My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Everything is going to be beautiful, Micmel! You are very creative; we can't wait to see the final product. Be sure to post lots of pics!
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Hi gals,
Post Y90 MRI reveals all liver mets are essentially stopped in their tracks. Including the left lobe, which is probably due to the Xeloda. Happy about this, of course. The shoe will drop eventually, but will continue to ride like the wind.Seeing my IR on Thursday for official report.
Micmel- it's so awesome that you are handcrafting the reception decorations/centerpieces. Such a lovely thing to do for your daughter!
Love to each, may the force be with you--Mary Jane
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JKL~Thank you so much for the kind thoughts on the portions I've been working on. It is so much fun for me. But my back is fecking around with me today (as Minnie would say) . So I have to pace myself... never liked that feeling at all. I was always the center of everything and always had such energy I never. Stopped. Now I'm stopped in my tracks gasping to be who I was. A tear and fear are constant reminders of the demon who lives inside of me. Who is giving me a reprieve now. But no one ever knows for how long. Thank you for your kind words my friend. Always good to see you !
MJH~ well Yahhoooo! 🍹😊🌷🍷 I am so happy that xeloda and the Y90 have gotten the demon in hiding, I am thrilled for good news. I want this for all of us. Good news. I hope you get many many more decades out of xeloda.
I am just begging for a cure. I know we all are. Good to see you as well darling. Enjoy your Sunday.
Much love to all.
Waving to Grannax. Hoping your ok.
I still can't believe that Keetmom is gone. Just nothing. Silence. I hate cancer. ~M~
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MJH, great news!
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Mary Jane, GREAT news!!! I’m so happy for you!!! Enjoy this feeling! Micmel, love seeing your beautiful work! Everything is going to be beautiful! Can’t wait to see pictures! Try to pace yourself, this weather is crazy and with rain predicted all week I know I’ll be hurting. I went to my sons new apartment yesterday and helped hang up curtain rods and curtains and boy am I hurting today! My mastectomy scar is throbbing from reaching and stretching. Hi to everyone! Still in the funk, probably will be until my dads death anniversary passes at the end of the month. He is coming to me in my dreams and I am of course trying to analyze what he is trying to tell me. I do not usually dream of him.
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I'm back from vacation #1. It would take a zillion words to describe how perfect it was. For all the lake people, picture a crystal clear lake, smooth as glass, with only one boat on it, OURS. Add seeing friends you haven't seen in 50 years, and feeling like it was just yesterday. Slide shows and DVD of our skiing and camping adventures captured on home video from the sixties. Revisiting the campsite, it's closed to camping now, the rocky beach where parents and little kids watched us ski, the island we used to ski around. The cove where we finally got six skiers up behind my dad's boat. And more food that could possibly be eaten. The Happy Campers Reunion was a success.
Now to serious stuff. Wednesday I have an appointment with IR to discuss what local treatments might be possible for this new met or mets. I don't know the results of my MRI yet. Pray that there will be some sort of local treatment that he can do for me. I think for liver mets local treatment and systematic TX has the best outcome.
Saturday vacation #2. This one to Kent Island. We'll fly to Baltimore and drive across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge to the eastern shore. I'll be there a week with my DD and DSIL. We plan to do day trips exploring historical sights. Then home on the 21st. Where reality will surface again.
My appointment with MO is on the 28th. I don't know if AA will start then or if I'll have local treatment first.I will keep you updated, of course.💞
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Lynwood, I hope your dreams bring you comfort. Almost every night this week I've dreamed I was being driven in a car with several people I know who have died. I'm not the driver and the company on the drive is pleasant if under odd circumstances. It doesn't take much for me to interpret that. I'm not distressed and like you, when I wake up I try to remember what they said.
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MJH, great news in the treatment, yay!
Grannax, that sounds like such a happy vacation, I love those perfectly peaceful moments 🙂
Hi to everyone, just chillin’ this weekend for me.
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Grannax, you were only about an hour and a half from me! Glad to hear you had fun!!! We used to go down there a lot and that’s where we had our High School senior trip!
Micmel, your decorations are going to brvery pretty, can’t wsit for pics!!!!
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okay ladies I feel like ass. I'm so tired I don't even know what hit me. I don't know what I would do without my DH. Seriously how do you thank someone for everything they always do.? For who they are too you??..this would not be happening, If it wasn't for him. We are doing a million things. I just had a nap and I woke up to music. There was my precious DH and DD dancing together to a song he had picked out for her at the reception. He was teaching her how to dance. My heart instantly swelled ten times the size I ever knew it could. I was so touched. He's a good man. I adore him beyond words or any mere phrase.
