My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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just our way of saying we are with you. You’re not alone. We are supporting you from a far.
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"In your pocket": I've always imagined all my friends here shrunk down to teeny tiny size, so they all fit in my pocket, telling jokes and singing and munching on delicious snacks, while I'm laying on the scan table. It gets me through it, every time.
Feeling a bit sad today, had two friends tell me how BUSY they were this past weekend, and how much busier they'll be over the summer with vacations and trips... and I am definitely not busy. I do like having my quiet time and space, don't get me wrong, but my low energy does not allow me to "do" anywhere near what I used to. Yes, I'm planning a little retirement party in June, but it's not something that I'll be squeezing in amongst 8000 other activities, it's so far my only activity planned. I'm not complaining really, just feel a little down about it all today. Blah.
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I feel the exact way. My one friend travels whenever and goes out weekly to dinners and other gathering and funtions. My days have come down to my chosen show for that day and a nap thrown in to cut down the fatigue somewhat. Walking around makes me fatigued. Sitting to long hurts my spine , it ridiculous the way cancer eats our body.
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Oh my gosh, ditto, to sf-cakes, intolight, and mel.
I hear of everyone else's BUSY lives…. I called my sister yesterday, and we spoke a whole 10 minutes. She is a teacher, and with the end of the school year, she is BUSY. Plus, she has a husband and 2 kids (not young ones). She has church activities. And, yesterday, she went to a lunch of her husband's mom and his sister's, as she is a mom too. I thought "wow, I wish I had all the activities to look forward to"…and felt like doing them.
Today, I did a couple of loads of laundry and cleaned my toilet. This afternoon I was going to make some phone calls about something at church and I felt that "blanket" come over me…. that weird feeling like a fog rolling in. My mind cannot grasp things, my mind slows, and my body is exhausted.
Most days anymore, I read and nap and watch TV. I have a LOT of boring time, just myself and my cat.
I too get sad when seeing the pics posted on Facebook. Everyone going here and there. My low energy level, and my finances anymore, living on Social Security Disability, I cannot do all the things others do. And it gets hard to see them "living" their lives.
It hurts.
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SFcakes - I have a similar mental picture of "in your pocket" but hadn't included all the snacks, etc. Maybe I'll try that next time.
Also, add me as another one who relates to all above re not being able to do nearly as much, how sitting for a long time hurts my spine, and it pains me to see others living their lives in so much good health (although I am happy for them).
Candy - Cleaning the toilet and a couple loads of laundry were my goals for today also, but it's early afternoon, and I haven't even started. Ugh!
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Our busy lives with nonstop appointments bleh. I'm tired of cancer ruining everything. They are changing my treatment and probably biopsy the liver, more radiation to the new bone met. Hopefully I can tolerate Everolimus / exemestane. Thanks again for encouraging kind thoughts here. I am trying not to freak out. I have been crawling around the garden and planted some vegetables and flowers. Now I have to remember to water them!
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Mkestrel - I'm just so sorry to read what has been going on with you and I really do wish you all the best of luck with this new treatment.
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mkestrel sorry to hear of your progression. Thanks so much for the gorgeous northern lights pictures. Just amazing.
Shanagirl I hope you get pain relief soon.
Take care all
Tanya
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After midnight, so early good morning lovely ladies. I hope everyone has really great scans and med changes are easy and effective. I have a lump on my butt the size of a half-dollar from shots a month ago.
Cooked cornish hens and side dishes for Mother's Day and only DH and I ate it. Everyone else slept till late. They are caring for a 4 week old raccoon. It's cute, but I do not want to get roped in on nurse duty. I really want them to call a rehabber.
Oh how I miss traveling. We always managed to have fun, even if it was just a busman's holiday. Some of our stories are dozies, usually involving one of the dogs that have traveled with us thru 45 years. I concur that being ill and limited funds has made me sad about traveling to see family. We are trying, but this disease keeps throwing up road blocks. I miss my family terribly.
