January 2017 Surgery Group
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Just checking in to whine.....I'm tired. I have had a shitty week. Sunday I just didn't feel good and DH had planned to take us (me, my girl and #1 grandson) to Dollywood. I only made it a few hours I was so tired. #1 grandson wakes up Monday morning with stomach bug. Did 15 loads of laundry (yes I counted ) he didn't go to school for 3 days due to fever. I had to keep him and my girl separated until he was fever free. All of a sudden my boob hurts. Like it has a golf ball in it. I called my BS 2 weeks ago because I knew I was starting to have some cording. I never got a return call. I decided to was until my rad appointment to address it. So PT starts next week. So next week for spring break with the kids I get to do PT and my radiation. Then to add to it I burnt my SNB arm a little on the oven rack tonight. I am just tired and needed to tell someone and there is no one to tell but you girls. Did I mention my favorite sweetest aunt passed away to? DH tired to get me to go see her Sunday when we got home I felt so bad I didn't and she died that night.
It's just been a week and I needed to whine!
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Ok, sounds like we all need a break. First, let's all let out a big primal scream - aaaahhhhh!!! Get all the crazy and overthinking and planning and responsibility and selfinspection and criticism and stress out of our heads, if just for a moment. Release it. Poof!!
Now, let's float in this divine pool and bask in the warm sunshine. Do you choose the pool or the ocean? Feel how light you are in the water. Lie back. Smell that salty air with hints of tropical flowers. Empty your mind and just bob in the water. Close your eyes. Breathe. Deep tummy breaths. In 2 3 4. Out 2 3 4. You got this. You are worthy. You are safe. You are loved. You are healthy.
Xxxxooooo
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Glad to see everyone is doing pretty well and reaching their end game. We definitely need a cabana party at the bungalows to celebrate.
Oh dear Docmama , so sorry about the co-worker situation. I think emotionally, we waver with all we have been through . I feel normal as though nothing happened , then bam , I am freaking out thinking , it can happen that quick , without warning or notice as it did in my case. I still sometimes feel it has been unbelievable to have spent the last 4 months living , eating and breathing BC .
I am so happy , however, that everyone here is doing well and having success with their tx's and moving on . I am always happy to come here and read the threads. I am glad Ivexperienced this ordeal with all of you amazingly strong BC warriors . My sisters!
Much Love
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Arrrgh! I just finished 23/36 radiation treatments yesterday and now I have broken, irritated skin both under my arm and on my collarbone. I really want to just call it a day and tell the Dr. that I'm done. Funny thing is, I didn't feel this way when I was doing chemo. Maybe it's just the "fatigue factor" of dealing with one treatment or another for 8 months... who knows! I am already trying to figure out how to work tanning salon trips into my schedule once I'm done in hopes of evening out my skin tone. I am seriously dark on my right side and I am still scheduled for 13 more treatments.
Docmama, my chemo sister - Never feel guilty about telling the truth. If it happens, you are not the person that got your co-worker fired, they are. We all make choices in life. Stealing from a awesome woman that just kicked Cancer's ass gets you some bad karma!!
A-boob I would give anything to be at the Cabana right now with a fruity drink in my hand!
Vargadoll-have that "golf ball" checked out! My seroma cost me several weeks of delay in my treatment.
Best of luck to all of you that are progressing through reconstruction!
For those Ladies finishing up Chemo, please remember that once you get through that last dose, you will still need time to process it through and to continue to take it easy and take care of yourself! I was surprised by how long it took for my body to get back to normal (especially some of the lab numbers).
Blessings everyone! Keep us updated on your successes!
