My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Theo got his first hair cut!!! He’s adorable. Just what I needed
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So handsome!
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Hi theo!
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Oh Mel - You are just so lucky to have him! Such a cute little angel. Also continuing sympathies and hugs re the loss of your mom. One of the toughest things I can think of to deal with in life. We're all here for you of course.
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I'm so happy to see some good news and unremarkable scans for Goldensrbest! I will definitely be in pockets for SondraF on the 30th and SFcakes surgery on the 29th. I love the pictures of Mae's pups and Theo.
I think I'm still struggling a bit. I haven't completely regained my strength from being in the hospital. I'm using a walker because I feel my legs might give out if I am up on them too long. I am afraid if I fall I won't be able to get back up. Covid just seems to be lingering for me but I have compromised lungs so maybe that's part of it. I didn't make it to Costco but discovered I can order online and have it delivered same day so I did that. It's more expensive as Instacart raises the price to cover their service but I made an exception this one time. The delivery person was a very nice husband and wife team and they even brought the order in and put it on the counter for me since I couldn't. That was worth it this one time. I've been feeling down the last few days but I think it's the weather. It's been dark and cloudy most of the week and I really struggle with the lack of sunlight. I'm intentionally looking for things to be grateful for and that helps.
Hope everyone stays safe and warm in this cold weather. It seems to be effecting everyone across the US right now. I want to get out and plant some bulbs and maybe some rhubarb in the garden but I need to wait and get stronger first.
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Emac-I was almost going to suggest you try Costco online last week. I'm much too cheap for deliveries but when I had the broken leg, Costco online helped me to keep my independence. I do so much impulse shopping at Costco that online is almost cheaper because of the things I don't buy! Hope that you continue to feel better and regain strength.
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Waving hello to all. We quickly went outside and pulled plants in or covered what we could. They lowered the temp forecast and issued a freeze warning tonight. I've asked that my family not purchase any more plants for me. These garden centers sell plants that just aren't zoned for this. Spoke with our son tonight and it's gonna be 20 in Charlotte. Please stay warm and safe all.
@emac877 So glad you are home. Improving may be slower then hoped for, but you are on the right road. Don't be too stubborn to use that cane and stay safe. Covid has been brutal long term for a two of my family members. I wish you good thoughts and speedy recovery.
@micmel Oh Theo, you are the best early present for your family. Mel, I think of you and wish your grief will one day turn to a smile when remembering your Mom. God bless you and your family.
@exbrnxgrl I am so sorry for all that were touched by that senseless murder. The children (sigh), I hope they receive counseling and the grandparents can step up.
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Hello Ladies~ thank you for being in my corner. This past two weeks I have been numb. I miss my mother terribly. No one can ever prepare you for the loss of a parent. If you have a parent that is still alive, hug them. Tell them you love them. Make sure they know. I know my mom knew and that’s one of the things that is getting me through. I’m waiting for her ashes to come home to me , where she always belonged.
im so very happy for good scans. For all you ladies that can celebrate for good scans, you go! I used to have some xtra ibrance , but I was instructed to return the un opened medication to the pharmacy for disposal! I said” what “????? I have people who could use that. My oncologist office said it was illegal to share prescriptions no less mailing them through the mail. So I had to return my un used portion of 100 mg, to get my refill of 75mgs. Of ibrance. I was frustrated at the thought of that being wasted. When everyone battles for this medicine. I’m glad though , I did nothing wrong , but think it’s way too over priced. I almost just did it. But when they asked, I’m glad I had it. Something else to deal with during my mother’s passing. This has been really hard on me. I was the closest to her. So I am kinda alone in my grief at this level. I feel alone, except for DH & kids . No one to commiserate with. My other siblings weren’t as close to her as I am. Or was, This will take forever to get over. Thankful for all your kind words. And well wishes …. It means alot .
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I prayed when I saw my brain mri test results were already available tonight. I had support with me, my DH and my DD. So I decided to open the results otherwise I would have to wait till Jan. 30th to see a nurse. The only note was left occipital bone with light T1 flair of lytic mets, and it's stable. The last MO said, it was old. Nothing about the orbits, as the November Pet Scan listed orbital wall and increased uptake in different areas of spine. I'm gonna take this win!
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Oh Laurel, doing the happy dance for you!
So wonderful to hear good news.
Sorry for your struggles. Hope things improve and that you at least see sunshine. One of the things I've noticed is that despite every setback, we struggle to hold ourselves to our former standards of strength and endurance rather than being extra kind to ourselves. A home delivery from Costco is a necessity at this point, not an indulgence. I don't know if you have Amazon Fresh available, but their delivery fee used to be only $5.00, and they were a lifeline for me a number of times.
