My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Sondra-Your cold sounds hideous. Hope you have a speedy recovery.
Micmel-Why don't you send your mother some candy or cookies in the mail? There's still time if you get them out soon. Then they will be right there for her to enjoy.
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Intolight, in your pocket. Sometimes we cannot get stuff like dishes done, do not feel bad, ask for help if you have help or fill the sink for the next day with hot water, makes dishes easier to do, do a couple at a time. There are many nights I don't have the energy either.
sf cakes, I am glad yours are wrapping up sooner than later. In your pocket sending moral support. Year has gone very fast.
Irishlove in your pocket for scans, I was actually shaking too for my head bleed results. I will always send support out to you and if you need a talk, I can put you to sleep talking about laundry. LOL. PM or chat here if you need us.
Goldens, in your pocket for you breast implant ultrasound and everything. Glad you enjoyed the Nutcracker as well.
Yep, I do reside in a wee penthouse for pocket duty with whatever simple food will go along with it.
Sondra F, I have been under the weather for a couple of days, sore throat, runny nose, think that was usual Herceptin and really sore stomach, blame Mcdonalds to many times for that. Finally, sore throat leaving, runny nose not as bad. Masking should help keep you well too. Debating wearing mine as well, I have a ton of unused ones.
Nothing organzed for today, thinking about walks outside, no construction machines around and can check mail, waiting on a new credit card that is expired. Not snowing, no construction to put up with, need to start walking to train for my walk to the mall, probably need til spring to train and still use my cane. I have looked at canes with seats, unsure how sturdy they may be and also weight restrictions.
Foodwise today,m ade hardboiled eggs that will be chopped with 1/4 cup of beans, wheatbran as well. Once chopped, will be microwaved after putting cheese to make the crust and microwaved a couple of minutes. Add some garlic as well, put some salad on top and tear apart the bean mixture to act as a salad addition, probably use some caesar dressing as well. Need fiber I think to remove the lump in lower abdomen. I am also going to walk on spot for at least 10 mins, helps to move food along.
Hoping everyone has a good day and in pockets as I am needed.
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Everyone here is so wonderful even in the midst of all the storms. It is a blessing to have some place to go where there is no judgement, no whispers, and no pity looks. Wouldn't it be wonderful if our world was more like the comfort of this room? Praying for peace and calm today as we begin our busy December.
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Irishlove - wish I could come sit with you and give you a hug. While the news was so devastating, you have all our support as you travel this bump in the road. I’m sorry it will take a while to see your MO. It’s hard not to imagine the worse but I’m sure there will be treatments to help minimize the progression, especially radiation. Between the MS and MBC, you have been dealt a real bad hand. But sometimes the next hand will bring better cards. Prayers for you and I will especially offer up prayers for you at Mass tomorrow.
intolight - yes, despite the storms it is here we find comfort and peace.2 -
Hey girls, just checking. In this late afternoon as I sit on my living room couch with my IPad. Taking a little break from decorating the 🎄😊. I’m inside putting ornaments on it and DH is outside putting up lights around the front porch and yard. The weather is a little milder today so it’s a good day to get things done for the Holidays. Yesterday I made a Marinra source with meatballs and garlic bread 🥖 so I won’t have to cook anything this weekend, just heat up some leftovers and pasta.🍝 I hope. Everyone is well.
@goldensrbest That extra testing you had for that nodule on your breast sounds identical to what they put me thru at the Breast institute where I go. Back in 2021 when I was many years NED from my stage IIIA, I went for my yearly Mammogram, and it came back calcifications that were LCIS. Wow they did everything they did to you and then scheduled me to see my original BS for an opinion. It’s like I never even really worried about more BC since 2009. Little did I know would develop bone mets in a year from the original primary. So now they all watch me like a hawk. I dread each mammogram every 6 mths. And now that my original primary progressed to. Stage IV bone mets, I’m so insecure about the LCIS in my remaining breast. I know it’s not considered a real cancer and my BS didn’t feel it was necessary to do a biopsy, but just watch me every 6 mths for any changes… I don’t really know much about LCIS and have chose not to drive myself crazy researching it. My IDC Stage IIIA Bone mets was enough to research, so I am all researched out nowadays. 😵💫, I’ve only just learned limited knowledge of Pik3 and CK/46 ( not sure of the spelling of both) but they showed up also in my labs. It all just gets to be too much.
