Tips for fighting the dark clouds
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Indeed it is all too much some days, Lynne. Sending you hugs and good thoughts.
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On another thread, Wendy said she sets a timer, allows a pity party for herself til the timer goes off, then it's time to regroup and move on. I thought that was a great idea.
I saw this today and I think maybe part of the key is to be ok even though it's not going to plan.
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Terre,
Love it! One thing that helps us be resilient, and this applies to anyone, is understanding that you can plan all you want, but the universe can upend those plans anytime. Learning resilience from an early age is an important life skill. I once had a student's parent tell me that she wanted to protect her child from any disappointment. " Why?", I asked. Life deals us all disappointments and set backs, don't you want to give your child the tools to cope with those things? As many of us have so often said, we can't always prevent bad things from happening, but after a good cry, we can control how we deal with it
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Having relationship problems big time with dh and oldest son
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HFC - I am so sorry. That makes everything even harder. Is there any counselling or support available, such as through the American Cancer Society? I know we got free family counselling when my mom was sick. Sending hugs your way.
Caryn, I had the honour of knowing a wonderful woman named Teresa Bloomingdale. She was the wife of a CFO for the insurance company my stepfather worked for, a devout Catholic, and mother of eight. She was also an author and was one of the funniest, wittiest, most wonderful people I've ever met. One of her books is titled "Life is what happens when you're making other plans". So true. I'd highly recommend her books; I'm not Catholic, have no children, etc., but they still resonate and make me laugh. Her style is similar to Erma Bombeck. At any rate, I just keep remembering that life is what happens when you're making other plans. What I have is certainly not what I envisioned for myself, but I'm grateful for what I have.
Terre
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Today I had the worst meltdown ever! I couldn't get out of bed, was crying so much that I just didn't know what to do! My 20 year old daughter came home to find me this way and immediately started to help me. She made me something to eat talked me down for a while but still felt horrible. I was almost to the point of going to crisis! I called my psychiatrist and she's on vacation. Spoke to another doc and he wanted me to take an Ativan, which I've been trying to wean off of. He felt the low dose I've been taking is not addictive and that I need it. I'll have to talk to my regular psychiatrist when she's back about this. I hate days like this, sigh...
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Aww Terri. So sorry you're having a rough day. Hoping the Ativan helps and you feel better soon. How nice of your daughter to try to help.
Sending hugs,
Terre
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Thanks Terre! Feeling better now, but not sure what brought this all to a head?
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Not sure either Terri, but sometimes, it's just all too much and I think it's probably good in the long run to have a melt down and kind of get it out of your system. That sounds trite and cliche, but I don't mean it that way. I know sometimes, it's basically nothing and everything all at the same time that causes me a melt down. Nothing in particular, everything in general, because it's all just too much. I'm having a bit of a down day for no reason other than it's gloomy and pouring rain and windy and cold and I'm ready for summer.
Sending hugs,
Terre
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Thanks Terre! We're heading into winter soon, I'm looking forward to the cold weather. My hot flashes are rough lately!
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Terrij, You have been through a lot during the past six months, and as everyone on this site knows, your experiences have been traumatic and life-altering. Now you have returned to work, and people who have not had these same traumatic experiences expect things to go back to the way they used to be. Maybe even a little part of you was hoping for that. As you know deep down inside, things are very different now. You have been through the ringer physically and emotionally. On top of everything else, you are not happy at work. This has to be exhausting. No wonder you had a meltdown. We all have meltdowns. Don't try to figure out why. Just accept it.
I hope your medication helps you to feel better. Enjoy the things that bring you joy, your family, the cooler weather, the changing foliage, the cool crisp air, anything you like.
Lynne
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Great insight, Lynne. I know that it took me a good 18 months to stop wanting "my old life" back. I still have days when I want it back, but have pretty much gotten to a place where I know it is what it is and I'm ok with that. Not thrilled with it, but ok.
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A bc-survivor friend posted this on FB today, and I thought I would repost it here for terrij. I'm glad your daughter was there for you today, and I hope this doesn't make you cry more, but if it does, I hope they're cathartic tears. http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Staten-Island...
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Beautiful, Deanna.
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Thank you ladies, I truly love you all!!!!
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Same goes, Terri! One thing to think about too, at the risk of getting too personal, but when I went Stage IV, I was put into chemical menopause. My doctors all say I am 100% in menopause. But I do get monthly mood swings similar to PMS. I started tracking the dates that I really wanted to divorce my husband (or perhaps bury him in the back yard...lol). And it was about every 28 days. Hummm... It seems to have improved a bit, but I do find myself being PMS-type emotional at times, and I just remind myself that it's probably menopause.
That said, I agree with Lynne - sometimes there's no "reason" and you just have to let it happen, get past it, and move on.
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My daughter brought up that it might be related to the lupron injections that I'm getting to shut my ovaries down. I know my hot flashes are so much worse now, definitely could be related.
Thanks Terre
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Oh my goodness, Terri, your daughter could very well be right. Shutting down the ovaries would certainly mess with hormones (since that is the goal), and you know what emotional havoc hormones can cause. You should mention it to your onc during your next visit. I hope you are having a better day today. I am keeping you in my thoughts.
Lynne
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If it is the luperon, knowing that might make you feel a little less like your emotions are out of control. If your hormones are changing, certainly that will affect your emotions. I am hoping that making that connection might make you feel better about being emotional. It's not that your not strong or not trying to move forward, but your body is experiencing some dramatic changes and it's going to take time to adjust. Be easy on yourself. Very easy. And kind.
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Okay why is it that these sad episodes come in waves? I'll be okay for a couple weeks euphoric even then boom I wake in the middle of the night and cry my head off. Nothing has changed and swollen eyes are not fun. Have to find my egg timer....
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Wendy, I eventually grew tired of crying, thankfully. It took awhile but it will happen less and less. I remember one night last year I wanted to scream so I got in my car at 10pm and drove down a relatively empty highway and I screamed a few times. I only did that once and it felt good to get it out and I think just knowing that I can do that when I need to helps me now.
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MusicLover will give that a try today. I think it has a lot to do with sleep four hours after working for elections Canada yesterday for sixteen hours is rough for a normal person. Thanks
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Wendy,I have a difficult time coping with everything when I have not had a good night's sleep. That was true even before my dx. I am sure my DH would be the first one to say that I am grumpy, touchy, and easily upset when I am tired. A good cry is sometimes not so bad. Granted, we look pretty bad with those swollen eyes you mentioned, but so what! I hope you are feeling better son.
Terrij, How are you doing? Are things any better at work this week? I hope you are doing okay. Let us know.
Lynne
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Many here have donated . Thank you !........Wandering around and cheerleading again
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Lynne, I'm doing better this week, but work still sucks! Just going to grin and bear it for now. Hopefully my new job will come through soon!
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I love those day we have to get out out. No worries it means u r sensitive to it feeling.
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musuclover. Love the idea of screamungin my car speeding down the highway. Gonna try that for ure
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Blondie - you're so right!
Patty - great to see you posting. Hope you're feeling better!
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thanks terre
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just because it's funny!
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