My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

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  • GracieM2007
    GracieM2007 Member Posts: 1,255

    Hi Micmel!!! Praying for good results for your scan! Was thinking of you having to drink that nasty stuff! Yuck!!!

    Praying for all of us with scans this month!!!! Good results

  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,739

    No1, that's a tough one, men are delicate creatures. I assume he just cannot accept this at the moment and all that comes with it because even the thought of life without you someday is too much. I have no wise advice but maybe baby steps, like not a conversation but slipping statements in here and there and having him at appointments with you, if he doesn't already go.

  • 50sgirl
    50sgirl Member Posts: 2,071

    NO1-2NV, I am sorry to hear that your DH has not faced your diagnosis and won't even let you talk about it. It must make you feel so alone in your disease. If I had to guess, I would say that your DH is afraid to face the reality of the situation. He is probably so afraid of the possibility of seeing you sick or, worse yet, of losing you, that he chooses to try to ignore it and refuses to discuss it. Unfortunately, you do not have the luxury of ignoring the reality. It sounds like he would benefit from a family or caregiver support group. I suspect that he is unwilling to go. I wish that I had some advice that would change him, but it sounds like he is unwilling to face things even though it looks like it's been two years since dx. With that in mind, my advice is for you, not for him. Find a good support group in your area. Your MO should be able to help,you find one. Talk about anything you want in that group. Is there anything you need help doing? There are organizations that can help. Again, your MO can point you in the right direction. Are you active in your church, temple, or synagogue? Join a club or group there or talk to your religious leader. He or she give give you some support. Do you have a close friend who knows you have MBC and is willing to listen to you while still treating you as "normal"? If you do, have lunch or go shopping with her every couple of weeks. Meet for coffee, or just talk on the phone. Do you have relatives who can come for a visit, maybe for several days at a time? I am sure that others will have better advise. Perhaps they have solved the problem of the husband who detaches himself from MBC. In the meantime, we are here to support you. We will listen to anything you want to say.

    To everyone who is having treatment or scans this week, I hope they are going well.

    Micmel, Those TM results are spectacular. WOOHOO! I suspect that your scan results will be just a good!

    Sadly, I arrived home today. There is no sunshine, no swaying palm trees, no warm ocean waters, no trade winds,no 80 degree weather. Sigh!

    Hugs and prayers to all from, Lynne


  • chelleg
    chelleg Member Posts: 396

    Hello everyone!

    This week is the week of scans. And hopefully next week is a week for giving thanks for our great results! Scanxiety is the worst!

    No1 - your post tugs at my heart strings. I wish I had some great suggestions. But I do not. Lynn and Mae have already given great advise. You are not alone!!! We are here and always ready to listen. We are all in this together.

    Keetmom - I’m saying special prayers for your family! You are so strong! I will be looking for a post, updating us on your fathers condition. I worry about you doing so much!

    Mel - sooo happy that the tumor markers are solidly within stable range!!! And the scan is over!

    Mae - we are holding your hands. Sending all positive vibes! We are with you!

    Lynn (Bedford) - Hold on to those precious memories! You are both in my prayers as always!!!

    Granny - I love your idea!!! That really is the best gift ever!! Have fun! Bummer to have to put it off. You can look forward and plan even longer. ( because it’s half the fun ). Enjoy those little grands!! They are the best gift God can give us!! I have two. Wyatt and Jaxon. They have my heart.❤️

    I got through all of my scans, and they are all clean! I am NED for sure! I also had an arthrogram of my hip. They injected contrast into my joint. That was Thursday. I have been in excruciating pain since the procedure. If it doesn’t let up by Wednesday, I’m going in to see my GP. Have any of you had this procedure? How did you feel afterwards? I can’t find a comfortable position. Not sitting,laying,standing..... Wonderful news to not have any lesions. But I can’t even walk. Not fun!! I guess I will have to give in and turn the t.v. On.

    My prayers and love go out to each and everyone of you!!

