Tips for fighting the dark clouds
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Terre, I'll echo the many other voices here thanking you for this thread. I'm going to post some of these to my fridge where I can see them daily. After almost a year since diagnosis, I'm no longer crying every hour of everyday but probably down to once or twice a week now when some thought sets me off. There are so many good affirmations here and I know they're going to be helpful on many days.
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Lynne, Terre, Divine, thanks for chiming in about your college experiences. It has only been a few days so I'm still reeling from it. And he is VERY slow to respond to my texts. Doing his own thing. I'm sure it'll all be fine.
I spoke with my ONC about my lower back pain. When I described exactly what I was feeling he said it sounded like a benign lower lumbar strain and not cancer. But of course we will keep an eye on it anyway. Phew. Now I can go on vacation without all of that worry. It's also feeling better now.
Lauralind, your beach experience totally hits home with me. I fluctuate between being so glad to be doing (insert favorite activity) and being angry that I can't do it as well, or that the experience is tainted by the effects of my cancer. Ultimately the fact that I can still participate in some of my life's greatest pleasures is a positive experience.
For those who are new to stage 4, the shock takes a long time to get over, but the longer you go on the more it'll dissipate. Four years for me and I still have "why me!" moments, and moments of that surreal feeling of " is this really happening ?" But regular life moments are more the norm.
Next week I am off to Cabo with my DH to celebrate our 20 year anniversary. I will post pics, probably in the what are you doing for fun thread. Because that is fun, yes?!
Stefanie
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To u all who are new i have been stage 4 since 2009 and just went on hospice in may. inever sai wht me even in 96 when iwas first diagnosed was 2cm, 1 out of 14 lymphnodes 6 months of chemo n 6weeks of rad.
You found a wonderful place keep coming back, u r part of out family now..
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blonde. I so admire your attit
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Blondie - you are an inspiration. Thank you so much for sharing that.
I did have a "why me" moment, and my husband looked at me and said "why not you?" I looked at him with a rather shocked look on my face and he said "shit happens, and it's happened to you. You can't change that it's happened, so you'd best just get on with things."
I know that sounds a bit shocking (and it was) but he's right. Easier said than done some days. But I have more "why" moments for others - two high profile women in NZ passed from BC yesterday. Both were young (under 40) and have small children. Why them?
I'm having a bit of a rough day today, so I'd best go read some of my own advice.
Hugs to all,
Terre
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Kiwi, Yep, your husband is correct, no it's not shocking but you are correct too, it's a tough pill to swallow most days. I don't think we realize how many are going through this until it happens to us and then it is just down right scary in my opinion. I would have never thought that the numbers are as bad as they are. I try to remind myself of the same, "Why not me?" - definitely not easy most days.
If it wasn't for women like yourself on this board encouraging us stage IV people to live while we can, the pill would be even more difficult to swallow. Thank you for all of your encouragement always!
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Just received my results. Small diffuse mets to my spine, pelvis, ribs. I start chemo next Wednesday, taxotere, perjeta and Herceptin. Scans clear for lungs, liver and brain. Hope I can be strong enough to make it thru this fight. Communicating with people who have gone thru the same things help so much.
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Wleeky - So sorry you're going through this, but it does get easier once you have a plan in place. Glad your soft tissue scans were clear. I'm sure others will hop in here...I haven't done chemo, but I know from friends who have done it that remembering it's a temporary condition helps a bit. Sending hugs.
Terre
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wleeky, just chiming in here to offer you support and wishing you all the very best as you start the new treatment. Big hugs for you, along with many prayers
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Thanks so much for the support, hugs and prayers. You are an amazing bunch and I am so lucky to have found this site.
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Wleeky, that chemo combo is no walk in the park. Tough times ahead. BUT it doesn't last forever, and you'll come out intact on the other end. We have all done it and we are here, smiling,working, going on vacations, watching our kids grow, etc... You ARE strong enough to get through this. You can do it!. And weare here to hold your hand (at least virtually).
Stefanie
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Thanks stefajoy, I did TCH last time and believe me it did kick me in the but. Hopefully this time I can be sronger, Thanks so much for the support
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Wleeky sorry u have to go through this. Dont worry about being strong, u r allowed to feel whatever u feel. I am so sick of being strong, i allow myself to feel sorry for myself n have pity parties.