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Beachbabyk!! So good to hear from you! I went for my dry run with the rads on Thursday and I was scanned and moved and scanned for over a hour. I don't start the real stuff until Monday evening at 6:15. Would they have noticed the seroma in a scan? I didn't mention it while I was there. Just the cording. That's what is bothering me some. I should start PT next week to. I have really been over using my right side. How do you not pick up and blued eyed curly blond hair little boy when he says. "Ooooowa!". (Grandkids call me Gowa and the owa is all he has right now lol )
I hope that you can kick that fatigue and get 'r done! I was so whiny last night but a good night's sleep (and 1/2 a Xanax) made me a new girl today! Annoyingboobs- visualization help chill me down last night (thanks AB)
I did get a bit of good news. My RO called me today and I only have to do 4 weeks. At first I was told 6 but after all my scans two weeks ago the team feels I am a good candidate for the 4 weeks not the 6. If at any point the 4 is to much ot will go to six. I have not clue what to expect but I have made my radiation Playlist and will try to be ready to tackle this next phase of BC.
Much love to you all!
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Vargadoll- through 4 weeks i was good, just some darkening. Hopefully you'll be the same. No pain, no irritation. That all just started this week.
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Beachbabyk!- all you girls that have gone before me have been such a blessing to me! The worries that creep in my mind are so ridiculous aometimes! I hope that this time next year I'm just enjoying my grandkids and thinking about BC at all!♡♡♡♡♡♡
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Beachbaby, I just finished 22 on Friday and the skin damage is just getting real too. No open wounds yet but underarm and under my breast are super red. My SNB scar really hurts and is swollen. I feel for you. I only have 31 total but looked at the sheet and it said approximately 31. Praying they don't up it. Most of the longer term radiation ladies have 32 or 33. Good luck. We can do this
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It's funny that so many of you girls have had the exact same reaction that I've been having. I've just been powering on through all of this. I have even dealt with bouts of depression in my life. I feared this would take me right down. But it hasn't. So strange. Most of the time I'm just counting my blessings. This has all been so backwards. It's caused me to actually value my worth instead of being insecure. It has shown me what strength I actually DO have inside that I did not know I had. It's made me realize that I am an excellent mother instead of questioning if I've done a good job. I do think it is eventually going to catch up with me sometime. It has to right? I had a moment yesterday when I was out shopping. I just felt so alone and scared! ( I think it was that darn Katy Perry song on the intercom. Firework---always reminds me of when my daughter loved it when she was about 10 . She's growing up too fast!!)😥 My husband is out of town too so maybe that's it. I'm afraid if I start crying I won't be able to stop. I hate that I'll never have feeling in my breasts again.
Annoyingboob--are you losing weight on tamoxifen? That's an unexpected bonus I guess? Yes, we must all keep our mental game strong! You got it. Glad your Annoyingboob feels better!😜
Vargadoll--imglad to hear that you are tolerating the tamoxifen well and have lost weight. I have a friend who's been on it 8 years and she said she hasn't had any trouble with it either. That's not at all what you'll read on these tamoxifen boards though. It's enough to scare you to death!
Docmama-- sorry about your work problems. Can you send us a current picture of your hair growth? It'll help me feel better about being bald I think.☺️
Yes there's going to be a big bungalow celebration a week from Monday !!! And Wednesday ( for Pugs).
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i WISH i had lost weight on tamoxifen. i went up 10lbs in the month i took it, and i think 8 lbs of that was my uterus, but i was also hungry constantly, so i can't blame it all on my womb. MO said SE tend to go away after a bit, and gave me a prescription for 6 more months. thanks a lot.
new goal is to get in best shape of my life by november follow up mammo - 7 months from now. i know lots of you are still going through xrt, more surgeries and nipple recons, so you may not be able to join me, but i need your support to hold me accountable, tell me to stop eyeing the ice cream, and get to the gym... looking forward to the post chemo parties next week - very excited and proud of you girls!!
xxoo
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Good Morning to all the Lovely Ladies of January! So sorry to hear of everyone's ups and downs. I hope our rollercoaster goes only uphill this week. Happy Easter and Happy Passover to all!