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Hi everyone,
My PET scan went well today. No results, of course, but at least no machines broke down, and the injection part was fine.
Now we're back out in the desert for the night to finish up a few things before we put our place back on the vacation rental market. I've turned everything over to DH to manage.
I did manage to get our property taxes paid on Friday. That felt good just to have that out of the way.
Not much else to add. Waving hi to everyone.
Much love,
Carol
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Sunshine~glad it’s over. In your pocket for results! Hugs sweet woman.
Mae~how are you? Hope all is well. How’s the cabin?
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Jumping in pockets, sorry I’m late.
Doing well here, just too cold for my liking. Had treatment on Thursday, so relaxing a bit. We’ll be heading back to Houston in a week for scans but I don’t expect any surprises.
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Good evening everyone. In pockets for scans and hope they bring good news. @micmel Most Christmases we couldn't make it home from Florida to Pa, so Grandparents sent Christmas goodies. They would set up the box with cheeses, bologonas, favorite tea biscuits, tea, 6 pk of Reading Premium Beer, 6 pk of A-Treat cream soda, goodies from Church sales, etc. One of my favorite ideas it to get a small fish bowl, line it with pine or wintery scented mix from Belks and add a strand of electric lights. It's so pretty and reasonable. Oh and the candy, yummy. Maybe add a sweet winter themed blanky, so she can wrap up warmly and think of you. I so wish it was different and that you could be together.
Bit better tonight about the scan. And it's all thanks to you lovely ladies showing your true hearts. Offering comfort, support and information. Thank you is not enough. I so appreciate the prayers and Rosary being said at mass and offers of PM or just chatting away. Words fall short of my love for all of you. Blessed this time of the year and always. Onward with more optimism then ever. Lovely GD, Genevieve, helps too. Her hugs and laughter, oh my.
4 more days and DH will have his tubing removed and hopefully get back to normal. I miss the cooking, especially the steak (cooked in air fryer) salad. Tomorrow we'll bake Shephard's Pie. Here's to a lovely tomorrow and oh yeah, go EAGLES!!!
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Thanks ladies for all your supporting message re: sil..one day at a time. I think we are all feeling it a lil extra due to the holiday's it just feels sooo weird not having bil with her. We will all adjust.
sunshine Yikes those reports are always so long and tiresome but filled with valuable info for sure. Your MO will definitely have good insight. Sending good vibes for a good PET result.
intilight Ugh cancer is so emotionally strange at times but we get it. I have felt the same way but I really think it's just missing our old lives. Simple things now at times feel daunting. Hugs. Love the recipe book idea I have kicked that around before also. I think it's a fabulous gift to give and let the legacy live on. They're going to love it!
Oh Irish I am so sorry for the stinky report, we all feel sad with you. You are an amazing woman who has been so strong through the crap show that has been going on. Allow yourself time to grieve this news , sometimes we just need to release it to find the strength to trudge on. Sending up prayers of strength for you.Big big hugs.
goldens Ugh it's always something…Well hoping it's the lesser of the two problems and is a small leak. It really may be the leak since implants are pretty old. I remember my PS saying they may last 15-20 yrs. Hope you get in for the MR quickly . Glad you had a beautiful distraction with the show, sounds adorable and heart warming.
mel I think the blanket idea is great, you could even get it personalized or get one made with photos if you like. Good luck with your decision , no matter what you choose it will make her smile.
sondraf LOL love your analogy with the buildings! yep we'll have a whole resort going on…. Ugh, yep as I said to DH "tis the season" everyone I talk to has something. Hope you have a speedy recovery, kudos to you for baking and staying active.
Well it's been a crappy 2 days of weather here but at least it's not snow yet. Forced me to get some inside work done so that's always a bonus. Besides I try to stay out of the stores if possible on the weekends anyhow. So much going on here..sigh…I just continue to pray for all! BIg hugs and hello's.🤗❤️
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Hello all.
Just feeling a little blue.
I miss my old life. Working thru the week. Dealing with "normal" things. Planning for the weekend with the Holiday season in full swing. Yes, there was always flu and colds in the winter, but I just took my flu shot, washed my hands, and kept on going. No real thoughts about getting sick. And even if I did get sick, I was healthy and would do ok. Now I worry, probably too much, about white counts and will I get REALLY sick if I catch something. I decline invitations to things, wear a mask when I do get out, and avoid crowds.
