My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Mara, so sorry to read your post. It is not fair to threaten someone with the loss of their home especially someone who is at risk in other ways. I don't know how some people sleep at night! I don't know the legalities of your lease, etc., but I will be praying that you get to stay in your home.
I am feeling horrible today. This UTI is like my last one where I am weak and hurt all over. At least I know what it is. last time I went to the ER because I didn't know what was happening and I was so scared. This time I finally was able to get up and wobble to my recliner where I can sit up more comfortably and read and watch Christmas movies. I feel fortunate that I was at the oncologist yesterday and there was an order on the books from my PCP for a urine sample as a follow-up. Otherwise, I probably would have gone home and then have to get up and out today and go to the urgent care etc. Small blessings although I won't be able to go out to the Christmas Farm tonight.
Take care everyone. I pray for you as you post even as I join the others in not remembering older posts. Chris
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Hey everyone, I’m in the car driving home with DH on my IPad and just got results of my bone and CT scans. I am so relieved everything is stable. Yay for stable and normal.!!!! I’m too exhausted from such a long day at the hospital. So tired and will not be posting the rest of the evening. 🥱 going to bed as soon as we get home after this 1 1/2 hour drive down the jersey shore.♥️🩵
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Shanagirl, so glad for stable, get some well earned rest for sure.
Intolight, I am sorry for the painful UTI and hope it resolves quickly for you. Sending healing thoughts.
I feel better now, did a cry before, mostly anger but whatever. Cannot change it, won't willingly leave and rent will continue to be paid as it should be. Not going out for groceries, SIL not feeling well, they want to go tomorrow which is fine. For now, just trying to keep what ifs out of my head and go from there. It would be a while before an eviction notice could be given and they cannot evict just to redo and rent for more. I would get legal help to fight that. We will see what happens, told property manager no I don't want to leave period, nothing could change my mind. Just telling my brain nothing has changed and going from there.
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mara, that's just horrible! I don't even know what else to say!
Intolight, I hope you keep healing and get that nasty UTI over and done with!
shanagirl, I'm happy for your stable results!
Had my mapping session today. Still waiting on the insurance authorization. It may not happen this year, which I was hoping for, mainly to not have to start the out of pocket $$$ all over again in January. We shall see.
Carol
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Yay for stable!
Sorry about the potential housing issues Mara, hopefully this will turn to be nothing they can act on.
Dealing with a sore neck all day, I must have slept bunched up. Muscle relaxer and hot tea should work. Tomorrow is all packing for the scan trip to Houston. The dogs have more stuff than I do, lol
big hello to the gang 😁
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Waving hello to all the ladies here at Mel's, whether you post or not. I'd like to thank Mel for making this thread so inviting for all.
@shanagirl I am so very happy for your stable scans. You know when one person finds stability, I celebrate and when the news isn't so good, I ache and pray for improvement. @mara51506 You should not have to deal with worry about your home and finances. You have enough to deal with, so yes hand this off to your DB. If you have free legal aide advice in your area, I'd sure look into that. Certain protections are offered to disabled folks. @intolight Uti's are a constant problem for me, due to MS. I am on Cranberry/d-Mannose. The manufacturer is Pure. I started it based on the recommendation of my pharmacist. It's not cheap, but it is a quality product. @Carol Best wishes for radiation to clear up the esophagus problems and you find stability quickly. You are always so optimistic and sweet.
Quiet night here, just gonna watch Country Music show from The Grand Ole Opry. Visited the Opry at Christmas about 20 years ago. It was so beautiful and magical thinking about all the performers that worked the stage in the past, present and the future. Have a good and pain-free evening.
Laurel
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Shanagirl - Yes, hurray for stable! You did it!
Mara - What a horrible situation. Wow, 15 year housing waiting list is unbelievable. I've worked with people in subsidized housing here, and the wait was more like 1-2 years. There's got to be a workable solution for you out there somewhere. I'm just so very sorry.
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Mara~ people suck. They better not mess with you. Grrrr those people suck!!!!