I would not make it daily without this beautiful man. It truly touched my heart to see her huge smile and his smiling right back to her It was a perfect moment.... one I had to step away from when it was done to feel the joy and pain at the same time. The joy is palpable and the pain is internal. I want to see many more dances like that in my life. I want to live. To see my son do the same thing. It was a rare perfect moment for me. I needed to come here and capture it in words. Because I know there are many more to follow. If I don't catch them now, I may just miss one... and I can't have that. It's all to golden. And precious to miss a thing.
Thanks for being here and listening. Love to you all !
Grannax. I'm glad you're vacation was awesome. You deserve it. Thinking of you!
Gracie~ thank you honey. It’s a lot of work but so much fun watching it come together. Hope you’re feeling well after this round of your chemo.
Lynnwood~ those dreams are something else. They have always interested me beyond mere thinking of them. I always wonder what they mean. It has to mean something. Right ? I am with you in the funk sister. It's strange. I'm living. But feeling sorrow the entire way. Always thinking. Strange thoughts... they pop into my head .,like where will all my things go? This is just living in another medium that resembles the place we once knew. But we are stuck in sickness, filled with worry every ear ache and pain. Sometimes people talk and I don't even hear them. I'm stuck in terror, that I'd rather not speak. Just sleep. My only place where I feel no sorrow. This should be a happy time for me. And it is. But it's also a constant reminder of who I'll never be again. I'm realizing I'm never going to accept that this has happened. Never.
Much love ~M~
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Micmel, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time today. We all have those joy/sadness moments. I try to acknowledge to myself that I have sadness then lock it up. Usually this works unless I get to the point where my physical pain is out of control and then no telling what happens. I get it and I'm wishing you better days starting first thing tomorrow morning!!
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muddling~ Thank you very much for the kind words. I'm up and down and up and down. It's ridiculous. Highs and lows that make your head spin. DH and I spent some alone time after dinner tonight and it was sweet and peaceful. I love him dearly. I'm exhausted and going to bed.
Hello to my friend GP. And hope Shelia Marie is doing well also. Tanya...Holmes...Blueshine ...Elle....Magda.... Patty Dear Patty trying to hang on. Bigbhome..... hope you're doing well and DH as well.... Divine. How is your foot? All healed? Hope the pain is better for you.
Grannax~ vacation number two on tap.
Mae~ how are the muscles. All better ? Back to the gym (so jealous). Runor...where ya been dear? JKL~Hello to you as well! Miss Bianca my sweet friend. Hobbes.... hope where you are it's dry. Not so much here where I am!!
Lynnwood~ Rained all day huh? I know that it looks rainy all weekend. That sucks! I wanted tables outside for the overflow and our bar is in a separate building, right outside the venue doors. No one will get wet, but if it's windy. Rain travels. Ugh! Daniel and Leslie. How are things. How is she feeling. Is she home? MJH... hello to you too! Waving to the Lynne's.. rainy up there too huh. Yucky yuck! Minnie Minnie hello Minnie !
I am exhausted so goodnight ladies. Much love ~M~
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Mary Jane fantastic news!!!
Grannax vacation #1 accomplished. Sounds like a dream. I love the peacefulness of it. No MRI results for me either.
Micmel thanks for sharing your DH DD dancing story.
Lynwood 1960 I hope you dream good dreams of your dad. I am a daddy’s girl and lost my dad too. I have not remembered a dream of him.
Two doctor appts tomorrow.
Have a good night all. Time for a pill
Tanya
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I am here, Micmel dear. Been busy. Seem to have lots going on. But I drop in here regularly because this forum and this thread in particular have become touchstones for me. A solid place where I know that everyone else knows what it is that we all know and wish we didn't. A sisterhood ( a few brothers too) and a communion with those who know this path. Even as I fly off in other directions the thread of lives that weave and float here like wheat in a breeze, I stand in the midst. Read. Breathe. BE.
Hugs to you Micmel and to everyone for whom a hug, in joy or in sorrow, is the only thing I can offer.
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HaHa Micmel, sorry your back is fecking you about. Sorry everyone I've missed a few days, and catching up. Like you Micmel my eating is not good. Sometimes I think I want something, but when I get it, I can only manage a little. I spent half my life wanting to lose weight, and now I hate my skinny body.