    Chelle.

  • tanya_djamila
    tanya_djamila Member Posts: 1,540

    Good afternoon all,

    I hope everyones scans today are perfect and with good results. I am here pulling for you all. Deep breaths.

    I'm sorry that you lost your friend Ebru and she is beautiful and a wife and mother.

    I think about death often and try to tell my son aged 42 so he won't be so clingy which it seems he is suddenly. I want him to move on with his life so I act like I'm OK and then he thinks I'll make him dinner lol. Not gonna happen. Not the kind he wants like major cooking. Too tired for all of that.

    My cousin came from Hawaii to visit with me last week so I've been busy with her and of course it coincided with my week off from Ibrance. We traveled to Fort Lauderdale and spent some quality time together. This is my cousin and grand daughter.

    Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, people standing, ocean and outdoor

    This is me at Miccousoukee Native Village in the Everglades.

    Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, standing and outdoor


  • tanya_djamila
    tanya_djamila Member Posts: 1,540

    Chelle G

    I'm so happy for your Ned results. I never had a arthrogram, I'm sorry its so painful. I do have lesions in my left hip. I have to go back to the radiation doctor. It shrunk but it's still there.

    Take Care All

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    NO1~welcome to our little nest of friends! I can say that some of my family members especially my children and my mother are in the denial river. People end up there from time to time. It's such a hard thing to convey to people, if you talk about it too much they get pissed off and sad. But if you don't talk about it, then they want to hand you the lawn tools and say have at it, because they don't see the actual sickness, because stage four is a tricky stage. The sickest stage, but most of us have our hair on and off and then we look fine. Just try to find things to do, coloring books, word searches, and like 50's said , just casually say hey. I have a doctors appointment, please drive me. Let him sit and listen to the oncologist and what he says. Support groups are always ran through the hospitals, see if your infusion center/hospital has a social worker that works with the cancer patients directly. Mine has helped with getting bills paid, Christmas assistance, wigs, yoga. Soo many things that are out there that the hospital can help you with. Please tap that resource, it's been a gift to me. I wish I could snap him out of it. The problem is this is about you not him. You need the support and love. He's definitely scared. You're his person. My DH and I have cried together, screamed together, got my will done together. My advanced directive. We did it together. If yours isn't done maybe that could be a wake up call for him to see the legal aspects in his face. Without you really having to say anything. Please let us help you with being alone. We all are close loving friends, who daily check on each other, this is the place where families come first. Anything you need to talk about, just let it out here. We are here for you. Like the beauty Chelle said, we are in this together. We should lean on each other when needed! Wrapping you in a warm welcoming hug. All my best ~M~

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Gracie~Hi my girl 💕, my tumor markers held steady. So my onc nurse says she is very hopeful for another stable scan. When I got in the door from after the scan, I passed out for like three hours. Wham. Out cold. All the tension and worrying. Really hit me hard. I haven't had blood work in three months and my markers usually tell the tale! I adore you my friend. I love it when I see your smiling face here my sweet friend. It would be grand to have everyone together for a weekend to really bond. I care for you all so much! Much love~M~

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Lynne(50's) I felt like you were our west coast correspondent checking in daily from our Hawaii station feeling fine and loving life. I could hear the serene happiness in your words. The happiness and relaxing tone of your posting. Made me so happy for you knowing you were doing what you and DH have fought so hard to do together. A precious trip for a precious couple! Also always giving good advice to everyone, you are something special. Glad your travels home were safe, it's such a long fight from Hawaii. You're really strong to be able to travel like that. I'm so relieved, that you had such a memorable time. Although there is nothing like the calm sounds of he ocean in the morning as you awake to another day of memories. Much love ~M~

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Mae ~Hello beautiful, was thinking about you and Lynne and Chelle today as I scanned. So glad that is over, it's not hard or anything, just mentally laying there could put anyone in the looney bin. I am going to be with you tomorrow for yours. I am waiting to hear that gamma knife kicked some major ass! Did you have your friends over for dinner on Sunday? Wondered what was on the menu? You're always making something yummy.! Big hugs and kisses for you. ~M~