On a much lesser level compared to what you're going through, I started with a cold the week before Christmas that progressed to a severe case of pinkeye and then a sinus infection that took 10 days of antibiotics to resolve. This is the first virus I caught since being stage IV and it shocked me at how weak my immune system was.
Take care
Eleanora
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Irishlove - so happy that you got some good news.
emac - Eleanora’s comment was the truth. Home delivery is a life saver. And absolutely we must be kind to our new selves.Elenora - what ever has been going around from an illness perspective has been lingering forever - not just for us with lower immunity but for everyone else as well. Good thing you got started on your meds when you did. And sinus infections take forever to clear up.
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Just keep reading along.
Yay for everyone with stable scans and MRIs.!!
Love the pictures of the dogs 🐕 Allie is beautiful, Theo is handsome and Mae's puppies are just adorable! ( 2 years already). Our Belle is a little devil. We were out one day and came home to find all of her small treats we kept at the back of the counter were all eaten with nothing but pieces of the bags left on the floor. The funny part is there was a bagel in a plastic bag on the floor also which wasn't touched. I know she is bored too but sometimes out here in the winter it is so hard to get her out for an extra long walk. I know how she feels!
SFCAKES- in your pocket for upcoming surgery.
Emac- hope you will start feeling better soon. Irishlove, Shanagirl and all others struggling I am also in your pockets with a ray of sunshine.
Mel- on losing your mom it is just day by day.
Nothing new on my end. Still dealing with total fatigue and blahs!
Hello to everyone I have missed!
Debbie
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Mega storm coming in tonight with high winds. The landing planes are having a fun time up there with the gusts (please don't crash on my house!) but the wind makes the cats go kinda nuts. It was fairly mild today so I aired the house and managed to get a load of laundry done. That felt good.
Whatever I was cooking in my lung has really done a number on me, that or its the Tylenol 3 for the body aches and pains. I was having a hard time believing that I could get fatigue this bad from a not even that terrible of a cough, but its been non stop infections this winter and things really are just lingering. I was low on D too at the start of winter. I dream of a beach vacation at this point. Its getting harder and harder to 'just be patient!'.
Take care everyone with the weather wherever you may be (how come we never have people report in from Hawaii?) and if you are also going through hard times, lets all believe they will end soon. Positive group thought for the day :)
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Sondra-what is stopping you from going on a beach vacation right now? Sounds like just what you need. If Hubs is busy, just pack some books and bathing suits and soak up the sun for a week. It will definitely help your Vitamin D level. Do you take a supplement? I take 4000 units a day plus more in my multivitamins. Have also started eating smoked salmon frequently for lunches. It helps with Vitamin D (I think) and also has reduced some of my aches and pains.
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Thanks for the comments re sinus infections. I have always been super healthy. Fighting off the occasional cold virus in 3 days with a few antihistamines and basically just running past everything else. The manner in which this virus took over my body shocked and scared me. Your words about others' experience were a comfort.
Eleanora
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So I had treatments shots today, a not great PET scan with new progression to a rib and can't sleep. Hubs snoring does not help this issue lol. I have migrated to the living room joined by Miss Cat Tiger. I try to explain things to my family with a hopeful spin but it's hard. It's small but I keep getting these new spots. Doc wants a bone scan in 6 weeks to compare before changing treatment and/or more radiation.
@irishlove it's good to hear your scan looks ok. Earlier you mentioned dealing with some depression, suicidal thoughts. I can relate. My new med seems to be helping and I hope you are finding some stability too. It sounds like you have arms full of pets to hug.
@mara51506 Im glad you didn't get seriously hurt from falling and were able to get up. You mentioned trying to walk with two canes. I use two if I want to walk faster at the park. I really do better with two and get a rhythm going but it's awkward sometimes ex. can't carry coffee mug or check my phone without stopping. I use trekking poles with the straps.
@micmel I'm sure your pup knows you need extra cuddles too.
@emac877 I hope you feel better, get stronger and can do garden things! I've been thinking about mine too. Cabin fever is no fun. I walked at the park with my snowshoes but now it's ankle deep slush.
@sf-cakes you mentioned surgery for your spine. My thoughts are with you and wish you a smooth recovery. I hope you will get to enjoy doing your favorite things without worrying about fractures. I had a similar operation and PT has helped me a lot.