Tanya I hope you are ok. We are always in your pocket for those hard times. Just give is a jiggle around and you will know we are there❤️.
Still a bit more to read to catch up. I've been so tired, yet know tonight will be very restless as scan results tomorrow and bloods. X
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Good morning, loves. I’m doing well. Week one of my new chemo had me down, felt like I had the flu. But early last week I started feeling more like myself; what a good feeling!! Although my back pain continues to be an issue. I still cannot sit without a heating pad, and sometimes 2 heating pads, as I also get pain in my hip and lower right abdomen. And oxycodone is still one of my closest friends. But the overall feeling of being myself makes all that bearable
Hope everyone has a beautiful daytoday!0 -
Mary Jane, delighted for you xx
Grannax your trip sounds amazing. Love it when it all blends, times past and times present.
DH and I celebrate 41 years of marriage today! Wow, where did that go. Scan results tomorrow, then going out tomorrow night, no matter what happens! X
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Happy Anniversary, Minnie31! Enjoy your celebration!
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Macie. You live near Lake Tenkiller in NE Oklahoma? Where? It's one of the most beautiful lakes I've ever seen, even prettier now.
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Happy anniversary Minnie!!!!!!
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hello ladies. Happy anniversary Minnie. Here is too many more!! 🍷🍷 love you ladies
Thinking of you Tanya! And everyone else
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Grannax, yes only about an hour and a half away in south central Kansas! Tenkiller is gorgeous! We have family right over in Braggs, Ok, so we were down in that area occasionally. It’s beautiful country all over down there
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Mary Jane-Great news on your results! YIPPEE!
Grannax-Your vacation sounded wonderful! I hope vacation #2 is just as wonderful!
Minnie-Congrats on your 41st anniversary (our 35th is next month, we've been together since high school though, 39 years)! Good luck with your scans!
Lynnwood-I lost my father, suddenly, at 68,13 years ago (in Jan, I was diagnosed 4 months later, stage 1). I have had only one dream of him, years after he passed. Of course I couldn't remember it! I often wonder what these dreams mean. One of my sisters dreams of him the most. One dream she saw him and his best friend (who also passed) working behind a bar. They both had their dark hair back too. Our father told her to tell my mother that he would send our mother a letter that would explain everything. Needless to say, she is still waiting for that letter. I hope the dreams of seeing your father again, give you some comfort. I would love to dream of my Dad again, and remember it. I still miss him everyday. Big hugs to you!
Micmel-Please try to have someone help you! It seems like you are taking a lot. Maybe you son could help with some of it, or a friend? You are exhausting yourself. I hope you are able to enjoy yourself at the reception!
Sheilamarie-Glad to hear you are feeling better.
Tanya-I hope your dr's appointments go well today.
Cool weather here today (barely 60). It's suppose to be back in the 80s tomorrow. Crazy weather, always here. Just give it a minute and it will change.
Hugs and prayers to all!
Lynne
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I posted this on another thread: "We are in line to get 17 inches of rain, yes seventeen, if the weekly rainfall forecast including Florence comes true. It's still a few days out so I really hope it turns to stay at sea. We're in storm prep this week and we are kind of used to it due to numerous ice storms and tropical storms over the decades. We can be prepared for up to a week of power outage but it's not fun since we have no water if the electricity is out. I am daunted by thinking of seventeen inches of rain though. I don't remember that much before. Every tree in sight could fall from that combined with winds and of course flooding. So, if you don't hear from me for a while that's probably why. No electricity=no modem=no tablet communication. We have no cell service here at the best of times. Maybe they are over-hyping this to get people to pay attention but it's good to be prepared regardless."
Naturally, my onc appointment is Thurs, for bloodwork and Xgeva so we'll see if they are even open. Also due to my %&$## insurance I can't order my Ibrance refill until Thursday and it always has to be over-nighted for my dose due on Friday. I have serious doubts that any big brown trucks will be rolling on Fri or all weekend and maybe all next week. *If* I get to go to the onc this week I'll ask if they have any samples to get me through. I'm worried but it is what it is. Praying that no huge trees fall on our house.
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Muddling, That is terrifying. I am praying that the storm changes course and doesn't hit or at least not with full force. I know from personal experience how awful it is to lose water when you lose power. Yuck. Seriously, find a safe place to stay. Don't go near any flooded areas. Stay clear of fallen trees and power lines. I will be praying for you and for everyone else who might be impacted.
