My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Philly~I would love that! I would be thrilled to finally meet someone from my area. Make me feel less alone. Moomala. Let me know when next year!! 💗💞
Candy~ Hello darling~ I just woke up yet again I must sleep seriously 17 hours a day. That’s my job. I have bloodwork next Friday. Then onc visit the following Monday. God I hate going there. So very much. Ptsd all the way!
Divine~maybe he should make a follow up call or two. It would only Seem like he really wants the job! Things are frustrating!
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waving to Simone!!
Muddling~Darling. ♾ don’t forget your home here. Seriously. We have a bond already. I need you!!
I need all of you. If I ever come across crass or upset it maybe a bad day or emotional cluster fu*k. Steam comes out here. I don’t care what kind of steam. Just let it rip. You’re important to me. (As you can clearly see at roll call time)
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Hi Candy,
You tell that person to ‘shove it’ the next time they ask you about watching tv. Man, can people be insensitive, or what? You should say you’d be happy to trade places with them. See if they could deal with one hour of what we go through!
Well, I fired my onc at Moffitt. She has rescheduled the last 3 out of 4 appointments because she’ll be out of town. To be honest, we just never saw eye to eye. She is young, and my case is more complicated than some because of my dual diseases. I made an appt. at the FL Cancer Institute. The new onc is older, and I hope we will relate to each other better. She’s also much closer to my house (20 mins. vs. 1 hour), so that’s good.
Heading out on Monday for the mountains in GA. Looking forward to a peaceful, relaxing time in the mountains before we move (Aug. 27th). It’s exciting, but exhausting (moving). Two moves in under 6 mos. is alot!
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Mae,
I really like the new haircut. I also got a pixie cut earlier in the year, and boy was it short. So growing it out a little to make it look more like yours.
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As we reach 10k posts very soon ladies. I want to thank you all. I love you dearly. I don't know where I would have even been now if it weren't for how you all have taken to this home with me. I adore you all.
Mae....Divine......my first wonderful posters. Now friends. Pages of love and stories. Wedding pictures. Mae's wonderful packing tips and news coverages of travel and storms. MJH and her grand children's joy along with Grannax....Parry who named our family team FU cancer.
Boo Boo~who I almost got to visit! But she moved darling friend!
Tanya~the sweetest woman who shows the love for her family in every photo she shares of her great looking family
Bigbhome~who we haven't seen lately but was certainly an anchor for a time with us
The Lynne's~ we lost one to this beast, a special mini Cooper woman who I adored. 50's... who also chose to leave. Whom, I still miss everyday!
Gracie... how do I even begin. My first friend and contact here. The first person I reached out to. Instant friendship. I'd text every day and still do. I'm worried to the core.
My beautiful friend Chelle.... who is too busy living her life well to worry about BCO these days. Which I find great.
Minnie~ my Spain connection.....JFL.....JKL....❤️ around and make me smile.
Divine's great legs in her prom picture.
The planning of my DD's wedding and reception, my crafts you gave opinions on. Cheered me along, when I could barely get out of bed. When I decorated the bra for the cancer doctors office. So much history has been made here as our own family sharing. Everyone is loved and everyone belongs
Mae's absolutely awesome wedding twist which made me grin for days. The sadness when we loose a sister, happiness when we share good news together. I may be (for now)Nead but I realize there are no guarantees.
What I can guarantee.... is this place is real. And it's filled with love. Support and kindness.
Muddling~You have also been around a while. I went back to look. Don't you dare leave your home here. I'll pm you everyday lol. I'm just kidding I honor your opinions and decisions. I just love you!
Marianelizabeth's strength and her amazing resolve. I know what it's like to only have one arm to use. My left has lymphadeama and my right thoracic outlet syndrome constant nerve pain and sand bag granulated pain. The surgery was for a nerve bundle block that had formed from a tubing accident in 2009. I had the surgery to clear the injury and block. It was horrible. I lost my lung function. It's why I hope it won't go to my lung that does work. I've had nerve block so I understand. Brave strong woman!