@eleanora i hope you are recovering well. You said, "One of the things I've noticed is that despite every setback, we struggle to hold ourselves to our former standards of strength and endurance rather than being extra kind to ourselves." How true. I keep trying to work out too hard and just pay for it in pain. This angry feeling, wanting to beat myself into shape like it's all my fault my health has failed.
@bellelove70 at least your dog didn't jump up on the counter and eat your roast dinner! That's my husband's story about their German shepherd.
@sondraf hope you stay safe and warm out of the storm!
@illimae cute pups
@chicagoan omg smoked salmon...I want some! I bake or grill salmon pretty frequently, my favorite fish.
@shana@shanagirl hi ☺️ thanks for thinking of me about the scans.
@threetree glad to hear your shoulder has been healing well from your bad fall.
@intolight and @goldensrbest glad to hear you had stable scans, wish you many more!
Well this is a long post. I'm starting to get sleepy finally. Good night... Er.. morning!
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Morning ladies popping on today to see how everyone has been. I missed a couple days and sometimes you miss a lot!
We are having a major setback with Allie that has just broken our hearts!! We are in the process of rehoming her via the rescue or whatever means other than a shelter to give her the best chance at a happy life. Unfortunately she and my adult son are not meshing and he is now living scared in our home. We believe it was an isolated incident but it's truly fearful for him.It's a shame because he loved our 2 other dogs but did have an incident with a dog a couple years ago. We understand how dogs read people and how training for all would help but it's just not an option. She is a sweet lovable and very trainable gal she just needs the right fit. Has been a very stressful time not having true peace in our home.
@goldensrbest @irishlove Sooo happy to hear of stable scans, congrats!
Mel That Theo is such a cutie, oh that face…just love! Definitely a way to help you heal a little. Ummm yea seems tragic to dump meds others are struggling to get.Policy, policy policy that's the way of healthcare.
Mae Adorable lil pups, so sweet!
sfcakes Sheesh I know you have been struggling with your spine for some time.I pray this gives you the relief that is deserved.
emac Sending you some sunshine and hugs to boost you up today. Glad you treated yourself to home delivery…sometimes you just need to.
eleanora Your cold and all that followed behind sound pretty crummy. Hoping it's only up from here, feel better.
mkstrel Sorry to hear your PET report was not what you were hoping for, it just stinks! Hoping the bone scan doesn't show much else going on and your treatment holds you stable. Hugs.
Hi to all here and sorry if I missed ya,my brain is just fried this week. Fingers crossed for better days ahead for all.🌞
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Oh no cookie!!! I’m so sorry That has got to be difficult. Sending my love to your family
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Wow! That was a long but very impressive post! Did you take notes as you were scrolling pages?
Sorry about the progression, but glad it seems minor at this point. Is there any genetic testing they can do to find out why this little bugger is being so persistent? Fingers crossed for good bone scan results.
Following up on your response to my comment about putting too much pressure on ourselves, I met with my MO last week and she inquired with a smile as to whether I was continuing to exercise. This was while I was still on heavy antibiotics and recovering, which she knew She said that the cancer institute's management wanted the MOs to emphasize that regular exercise and weight control can minimize the risk of cancer and its recurrence. I told her that was a load of crap that made me very angry. Those smiling platitudes only add more of a burden to women who are sick, in pain and mentally and emotionally exhausted. Even the hint that a woman might have done this to herself is cruel.
I reminded her that I exercised consistently for more than 40 years - cardio, weight training, pilates - ate vegetarian for almost 60 years, most of it organic, and yet here I am.
I apologize in advance to anyone who might be offended by this post.
Rant over. 😔
Eleanora
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mkestrel - sorry to hear of the progression. Your MO sounds very wise to scan again before making medication changes.
cookie - as a dog lover, I’m saddened by your news about Annie. My daughter went through the same thing after their rescued puppy that they had for 4 months, bit our 7 yr old (12 now) GS on the face. She felt it was likely her son’s being on the floor face to face with the pup while it was chewing a toy that provoked the bite but that meant having to get rid of the dog. I remember her calling and sobbing, asking us to take it. Of course that made no sense considering they would be visitors. The right pup will come your way.Eleanora - your rant deserves to be shouted from the mountain tops!!!! Nothing offensive at all.
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So sorry about Allie, but of course you need to protect your son. Hope you find a replacement soon.
Thank you. I strongly believe that the "medical industrial complex" should be doing everything possible to make things easier for us, particularly those of us at stage IV. Sometimes the lack of empathy is astounding.
