My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
Comments
-
I can’t drink carbonated drinks anymore. It makes me have heartburn and back up issues in my throat. I actually hate it. Really all I drink is water. I used to love a good Diet Coke. With my lunches. Each year something I enjoy falls to the wayside. But I love my water. Ice cubes and all. I live on it. Nothing quenches my thirst like a. Nice full tall fresh Stanley filled with ice water. Yum! I don’t do donuts much never in a place where they are. I like them though. Looks like a beautiful day today. Loving the real Spring temps!!! More more ! Hello to all
1 -
Mel, I think when I go for a mall walk and we sit for a bit, I just need to bring the usual water and a snack as well instead of buying stuff I do not finish, wasteful to do that if not intending to bring them home.
Not sure what today holds for me beyond the usual meal planning, laundry, been lazy about that and with a tiny washer it looks overloaded. Going to start it all over, wash cloths, handwash shirts, pants and undergarments, use a rack to dry, might use my heated rack, don't want clothes to get pilled up like others have done, liking my new clothes, I will see what I feel like doing. Tv playing ads is doing well, need to plan some light gaming to add to my money, I want the next cat food 1/2 off or free if possible. Not because I need it really but because then I can put more in my own budget. Only other thing to think of is that if I want a particular restaurant meal, maybe go to the restaurant to pickup and bring home myself vs all the service charges
Anyway as always, hope good days are had by all, still thinking about our struggling family and hoping things lighten up or get relieved, in pockets for everyone and for myself to organize my day better, debating making lists and times of getting stuff done as well time to be complete. When I actually do stuff, I can manage quickly doing a daily clean and weekly telescopic dust of ceilings etc. I can also fit in exercise with the bed workouts, chair workout and standing workout. PT and OT are the bomb and lots of it are done in bed, do my arm pulls from laying to sitting, need to learn I do not have to do it all first thing, just make a list for the day and follow it.
1 -
Happy Friday ladies. No different for me really. But DH needs the days off. He’s tired. I’m feeling that heavy grief feeling about my mom and just overall my life and who I used to be. I think it’s another reason I don’t join Facebook. Putting aside I’m convinced people don’t like seeing other people happy In life. But I don’t want to see everyone I’ve known enjoying vacations and having time to travel or new mothers enjoying giving their parents a grandchild. My kids are no where near giving me grandchildren and I’m ok with that. I’d rather them be ready in every way. I just worry I won’t live to see my daughter have a child. Same with my son. He doesn’t even have a girlfriend. He’s very picky and he thinks people his age are artificial. Not that he’s perfect in anyway. He’s got things to work on In the housekeeping area. He’s not eager to grab a vacuum let’s just say. So I always worry about them. now a days things are disgustingly expensive and three income's are needed to rent a three bedroom townhome with Rooms on the small side. It’s just crazy! I wonder how my kids are going to get their first homes. When I die I have money coming to each of them. I hope they are able to use it for that. I want them to be happy and have that home everyone wants at some point. Living life is so difficult and then throwing in cancer. It just becomes heavier to do anything. I’d like to hide the cancer in the woods. Someplace where it can’t find anyone. Sigh. Going to try to sleep. Hope all have a good weekend.
2 -
Im with you @micmel about a big tall ice-filled glass of water and how it quenches like almost nothing else. I crave ice water usually in the afternoons, sometimes Ill do half lemonade and half water. I also keep a litre bottle of cold filtered water in the fridge at all times. I can still do carbonation so in our crappy fridge that freezes anything towards the back, its lined with Coke. Oh man, nothing but nothing can beat an icy cold sip of Coke from the bottle (500ml not like a giant 2l). I can't drink a whole bottle in one sitting so it takes a few days to finish, but its just such an enjoyable hit to my crappy chemo-ravaged palate. Gotta be ice cold from the fridge though, warm in glass with ice not the same.
I got a bag of blood on Thursday so I have some get up and go today but I got nowhere to go and the weather is terrible so Im planning our trip home in late July and a trip to Madeira in late September. Walking in the evenings to work up stamina (I got a lot further in 10 minutes yesterday than last week) and also to improve sleep - my fancy watch tells me I actually enter deep sleep on the days I walk just 10-15 mins in the evening, so thats a good incentive too. And Im doing light arm weights and the 12 minute routine on Senior Shape Fitness to work the arms. Hip is stiff but definitely improving, so Im hoping in two weeks we can maybe go to a movie or go somewhere on public transport. So tired of taking Ubers to and from the hospital - it took an hour and 20 minutes on Thursday evening to go 8 miles due to London weekend traffic leaving the city!