Gp~☺️💗
Runor~no introduction needed. Crack me up and I love you!
Bella~Sweet beautiful woman full of support!
Rosabella~Pops In and out!
Pots~Been around a long time also!
stilllivin~also another good friend whom I miss daily
Simone ~our new sweet support sister!!
Jensgotthis~since the ibrance thread. Along with iwrite and jobur.
Elleonwheels~ our fiesty Elle!
Masons~~💜
Movingsoccermom~ another new sweet sister of support !
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And you, Mel, who started it all. You have touched all of us who have come here. It’s an amazing thing you’ve done, girl. You make it alright to laugh, cry, scream, cackle, and everything in between. You are absolutely my sister from another Mother. So, so glad you started this thread. It’s been a lifeline for me at times, and a place to learn from others who share this monster we call MBC. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
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Waving back Micmel! I also am amazed at the women that have been fighting for so long just keep going. I am only 8 months out and I'm sick of it already.
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Boo- thanks for having my back, girl. I have worked since age 15 and this transition is hard for me. I think I am too sensitive about the work subject. I was talking to my sister-who lives about 20 miles from me- about the friends TV comment. My sister is a teacher so she has summers off. School starts back on Monday. I told her I am going to feel weird this winter when she heads off to school, her 2 kids go off to school, and her husband heads to work all going their own directions on a cold snowy morning. And they can think 'Candy' is home warm in bed. I told my sister not to think ill of me. Or to think I am milking this cancer thing in order not to work. And this friend that made the comment is 15 years older than me and has some health issues - COPD. I know he doesn't feel the greatest either but he works full time at a job he doesn't really like. You know how some can pass judgement on someone not working and getting "Disability". I have thought about saying to people "I would love to trade places with you". Maybe you have given me the courage to respond that way the next time someone judges me!!!
Micmel- Thank you for starting this thread. I saw the name of the thread starting with My Husband and thought I don't have a husband. I cannot post here. I am glad you and the others here have accepted me even without a husband or kids.
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Candy~Honey, you have a life. A special sweet life... you have a story. You are my friend. I adore you. You belong. So I’m glad you didn’t let that stop you!
Booboo~Love you much. Lol @ the sister from another mother!
Simone~You fit right in darling! Home you are!
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Thank you all so much for your encouragement, support and advice. Dh has plans to return to the building on Monday to give the man his references and tell him he would be an excellent candidate for the job. I will keep you posted. Thank you, thank you every single one of you,
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Divine~They better give him the job! So many people Now a days don’t even want to work hard.some of these people are young healthy people, who would rather not work hard and have it easy or even handed to them. I remember the saying as I grew up. Lazy mother’s make great children. They learn early. Geeze i better learn this. With working, too much sitting on their cans playing games on video. No one goes out and plays kickball anymore. I am hoping hoping he gets this job! He deserves it! 🌹🥰! Sleep tight ladies !
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Marianelizabeth, I hope you can find some relief for the intense pain. It sounds like the hospice portion that you describe is similar to what would be called palliative care in the US. Another thing worth trying as an addition to pain management (if you haven't already) is drugs that attack the pain from the neurological perspective rather than purely pain management in the traditional sense - such as Lyrica, Gabapentin or Cymbalta. I took Cymbalta when I was first diagnosed for treatment-related joint pain. I asked my MO if there was anything that would help with the pain that is not a narcotic and he suggested Cymbalta. It worked well for that, also worked well mute out some of the bone pain I had pretty much everywhere in my body from bone mets. Also, what I found most amazing was that during the time I was on it, all of my nerve-related neck issues that I have had for 20+ years since I was in college (various bulging disks pressing on nerves, causing radiating pain down my left shoulder, sometimes down my left arm and sometimes causing numbness in my left hand fingers) went away. I was amazed. I slept so well during that time without the constant neck pain.