Serious back and hip pain and nothing was working today. Fell asleep about 6 am and it was restless, so I just got up for the day. Hope everyone sleeps well tonight and has a pain free tomorrow.
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I had my first PHESGO injection and Abraxane infusion yesterday and so far so good. I really hope this works quick because Im tired of not being able to go anywhere (like the coffee shop on the corner is too far) and taking all these painkillers. My hospital continues to be a total clown show, but whatever, we got it done yesterday. I rocked up with a 'fever' of 100.3 (I had just taken paracetemol, so its the pain usually causing the fever) which triggered the sepsis protocol, got some more antibiotics I didn't need, an ECG I didn't want (the most boring test alive), and all the usual fun of peeing in a test tube. At least MO was like - no way, we are starting treatment today, Im not admitting her, there is nothing wrong with her, its just the cancer! I asked for pain management because the pain has gotten worse and what I really need is a pain review and overhaul and instead I got the usual 'have you tried more oxy?' They will give me every pill under the sun BUT the ones that would actually work, its insane. All this in a trust that is super conservative about not overmedicating side eye
I wish I had popped out to check the Northern Lights, but I saw them a lot growing up, these seem much more intense. Thats a really vibrant picture @mkestrel (btw, good luck with E/E!).
@irishlove nothing more annoying than pain that prevents you from sleeping and none of your usual tricks work. Then you get to be tired all day! And usually still in pain!
I dont mind so much not being busy, but going out and doing something more interesting than 'hospital' would be a treat. I was never some social butterfly before, and the world has really changed since covid anyway for how much people meetup and where. BUt yeah, sometimes I get jealous hearing about who is going to Greece for 6 weeks in the summer and got clearance to work from the beach!
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mkestrel So glad to hear you got to crawl around the garden. It's nice to do something "normal" to divert your mind from all this. Ha yea hopefully mother nature will assist with the watering. Positive thoughts your way that this new treatment is good to you.
irish Ugh broken and minimal sleep the worst the hangover without the fun. Hope you catch a cat nap today for a boost and pain subsides.Love cornish hens haven't had those in years. They remind me of my mom's cooking, she always made those for a special or Sunday dinner.
sondraf Happy to hear you got your treatment yesterday. So glad your MO put her foot down and told them treatment was being started regardless! Wow clown show for sure…oh here ya go just take more Oxy..what?? Sometimes I just don't get it. Hope your feeling well today.
Hugs to all feeling the pain of missing their old lives. I know somedays we feel it more than others. Cancer the silent thief that comes in a tries to steal every last ounce of our old being. I just had a vision of one of my favorite Christmas shows the original Grinch. I picture cancer sneaking around stealing every last crumb of joy as the Grinch did. Somedays I just say nope, not today!
In everyone's pockets this week and always❣️
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In pockets for all, in my own pocket as well to get all laundry done too. Waiting for some extra batteries ordered from Amazon, keeping all chargers and batteries in same place. My vileda mop no longer sprays anymore, no problem there, just soak mophead in the cleaning solution, then rinse with vinegar and dry with another mophead, I know my stuff is boring to hear about but being able to keep up housework is important to me, despite not having found everywhere SIL put stuff, I still say my place looks better to me, the over the sink dish drainer is good for me as well, and dusting between times, was not very good at that. Tv still paying for ads played, got a mobile game on the go as well, halfway to one of my payments for the extra large Walmart order already.
Just planning to mash up my lentils to make a spread for the english muffin, frying up an egg in an egg ring with slice of bacon after toasting the english muffin with butter and lentil spread. Put slice of cheese on at the end with lettuce and mayo, tonight will have one of my meat pies. Got my junk food stored away from me, wanting to avoid the eating junk at supper and also want to eat before 6pm, that should help see me off to bed earlier.
In the mean time, unsure what I want to do in the meantime. Taking it easy today otherwise. Hope all have a good day and pockets for all who need it.