Yesterday I saw on my social media pics of a local craft fair— decor to buy for the Christmas season, candles and gifts for sale, and CROWDS. Back in the day, I would have wandered around to see what I could see, even if I didn't buy anything. But now, I have to think do I want to chance the germs? Wear a mask when no one else does. And wear myself out if I go. Will my GI system corporate while I am there? If there is food I cannot partake- - GI system issues and my mask wearing, and nowhere to wash hands. So I stay at home, while others enjoy the Season.
I miss my old life.
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I just got back on my social media feed. Someone posted pics of our town's Christmas Parade that was last night. I have never really been a parade-goer. But, just thinking about the standing for the length of a parade as a spectator and bundling up in the cold (around 40 degrees), I cannot do that anymore. My arthritic hip. The fatigue. And it sounds SOOO cold. I would be chilled to the bone when I got home. Yet, there were pics of the crowd. People drinking hot chocolate and enjoying the festive atmosphere.
I want that lightheartedness again.
Yes, I have medical issues- - white counts, fatigue, GI stuff, arthritis- - but I think I am also depressed. I just don't find joy in things like I used to. It just seems like too much trouble to attempt to partake in activities. Not worth it. I hate that I feel that way anymore.
I miss the old me.
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Goodmorning everyone of you sweet women. It’s dark and rainy here so nothing to do even if I felt like it ….Which I DON”T😉
@candy-678 Oh my Girl, I am soooo with you on everything you are feeling. I know, I know, I wish I could hug you. Sending you gentle hugs virtually though. Listen sweet girl, feeling blue, and missing my old life, and looks, and strength to do things without overwhelming exhaustion, and having my beautiful long thick mane of youth,….all these feelings sting me every day in my heart as I face this body which has turned against me with age and Metastatic Bone Mets. @candy-678 I also like you feel lonely from not getting the real empathy from friends and family who just don’t get Stage IV cancer and it’s toll on our life. Please know I really am feelin’ you, girl 🥹🩵
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@cookie54 Hugs to you “Jersey Girl” Yes the weather here is forcing me to get some Christmas decorating done today. I just don’t get the same joy from it anymore, because the kids are gone, we’re senior citizens, but do it anyway.🤷♀️🎄. No more baking cookies though.
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The thought of standing in the freezing (OK, so 48 degrees isn’t freezing, but you know what I mean) is not appealing to me at all. I never was a fan of big crowds even before BC or mets. I miss my old life, too, but can imagine this journey without all of you!
Waving hi to all. I’ll be on the couch with my knitting/crocheting.
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Shanagirl - Love the photo of the two young girls. It really does show that desire for the "old life"! Makes me cry to think of it.
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Snowing here today…unplanned. The wind made a mess of all the yards and the furniture on my new balcony. It will all have to wait. In the meantime, I hunker down and do my best. I miss my walks on the beach in the winter, but I know this is where I am supposed to be. I am thankful to be here even though I complain. It is okay to express our emotions in the midst of our storms. It is a part of our life.
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Candy, I hear you. While I have been going to select outings (recently to hear Audra McDonald sing with the symphony), I often have to talk myself into going. I do always wear a mask, and I will usually see a few other folks masked, but we are definitely in the minority.
My last time out, during the intermission, I bought a bottle of sparkling water (to go off into a quiet corner and take my meds with), but I couldn't get the cap to twist off! Ended up asking a group of younger men to please help me, and they laughed kindly, making a show of how hard it really was to get that stupid cap off... just that small interaction brightened my mood.
I am alone, when it seems like everyone at any outing is at least part of a couple if not a group, and I have very thin grey hair and look older than my actual age (in which case thank you masks!), and I have chronic back pain from the fracture that has apparently not healed at all, per last scan... it makes it very difficult emotionally on some days to try to carry on and interact with anyone. I think depression is logical sometimes, and sometimes forcing myself to go out has helped. I also take omega supplements for joint pain, and I suspect I'm getting some anti-depressant benefit from it, too. This is a hard road we're on, no doubt.
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Good evening ladies. Hope you are cuddled up with pups and blankets and a good TV show. Half time for Eagles game and they are…losing. No need to panic, they usually make a heck of a comeback in the second half. Thank you all (once again) for all the love and support. Couldn't make it without you.
@sf-cakes I am glad you go out and about and enjoy musicals and opera. Imagine there is a missing piece of you, but I find it inspiring that you forge on. We use to rent beds at Appalachian State Loft in NYC and would always take along extended family and friends. We would enjoy being tourists and seeing a Broadway show.