Divine, keeping fingers crossed for your husband. He really does sound like a perfect fit. I will say there can often be internal delays completely unrelated to the candidate when it comes to filling a job - requirements to interview other people even if they know they want to give the position to your DH, the hiring person's own primary work duties if it is a busy time for that person, obtaining upper management approval, etc. I have been in my current job for nearly 13 years and recall that there was a month that went by between my original interview and my call back interview where I was offered the position. It was total silence during this time and I assumed I didn't get the position. A month is pretty extreme but hopefully he will hear something next week (preferably early next week!). Great opportunity for your DH to "check in" and reiterate his interest when he drops in to submit his references.
Candy, Stage 4 BC is a "disability" for purposes of social security. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking this time stay home and rest or for going on disability. This is your life and you decide how you want to spend it right now for the oh so precious time you have remaining on this earth. I am sure some people say things out of personal resentment for their own situations, if they are not in a position to stop working. Ignore the haters!
Interesting that you say you feel a bit lost without work. There really are definitely benefits and drawbacks to leaving work and benefits and drawbacks to continuing to work. I think even if someone is 100% confident he/she made the right decision about which path to take, there are still unavoidable drawbacks in each scenario. 0 -
Good morning Ladies~. I woke up and omg outof coffee! Oh no!!!!! 🤦♀️ like ugh! That's the worst thing ever!!! Hope you all have a beautiful day...the sun is shining And I didn't wake up crying! Hallelujah
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micmel, oh no!
Candy, I left work a year ago, it was so boring at first but now I love it. I simply decided I was not going to die at my desk or spend the remainder of my time worrying about everyone else’s problems. I have had a few people say how lucky I am but when I say “ok, let’s trade, I’ll work for another 20 years and you can go to the hospital all the time, feel like crap and die in a few years, forever”, it really shuts them up.
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Thanks JFL and illimae for the kind words and real understanding about the work issue. I stopped working in early June, so I am just a couple of months into this retirement thing. For a while it just felt like a long vacation, but now I am thinking about fall coming and then winter and I will not be going off to work each morning. Weird. I have worked since age 15- never without employment. Kind of at a loss. I can volunteer or maybe part time work (after approved for SSD). I don't know yet how things will turn out. And I don't know how I will respond to criticism from others. I wish if others don't understand my situation, or don't agree with my not working, they would just keep their mouths shut. I guess it is kind of weird to see me not working -- I am not wealthy, I am not married (on my own), I don't have family that I can live with and be supported by. If the SSD was not there, I could not do it. I am confident I am doing the right thing, but what if I am not. Good grief.
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Removed at the request of moderators.
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Devine- I read an article recently about prospective employers not getting back to people for a long time- it’s not considered rude anymore!! I would call if I were him and say “I fell really good about this job, it’s a perfect fit for me and so close to my house I won’t have to worry about being late from traffic. “. Employers like to hear that - sometimes they don’t have good skills in picking up who is a good fit. Older employees are slower but, they make fewer mistakes and are good role models for the younguns and employers are starting to figure that out.
Candy- stopping work for whatever reason is a transition. Many people start to volunteer a lot or take a part time job or whatever. I would give yourself some time to figure out what you WANT to do. My DH’s work place actually has a 2 day get away to talk about the transition and how different people managed it. Find your passion, happy place etc and enjoy! It was hard for me too, hard not to “earn” money/ self worth etc.
Coffee down super early cause I am with my grand baby
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JFL, I have tried most of the drugs you speak of and more. I just came off one called Apo-Diavolex not only did it not help for the pain but it made me crazy too. Because I was already taking narcotics most of the drugs given, caused me more instability and wooziness. My doctor who does the nerve blocks and who will assess me next week prescribed everything that he could think of. We knew a year ago, when we started down this path that chances were likely to get to the point of further intervention. Honestly, I have a wonderful team who work together which is really fortunate in my case.