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Irish - Cornish hens! Oh my gosh, I'd forgotten all about those. Interesting you made them on Mother's Day. My mother made them as part of her regular repertoire, and I made them a few times myself when I had a family. Somehow they just got "lost in the shuffle" for me over the last couple of decades. I used to just love them - all kinds of things you can stuff them with; very versatile. Thanks for the very pleasant memory jog.
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MOTHER’S MEMORY TRIBUTE FROM MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER
Good Morning All You wonderful Women and Mothers. I hope Mother’s Day was Peaceful and filled with happy memories for you. I know it is not the same for us now and mostly sad because we are not the energetic young super moms of the past and many of us can’t help feeling blue when we see all the facebook pictures of. Friends and Family enjoying fun celebrations and vacations while we are home and feeling the fatigue and side effects of our treatments and unable to participate…..I’ve read some of your posts and also can relate. My Mother’s Day was the first time I could not be with the children for dinner at our SIL and DD restaurant together. I was in too much spine and rib pain and had trouble moving, so I stayed home.
Yesterday I took a Lavender Epsom Salt Shower 🚿 and it helped to get me more comfortable and moving with less pain.🥰I started feeling better during the day and last night. Just hung out with my doggies upstairs and watched TV while DH & DS watched their sports teams on the downstairs TV. I ate leftovers and salad 🥗. Yep, this is my life now…
My youngest daughter posted a Mother’s Day Tribute of beautiful Pictures on Facebook of me and her on her wedding Day 7 yrs ago, and one when she was little with me and DH on vacation and her little face was so cute because she was giving her brother an annoyed look. I remember him teasing her that day. And back then I was a busy young mother of 4 her being the youngest🥰.
And the looking at her wedding day pictures with me brought back so many sweet memories and saw that the years that went by I looked a little older and a little plumper.😂
These kind of memories are what brought feelings of joy this Mother’s Day while I was home that day.
Here she was a young pre teen on vacation with me and DH without the older siblings.
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Lovely pictures Shana girl, and am sorry that pain caused you to miss out on DD and Soninlaw though. Sending warm healing thoughts to ease or get rid of the pain.
Ordered more Walmart groceries, eggs, mini pot pies, beef and chicken and some litter deodorizer, we will see if it helps out. Ate two of the pot pies, really good. Also got a bag of reese pieces, limiting myself to 10 per day. Holding myself accountable. Also got some peanut butter.
One other thing that irritates me is how cheap Walmart is about the driver tip, never much more than 4.00 which is pathetic since my restaurant delivery drivers get at least 20 percent. I've taken to asking for emails so I can etransfer the rest of what I consider a decent tip for driving and using gas to the delivery people. Not doing it for praise, just paying out what is a fair price. Wish the Walmart site offered a way to increase the tip amount as well. Oh well, both people got their money and I provided security answer for the one who had to have a question added.
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Shana~ gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous! That bouquet is amazing and you both look so pretty. I love seeing pics of everyone’s kids and themselves. I think we go into our cocoon of new life with cancer and we forget how to live. We can’t live with cancer, but we have to because we know living without it isn’t an option. I loved the dresses. And how nice is it to see how cute she was at preteen. You being the proud full of every mom. My kids are 13.5 months apart so I was also a busy mom like a Tasmanian devil , raising them together. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. You had 4 kids. Wow. You were very busy. Phew. How did you do it. Do you have a wedding. Pic? I’d like to see wedding photos. Anyone feeling sharing. ? The first one I’m with my late father.
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I got married only a few years ago, during the pandemic, and every photo I have is us in masks. We got married down at the courthouse, and the judge said she was going to turn around and sign the papers —wink wink— at which point we could take off our masks and kiss.
I will just say that although many of you aren't up for travel, you are pretty gosh darn good at journaling your lives and making the most of the little things, even in the midst of serious fear and pain.