We are considering a side trip from just seeing my parents, and I was wondering if any folks on here know of a good beach stop (clean,not overbuilt, kinda classy, maybe national beach front) between Washington DC and Williamsburg? My sister is moving to W'burg next week and Ive never been to that part of the country outside DC, a five day side trip would change things up a bit and hubs loves a bit of roadtrip. I dunno, might be a bit much but Im improving so quickly it could be ok, especially with 10 days to rest after at parents.
I hope everyone is doing much better and improving, thinking of you especially @emac877 - you deserve it!
1 -
Getting some serious scanxiety here, as Monday is my day. I just hate this part of it all and have no real way to handle it. I think it gets worse each time, because I feel like, as time goes by, the odds that I'll have a bad scan go up. I suppose there's an equal argument the other way, but my brain can't find it.
5 -
I am in your pocket threetree! We all know how it feels. I’m sending you a great big hug of support. I wish I had a magic wand. To make it all go away for us. I’d wand us all right out of cancer!
0 -
Thanks so much, Mel. I know everyone here gets it, so I unload here of course. If I could join you in magic wanding everyone here, I sure would! It's what we all need. Hug back.
1 -
I get it, threetree. One would think that after all the scans we have (me 6+ years at scans every 3-4 months), we would have LESS anxiety. But, for me, it is the opposite, as I think "sometime I am going to get worse" and "is this the time?". Thinking of you now. ❤️
4 -
@threetree and @candy-678 you have both put my concern into words. I am in your pocket @threetree for support. Hugs to you both.
2 -
Candy - You said it, exactly! You know that at some point, something isn't going to go well, and you always wonder, "Is this the time?" You hit the nail on the head. Thanks so much for the comment and good thoughts/wishes.
malleem - I am more than happy having you in my pocket, along with Mel. I will be thinking of all of you on Monday too. Hugs to you too.
0 -
@threetree and others who have scans on Monday, I will be thinking of you all as I go for an MRI of my liver on Monday. We shall see what the future holds. Praying everyone stays safe from the storms both from weather and just from life.
2 -
Intolight - Thanks and absolutely wishing you all the best with your MRI. I like your storm analogy. I will have both. The "scan scare" plus the "pineapple express" that will be hitting us here in the PNW starting tomorrow.
2 -
pocket duty for @threetree and @intolight Monday.
Tanya1 -
HI gals, Reporting for pocket duty for threetree and intolight and all else with a challenging week ahead. ❤️
2 -
Thank you so much Tanya and Cookie!
1 -
Good morning all you night owls or early risers. The double lot next door that is not developed has morning glories growing on a vine. Sure wish I could "borrow" a vine and transplant it, but it's a bit too far off the road and into the woods. Worry about spiders and other critters.
In pockets for threetree and intothelight and emac, and all that are in need for support. My pet/ct is June 10th. Not nervous just yet, but I'm sure it'll come over me. The best thing I believe I have advocated for that has helped since diagnosis is the pallative care to work with pain/pain meds. I am not able to do much and as soon as the pain meds kick in, I feel mostly like my old self and have been cleaning and cooking (for others). Still can't shake the GI stuff however, it was not nearly as bad today. Of course all I ate was applesauce, corn flakes with lactose free milk and some home made chicken noodle soup and an apple and small amount of watermelon. I'm with you gals on drinking lots of water. With lots of ice. Man what I'd give for a steak, even if it's just to smell it. lol
1 -
Good Morning and Happy Sunday my Lady (and Gent?) friends here in Mels Livingroom.I’m here with my coffee. So after. The many weeks of feeling painful and low I decided, after talking a lot with God, in daily prayers, I decided to buy myself an new soft cover Lavender Bible and a Grace for Today one minute daily devotions soft cover leather little book. This little book is delightful to read a page in the morning with my coffee
I skimmed through the Fasoldex SE’s along with the other 2 drugs. I saw that I have each one, and the last 2 days flu like soar throat and headache along with the bone pain, and all the other side effects. There’s nothing I can do about this but continue these medications and push through the painful effects.