Micmel, you are amazing. I feel as though you work a full-time job helping us here. Runor you just got a big smile out of me.
Marian
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Candy, month 3 was the hardest for me after I stopped working. I felt purposeless and had a few relatives tease me about how "nice" it was not to have to work. But eventually I found a new routine and new joy in life. Now the days and weeks fly by-I have so many hobbies and have made some new friends and reconnected with some old friends. I avoid spending time around people who are not supportive of me. Like you I am single and prior to cancer, work played a major role in my life. My income and job responsibilities were important to my self esteem.
One thing that helped me was going through the exercises in this book, "Cancer as a Turning Point." by LeShan. The exercises helped me to reflect on my life and to figure out what was next even with cancer. Like you I am a woman of faith. In this process of reflection, I felt some of the major things God wanted for me was to take better care of myself and to more fully enjoy this gift of life without feeling I have anything to prove to anyone. In some ways having cancer has been healing. I feel now that I am enough-it doesn't matter that I am single, childless or unemployed. I value myself and know I am valued by God.
I truly enjoy life now. I have time to do things that I was too busy for before. I participate in formal and informal ministries. I find now that I can be there for people and meet them where they are. I have learned through having cancer how important it is to have people care for you, just as you are without having an agenda to "fix" you. I try to offer that to others that I sense need support.
I don't think I will work part-time but once you are settled into SSDI, you can get a part-time job for a little more structure and a little extra income. As you do your own discernment, I think you will discover new things in life that you want to try and life will begin to feel full again. May God bless you.
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Candy, I don't work outside the home. I have come under heavy fire most of my life for being a freeloader. Of course, I do all the stuff inside the home and lots of stuff that would be considered 'husband' jobs, or that is to say I see other people's husbands doing them and at our house I do them. So I am never for lack of work. But having said that... we live in a very small community. Volunteers are the backbone that gets good works done in this town. We have the neatest most organized thrift store on the planet and it's volunteers who get that done, an ARMY of them! We have service clubs, all volunteers, who raise money and get things done. Volunteers, like housewives, are a silent force of people putting energy, for free, into a society that rarely sees them. But they make a huge difference. HUGE. Do not ever think that your volunteering has less impact than working. On your ban account, yes. But on the greater good, volunteers are worth their weight in gold!
I do get bored sometimes. Bored of dishes and groceries and cooking and laundry and dusting and toilet scrubbing and vacuuming and mopping and cobweb removal and lawn mowing and window washing and chicken feeding and horse feeding and snow shovelling and wood splitting and hay hauling and dog grooming and bed making and.......... So I sit down and say to myseld, Runor, this time next year you might be dead, but you are here right now, so LOOK. Look at the flowers. Watch the birds drink at the waterer. Listen to the wind in the trees. Fully immerse yourself in the senses that tell us we are ALIVE and lock them into my being. Hope they stay there forever.
We are really shitty at being human BEINGS, because we are mostly human DOINGS. The task of just BEING, is really, really hard. But it will be an adventure for you and a big adjustment. And entirely worthwhile.
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Chicagoan that was lovely! It helps to know that happiness can be achieved when one is not necessarily productive in the traditional working sense. I am returning to work in four weeks but I've dropped to a part-time schedule in my piano studio. Last year I had 42 students and in September I'll have 22. I'm skipping over SSD becuase my 22 students will put me over the income allowable on SSD. I'm 63 and will go ahead and apply for SS in a few months once this SSD application is cancelled because I will be able to keep these 22 students and not worry about going over the allowed income. I can't really afford all this either Candy - but I'm doing it. It is a little scary. DH and I were both self-employed and we have a little set aside but not nearly enough. I have to leave this all with DH so I can focus on being happy and taking care of my health.