Before our move to Boone, DH was a Police Officer in Holly Hill, FL. They have a great Christmas Parade every year and DH would always work the parade route. The kids and I would join him afterwards for hot chocolate and pancakes at a local Mom n Pop diner. I miss those days but as an old fart now, not the traffic. lol Pretty much content to sit in my favorite chair with DH, dogs and sweet DGD and watch Macy's Parade on TV.
I'm doing ok after the disappointing scan. Still waiting on the soft tissue report (lungs). In August (prior pet scan) the MO said it was a "miracle" and that I was doing so well, no radiation was necessary. So this is a bit of a gut punch or a lousy radiologist. I understand that not all radiologists are created equal. Maybe he was last in his class.
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@sunshine99 I miss knitting and crochetting, i used to crochet the “granny square blankets, knit sweaters when i was in my teens and first married in the 70’s. After our children started being born, I lost interest because I Was so busy in those days. I never picked it up again, and now I’ve forgotten most of it….
@intolight Brrrr I’m not. Ready for snow and wind together.. I also miss walking the beach in the winter with the dogs and DH. Stay. Warm and comfy indoors.😊
@sf-cakes Yes! I’m feelin’ your back pain and what the heck is it that I too, suddenly have trouble opening bottle caps., I guess it’s the arthritis in my thumbs😉
@threetree Hey there girl.😊🩵Yes I do too, miss the old life.
Waving hi to everyone here in the living room, and wishing you all a restful evening. I’m going to turn in early tonight. I’m really from doing holiday decorating around the house inside with DH today.🥱.
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I totally feel everything Candy and everyone else mentioned. I’m severely grieving my old life. It is depressing for sure. I cry regularly at what life has become for me (us all) I’m lost in a sea of people and there is no land in sight , no one can help me. I sit alone even though family is around. No one can really feel what we feel mentally and physically. They just don’t get it. I see that commercial about st Jude’s and this sweet little girl said. “It is my first time having cancer and it’s the absolute worst”. A small child has to deal with what we do. How is cancer fair at all. Young mothers being ripped from their families and babies fighting to live. All the war…. It seems like most things are shit. I give you beautiful souls all heartfelt hugs. You’re all amazing. Because I do know how it is. And it is so very hard each day. Love to all.
Mara???
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@irishlove, we're truly sorry to hear about your recent bone scan results… you must be facing a difficult situation, we cannot imagine. When you are ready, we invite you to take a look at our weekly Zoom meetups for MBC . We host three sessions each week, and our members find them to be a great source of support. Hope you find it helpful too, and please, let us know if you have questions. We're here for you!
The Mods
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Mel- I cry every time one of those St. Jude commercials come on. No child should ever have to endure cancer. At least, I lived my life. They deserve to be a kid, and have a full life ahead of them.
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Oh Mel, you said it all so very well, with your post above about grieving our old lives. I'm crying now as I type this. You are so spot on! You really have the right words that I could never come up with. Thank you.
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Intolight, that must be quite the change from beaches to mountains. It’s a chilly 52 degrees here in San Diego this morning. I’m wearing my usual vest and a new fleece jacket that I bought at Cabrillo National Monument. It has their logo on it and it’s fun to wear.
Sf-cakes, cute story about the guys who helped you open your bottle of water. I’ve had more than one time where I’ve had to search for someone taller than I am in the grocery store to reach something on a shelf. The last time DH and I were in the store together, someone asked him to grab something that was out of reach for her.
It sounds like my dad is enjoying his new place. He said he went to the restaurant or dining room (whatever it is) and someone called him over to eat with them. He said he had a veggie omelet with an English muffin, and they asked him if he wanted jam or marmalade with his muffin. I think he’s going to be eating very well there!
I’m hoping to hear soon about the PET scan I had on Saturday. I have no idea how long it takes to get results back. DH put up a few lights on the front porch, but that’s about it, so far. He’s usually in charge of the decorating, which is fine with me.
I’m tired of being tired…
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I just had a couple people install a fire window. I was concerned about people seeing inside since it was not painted like my other. The former windows was nailed and painted shut and hard to get to due to the stove. I asked if he could attach a blanket to the window to keep the privacy as anyone could have seen in my apartment and he did attach to the new fire window, looks nice inside the apartment I must say. I did not have curtains but did have a spare blanket that actually looks decent. Now I need to get my stuff back in the kitchen that was in t he way.