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Chelle~ 🍹🙌💪💫💥⚡️🌹🌷congrats!! I am beyond thrilled for you. You're such a special woman. You deserve that status. We all do. I am heading up right behind you! I am sorry that your hip hurts. Sounds like some inflammation going on. I'd say they will prescribe naproxen for swelling. And Or aleve has the same active ingredient as naproxen. I take Claritin daily for inflammation and Or any reaction to medicine and it really helps. I hadn't had An XGeva shot in three months and thank goodness I didn't have one ache or pain. Some weird bone stabbings but over all just tired as anything! I Am starting to to think that Is my middle name tired ! So happy your scanning time has passed. So happy for your results! Love you girl! Way To go!

    Much love ~ M~

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Tanya~Hello lovely! How nice to see you out and enjoying some family time with your gorgeous cousin and precious grand daughter. Walking along that beach is where I would like to be!! Looks like some sweet smiles and some warm memories being made. Ok now let's talk about what you're holding? Lol omg. Thats amazing. That thing has to be almost 6 feet tall if you held it straight. You're a brave soul!! I Am amazed at how huge wildlife can be. I always wanted to take a tour in like Africa, getting to see the mighty, larger than life animals. Weren't you a little freaked out? I'm a big chicken. I guess lol bock bock! It does look like you enjoyed yourself and that is all that really matters. You look lovely. Can't say the alligator is a pretty as you though!!! Love the family we are also building here together. This thread has such a lovely group here together we have. So happy We started it. You're all so important to me. Much love ~M~

  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,739

    50's, the end of a great vacation can be so sad, I can only imagine having to go from a beautiful warm beach to the chilly northeast.

    Chelle, yay, for continuing NED status!

    Micmel, we did enjoy our Sunday dinner of red beans and rice with homemade cornbread (all DH's cooking) and episodes of American Horror Story and the Walking Dead.

    Today I went to Galveston for a work lunch and took a ride on the Ferry boat. I saw a dolphin but wasn't quick enough to get a picture of it, I did get scenery though and pelicans!

    image

    Lynne man and Micmel, I'm confident your scans will be good news.

    Hi Gracie, nice to see you back and hello to everyone I haven't mentioned :)

  • Lynne
    Lynne Member Posts: 368

    Mel-I always get the banana flavored drink. I've tried the vanilla and berry, and the banana is the least disgusting. I too bring one home every time for the next scan, so I can drink one before I go. I got home at 9:30, then went back for the bone scan for noon. I'm only 10 min from the place, so I come home so I can deal with all the running to the bathroom, here rather than there. Those drinks do it to me every time. Thankfully, I get a break before I have to do the 1/2 hr bone scan, or I'd have to make them keep stopping it, so I could dash to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I too think that feeling from the contrast is strange the throat and wetting your pants feeling. It only lasts a minute though. It was also cold here (30s) and rainy then our first snow this season (about 1/4 inch) this afternoon. I felt cold all day! I guess it was a good day to have the scans done. Not like it was a good day to start raking. Our oaks still haven't let go of their leaves yet anyhow (although our neighbor's have in our yard!). Hope you get good results from your scans!

    NO1-I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I know my husband hated when I talked about it when it first came back Stage 4 five years ago. I just tried not to talk about it with him. My sisters, mother, and kids also don't like it. I have one friend who won't bring it up, but if I talk, she'll listen. I found talking to fellow people on this site has been the place where I don't have to worry what I say without upsetting people, so that's what I do. I have since been able to get my husband to finally tell me where he wants me to go after I'm cremated (he wants me in the cemetery not just kept at home. We bought the plot next to my parents'.), so I could get my funeral plans in order, so our adult kids, and him don't have to worry about that in the end. He has been to most of my appointments and supports me in so many ways. I tell them all they are in denial, but they keep hoping for a cure. I guess that's how they are dealing with my diagnosis. As I said before, I just come to this site and talk freely here. Thank God for this site. Hugs!