I've been struggling mentally the last few days over this first 3-month scan I had. I must have had it in my head somewhere that all my good nutrition and exercise and self-care along with the I/L was going to result in a better outcome on that scan. Plus I've just been feeling so much better than I was earlier this year. I had a great response with the lung tumor but the bone mets are "widespread" and overall progressed. My oncologist has a good theory about this and we're staying on I/L for a few more months but wow...it hit me HARD in the face that I don't have as much control over this as I was leading myself to believe I did. Part of me is really scared by that and another part of me feels I failed this first three months of I/L and I am really beating myself up over it. I grew up in a performance/complete the task at hand oriented family and it's biting me in the butt that cancer out-performed me and my team I/L this time. I can intellectually understand that it's not a contest and I don't fail. Drugs fail. Mostly I just feel like *I* failed. My amazing DH and sisters are being so helpful to me because the tears are just flowing and I feel down.
I have three compression fractures at C7, T11 and L4. T11 and L4 have gotten worse since April. I have good mobility but these fractures and some other areas of bone thinning - well let's just say I can no longer run or do the same cardio I used to do. Too risky. So - I walk. And as long as I walk and do this PT I feel okay. I am HANGING on peoples' BCO posts who had back issues and felt better after a year or so on treatment. I don't have any bone pain. I just feel a vague level 2 sense of having a bad back and I have to be more careful not to fall. I'm SO envious of my friends who are off living their same old lives and I'm a bit more limited. I really wanted to go to a Donna The Buffalo concert last night but I couldn't ascertain that I'd have a place where people aren't bumping into me or that I could sit. I'm tremendously lucky to have a group of friends here who are all Stage 4 breast and gyn cancer. Really adventurous people and lots of fun and I have deep feelings for most of them. So that's great. But I sure do miss my old life too.
Processing Stage 4. Off to do my daily fifteen minutes in the garden and then a little time at my piano.
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Runor. You are an extraordinary writer. Be sure to let us know when you write a book!!!
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wow runor, you totally missed the point in the anger thread. So not funny.
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Dearest Dear Runor we were posting at the same time. That was extremely helpful to me to hear what you said to Candy. I take a ton of heat for being a piano teacher almost all my adult life. I work at home with children and music. It's an important, satisfying and lovely responsibility but people can make it sound frivolous if I let them.
I absolutely love what you said about being shitty at being human BEINGS becuase we are too busy being human DOINGS. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!
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DH saves the day and goes and gets my coffee! I am saved for now. I’m noticing what a nice day outside it is. I should take a walk. But I’m going to nap. Yup that’s right folks. Shocking I know. When I didn’t have coffee this morning I was quite annoyed. Made me want to scream.
Thank you sweetheart for the support Runor. I feel better already. ♾
Marianelizabeth~ you’re the amazing one. Seriously. No comparison. I adore you sweet sister. Try to battle on, it’s all we can do. 💗
Chicagoan~It’s so nice to see you! I am thrilled to hear you’re doing well. I’ve missed you! 🌹
Welcome back~NKB 🌸🌸 hope all is well with you and yours!
Mae ~ that’s exactly how I felt when i woke up. Like arggggghhh. With my bed head and my empty coffee mug. Boooooooo bummer. Not my way to start the morning but myprecious DH is here. 💗(thump thump) so in love with him!
Love you guys !
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Artista~I don't think anyone missed any point on the steam thread. It's just simply feelings and opinions. I read the entire thing and it personally just gave me a headache. The coffee comment was MY way of letting go of that steam room nonsense. We all feel down some days, but I have to agree that anyone who has felt that cancer diagnosis shouldn't be limited to stages. Friendships are that. Why on earth should someone Be called a pot stirrer for offering their views? If you don't agree with it, let it go. I wanted to add in my view because I am stage four. I find cancer a very good thing and reason to get angry at. No matter stage. I find it very rude to side line US to a stage four ANGER ROOM? Are we contagious? Really, did you Just post that on this positive place we have made???? . Uh. No! This stage four thread. ? Really.???? How did stage four become the center of all that you have read over there. Wow. Who is way off now? And you're not stage four ? And that is what you come here and say.? This is the first time honestly I am now angry ! Plain rude. ! I’ve been nothing but reasonable and neutral, until now. . At least runor doesn’t insult stage four women. On their own thread, at least runor cares to talk with us and learn things about us, like we are people.