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Docmama, you look adorable.
p.s. I was slighlty down due to chemo and sudden hair loss. Your post lifted my spirit
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Docmama! You look great! I hope my hair looks as nice as yours when it starts to grow back!
A-Boob: you can do it! I have regarded chemo as a prescription for laziness but as soon as it's over I hope to get myself in better shape too...
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LADIES!!! Am so grateful for this thread!!! Got a huge smile on my face thinking of last chemo rounds and Docmama's beautiful head!!! What a wonderful mug to wake up to this morning.
Is anyone else scheduled for exchange yet? Mine will be 5 May.... can not wait. I've got an appointment this week to see my primary care doc re: anxiety... ready for that to be ehind me. 3bears, I've hd depression in my day too... but agree with your wise words about the oddly empowering experience of facing the dreaded C and living to power through it.... and dear annoyingboob, that pool and breathing is a tonic... I'll be spending a few days in Naples FL next week... spring break for my son, and my husband's prescription for an anxious wife.... pool, sun, beach, drinks.... wish I could have you all there at the cabana (god, I hope they have a cabana!!!)
GO TEAM JANUARY!
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You ladies never cease to amaze me! I'm so proud of all of you! Keep going, keep pushing... so much closer to the end than the beginning now. I think most everyone would say that you kind of got this thing figured out somewhat now, right? In the beginning we were just so scared and no idea what to expect. I'm sure there are still fears but nothing like back in December and January I hope. Keep focused on the light...at the end you will feel like you were shot out of a cannon and wound up in some strange land but it will come back to you and you will feel beyond blessed to start to feel the normalcy of things again. 3Bears, I was particularly touched by your post because that is exactly how I feel! We all get a new perspective and incredible strength to carry with us for the rest of our life if we so choose. Take it all to be the most incredible YOU...whatever that means to you. I can definitely say that life is great again. I am happier, healthier, and loving life more than I ever did before and I didn't think I was doing to bad back then...now I see there is more! What's even more strange, is that a couple months out, I am grateful for the BC journey. Sure, it sucked a lot but on the other end I see all the blessings unfolding. It also allowed me to connect with all of you and for that I'll be forever grateful. Aboob, that scene is mighty beautiful and very alluring this Monday AM! Love to all...have a beautiful day!
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doc mama wins the award for most stylish!!
I caught a glimpse of myself at Pilates today and was thinking ' I have got to get my sh$t together' - I was a hot mess with crazy hair, a stained T shirt, and unshaven legs! Hippychic without the chic. I need glamour lessons from docmama asap - you always look so pulled together!!
Also noticed radiated boob looking good, but clearly has gotten smaller than nonradiated boob, which sits there on my chest like a big blob. They were so cute and symmetric before. I'm over it. No more mirrors. Kinda jealous of you implant girls, not gonna lie. Ugh Monday . I've got a serious case of the mondays. Where is that cabana??!
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Well one positive thing I can say about chemo is I shaved my legs & pits over a month ago & not one hair has grown back!
A-Boob: I love that! Hippy chic without the chic!! You have the best sense of humor!!!
Dcbc: you just may be our first exchange gal! How exciting!!
Love you all!
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docmama, beautiful photo!
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Love seeing all the post! This thread gets me through the day! One radiation down! It was uneventful. ..I do think my boob feels tight now. Is it all in my head??? I always doubt myself.
Everyone is one step close the finish line!
Much love!
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Hanging in there. My skin really hurts. Today was #23. So ready to be done. 2 more regular and then I start my boosts. Just ready for life to get back to normal again.
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Vargadoll - I agree with you…seeing all the posts really help!
Shoregirl - I think your exchange is April 25???
dcbc - please share how your exchange goes…I am scheduled the first week in June.
We will be thinking of you both, hoping to hear you had a quick and easy recovery.
I am back in Ohio on our family farm which I love but it is because my mom ended up needing about 4 feet of her small bowel removed. she is out of the hospital and doing well considering. I am trying to do what I can here, but don't have all my strength back. My mom and my 98 year old grandmother live on the farm…they are two such strong women.