I’m in bed not falling asleep yet. I’m thinking about how my days feel lately. I realized I’m grieving getting older as well aS being sick. I had such a great. Childhood, nothing to worry about. I was the youngest of four, always young , so I thought. I swam in my pool, rode my horse, and was surrounded by open land and golf courses. I had my dogs and cats. Summers were filled with freedoms I can’t express. A feeling of living forever, never dreaming I would get cancer and slowly loose my life. Some would say everyone faces that. It’s different for us. We know, We’ve seen, we’ve been told. We’ve suffered, we are suffering. Life has changed and so have I. I am sad a lot. I fear loss. It scares me. With my mother in hospice I see I’ll loose someone else I love. I’m the hamster on the wheel. Or the mouse who has lost his cheese, if I find it. It will be moldy. I wish I could travel. Run…. Laugh like I used to before cancer came calling. I will never be the same again. How sad that makes me. It just changes you.
love to all
all you lovely ladies. Sleep well 😴
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Shanagirl - doing the happy dance with you! Stable is such great news.
Mara - there are just no words that are adequate to respond to your crappy situation - other than my screaming from the rooftop - LEAVE THIS LADY ALONE YOU MORONS!My daughter and I went to the local holiday concert tonite by the Milwaukee Symphony. What a fabulous celebration of holiday music. We also had a great dinner out beforehand. We talked about next year and maybe doing a family event of Trans-Siberian Orchestra. I think the grandkids would enjoy it. I’d rather spend the money for something like that than buying more stuff they don’t need.
Sweet dreams to all.
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Congrats on stable. Shana! 😍
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Good Morning ladies I am having my first cup of coffee while reading . So far I have celebrated for Shanagirl, got very pissed for Mara and cried with Mel about slow loss of life. I truly feel deeply for all here whether you feel like posting or not it makes no difference to me! We are always here for quiet support or a sounding board for anyone! Never a need to mention by name we all know how cumbersome that can be at times. Hell I almost gave up on this thread in the beginning as I felt like I needed a secretary to keep up lol. So glad I came back to hang with you ladies❤️
Peace, strength with healing vibes for all.
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Goldens, glad you and your daughter had a nice holiday night out with lovely Christmas music.
Mel, I am so sorry about your Mom and I can empathize with missing how you used to do things pre cancer. I feel the same way myself. Hugs and in your pocket as well.
Thank you to everyone being so supportive re the prop managers really wanting me to move. I've not received any paperwork yet, won't speak to them without brother. I am clear on not wanting to leave for any amount of money. We will see if they get aggressive.
I did sleep well last night, went to bed early for a change, when I was falling asleep, some thoughts were trying to creep in and my mind played Shiny Happy People by REM in my head. My mind plays music when there are intrusive thoughts, works for me and I play loud rain as well. I don't feel worried today, treating today as a normal day. SIL says we will grocery shop this afternoon so that will be good. Unsure about breakfast. I did order McDonalds but got two orders mistakenly yesterday. Probably do something with the chicken mcnuggets they sent me with some beans, eggs and such, not sure what else at this point. Only thing I did not get was a coke, chocolate milkshake which is in the fridge right now, been sipping out of it here and there. Not sure yet, I can use the chicken mcnuggets for different things. I do enjoy their food but figure if treating, should pick up something to eat that I can alter into something else, we will see. I like to watch Iron Chef Dad on youtube to see what he turns different regular food into, usually pretty amazing. Last thing I watched him prepare was a HungryMan TV dinner into a great recipe. Fun to watch him be so creative with basic foods. Doing laundry now, no cat sitting on top at this point which is fine, TV playing videos and paying a little for the ads they play, you don't make tons of money but it is good all the same just like my mobile games. Boosting the budget is something I enjoy doing as well. Can get more treats that way.
Again, thank you for your support, I am going to treat the housing worry as no different than it was before when they were more aggressive about it and that was two or three years ago now I think. Most people in the building left at that time, we will see if they try to get aggressive with me. I doubt it, life goes on as normal in the meantime. I realize that it is no different than they have wanted and in a pure business sense it makes sense that they would want me out to put in another expensive apartment for more money. In everyone's pocket who needs me and I hope everyone enjoys their day.
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I wound up using a chicken mcnugget with couple eggs, 1/4 cup beans and wheat bran. Added to the chopper, put in frypan with garlic. The chicken, beans and wheat bran were same texture as ground beef and eggs were blended around in the chopper. It was a good food combo and tasty as well.
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Scanxiety! I had 3 scans on Tuesday (chest CT, abdominal CT, and bone scan). The bone scan came back noting 2 new rib fractures, but otherwise "grossly stable". The abdominal CT came back saying some things that were seen before couldn't be seen now and that I was "stable". The chest CT has yet to come back, so I am totally freaking out and worried that there's something new and awful going on. It would also show the new rib fractures and possibly progression? On the other hand, I know that at my facility it is taking them extra long to read CT's and it is actually more surprising that the abdominal one came back so soon, rather than the chest one is so late. I also wonder if there wasn't something seriously wrong if they wouldn't have contacted me or the doctor by now. I've heard of people having the radiologist come talk to them on the spot if they see something worrisome. It's all just got me in a mental frenzy and I'm wondering if any of the rest of you have any comments about what this all might mean, how you cope with scan issues, etc.
