My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Mae~I don't have confidence at all, with all that's been going on with people doing so well and then Wham. I am a nervous wreck. The nurse was the only one who said remission. And Ned. The only thing my onc said to me directly was.... No evidence of measureable disease! Why do they mess with our minds?? Ugh! I know you're also scanning, I will be thinking of us all. I don't really even know how my mind is functioning at This point, it's just plain scanxiety. Much love ~M~ Blood work tomorrow. Long weekend ahead.
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.....this is unfortunately me this week. Ugh! ~M~0 -
time for bed. I am making sure that I am going to get enough rest. I don't Like sleeping through the entire morning and I have my bloodwork at 11:00am. And the XGeva shot. So....after that I'll grab something to eat and go and get my grand puppers again. I want to walk him and play with him. He brings happiness to my dark little cloud. Also I was thinking it has been so longer since I have had he XGeva shot, I want to stay ahead of all the side effects. Keeping moving is my best bet I believe Once the scan is over I'll feel better. But until then, I'm going to be hanging by a thread. Hope you ladies sleep! I may be up to see if Chelle is around. I'm so anxious to make sure her results continued to be awesome ! Thinking of you all. Much love ~M~
Lynne~50's~Hope you're living the dream!
Keetmom~ stay warm
Nan~ miss you.
Claudia~ hope all is well.
Lynne(Man)~thinking of you as well
Lynnwood~real cold tonight wow. 32. And I thought I saw like 13 this weekend nighttime. Wow! Keep warm
Tanya~Sending hugs!
Mae~ you're also on my mind.
Gracie~ hi sweetheart hope you're doing well!
I am anxious for us all. Hope we all can rest!
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Micmel, I hope you are sleeping soundly as I write this. I wrote a long post early yesterday, but I must have forgotten to hit submit or something, because when I got back to the hotel last night, the post was nowhere to be found. I understand why you are feeling so much anxiety about your scans. I hope you find out that you still have NEAD.
Chelle, it sounds like you have had wonderful results so far. Hopefully, all other your results will be just as perfect. When will you have your surgery? Do you think you will recover quickly enough to truly enjoy Christmas or will you wait until the first of the year? It sounds like your MO is targeting aiming for a complete freedom from MBC you. I hope and pray you get that!
Claudia, I know that when I thought I was posting yesterday, I was responding to your remarks about Ebru. Ebru was a special presence on the boards. I will always remember her wonderful sense of humor, her eagerness to help all of us at any time, her determination to live every day she had to the fullest possible, the grace and acceptance she showed when she had to change treatments due to progression, her reports of the violence going on in her city, her descriptions of her parents' summer house by the sea, her concern for her son, her gratefulness for seeing her child grow into a young man. I feel a deep sadness each time we lose another friend here. I have sometimes taken breaks because of the losses, but I always seem to find myself back here. I want to know how my friends are doing, and I truly need the support from people who understand what it means to have MBC.
Yesterday my DH and I went on a dolphin watch/snorkeling cruise. We had a wonderful time. We did have a surprise. Instead of just seeing the Dolphins from the boat, we had the experience of seeing them while we were in the water snorkeling. There were dozens and dozens of them. They swam within two armlengths of us. We stayed still and watched them all swim by. It was a beautiful sight. It gave me sense of calm and peace. It reminded me that each day is truly a gift. In addition to the Dolphins, we saw 100s of colorful fish. The surrounded me, and I felt like I was swept up in nature.
Today, as we were sitting on the beach, my husband touched my hand and said, "Two and a half years ago, did you expect that we would would be sitting here today?" Wow, we both know we are lucky to be alive.
Anyway, enough about sappy me. I know that many of you have scans coming up. I want to remind you that you are all in my daily prayers. I hope you all report excellent results. To me that means words like stabe, NED, NEAD, improvement, and no change. I hope there is no bad news, but if there is, we are here for you, and we will help you through it.
Got a go. Here is tonight's sunset.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
P.S. I love this weather. Lynne -I heard it is getting cold in NH.
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I have a lot more to reply. But for now I am off to shower and then blood work and shot. I'll write more when I am home. Much love and hugs Lynne(50s) your posts are always so caring and I adore you!! Hugs ~M~
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Good morning all, enjoy your chilly mornings, out of town adventures, holiday preparations and beautiful beach days
I saw this Bitmoji and thought of scan time, lol
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I wrote this huge, long post and it just disappeared! Ugh!