    Hope everyone gets good results from their scans!

    Lynne

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Mae~ my DH has alot of people he knows that are from Galveston, he said he's been there a few times and had taken many trips there as a young man teaching country dancing in the country bars long ago. Looks like a relaxing ride on the water. I always enjoyed things like that. Dinner always sounds good. I love cornbread, especially with chilli. I think it's time to make some chili, but not spicy anymore my mouth just can't hang with the soreness and spices. Just can't do it. DH and I went to TGI Fridays because I love their Jack Daniels chicken strips. The sauce is way to much for my mouth these days. Every sauce or spice makes it crazy. I did read that Effexor can bring side effects of heart burn, which I have been having and mouth pain and throat irritation which comes an goes. Ibrance has similar effects. I want that good cooking in other words lol. Thank you for the support this week with my scans coming up. Please know I will be with you tomorrow as well. Please let us know that you're all done and home safely, after. Unless of course you have work. I dontthink I've ever seen a pelican out in the wild. Only the zoo! I sometimes wonder why I chose to live in the northeast. It's so damn cold here sometimes! We don't have pelicans. I did see a crane the other day at the pond watching Chief and I walk , they are very territorial birds. He was certainly interested in what was going on. Much love Mae! ~M~

  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,739

    I am working tomorrow, my appt is at 5:15 pm, so I'll be home late. Tonight I pan fried chicken and spinach and made a large salad while DH play video games (he loves grand theft auto, I'm a super Mario brothers kid, myself)

    image

    I am one of those annoying people that photograph their food, lol

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Lynne(Man)~I also hate the way I feel And that's exactly how I feel with the contrast as well. I think over all the people we love are still convinced we will just always be ok. Most times in families, the women bring the family together and we are the ones who make shit happen. We are the doers. My kids I know don't like to talk about it. They say. But she's doing so good. They don't quite understand that if a rogue cell starts multiplying, it could tear through me like wildfire. They just don't want to hear it. This site is also where I come. My DH is a realist, he likes to know things are in order. He is a very strong strong person and man. He has helped me keep it together so many years. Even before my cancer. He's my rock. I want everyone to have that. I do know that when they are in private and they are all alone. I do not believe they are all that strong at all. Waiting for good results for everyone! Sleep well my friends. Glad our scans are over, one more Mae!!

    Much love ~M~

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    it makes me hungry Mae lol. That spinach looks like it would be ok with my mouth. Looks delicious. I am also a Mario brothers woman by heart. I still have my Nintendo came console and the games since I was 21. I am going to give it to my son, some of those games aren't made anymore and they can be worth something. Remember frogger and paperboy? And donkey kong? I have them all. And I have Mario also. I would play for hours and hours! I love it and still do. Every once in a while, I bring it out and everyone plays. It's in good shape still. Now you got me thinking! Woman after my own heart! Sleep well and I'll be thinking of you and your adorable nose (Chelle)for the best scan! much love guys ~M~ My son likes grand theft auto. But some of those games play some good music in those games. Songs that go way back to our time! He always asks me, MOM !! do you know this song ? ? It's kinda cute.

  • GracieM2007
    GracieM2007 Member Posts: 1,255

    Mel, great news on your tm’s!!! Yea!!! I hope and pray mine go down! They’ve gone up every single time!!!! Scares the heck outta me but the mo isn’t at all concerned!!

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Gracie~thanks honey. If only I didn't feel like a zombie everyday. I have to shower and It always feel a chore. I hate it. It gives me a wonderful chance to look at what I am now. What has become of my person. It sucks. I always love to see your name here my dear friend 💕Much love ~M~

  • tanya_djamila
    tanya_djamila Member Posts: 1,540

    Good morning all of you brave soldiers,

    I'm happy to be here to get some encouragement. I called yesterday for a radiation appt and they wanted to speak to my doctor first and they said that they would call back. No call. So today of course I'll call everyone.