Cookie - Oh do I know that morning cup of coffee with the read. I do it every morning! It's actually one of my calmest and favorite parts of the day.
Mara - Continuing sympathies to you and fingers crossed that you get this all worked out in your favor.
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Photos from a trip I went on. I was able to snowshoe a little and soak in the hot springs. The deer want to be pets but it's not legal to feed them now. I agree with earlier posts about the brain fog. I can't seem to concentrate. I haven't felt good, been very depressed. The mountains help! Trying an antidepressant, going to PT. Some idiot ran a stop sign and wrecked my husband's work car recently. He was with his brother. They weren't hurt seriously but that's what we all need, just one more thing to deal with right? Wishing all a better day.
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Just saying hello. I have had trouble keeping up with the thread. Things here are status quo. I have been able to get my tree up and a few decorative items. It feels Christmas-like. I am still struggling with a lot of nausea and vomiting. I saw my MO yesterday and got another infusion of fluids. I'm trying to keep up with them orally as well but it doesn't seem to be enough. I have all the things for the nausea, zofran, compazine, phenergan and even a low dose ativan. Nothing seems to help. I have a virtual appointment with my PCP this morning so I am going to ask if I can just be done with the blood sugar meds. I am pretty convinced those are the culprit. We'll see. Having high blood sugar isn't great either. I'm starting PT next week as I have gotten very weak with this sudden weight loss. I can't do stairs one foot over the other or without a railing and I can't squat down to work in the garden or pick something up without using an assist to get up. I felt since my out of pocket max was met I should use a few sessions to get a routine going at home to keep my strength up.
The other day when I was feeling better I impulsively agreed to a trip with my aunt and cousin. We are going to see the Rolling Stones in Vegas this coming May. I'm very excited and will probably extend the trip a few days so I can visit with family in Phoenix. Even so, since I've been throwing up and fatigued the last few days I am second guessing if I have the stamina for this. The tickets are purchased so there's no going back now. I am going to think positive and say six months from now I will be feeling fine.
Hugs to everyone in the living room. I have been reading along I just don't always have the energy to respond. Congrats to Shana on stable scans! Also praying for Irish and her husband for healing. Mara, I hope those prop managers leave you alone. I think it's wise that you not speak to them without your brother. Mel as always gentle hugs. I think we all feel you about the struggles and sense of loss in all this. I try to make the best of it most days but oh my gosh do I get tired.
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Threetree, in your pocket sending calming feelings about your scans. Got any treat needed in pocket as well
Emac, I feel much better because my mind came around to the thought that of course they have wanted me out for years since they purchased the building. They want to make more money which makes sense for them. I just got complacent because I have not been asked for years. It has never changed that they want me out so they can charge more, that has never changed and never will. I will never say yes and they need to talk to brother. So basically, they stopped asking me to move for a while, they will likely continue and it does not change my answers, no I do not wish to move and talk to my POA. I feel way less stressed. Kind of like my own cancer, it is in the back of my head but not on my mind regularly.
MKestral, those pictures are gorgeous.
My breakfast of Mcnugget, beans, bran chopped up then mixed with eggs and fried with some chicken seasoning and garlic seasoning with dollop of mayo was pretty delicious and I may continue picking up items from McD's on my own to create different dishes. I can think of a lot of different dishes.
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mkestral - Fabulous photos - real uplift - especially the two deer in the snow.
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Mara- Sorry to read about your housing issues. Like you don't have enough to deal with.
Shana- Congrats on stable.
Well, Covid finally caught me. My first time with Covid. I tested positive Thursday. I am going to pharmacy today for the Paxlovid pills. I have to stop my blood thinner though for 7 days. I don't like that. I was not going to get the Paxlovid, but my MO said I should. I am also pausing my Lynparza.
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Candy, so sorry to read about you getting Covid. It seems like this strain has caught a lot of first-time people. I am knocking on wood!!! I feel so horrible but mine is the UTI and just got my Faslodex shots. We can't seem to get a break!