The older fella was showing me his cat, neither of mine showed up but did not figure they would. Breakfast was mcdonalds egg mcmuffin, it was good. Not sure what to make for supper.
I hope everyone has a good day and in everyone's pocket that needs me.
Here is Tigger overseeing the wash and spin drying of my wee machine, he takes charge of the laundry a lot of times.
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I know a lot of us are dealing with aches and pains. I had forgotten how effective Epsom salts can be. I came home aching last night after standing out in the cold for several hours for my job, having driven a few hours for my morning job and also with a strained arm and knee from pickleball. I took my first epsom salt bath in years-I put in about 5 cups in a very hot bath and stayed there for over a half hour. I felt better last night and like a new woman this morning! It's worth trying if you are feeling muscle and/or joint pain. Sometimes I don't know if it is my arthritis, cancer or treatment side effects or plain old muscle strain but the epsom salts sure worked. Just ordered an 18 pound bag!
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Mara, wow, your Tigger looks exactly like a "Tigger" we had many years ago. I miss him still! Glad you got your window fixed.
Chicagoan, thanks for the reminder of the epsom salts. I do take a deep bath when needed but am finding it increasingly more difficult to get in and out of it. I also worry the epsom salts might ruin the jets.
Just finished hand-writing the three-generation recipe books for my three kids for Christmas. Now to get them wrapped and mailed. They are heavy! DH is home and I will relax until the MO appointment on Wednesday. Stay warm!
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@irishlove You are very much on my mind. Your scan showing progression is not what anyone here would want to hear. I’m so sorry.You and your DH have been through enough and that scan had to be so depressing for you. Especially now during the Holidays and your DGD will be moving. All just too much to bare. My heart is hurting for you. Today I am have been cleaning my bedroom, vacuuming and wiping down my nightstand with the pictures of my children. it was looking a little dusty around some of my crystals and jewelry box. I felt good getting everything shining again. We have a little balcony off the bedroom so DH was outside hanging lights and garland on the railing. I put the little table Christmas tree in front of the glass sliding door to the balcony.Ir looks pretty with the lights. He hung outside. During this time I put the music choice channel on our TV in the bedroom and with “relaxing 80’s “ music. It brought me back to my old life which I miss so much. 80’s were a very happy time and the music was. Always playing in the house then. Our 4 children were 8. 10, & 12, and I was pregnant with our youngest daughter, who was born in 1986 the day after Christmas 🎄. Wow I so miss those days, it was so nice listening to the Lela in 80’s music while I worked around the bedroom today…….Anyway back to the present. I’m going for scans this week on Thursday morning. I keep thinking that I’ve been on this long experience with BC for so many years, I’m so expecting some progression 🥺..just waiting for the other shoe to drop now that I’m stage IV bone metastasis. @irishlove, that would totally knock me for a loop. That’s why you are so on my mind right now.🩵.
@micmel and @candy-678 , I’m so missing my old life. I was going through picture albums yesterday, and I longed so much for those times, happy looking pretty in my bathing suit, beautiful thick hair, tanned, lovely gold necklace with an opal my handsome DH bought me for our 2 week anniversary trip. So romantic in a beautiful tropical paradise, gorgeous hotels. So many beautiful memories, times, celebrations and friendships hose years. This 80’s easy listening music has totally taken me back……in a good way though. I guess nothing stays the same. I love you all.🥹♥️🎄
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Good evening everyone. IN pockets for scans and really, for life in general and cancer particularly. DGD is learning to sew. Nanny just showed her how to load a bobbin. Now I'm in my favorite chair and it's up to her Mom to continue. I have plenty of scraps and even yardage if she decides to become serious.
Mel is so spot on about St. Jude's children. It breaks my heart as I'm sure it does everyone. I catch myself saying "Not the children"………… It is a lonely disease. It's like a light switch flipped from on to off and we are just searching around in the dark for treatments and moments of lighter doings.
I went back in time on the bone threads to learn more about treatments and scans. Just as confused as ever. I'm flabbergasted about the orbital wall. Heck, can't find good info as to treatment or risk of spread to orbit or optic nerve. Spent years in the optical/optometric field. Even worked for an opthalmologist for awhile. Just the run of the mill cataracts and glaucoma. So this is new. Unfortunately those docs are all retired by now, so no one to get in touch with that I know. Patience is needed and prayers, too.
Laurel
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