    I have one friend who always asks for details about treatment. My family like to say things like you beat it before. Makes me not want to talk to them. I have my DH to talk to. He just doesn't want me to be negative. He realizes that time is precious and anything terrible could happen at any moment. He keeps my spirit up as a good army sergeant cajoles his troops.

    I'm going to my old office today. they're having some managerial issues so I agreed to come in. Not what I had planned for this morning but it's a good diversion if I can be of any assistance. I mean really what else am I doing, sleeping.


  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Tanya~I so understand what you mean. One of my best friends is a nurse. So she will always talk to me about my cancer because she knows. But then she says ok we are done and then we complain about our kids lol. At least you are able to even go. Just like Mae, don't know how you do it. This ibrance kicks my rear end to where all I can do is sleep. It's like something is sucking the life and strength out of me , and I can't do anything about it. Sometimes you just need someone who understands how difficult this disease is not only from those who are in any stage, but for us, specifically stage four. US ladies need each other! Warm hugs to you my friend ~M~

  • tanya_djamila
    tanya_djamila Member Posts: 1,540

    Micmel

    I haven't worked in any official capacity since May. I'm going and would rather stay home in my schedule. I like to rest up for my grand kids they usually stop by after school and that's my joy. My son in law may have a job in Cleveland which he will find out about next week or so and they all could be leaving. I'll miss them immensely but I want my daughter to live her life too. My DH and I will visit them as much as possible.

    Most people have no idea and keep saying, "You look good". Imagine if our cancer was visible on the outside?

    I had some trader Joes new oatmeal for breakfast. I kept thinking it would be terrible but it was actually quite good.

    Take Care All

  • bigbhome
    bigbhome Member Posts: 721

    Good morning all! Chelle. that is just the most wonderful news! I am doing the happy dance!HappyNED is awesome!!! Micmel, I am assuming, based on your tumor markers, that you will be remaining NED. Yay! Mae, Iam with you at your MRI, holding your had. Extra prayers for you today. Lynne(50s) So hard to come from Hawaii to cold, dreary NE. Hold onto those special memories that you and your Dh shared! Lynne(man) snow! Believe it or not, but I miss snow. I used to love the quiet hush that seems to fall along with the snow. I also love the clean and fresh look of a new snowfall. No, I dont miss the shoveling and driving in it. But I miss the rest Hi Gracie! Always so happy to see you here! Tanya, I heard the bad news on the radio this morning. I'm praying they find him soon. Loved your pictures! I havent been there in about 15 years.

    No1, What can I add to what has already been offered. If you are physically and financially able, maybe plan some trips to visit your family and friends. Offer Dh to come along, but if he cant, or won't, go by yourself. After I recovered from radiation and the early se's from Diagnosis, my Dh traveled a lot for work. I would drive up to NC to visit my Ds and Dil. I went even more frequently as our DGS's arrived. Dh no longer travels for work and we almost always make the trip together now. we are here for you to talk to anytime. Feel free to vent, share stories, or just talk about whatever you want here. No judgements. We are all on this roller coaster with you.

    I haven't seen a few people on here in awhile. I hope all is well with you.

    Hugs and Prayers,

    Claudia

  • NO1-2NV
    NO1-2NV Member Posts: 90

    Thank you all for your support. Your answers went straight to my heart strings. I can't tell you how nice it was to see that others have already worked through some of the same issues I am having and that you all were there to support and share your experiences with me.