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Very appropriate Mae!
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I don't think I've written on this thread, but I know most of you from other threads.
50's girl How wonderful that you are in Hawaii. I've only been there once but I still have great memories of the beauty there.
It seems like this is a good place to talk about family stuff. I'm excited because I get to spend a whole day with my grandchildren tomorrow. They are my happy place.👧👦
On Sunday, my daughter and I are going on a short road trip. We're going travel down memory/family history lane. We're going to visit the little town where my grandparents raised my mother, and where I spent every summer. We are going to stay in a little cabin, built in the 40's., with a river view. It's in Beavers Bend State Park in SE Oklahoma. The fall colors are spectacular in this hidden area of Oklahoma.
These are the things that enable me to cope with MBC. Although, in truth, we are making a memory. If we don't make it happen now, it might not happen. As I turn 70 this year, I've told my kids I don't want a big party. I want to take little trips like this, to spend memorable time with my family and friends. If it takes all of my 70th year to make these trips happen, that's OK with me.
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Mae~I was sitting in my chemo chair getting my Blood drawn and my shot and I started cracking up when I saw that emoji. Lmao. I showed the nurses because they saw me laughing. The entire infusion center was cracking up. You're a trip! That is exactly how we are all feeling! Good grief it's freezing outside. Like cold. Not fall weather. Cold!! They all said how good I looked. They were amazed at how long my hair was. I am convinced I look like a man. But they swore different lol. (Haven't seen them in three months) Love those ladies. Thinking of you all. Almost done here and I'll reflect more. I also have to say Claudia lmao you had me cracking up as well when you said UGH!!! Lmao it happens to me everyday. Annoying. As heck. Sorry you lost your post. But you make me smile always. Love you guys! I had the entire infusion center looking at pictures of Chief. Everyone couldn't believe how beautiful he was. I love this doggie!!
welcome Grannax, I am very happy to see you here, this is the family place. We have built some strong friendships and we talk about whatever needs talking about. I made this thread for families and love. I can't possibly always be talking about side effects and etc.. I'll go crazy lol, Family and love is Everything that makes fighting this cancer worth while. I loved your post about your grandkids. Makes my heart so warm. I have seen you posting around, would love to have you stay! Much love to all ~ M~ I am still finishing up at the hospital with the blood work but will comment more on your family posting. Welcome again darling !
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Grannax~I hope that you enioy going back to where your mother was raised and where you were a child. That's pretty awesome. I have never really strayed too far from where I was born. But still part of me wishes I had traveled more when I was young. Who would have know 47 would have been considered middle age! Ugh! That is something when you say it like that! Enjoy every single second of family time. Big smile and enjoy making those memories! Welcome to thread! Big hugs. ~M~
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Here is my baby yesterday when I was watching him. I love my grand puppers ! Much love ~M~0 -
Grannax2, What a wonderful way you have chosen to celebrate your 70th birthday. Not only are you creating many great new memories, but the celebration will last so much longer than just one day! In addition, trips like the one you are taking with your daughter bring opportunities to share stories of your familiy's history and your memories of the summers you spent with your mother's family. Sometimes we forget to pass on stories from our own lives - traditions, fun times, hard times, wonderful and whacky relatives, places we visited, holidays, and on and on. I remember some of the stories my Dad used to tell me. Some of the stories were touching, some were sad, some were surprising, and some were funny, but all of them still mean so much to me.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Lynne(50's)~I agree completely, i would have loved that chance to have had that. Sometimes time goes too fast and you loose people. I love the stories we've made and I am hoping they will pass them along. What a great idea Grannax!!My family is disfunctional and I have a lot of estrangement as you all well know. I would really love to be in Hawaii with you Lynne lol my DH and I really could use it after the few years we've had. Crazytown sometimes I feels like. Beautiful sunsets. Good people. Sounds good to me. Not to mention it's honestly like 19 this morning in the northeast. Tonight 20 not going to be too warm and then yuck ! I said Fall both winter. Geeze no one ever listens! Have a great time. More pics send me into a happy place! Much love ~M~
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I am thinking of Everyone who scans this week, I know Sunday night won't be real great for me. I have to drink the hand lotion and wake up early and drink more hand lotion and off I go to scan. Had the blood work done Friday. Hoping TMs are still as low as last time. That seems to reflect greatly with me. Mae~ I know the very next day you're having your MRI, I am with you as well.