I took this picture yesterday evening….I found it calming and wanted to share.
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Farmdream-- what a beautiful pic, thank you!
Docmama --thank you for sharing your beautiful hair!! It does lift my spirit to see that.
It's wonderful how many of you are chiming in right now! Make sure you all check in next week for the end of chemo celebrations for RoseRN1,Pugsmama and I!
Glad to hear of some radiations getting close to being over, and exchanges are gonna happen!
Fightingirl--we so much appreciate you checking in with such a happy follow up attitude! Life does go on after this crap, that is so good to hear.
I finally did have that cry Ive been waiting for last night. I finally had the why me, life's not fair and I'm so angry talk with myself in the mirror! Lol! I just want my boobs and hair. And not to be afraid of BPA and phthalates and alcohol and sugar. It makes me angry that nobodyknows what caused this! The makeup? The body sprays? The beers? Cake? Nail polish? Normally I like to lift you girls up and cheer you on. But I wanted you to know that I'm human and I cry and I hate cancer!!
I love you my friends!! We are sisters 😎🐝
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My cherry tree is almost in full bloom. Had to share!
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i hear you 3bears! I think we are realizing everything we have been going thru these past months and thins we still have to do. Hang in there. Your almost in the chemo graduating class!
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i hear you 3bears! I think we are realizing everything we have been going thru these past months and thins we still have to do. Hang in there. Your almost in the chemo graduating class!
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3bears, cry away - you earned it! I think its good to let out those emotions rather than keep them bottled in. your feelings are valid - you didn't do anything to cause this. as much as you can live the ideal life of health, your genes are your genes. you have been through a lot and have more to look forward to, but you are getting there, step by step. some steps are baby steps and others are giant leaps, but you will get there - and we are all here to make sure of that!! you might feel defeated, but look back to last December and appreciate all you have conquered since then - huge diagnosis, major surgery and chemo almost done - that's massive!! you cant see it, bc you are in the middle of it, but you have done a lot already and the homestretch is so near. don't compare your journey with others who may be 'ahead' of you - everyone has a different path.
here is what I know for sure: your path will end in health. you are strong. you are a great mom and loving wife. you have compassion. you are beautiful from the inside, and that shines through even with no hair or boobs.
so, take your moment. let it out. have a big cry. and then another. this is not easy. but then, when you are ready, put on your party dress, bc we are going to have a big party for you and pugsmama next week. maybe we should have it under vargas gorgeous cherry tree, and have those pink blossoms rain down upon us bringing spring renewal and good health.
you got this, girl.
xxoo
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Today was the day that the wound vac came off. I feel so much lighter. I wore that thing for 44 days!You would all be really depressed if you could see my reconstructed boobs. My left looks pretty darn good if you can see past the scars, but the right still has a hole where the nipple was and it's completely a different size. I'm so lopsided it's funny. Im glad I'm healing but it's hard to stay positive. Had to start antibiotics because my right boob is very tender and swollen.
I have missed you all and enjoyed reading up on everyone's journeys. We are sisters and I love that we all have each other.❤️
Docmomma you're so cute. I love the hair.
Everyone hang in there and vent away if you need to vent, cry if you need to cry, just know you are never alone!
Stay strong my friends. Love you all.
Xoxoxo
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leftcoastie: 44 days? Wow that went fast (for everyone else but you, probably!)... try not to worry about the appearance right now, you're still swollen & healing. Did you have your exchange surgery already? How did I miss that?
3Bears: ditto on what A-Boob said.Monday, Monday.....chemo graduation day!
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Hi PugsMama- no exchange yet. I have to heal. I will have my tissue expanders probably until fall or winter the PS thinks. I may have to have another reconstruction surgery. I know it could be so much worse. I am blessed to be here talking about it.
I'll be waiting to happy dance with you and 3bears next week. 💃🏼
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