    I am trying to clean out closets but like you Micmel, just taking a shower can be exhausting. I have so much junk that needs to be taken care of but find it can be exhausting to even think about it. I tell myself that if I just take a small section at a time it will all be taken care of before I have time to blink. This morning I washed the kitchen cabinet above the range. With the change in time, the light coming through the kitchen window highlighted my lack of cleaning over the last year. I could not stand it any longer. Mets in my spine caused a total collapse of T1. Long story short, I had back surgery last July. It consisted of 7 levels being fused and a laminectomy at T1. This left me with partial paralysis of both hands and arms. I have mobility but it is very weak and I do not have feeling in my hands and arms hence some house cleaning chores have gone unattended to.

    I have started working on a notebook that tells my family how to proceed after I am gone since they refuse to participate now.Even though they do not want to think about that day, it will come and I have to figure out a way to make it easier for them as I fear they are really going to have a tough time at it.

    Scans tomorrow. This will be the first scans since switching to Xeloda last month. Fingers crossed.


  • bigbhome
    bigbhome Member Posts: 721

    Keetmom, I am praying for your dad! Hoping everything goes well with you and your family!

    Claudia

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Mae~ I am thinking of you my friend. Imagine me making goofy faces at you. You can kick me in the shin when you're all done. Just want you to know, you're on my mind. Much love ~ M~.

    Tanya~ I would never be able to work. Nada none. I would fall asleep at my desk and really they would have to peel me off of the surface. I hope your daughter doesn't move away, I know you could visit, but it's not the same at all. It's ok to want good things for yourself and your daughter. I want you to be happy. Those grand children are angels. Hope your work day is quick !

    Claudia~ hi sweetheart. I've missed your bright smile. I liked your analogy of the snow. And it is so true, except when the dog gets to it or the dirty cars and trucks dirty the beautiful white blanket. I hope that the snow holds off here. I don't like being too cold. Even thought this winter I have actual hair, my neck is still exposed and I still need a scarf! I am glad to see you here, I was starting to worry about your hip issues and hoping all was well with that! I would like nothing more than for us all to be able to enjoy the holidays with no worries. Clear scans for everyone! Big hug for you! So glad to see you!

    Haven't seen Nan, hoping she's ok. Chicago, also NKB! Hope everyone is doing well and no pain today!

    Much love ~M~

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    NO1~Nothing is easy I have found. Since the day I was diagnosed. Nothing seems as important as just getting through the day. We are constantly tired and always looking over our shoulders for the grim reaper. Sometimes that phrase, you don't now what you got until it's gone, is a perfect example of the way they will feel. unfortunately, it will be too late to really tell you how wonderful you are to them. My kids are the same way. I also have issues with my right arm and left now has lymphedema! The right is thoracic outlet syndrome and I cannot feel much in my arm. Everyday becomes a challenge, and one can only sit in bed for so much time before you'll go bonkers. Then you get aches and pains from being idle to long. It's all just a plain shit stew! I just want us all to be free from this awful disease. Hang inthere sweetheart! One day at a time. Big hugs ~M~

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    saw grand puppy for a few hours today. All I can say is one week has me blown away at the size of this dog and the rate they actually grow. It's astonishing really. His legs just grew long in one week. I'm shocked. 15 weeks this week and boom growth explosion 💥!

    image........I am losing my grandpuppy, and hes becoming my grand doggie. I can't believe it's only 16 week next week, he will be four months old. Can't believe he's this big. ~M~

  • bigbhome
    bigbhome Member Posts: 721

    Micmel, Pretty soon you will be able to put a saddle on him and ride with me and Bigb! So adorable! I had a stranger show up yesterday. Where we live, it is a little scary to hav a stranger just show up. After he left, I went online and started looking for Akita puppies. I decided a Smith and Wesson Is alot cheaper and easier to care for. We are thinking about going to Colorado next year to ride. We will definitely need to be armed in case of bears! I have oly 5 more days of Ibrance and I hit the wall today. I havent done much of anything. Not even going to yoga tonite. Feeling exhausted...somehow I need to find the strength to clean stalls and feed in an hour. Dh is working far from home this week, having to leave at 5:00am and doesnt get home till 6:30pm. I'm in charge of animals. Hugs and prayers, Claudia