Grannax, For your sake as well, I hope the storm veers out to sea so you can enjoy that vacation.
Good vibes and prayers to all who are receiving results or getting tests/scans.
MJH, WOOHOO for your good results.
For anyone else in the path of the storms, stay safe.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Thanks 50sgirl. We live in a very rural area and are safe from flooding here on our hill. Not safe from wind and falling trees as we have experienced in hurricanes and even that derecho a few years ago. Now, that was a weird thing!! Ice storms have also been brutal here. We've lived here for 34 years and been through a lot of different weather. I always chuckle when people blow hot air about "this is the worst it's ever been" and similar ridiculousness. When you get old you have perspective from a long memory. We will be as safe and snug as it's possible to be and will have our preps done in time.
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Sheila, I understand how you feel. I have at times felt envious of people who are NED, NEAD, HER2+, bone mets only and those with micrometastases. It doesn't diminish how happy I am for the persons in that position who are doing well. Those are normal feelings and I suspect no one would be offended. I must say, however, I have learned over the years that sometimes those factors are meaningless. A friend of mine just passed who had only micrometastases a year ago. Another just passed who had been successful on her first line of chemo for 2 plus years until about a year ago. I recall thinking how lucky each was to only have micrometastases or to make it 2+ years on first line therapy, of chemo no less, at the time. I myself volley back and forth a lot - went from being in the small percentage at risk of dying of bone mets due to uncontrollable hypercalcemia that had me hospitalized and a skeleton of swiss cheese bones to NEAD in my bones for nearly 4 years; liver has been as bad as 70% mets and has been NEAD several times for a good stretch both before and after then. It is hard to envision someone being envious of my heavy tumor load but there is always someone in a better and a worse position. I know one person on these boards who has been alive 9 years and has never been NED or NEAD. Another was diagnosed with bone, lung, liver and brain mets from the get go and lived 6 very productive and highly active years. We all have a somewhat unknown path as to how this will play out. All is not lost if you are not NED or NEAD or have other prognostic indicators that are not so favorable. Feel free to vent here any time!
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Muddling-I hope it misses you! Stay safe! Sounds like you've been this route before. I hope you get to go to the oncologist and your Ibrance comes in on time! Big hugs!
Everyone in the hurricane's path, please be safe, and I will be thinking of you all! Hugs!
My son, just sent me pictures of his daughter Ryleigh's (she's almost 9) first day of 3rd grade (which was a week and a half ago). My son really needs a hair cut and trim (which I remind him of every time I see him. I call him Grizzly Adams.), but will a 32 year old listen to Mom, nope! LOL
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Lynne(Man), your little granddaughter is so pretty. She looks pleased to be going back to school. Handsome son too. My son is also approaching Grizzly Adams status but I remember the guys' loonnnnng hair from my high school years, which I liked back then, and try not to worry about it. Truth be told I'd rather him be clean shaven with short hair but as you say, will he listen to mama??
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I am with you all in the grizzly Adams son. My son allows his beard to grow for long periods of time as well. I still think he is very handsome. But his beautiful blue eyes come out more with his baby face, with clean shaven and buzzed hair. I gave up a long time ago. I just want him to clean his room. Be safe everyone please in this storms path. I'm Already concerned we are going to get some aftermath of it and some of the tables I wanted outside along the train track side under the awning. But if it is windy it won't matter. To get to the bar , you have to go outside to the bar window. (Where they used to sell tickets) there is an over hang...so they could be ok. But I would much much rather have fall cool temperatures, which is really what we were hoping for. It poured down rain at her bridal shower terrible.... people were flooded. I honestly hope that doesn't happen again. We have people coming from out of town. I just want everyone to be safe.
Hugs to all.
Lynne. Precious granddaughter 😊🌷🎒 big deal 3rd grade. I am trying to get help for sure. But the crafts are my thing. My DH has ironed a total of 28 linens and I have about 5 more centerpiece guards with the glueing that I have been doing. It's my personal Touch for them. I always have to have something like that. It's how I have always been. I love to put together. Things like that. If I wasn't sick I would be a wedding. Coordinator and decorator idea person. I have so many and I really enjoy it. Getting closer to being done. Now I have to do at least 60 napkin holders. Those are next. It's less than a week away and I'm freaking ! Ugh!
Much love to all ~M~
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