You all are so special. Thinking of you my dear friends…
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@intolight UTI’s Suck. I kept getting them about 2 or 3 years ago and felt horrible. I kept thinking why am I getting them every 6 mths or so. I haven’t had one yet this year. I do feel. For you. Drink a lot of water is all I can say. In your pocket girly girl😊🩵
@mara51506 in your pocket as you deal with these rental problems….Geesh when they mess with your feeling of well-being by intimidating you over your home it’s the worst thing. I’ll be praying some breath prayers for you through out the day.
@mk3ck Love the beautiful pictures especially this time of year. I give you credit for snowshoeing. I cannot even imagine having the strength doing that .
@emac877 Oh I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through the nausea and vomiting . That’s horrible to go thru. Try some College-Inn Chicken broth and Ginger ale with ice that often soothes nausea and helps keep you hydrated. Gentle hugs(((((🩵)))))
@candy-678 take Vitamin C, Zinc. And D3 and warn tea with lemon….feel better!
Sending love and hugs to everyone else♥️((((((🩵)))))))
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Mkestral-Thanks for posting those pictures. I love snow and woods. Hope to do a little getaway with a friend in January to cross country ski and snow shoe.
Candy-Sorry to hear you have Covid. Hopefully it will be quite mild. My friends who have used Paxlovid did very well.
I am finishing my six month contract at the church. My last day will be Christmas Eve. It's a blessing to be able to lead a church during this season but I am ready to go back to being retired. I am also working "Winterland" at Wrigley Field. It's extremely fun but tiring to stand for hours outdoors. That too will be over in early January. Looking forward to resting and getting a few things done around the house.
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Good evening sweet ladies. @micmel Oh I can feel your sadness, which I believe hits harder around the holidays. I hope hospice is treating your Mama with lots of love and kindness. Mel I can't find "good" days anymore, so I try to find "good hours" to keep me going. I don't have any answers but to keep fighting the b.s. we endure.
I was excited to read about the 16 ladies (first one is from Orlando) that signed up with Cleveland Clinic trial for a vaccine against TNBC. It was good news and they plan on expanding it to 600 women in Phase II trials.
I called Pfizer and left a message for my refill. Well to my horror they called back this afternoon and said the MO's office did not send in a RX and mine was expired. Yeah, I knew it was expired. I had told the Med. Rec. and even took the top off the box showing all the information and handed it to her. I also gave her the paperwork to reapply to Pfizer Pat. Assist. program. She made copies and gave the originals back to me. Well, checked with Pfizer program and they never rec'd the application (it's been 2 weeks). I only have until Dec. 15th deadline. I called MO's Pat. Asst. Manager and had to leave a message. Obviously no return call and now it's the weekend. TO say I'm sick about this and angry is an understatement. Don't we have enough on our plates and in our lives just trying to stay alive? I do have an MO appt. this Monday. No idea who'll see me since mine left and they have a temp. MO.
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Threetree, I was told to expect 10 days for scan reports. Last time too. That's why I don't have the anxiety day of scans but it builds while I wait. Do something enjoyable to take your mind off it. And have some music on. Don't let the house be quiet.
EMac your going through exactly what I've dreaded about all these damn treatments. I hope it's working at least. I can't imagine your doctor wouldn't be willing to try some new drug. I have a fella friend that had pretty severe diarrhea for 3 months before they figured it was his meds and he doesn't have cancer.
Goldens, I always wanted to go to those two concerts. I'm sw of Milwaukee.
YAY SHANAGIRL. SO HAPPY FOR STABLE.
Mel, I too feel your sadness. I was a mess with anxiety and depression. It's very real that I'll probably have it and insomnia the rest of my life. So I went for antidepressants. Specifically for helping sleep. Not so lucky there but a bonus was the pain relief from them. My PA said they often prescribe those now as an adjuvant pain therapy. But I think they make me more tired too. It's not just the cancer meds doing it. Grrrrr. My PCP got fed up with me trying to find one to help me sleep too.
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@mara51506 So glad you have found some peace with the way your handling the stress of everything. Kudos to you we all know some days that's a tall task. As usual your creativity with food amazes me!
@mkestrel Wow, thanks for sharing those gorgeous pictures. Agree perfect for the season, I'm not a big fan of the cold but that makes me want to get out there!
@candy-678 Fingers crossed that it's a mild case and paxlovid will do it's job.
@emac877 Ugh hope you get some relief and answers with the nausea, awful. I think it;s great that you planned to go to the concert. You know with this disease it's such a roller coaster you never know. It will give you something to look forward to in the Spring.
@chicagoan Wow sounds like you have been a busy bee. Sounds tiring just reading it but I'm so glad you were able to push through and be involved.