Lynne(Man) i know you're also in there on those same dates. I am sending my strength and thoughts. It's freezing here today. Like uh! Who wants to even be outside in this crap! I think the animals even know it. They are hunkered down also! Much love ~M~
Time is moving so quickly. Not really interested in Christmas at all. I just want someone to stick a turkey dinner in front of my face and I'll eat it. But as far as cooking it. Nahhh done many of those! My appetite leads a lot to be desired! Have a good painless day beauties !
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Grannax~ enjoy your day with your precious grandchildren. Take lots of pics. And make those memories! Big hugs ~M~
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No scans this week, but have chemo and then I thinking we will schedule scans...we do have my dads open heart this next week, Thinking of all of you who scan this week
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Keetmom~Hello Darling, we will also be sending strength and hoping that everything goes well with your fathers surgery. That is never easy. I will keep him in my thoughts also. Please keep us posted, To make sure everything is ok! Hope you sail through chemo as well. I know how strong you are, but it knocks you down sometimes. Much love and hugs to the girls. ~M~
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Grrr, just lost another post. I will make this quick.
Keetmom, I will pray for a successful surgery and quick recovery for your dad.
The view from my chair this morning is a sign of hope for all of us.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Lynne(50's)that's for sharing such beauty! I remember the actual breath taking sites that made you feel like it wasn't even real, the things you were seeing. I was very young but remember how much I loved the weather and loved the general feeling of being alive! Freedom, luaus the dole pineapple factory free pineapple, Pearl Harbor. Snorkeling at Hunahuma bay I think it was called . It was like a dream and another lifetime away. I loved diamond head it was all spectacular And we went for ten Days. You cant possibly do it only in one week! Thinking of you! Much love ~M~
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Good morning~another artic ice cube of a night. My DSS just got his license three weeks ago, he was in a fender bender last night. He's ok thank goodness, but I think his pride is hurt. There was some damage, so his little car is crinkled, and you have that strange feeling you can't shake of nervousness, when your first accident happens. Just gotta get right back out there I told him! Of course the insurance rises already! What?? Tapped a bumper?, charge!! charge!!a crazy amount of money for that incident please, thank you mister insurance company!! They jack the price up on the poor kid, how do people learn? From experiences!!! Ugh! So annoying. Ok used to waking up to Lynne (50s) beautiful sunrise or sunset. Happy Sunday hope all is well. Tomorrow is scan day for me, 930 front and center. I'm freaking out. That I can say! Much love ~M~
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You guys are going to giggle at this one. This morning I woke up at 8:15. I start running around getting dressed thinking I'm late for my 8 am scan appointment. I go to take my pills, and then I notice, that I had not taken my Sun pills. Then it dawned on me, that it was Sun not Mon (do you think those scans are on my mind???). I put my nightgown back on, and am still in it!
Yesterday we went for a daylong ride with 7 other mini coopers. We usually go once a month. It's great! We take back windy roads around our beautiful state. This one was around our largest lake Winnipesaukee. Beautiful clear sunny day, but a high of 32. Our's is a convertible, which, after we stopped for lunch, we put the top down (of course we had our windows up and the heat and heated seats on, and our winter coats and hats on). We know many of these people, since we have been doing these for over a year (we've had our mini for 5 years, wish we knew about the rides back then). 3 of our 4 kids also have minis, and our older daughter comes on these rides with us. This ride we brought our granddaughter too, since we were babysitting. We brought the grandsons once, we were babysitting them too. It was a great day. These rides make me feel alive again!
Good luck everyone with scans this week! I'll be thinking of all of you as I'm getting mine!