Wishing you all a blessed day of comfort and peace.🩵
3 -
There were gobblers in my garden wild turkeys... I might have to put up a fence! I put up some hummingbird feeders and they have found it.
I have radiation all next week and then start new med everolimus. I'm nervous about the med side effects. Already started exemestane. I think radiation might be making me tired but it's hard to tell with everything else.
Shanagirl, Irish and everyone else I hope you feel better today.
4 -
Irish - Thanks so much for thinking of me. You will definitely be in my thoughts, with the rest of the living room, when I get my scans tomorrow. Hoping you can get those morning glories you want going somehow. There must be a way. They're always a treat, and I've been under the impression that they grow easily, almost like weeds. Maybe someone could go over to the lot for you? When my stomach acts up, I usually get a lot of relief with broth, soda crackers, and applesauce. Sounds like what you're eating produces similar results. Glad you are feeling some relief.
3 -
Shanagirl - I was just having my coffee while reading also. Like you I think I m just going to have to live with and learn how to power through these side effects. I'm starting to notice some patterns, and when I think I've reached my limit and that there must be something really bad and new going on, I too review the side effect lists for Faslodex, and there it all is! I sure wish they could reduce the Faslodex dose, like they can with the Verzenio, but I understand that reduced doses of Faslodex have been tried and that they don't work as well. My onc has said lowering the dose is not an option. I am glad you are finding some comfort and ways to deal with all of this. It's just so hard!
2 -
@shanagirl and @threetree We are alike this morning. I am enjoing my morning coffee, reading through these notes, and struggling through my morning SEs of Faslodex. This time my shot site swelled up and was very painful on one side, but not bad on the other. The nurse pushed the meds way too fast! When she was done with the first side and I realized this, I tried to tactfully tell her I do better if she slowed the shot way down, but she only slowed it marginally. She told me beforehand she warmed it up, but that is not enough. Why won't they listen! Next time I am telling the nurse what happened and being very vocal beforehand. I had to change appointment times and got a different nurse than usual… I should have known but it shouldn't matter! Arghh!
Today is supposed to hit the mid-eighties…warm for Colorado, but happens every year. Had a lovely visit with BIL's family yesterday and even went out to lunch. It is nice to have good days even in the midst of the pain.
Thinking of everyone here and the challenges next week brings.
3 -
In pockets for intolight, threetree for scans, and mkestrel for starting a new medication. None of this gets any easier. I'll be in your pocket, munching on dry toast (sorry for the crumbs).
Sondraf, so good to hear that you're slowly building up stamina, and that the evening walks help you sleep better.
Emac, thinking of you.
Mel, I'm with you - if someone could go hide the cancer in the woods (and also snag some of Irish's morning glories at the same time) that would be great.
Had something hit my system, headache and diarrhea, thought it could be covid but tests were negative. So am eating dry toast, rice, bananas... the usual boring bland stuff that makes me long for a pizza! But it's working so I'll stick with that for today at least.
3 -
Sf-cakes sorry to read of your latest struggles. DH cooked bacon and eggs on the outdoor grill this morning and we ate our first meal on the new deck. I will pay for the rich food soon I'm sure, but we really enjoyed it. Sorry for those who are struggling with food issues...and no, I couldn't finish it…
The second pic is our viewfrom the deck.
5 -
Intolight - I become a broken record with the "Go slow" stuff when I get my shots. The second I feel anything, I let them know and ask them once again to please slow down! So far, that has worked pretty well, and the ones who go the slowest leave the least damage! Love the pictures, and that breakfast looks like something I would have enjoyed some years ago, but not anymore. I can "kinda/sorta taste it" though in the old way I would have. Looks like you've had a very nice Sunday morning.
SFcakes - Thanks for your nice thoughts - I'll take them, crumbs and all! Hope your health troubles pass soon. I get stuff like that from time to time and wonder if it's Covid, but then test negative. I'm beginning to think it's an occasional drug side effect thing when what happened to you happens. Just don't know, but feel better soon!