Hang in there...keep coming back
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Blondie - you're so right and you are such an inspiration. Pity parties can be quite helpful. My pity party of choice is to eat Kraft Mac & Cheese (in the original blue box!) with a glass of wine (or two). When I was little, my grandpa was my daycare and when I was having a bad day, he would make me a "Kraft dinner". I am VERY picky about how it's done too - not too much milk. It's still my ultimate comfort food. I've found it goes well with an off-dry Reisling.
And best eaten in comfy clothes or pjs. I have a good cry and absolutely wallow in self pity and in as pathetic a state as I can muster. Seriously. I'm not kidding here - I do serious pity party. And after a while, I get it out of my system, and it gets a bit boring. But it does help to just totally go there from time to time. It's just not good to live there full time or you'll miss out on a lot.As to strength - I think we just do what we have to do. I don't feel like I'm all that strong. I'm just doing the best I can and putting one foot in front of the other. This disease is just unfair and Blondie - staying strong does get old. Some days, I'm just not strong at all; those are the days I let myself have a down day or a full on pity party. And I get really sick of people telling me to "stay strong". Makes me want to tell them to eff off. But I smile sweetly instead. Figure it's my karmic payback for doing the same thing to others.
Weekly - sending you prayers, healing thoughts, and great success with your chemo. It sucks, it's unfair, and it's not fun. And I hope it kicks your cancer to the kerb.
Sending hugs,
Terre
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For me these days, I wouldn't say that being strong and fighting describe my outlook. Rather, I think of myself as enduring what I must in order to be here for the people and experiences that matter to me. That's why my avatar is the little pony in the snow. Ponies don't look big and impressive, but they are actually great endure-ers in harsh conditions.
Blondie, you have been at this so long. I don't know what to say but it means a lot to us that you post.
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stephajoy, I love your post, it gives me strength! You ladies are so wonderful!!!
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ShetlandPony - well put, and yeah...exactly. I feel like I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and carrying on. Don't know what else to do because I really don't want to spend my time being gloomy. Of course, that was true before BC.
And while this is a bit off topic, even if you don't like cats, this is something that helps chase my dark clouds. I volunteer at the Kitten Inn, a kitten rescue organisation. And here's a batch of this season's babies. They're destined to be desexed, microchipped, vaccinated, etc., and rehomed. And their mother will be desexed and rehomed too to stop the breeding cycle. Anyway, these bubs are just starting to open their eyes and I thought this was too cute not to share. The little kitten hug in front is kind of how I feel about all of you - sending you gentle hugs.
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KiwiCatMom, I love the pictures of the little fur babies!!! How can you feel bad when holding one of those little ones? : ) I have an older cat and when I'm having a rough day, she comes over and lays beside me and nudges me; doing everything she can to help me feel better. Another tip for fighting the dark clouds: hug your pet!
Yesterday was really rough for me for some reason. I went to church and just before the service was over, I started crying and just couldn't stop. I was so embarrassed! I don't even know why I was crying but the more I tried to stop, the harder I cried! At least I'm a quiet crier! : ) It was interesting, when the service ended, one man came over and gave me a quick hug but no one said a word to me or acknowledged me with more than a quick smile in my direction, other than the one man. I really felt more alone than I have in a long time.
On another note, love your mac and cheese plan! I've always loved Kraft but can't make it anymore due to a grain allergy. I do sometimes make some rice noodles and add cheese sauce for a close substitute. Now I just need to get the bottle of wine. ; )
Janet
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Well dont forget to invite people the pity party, i do, i ust call them an say "having a pity party and u r invited, its u r turn. Had mac n cheese the other day. My go to is te dairy queen, went today n got 2 things, which never occurred to me b4.
Hospice is good n i am feeling good, went out today so exhausted, they asked if i felt my endurance is compromised
Big hugs everybody. .
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Dairy Queen! We don't have them in NZ or that would be a go-to place for me too!
Glad hospice is going well for you Blondie, but sorry you got so tired.
Sending hugs,
Terre
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Lovely. Thanks Chelle!
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how true
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just another beautiful sunset in Denver. Some one sent this picture to our local news station tonight. We have the most amazing sunsets here. Always breathtaking. I will try to remember to get pics as often as I can.
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Thank you, Chelle. It's so beautiful. Indeed breathtaking!
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Saw this on another thread; thought it was worth reposting here.
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thanks Terre, I like that
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Some days are positive, fighting days. Here is a list for the other kind of days:
Be kind to yourself
Endure
Ask for help
Notice beauty
Share
Be real
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Nice!
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Thanks Kiwi and Shetland for the inspiring words! I needed them today! Sometimes it is all just too much.
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