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Mel - you have such beautiful eyes. Love the wedding pics. Will have to dig ours out. I laugh at all the staged photos from so many years ago. Almost 46 yrs for us this summer. I look at many of the photos done today and they are so different. Wish I could go back and have a re-do. I was recently asked if we had a special song for our first dance. I broke out laughing and said no. My husbands parents were very Polish (having immigrated just after WWII). Back when we got married (1978) it was essentially a party that your parents threw. So we had a Polish band that only played polkas and also had a stand set up with their albums to purchase. We often say we should have just eloped🤣
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I would love to see photos. It makes me smile to think my kids weren’t even alive when that was taken. Even though I got divorced, I still got two amazing kids out of the deal. And I was a princess for a day. Share away ladies !! I can wait to see .
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This is the only picture I have on this device so I will need to hunt for more. This is our reception. Yes, we were babies! We've been married almost 52 years now. The second picture is our 50th anniversary taken two years ago. Obviously we did causal at our house and this picture was not staged lol It is a terrible picture of my DH with a sneak peek of our middle grandson.
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look at you and your beautiful dress. You really have beautiful hair. Congrats on being married that long. I love seeing different styles and dresses. I love your cake also! Hello DH and dgs! Thanks for sharing!!!
More more !
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@micmel Oh Mel, I love to see pictures too. Thank you for sharing yours. Your Bridal pictures are so beautiful!……..
My kids were born so close together. My first 3 were also 13 & 18 months apart. I was still nursing our second when I became pregnant with our third, my little son, Brett. He was 8 when I became pregnant with my daughter, Jenna the one in the pictures.🥰I had boy,girl, boy, girl….
We need to share more pictures of our good memories.
@intolight I don’t have any of my wedding pictures on this device either. I noticed your veil in your wedding picture. It looks like a Mantilla veil which is what I wore on my wedding day In 1972 also the high collar.😂 Now you’ve got me wanting to go thru the pictures I have tomorrow….We’ll 52 years in September.
@mara51506 Yes Walmart is annoying. I love the little pot pies too, and thank you so much for your kind words. I do feel a little better each day.♥️
@tougholdcrow At least you had a joyful event during the “pandemic” even though you had to wear masks 😷
@goldensrbest Yes I totally agree with you about Mel’s beautiful eyes in her wedding pictures.🩵
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I love the wedding photos!! This is my favorite from ours -
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Morning all…Absolutely love all the pictures!!! Beautiful.
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I never got married. I am not the marrying type, too independent, or too overbearing, hahaha. Never could find the right guy. Is there a "Mr. Right"? I am pretty much a cynic on the topic of love.
But…. I would like to have had a wedding. The beautiful gown with a long train, the veil, the pretty hairdo, makeup, and THE DIAMOND. Feel like a princess for a day.
But it wasn't to be.
I do like seeing the pics, though.
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You all are lovely in the pictures, thank you for sharing them. I am not married but here is a photo of my Mom. She is sitting with older DB dog Samson.
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Well, today dull and gray outside, not a problem really if I did take a walk, we will see, have the money stuff with TV and ads that pay a little and little games for a couple of dollars, all ads up, throwing it on my bigger Walmart orders.
I did buy reese pieces and can happily say I am not devouring, usually 10 at a time is all I eat which is good. Planning to make a filet o fish vibe with my fish, butter, cheese and mayo on the english muffin and add lettuce. I don't know if it will be any good considering I never had a filet o fish at mcdonalds in my life but will call it the FiletMcMuffin. I am also looking into recipes that include cream of mushroom soup both on google but also facebook under cheap meal ideas. Will post the soup, noodles and ask from there to see how to use as something other than soup. Sometimes, the ideas incorporate stuff I already have.
I hope everyone has a good day and in pockets for anyone who wants or needs it.
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Nice photos of good memories. I'm married but don't really want to post my mug shot lol
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mel, my aunt made both cakes…the original one and the one for my 50th. She tried to match. So fun! The 50th one in the picture is fake—just frosting on styrofoam. She taught my neice to decorate one for the actual 50th reception. We added four sheet cakes for my original wedding. It was a large wedding. I wish I had taken a picture of her standing by the cake.
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