2 -
Oh thats really lovely view there @intolight. What a beautiful place to sit and read or watch the world go by. And Ill take some of that bacon if you don't mind :)
@shanagirl do you think a visit with pallative care services at your hospital would be helpful to manage all the side effects? Seeing everyone else's success I think I may ask for referral tomorrow myself as I am struggling to manage GI, fatigue, and aches and pains, especially as the good anti nausea pill gives me D just like everything else. Ive got pain management but Im not sure the difference, so perhaps a new perspective would be good. Its just tough to be miserable every 12 hours waiting for this or that pill combination to kick in, surely there must be a better way!
I woke up craving a lamb samosa (I know I know…) so sent hubs to the Tube station newsagent to pick one +a veg up and the new Tatler issue. It sounds weird but the shop owner's mom makes them and biriyanis and other Indian options fresh and packages them up in the chiller section so they are gen-u-wine Indian food and so good. That + an entire Coke (it was sunny and warm today finally) = bad bad BAD idea. I think it made me more achy the rest of the day but it was tasty going down! Im now having fruit and yogurt for dinner and packing carrot stix and hummous, maybe half a pb&j for the hospital tomorrow. I can't eat another damn hospital sandwich.
Infusion 4/6 tomorrow and another Phesgo. Im going to have to ask for a better anti-D than Immodium, does one even exist?
Big cheers /fluffy pom pom action waving around from a seated position for everyone nervously heading in for scans this week. You can do it!
3 -
Hi everyone, it’s been awhile, not sure how long but I just realized I haven’t logged in for some time, I somehow forgot.
Micmel, I love an occasional root beer but I have trouble with the bubbles too and often can’t finish it.
Several months ago I bought tickets to a music festival in California and it’s finally almost here. I’m driving to El Paso for treatment on Thursday, then flying out immediately after. The fest is on Saturday, then my bff and I are spending Sunday in our hometown of Huntington Beach with another friend from school. Looking forward to the fest, my favorite foods and a dip in the cold Pacific Ocean.
You all already know I can pack like a champ and this time is no exception, I even found room for a hat, crossbody purse, water bottle and travel cocktail kit in addition to the clothes, swimsuit and sandals in my backpack.
5 -
Hello Ladies. It’s late and I just can’t sleep tonight. I think. I napped too long today and I’m paying for it now. Little Theo is snuggled at my feet. Since my birthday I’ve been on a shopping spree I’ve been so spoiled this year. I got a mattress fluff topper for my spine. I got a nail polish organization kit, two diamond rings for my twentieth anniversary , I got three pairs of pants , 4 bottles of nail polish, teeth Whitener to try, it’s time to get a new phone which I’m getting this week. $200 cash from my kids to go to dinner at this special place they picked out. Two sets of flowers , a plant. , a special seafood feast, a cake made from DH, a mother angel to go next to her urn. Hand sanitizer for my purse. A new purse and checkbook cover to match. A vaporizer bowl for my Medical marijuana. I don’t even know if that’s all. Oh yeah perfume. It was a special day and I’m so very thankful for my beautiful family. Times like this when you feel so loved and shown that people know you, and show you that they do. April brought good scans. May was bitter sweet with my birthday and my first Mother’s Day without her. I hope this year keeps getting easier for us all. It’s been a rough one so far. And I blinked and it’s June. My mother died 5 months ago on the 4. Doesn’t sound long. But it feels long without her voice and words to get me through my day. I’ve never felt such profound loss before from death of a loved one. I need this momentum to continue for the rest of the year, heck the rest of my life. Hope sleep comes soon. Hugs to all. Loving the pictures of the huge turkeys . Nothing like gorgeous Colorado mountains. What a beautiful sight to see. Thanks for sharing. Hope pain subsides , and sleep finds you easily. Love to all
4 -
Great photos! We have turkeys around us but not nearly as big. Also have coyotes so everyone with dogs is on watch. Last week someone in our neighborhood found a deer carcass in the back yard😳.
Mel - what fabulous birthday gifts - anniversary too! You are loved not only by those around you but by all of us here❣️❣️Mae - have a fabulous trip!
Here for pocket duty for tests and treatments. Sending wishes for comfort and ease for those struggling from this damn disease.
2 -
reporting for pocket duty! I bring chocolate coco bombs! Much love to all
2 -
Mel, what a birthday "spoiling" indeed! So nice that you have so many people around you who care so much. We should all be so lucky! What wonderful gifts you received. I'm glad you had such a wonderful, albeit bittersweet, time.
3