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OP was trying to help those who are doing ok cancer wise but battling clinical depression. As someone whose been there I couldn't understand the backlash. The OP was distraught and pmd me. I told her go explain and she did. Then here's your buddy runor here mocking the suicide covo from yesterday with the coffee and that is so not right. I hope OP doesn't read thus thread....
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Oh my, I love you guys!!!! Where to begin. I am saving your posts to just ponder over and really learn from.
Nkb- Take my time to figure it all out. I understand that. I don't need to rush out and volunteer or jump into the classified aids to locate a part time job. I need to breathe. I need to find out what I want to do and what my body will let me do. I quit work due to this cancer. The fatigue. The "unwell" feelings that wash over me. The not able to handle the workload of full time work and keeping a house. I need to look at myself and find out my hobbies or potential new hobbies.
Chicagoan- Bless you. I am going to look for that book you mentioned. I have also been praying for my Heavenly Father to give me Peace. Acceptance. To have inner peace with my cancer diagnosis and that I can enjoy the small things and accept what is to come. That I can "stop and smell the roses" so to speak. And that I will be happy just being. I have several friends, but they have their own lives. My sister has her own family. I spend a lot of my time by myself. I want to have fulfillment in my life, quiet as it is.
Runor- I have volunteered in the past- Red Cross, Library, Church. I need to see what is out there. Where would be the best fit for me now.
Wow I wish I had the stamina for all the things you do!!!! Since I live alone, my house stays pretty uncluttered and housework is light as long as I keep a handle on it. I wish I could do more, but that is one reason I am stopping work. I just cannot do all that anymore. The fatigue is a big issue for me. And with the RA and AI use, my body hurts so much anymore.
Yes to human BEINGS, human DOINGS.
Moomala- I too am a control freak. And No we cannot control this cancer. And it sucks.
Wow, 42 piano students !!!! 22 is still a lot !!!! And definitely not frivolous. That is something I would like to do is learn to play a piano. But lessons cost money. And I have to manage my finances closer now. That is something to think about. Lessons, hobbies, community college classes, all cost money I don't have to spend. Sigh....
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Artista~ maybe it was something called release.l? Letting go. I made light with the coffee on the steam room myself because I wanted to end it all and start a new gripe with some side humor. Ending it! This thread isn't policed and critical. I personally enjoy her humor. I'm sure she was upset. But if you go back and read. I said I had no problem with the number being posted anywhere. Not to mention that I AM stage four and-if I can brush it off as an adult. Everyone should be able to as well. Shame on you for wanting to isolate stage four women. Even more than they are already by suggesting a stage four steam room. Hope you get a good nights sleep after that comment. Tonight. And you know what. Yes Runor is my buddy. If you don't like it, don't come here. At least I don't insult groups of women. Who struggle to find their place in life after learning we are terminal. Maybe runors humor helps that. You're the one crossing thread problems. Not us. So don't come back. Respectfully of course.
Edited to say; the steam room specifically says if you think something is directed to you, let it go, just post and go. Don't take it personally, I guess those are just words. But you my dear chose an action of meanness on another thread that had nothing to do with you at all.
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This particular thread has a theme, as stated by the OP Micmel, and that theme is love. It is a unique thread where she and others offer love, acceptance, encouragement, commiseration, etc. Here is my plea: Everyone, please take controversy to more appropriate threads or make a new one, and let this one be a place for weary souls to come for sustenance. I realize conversations wander. I’m just saying that I and others will feel a loss if this thread loses its character.
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