Eleanora
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Terrible weekend for me over the weekend. I fell out of bed without realizing it and could not get myself up. Had DB phone the hospital to get an ambulance, not sure how long I was there, slept practically the whole time.. Same thing happened later that day, was on the floor but did have the phone to phone 911 again. Still slept most of the time. Bad thing was whileon the floor I peed my pants which was gross to wear those pants. This morning I pooped myself, figure was mostly due to cold and not having much to eat, treating with immodium. Just picked up cold syrup at door and almost fell down the stairs. I cannot take this anymore. Will try to eat, not hungry but have not had anything and then just sleep for the rest of the day. I need to straighten my house as paramedics moved stuff all over the place. Overall, not a happy woman. The cold is miserable too.
Turns out I have the flu, feel very weak, will keep trying to eat bland stuff and order immodium from a refill. I am using a cane but still unsure what caused the falls but that is 3 falls in a short time which is bad. Been doing nothing but sleeping on and off. Need to do laundry to clean up dirty clothes, phone pharmacy. I know most of you probably have been through more but I have not experienced actual flu, plus the paramedics rearranged things in the living room, it is hard to find things that I usually use. This really sucks. Still treating what symptoms I can, expectorant to trigger coughing in daytime, suppressing at night. I am sleeping 4 or 5 hours at a time, will try to get the poop box changed as well and stay away from greens, forever most likely as these bowel issues have come from eating that, never had issues with anything else but the last few bowel issues have followed any type of greens like lettuce. In future, any salad I have will be a bean salad I think.
Still in people pockets as well as my own, sorry for the whiny but it has just been too much for me. 3 falls, two trips to emerg are too much for me.
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@shanagirl that’s Pig in the center and his brother Monkey peeping in on the right. They are a terrier/chihuahua mix.
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Cookie - So very sorry to hear about the Allie Grace situation. Just when it all seemed to be going so well too. You have to do what you have to do, and I hope for a good resolution for all.
Mel! - I don't have the words to express how badly I feel for you. I don't know how you were even able to post given how bad you must be feeling. Just get well, well, well soon and know that you are being thought of and rooted for?
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Mara,
Sorry you had such an awful weekend. 3 falls is really concerning. I'm surprised they didn't keep you in the hospital to give you a safe place to recover from the flu. Hope you feel better soon and regain your strength. Wish we all lived closer so that we could help each other during these tough times. Take care.
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I’m visiting the living room this morning to share how awful I feel today. No Sleep last night at all. I coughed, and paced, got up and down from bed to get some cough medicine and my inhaler which didn’t work😩I am in such pain in my ribs and bones all over. I’m wondering if this is also the injections. Oh and another UTI Bladder infection. My Dr appointments are all made, so today nothing to do but try And sleep this off. Waving 👋 hi to all. Too weak to type.💙
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Good morning everyone. I hope you are all beginning to warm up as we are in Colorado.
@mkestrel Thank you for the great list. It is nice to be remembered.
@cookie54 Hurting from the incident with Allie. I know how badly you wanted this puppy to work out but I understand the fear from your son.
@eleanora The insensitivities from anyone from the medical field anger me. We have enough to deal with without their thoughtless blame. And yes, you did everything right. Just proves we are not to blame for this awful disease. Last year I had an ER doc tell me my problems were because I didn't exercise enough. He didn't even try to help me deal with the excruciating pain I was going through…
@mara51506 Dear sweet Mara… I was so sorry to read about your falls and troubles. I wish I could jusr pack up and go help you. Of course I can barely help myself right now, but you deserve better. I will pray you recover quickly.
@micmel Praying everyday you can find some peace. Grief is a horrible thing to go through. Hug Theo and think of happy memories.
@bellelove70 Some days it is all we can do to just plod along. Keep going my friend!
@irishlove This sounds like you are finally getting a little bit of good news. You have struggled for so long.
@sondraf I used to live at the beach and had such peace there. Of course with that comes a lot of crazy beach people. It has its own culture for sure.
Well, that's my list for today. Sorry if I missed anyone. I finally got the Christmas decorations down yesterday as it was finally warm enough to leave the garage door open long enough to access the bins. We could put them downstairs in the storage room but that would mean multiple trips up and down the stairs which my DH with his bad knees can't do. In Colorado it is acceptable anyways to wait until after the Stock show ends, so we are actually early! I am thankful for the beginnings of a warm-up but never fear, the snow season has not ended yet in the Rockies.
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Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! What a miserable experience, and yet you are soldiering on. I am amazed at your courage and perseverance. I agree with @chicagoan and @intolight Wish we all lived closer so that we could help each other. Sending you many hugs.
@shanagirl and everyone else feeling unwell, thinking positive healing thoughts your way.
Eleanora
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