Lynne
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Lynne(Man)~sounds like an awesome time. I know a lot of people who really like those vehicles as well. Good for you! I woke up thinking that today was Sunday and later on tonight I had to start drinking the hand lotion!! My DH had to leave back to work this week at the other house! I hate it when he is gone for the week, but still feel like a little school girl waiting for him at the end of every week. Love is a precious feeling. Without it. There is really nothing. I would love to able ride free feeling so alive, top down , family surrounding you. So glad you had such a nice time with your family! I'll be thinking of you as well! I am scheduled for 930am. So not that far off from your time. Sending supportive hugs and much love ~M~
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Chelle~Sending thoughts your way! Thinking of you and hoping to see you here soon!! Much love ~M~
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Just want to say good luck for all facing scans tomorrow. I will say a prayer for boring scans. I know how stressful this time is..believe me I know! I will be thinking of you all.
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Lynnwood~ thank you very much for the scan wishes. I know all of us are going to need them. I am currently drinking my first bottle of hand lotion. Not enjoying it at all. My nurse told me to layer it with chocolate sauce to camouflage the taste of the horrible hand lotion. I have to say it really does help a lot, i love it when a nurse gives a helpful suggestion that actually works. (I have done it two times already before this so I know it does work) I hope all is well with you! The weather has been way to cold for my liking. My estranged sister is barking up the tree again. I didn't think she would keep a buzzing around and it would have dropped the luncheon thought by now. I don't want any drama in my days anymore. Fighting cancer is enough. I hope everyone rests well and has a good nights sleep well and keepwarm if you are in the northeast! Talk soon. ~M~
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I'm supposed to be on my road trip with my daughter, but Plan A did not happen.
We did get to go "play all day with Aubrie and Blake".👧👦. We got home late, got up early yesterday morning, all packed and ready to walk out the door. Then, the phone rang, my son in law had twisted his back (again). Long story short, our best choice was to reschedule for 2 weeks from now.
Yes, it was a bummer but as long as we get to go, it doesn't really matter when.
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Grannax~I am sorry that your son twisted his back ouch! At least you have something to look forward to. Those precious grand babies grow so fast. Right alongside of your own children. Mine are too young to have grandkids yet. One is 22 the other is 21. My DD is my princess without a country. She loves the good things as long as she doesn't have to pay for it. Slowly that Is changing as She gets older and has to work!! Actually do something! I am drinking my hand lotion as I speak,for this scan today. It's raining and miserable. I wanted to get my grand puppy today but the weather is becoming a constant issue anymore! Annoying!!! I guess old man winter is breathing down our necks. I hope that soon you'll be on your road trip and enjoying the time with those little cuties! Much love ~M~
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All finished with the scan. I hate that contrast. It makes you feel like you're actually wet and warm in your lower quadrant area. Weirdest feeling I have to say. Don't like it one bit. Of course I forgot the numbing cream for my port,so just puncture the skin no prob! I mean it's not that bad. But just another thing to add to the piles of shit we deal with. I went up to the infusion center, and asked for my blood work results. My tumor markers have always been inline with my disease activity. I am hoping this case is no different . My tumor markers were still in the normal range. I believe that they say 0-42.73 on the guide paper for ranges of cancer antigens test. Anything within that range is normal. Anything over says something is going on. (For me that is). Mine came in At 23.2. That hasn't changed in 3 months since last blood draw. That makes me hopeful there won't be any spreading! So stressful for us all.
Lynne (Man) thinking of you during my scan. Your appointment was earlier than mine. Hope you're home and comphy. It's damp and nasty here today. No grandpuppy today for me.
Mae~ with you and thinking of you tomorrow as well. Nothing but good thoughts and vibes for us all.
Keetmom~thinking about your dad this week. And I know you have. Chemo. Hang tough!
Claudia~ missing you
Nan~ getting worried. 😕
Lynne(50's) hope you're enjoy every sunrise and sunset. More pretty pics from your chair so we can be with you too lol.
Lynnwood~ grab a jacket and a scarf. It's nasty raw chilly day outside today. Yuck!
Much love to all ~M~
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Hello Everyone. I have not posted here before but need a bit of advice regarding family denial. What to do. My DH refuses to accept this space we are now in. He even asks that I not discuss or talk about it. Talk about frustrating. Even my MO asks me if he has accepted this dx. We live in a location without family and friends so we really are living alone. I have tried to discuss relocation back to the west coast to be near family and friends explaining that as time goes on we are going to need help. He refuses to even discuss. So here I sit, day in and day out alone. Not sure how to handle this one. I am hoping you might have suggestions.
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