Irish Ugh there's always some chase going on isn't there?? My DH always hears me making calls and comments it's like a job and it sure is! I know it's frustrating to say the least and the last thing you need! Hoping you get an angel on the phone on Monday to fix things.
@threetree Sorry to hear your still waiting on the chest but glad to hear the Abd and bone scan were pretty stable! Many times the reports are bundled when read since a chest and abd is scanned in one run. Is it possible you missed the chest perhaps…just a thought? Either way I hope you're able to enjoy the weekend and keep busy until you hear.
Things ok here , DH a little under the weather seems like a cold. Hoping I escape it as I have treatment on Wednesday. Ugly sweater Christmas get together tonight should be fun! May do some wrapping today and baking tomorrow as the weather looks crappy for many of us. Have a peaceful day⛄️
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Here's my day yesterday at Winterland. I'm obviously the gray haired one. It's fun to be a carnie for about six weeks!
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Gailmary - Thanks so much for the tips and reassurance. You are so right about the quiet house. I live alone and sometimes it can get real bad, and out of nowhere I have to remind myself to put the radio on or something. I've been doing that lately because one station is playing all Christmas music and it helps. Also, a friend took me to the store yesterday afternoon and I noticed that was a big help too. So you were told 10 days. Ours were taking at least that long during Covid, but have started improving; the problem is some come immediately almost, while others take days. I also don't know if new rib fractures would be considered "progression" or just a "routine consequence" of my osteoporosis and general bone degeneration.
Cookie54 - So nice to get some feedback about this. I wondered if I missed the chest CT report too and keep checking, but it's not there. A note on the abdom. CT says specifically to refer to the chest CT for some sort of thing. They always come as separate reports even though, as you noted, they do them all at once. I'm just extra worried this time - usually not this bad, but since they saw those two new rib fractures I'm pretty freaked out. Wondering what else might be there. Also, with the bone scan they wanted the techs to take 2 extra pictures, and I got real worried about that, but the tech said not too, that if often just depends on who's reading the scans that day and that sometimes they have students with them, etc. The bone scan did say relatively stable aside from those new fractures, so I guess if they saw anything more awful they would have said so. They did say the fractures were consistent with the chest CT, which suggests that the bone scan reader had access to it that very day; just don't understand why it hasn't been posted to MyChart yet. Oh well.
Also, sorry to hear about your husband. Hopefully it is just a cold and he will be fine. I've never been to one of those ugly Christmas sweater parties, but they've had them here at my apartment place before. Probably fun.
Emac - So sorry to hear about all of your stomach issues - OMG, vomiting and more! That's one of those "just not fair" things. I feel terribly about how much you have had to go through lately. Also amazed that you were able to get your Christmas stuff up - I just have no energy whatsoever to do anything like that these days. You've definitely got something good going on there!
Chicagoan - Fun picture. You look like you're having a really good time! Enjoy the carnie stint and then being "retired again".
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Chicagoan, I don’t know how you do it! I’m worn out just reading everything you’re doing…
Irish… Wow, what a pain and stressor to deal with Pfizer, your MO’s office, and anyone else who is not doing what needs to be done to get your meds.
Mel, I’m sorry… There are just those days that suck more than others. We want to stay “positive” (sometimes, I really hate that word) for those around us, but some days we just feel the weight of our disease and we just need to acknowledge it.
I didn’t get a call for the radiation scheduling, so I’m assuming it’s not happening before the end of the year. That means my out-of-pocket costs start all over again. Oh well.
Waving hi to mara, threetree, mkestrel, candy, and all those I haven’t mentioned.
You are loved!
Carol
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@irishlove The dr office NOT sending in the prescription and paperwork is not ok. I understand your anger. Hopefully you can get things going on Monday when you go in. You are going through enough with a new MO, etc. Perhaps it is an oversight because of losing the Mo, but it is still not acceptable!
@threetree It is so hard to wait for a consult on the scans. I always second-guess myself when trying to interpret them. Praying it all gets explained and are minor changes.
It snowed a couple of inches here last night, but looks clear today. I am "down" anyways because of the Faslodex shots and lingering UTI. I really need to clean, but will just have to try to ignore it since I am in pain and have no energy. My DD and DGD made Christmas cookies last night to take to the Fire Department party tonight. I hope I can go for a bit. It is the pits not feeling well enough to participate in Christmas festivities. Hopefully I feel well enough for next weekend when the family will be here to celebrate an early Christmas.
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