelled of antiseptic, was very, very clean and decorated in a warm, soothing style. I loved the antiseptic smell, as infection is not part of the plan. I felt instantly at ease with the tattooist. She was a great listener. We talked for about 30 minutes and agreed she would send me some sketches. September 23 is the date (yup, Yom Kippur) at noon. I am strangely, happily, nervously excited and it feels great.
Take care all and beat those blues away however you can.
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Very exciting, Caryn! That is so cool!
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Thanks ladies, today is a really bad day for me. Crying at the drop of a hat!. I'm sure it's from the change in meds. I was tapered off of Lexapro after 1 week but started Cymbalta the day I started tapering the Lexapro. I'm on 30 mg of Cymbalta now and will be increasing to 60 mg on Wednesday.
It sucks having anxiety and depression along with this beast! Thanks for listening to me babble!!
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We're here to listen, TeriJ! It does indeed suck. Hoping the change in meds helps SOON.
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Thanks KiwiCatMom!
BTW, Kiwi is the name of my dog-
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That dog is a beaut! Gorgeous.
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Beautiful dog! And great name!
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She's a sweet dog and loves to snuggle!
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cute puppy!! I too have used lexapro for a long time. It has worked well until last year (nothing new going on in my life...just went into deep depression?). Add Wellbutrin. First 150mg my pcp prescribed but then went to psychiatric NP and she quickly upped dosage to 300mg which I think is standard treatment level. Worked very well for awhile and then went down hill a little. Tried to switch to Prozac...NOT good. Switched back and everything has been better. I really hate playing around with these meds. Not fun. Maybe ask if Wellbutrin may be a good fit to take with your lexapro if cymbalta is not working. You will know pretty quickly. Sorry you are here. Oh and I plan on using a light box come October. Time change does not sit well with me
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Hi Kjones - glad you found something that worked for you. I'm going to try the lightbox next winter as I just came through a similar experience - horrific depression for no reason. I got great scan results, everything was fine, and I was beyond depressed. Now that spring is here, I seem to be out of the depression, so I'm guessing it may be light related. I know the weather and light do affect my mood. And it is scary playing around with the meds, but so important to find something that works.
Terrij - love the pic! What a happy dog and (I'm guessing) husband!
Having animals around helps me a lot - they make me laugh when I don't want to even smile. And having a furry cuddle always helps.Hugs to all,
Terre
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I tried 150 mg of Wellbutrin in the past but it didn't help much. The psychiatrist talked about trying it again, but we went with Cymbalta to help with pain too. Just waiting fir it to kick in!
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That dog is the sweetest
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A quick tip on fighting the dark clouds that I know I have mentioned before but I think on another thread. The web site thehappinesstrap.com. Great mindfulness lessons. I go back to this when meds and threapy need. more help to clear dark clouds.
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Sometimes when I feel those dark clouds coming, I close my eyes and try to remember a time and place when everything was peaceful, happy,and just right. One of my favorites is from a trip to Hawaii that my DH and I took 15 years ago. We went to a beautiful beach with powdery sand lined by swaying palm trees. I took my very first dip ever in the Pacific Ocean, then settled on the beach to read a book. I heard a sound out on the water and looked up. There, just off the beach, was a whale slapping its tail on the water as if to welcome us to paradise. The show continued for about 10 minutes, then the whale turned and swam away. The sight took my breath away, and I will never forget it
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I have gotten separately with friends to remember me by 1 is my lady bug just cause i wanted one n i collect alk things panda so we got a panda all. My frirends either dont like them or dont want one wr it is spial to them i would get it. I will post
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Just a quick note to send good wishes to everyone. I reconnected with a friend today on the phone. We both laughed at what awful friends we are because we don't talk that often. But it was great because even though it's been a few months, it was like we talked yesterday. Put a big smile on my face!
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It's always nice reconnecting with an old friend, glad it went well Kiwi!
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Very poignant day today. Thinking of all the lives lost and those forever changed. Today makes me think about making the most of being alive, because you never know what tomorrow will bring. Several friends and I always say "love you" when we end a conversation; a habit we started in earnest after 9/11. We do love each other, and if that's the last time we speak to each other, it's words of love and kindness.
Sending hugs to all,
Terre
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