My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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It touches my heart that in the last days of her life, Muddling was thinking of others-- making sure her friends on this site would have closure. What a generous, caring spirit.
Muddling's Son, I wish you and your family derive comfort from knowing about your Mom's many friends and admirers on this site. Sending hugs to you and your family.
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Santanarbarian muddling was graceful and kind in life and death. I mean seriously this warrior had her master’s gown picked out for her clothes at the end.
Tanya
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she even asked our opinion. 💔 yes missing her greatly, I just realized her last post was to me. 😞 this is so hard. May she Rest In Peace and know she will be forever missed. I will ask Celia to put her name in the memorial page. I wish we could do more
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Wishes for peace to both Muddling and her family. I also thought she had a great name, but I think she may have been one to reach out to me at the start in reassurance. May she rest well.
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Muddling through son, my deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. I know she is not suffering anymore but that is such a major loss. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
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So sad to hear about Muddling. I pray for peace and comfort for her family.
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Been a long rough day. Good to see you Runor... as always 🌹 hope to see you more often We miss you!
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Hello friends,
I just watched this presentation on LBBC: https://livestream.com/lbbc/balancingact2019
It was really good to hear/see a couple women with MBC and an MO speak about our community and life with MBC. I loved it! Everything they said touched home and my heart
Goodnight xoxo
Philly
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Hello to all!
Haven't been posting in this thread because I've been busily trying to figure out stuff about my current status. Hope you are all doing okay!
Just wanted to comment on what Philly posted -- I also watched the presentation, and I thought it was pretty informative. Not only the MBC patients, but they also had a very caring doc explaining a lot of information in this presentation.
Best wishes to all.
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Thank you very much for posting the link Philly. I just watched it and was so happy to see an emphasis on wellness and physical/emotional support during treatment. Most especially I liked the way they explained about clinical trials. I have always thought of them as choices made after all treatments are exhuasted but I learned quite the opposite during the presentation.
Really appreciated it!
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bevjen and moomala my pleasure! I found the webinar incredibly informative too, especially about the clinical trials!
It’s amazing how much info we have to differentiate and synthesize in our own minds:
I love the MO who was interviewed. He’s so kind and compassionate and I appreciate his take on patient care. I also loved what Sheila said that her MO told her about doctors with poor bedside manners, and to “run like hell” away from them ASAP.
I hope others find the webinar helpful too
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Muddling's Son, thank you for caring enough during your grief to share with us about the passing of your mom. May God send you peace.
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Philly I liked his willingness to consider additional biopsy under certain conditions. My MO has said there's no way that my mbc can change status. I wasn't in the mood to question her that day but I'd like to find some statistics on that. Managing 150 metastatic patients omg. He just must be a wonderful soul! I liked him too.
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Muddling's Son, thank you for letting us know about your mother. She was kind and generous to all, helping us find our way.
Sending love and prayers to you and your family.
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I do not want to be disrespectful in any way, but I believe this may be muddling through's obit. I could also be wrong. Thank you, Lisa
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Missouri~that looks like our muddling. I don’t see any disrespect in caring enough to look it up. I do agree that it is her. It does mention her sweet son. Thank you for sharing her beautiful picture and smile I will never forget.
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Good presentation. Thanks Philly for posting that link. I do wish I had Dr. Medhi (spelling) as my MO. He seems very caring and very good at articulating things. And I do wish I was receiving care at a large cancer center like MDA. With all the options for a treatment team.
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Thank you, Micmel. I went back and read her posts, what a beautiful lady, as her smile and picture portrays. Hugs. You have strength in your group here.
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Missouri~welcome to our thread.
she was an amazing sister who became part of the family immediately. Each time it’s like A sliver of my Heart is ripped away. It hurts to read their posts after they are gone. So much more to say.
We do have a solid base here and some people
Have been here since the first day the thread even was posted. (Mae, Divine, Lynne50’s, Grannax, Tanya,Lynnwood, Chicagoan) and many more. I enjoy and care deeply for my sisters. I want nothing more than for us all to thrive. When one of us falls, my heart bleeds. Everytime, wishing I could help. Hugs to you!0 -
I think Mike's wife may have passed during Muddling's funeral (depending on time zones).
I lit some candles at choir rehearsal for Muddling, Mike's wife, and several others.
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😢😢😢 so sorry to hear this news. My condolences to Mike and their family
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I just have to vent this morning. I know death is hard to talk about and people are uncomfortable with the subject. But sometimes I just get so frustrated with my family and friends for sugar-coating, hiding from, our reality. I have a friend that is so one dimensional. He is a good guy, but he has his work and his hobby (which is along the same lines of his work). Not a very deep person. He asked about my scan results. I told him my scan turned out good. And I can breathe for 3 more months. Then I mentioned that we lost 2 ladies in my online group. And how 1 of them the husband posted for her and the depth of his posts. -- No names mentioned-- My friend just quickly changed the subject. My family members have done the same type of thing when we approach the subject.
I don't want my friends/family to boo hoo about my situation. I want them to be uplifting and upbeat. But when I mention the hard stuff, I want them to acknowledge it. I want to be able to laugh AND cry with my friends/family. I want to be able to open up about my fears and grief. By glossing over the hard stuff, they are not being helpful. And I just end up getting angry, along with being sad.
I am soooooo glad all of you are here. To laugh with. And to discuss the hard stuff with. No glossing over the shit here.
We can celebrate the good news, discuss the future, and grieve over our losses.
Hugs.
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Yes Mike had shared some Beautiful Words on the death and dying thread. They passed very closely together time wise. Two losses in one week is just not ok. He's a wonderful husband who shared a beautiful photo of his beloved. He is strong and I hope for nothing but the family reaching peace somehow knowing she's in a non suffering place now. Not this cruel world we live in most times.
Candy~ Some of my family don't want to talk about my condition either To them I look fine, so therefore I must be done with cancer, or ive beat it. Uh no! I'll have it forever. You however, young ones and family. Wake up and listen because I need to be able to cry when I want and when I need you to listen Damn it. Listen!!! It's just because they are uncomfortable and don't want to say the wrong thing. My DH just holds me. Let's me ugly Cry, then move on. My DD always says she's sorry and wishes she could change it for our family. Son, doesn't speak of it ever. Just avoidances, I am thankful for you all here as well. It's nice to let it out, and give a good scream.
The support for muddling has been touching, the precious woman smiling down at her family and friends in her master gown, flying free from pain and mental anguish. Fly free sweet caring sister. You're wings are no longer clipped. (Sharing same sentiment to mike, for the loss of his beloved wife). Life is so hard Already. I'm so sorry for the losses we live through! candy let your feelings flow here. Your second home! Much love ~M~
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A subdued day here today - its cold/dark/raining again. I had rads planning at the hospital, so I got myself up and ready and everything (had help with hair) and out the door and thru the hospital and we even took the bus home. The former 7 minute walk from the stop to the house has now turned into a 20 minute shuffle with crutches, but that was the most movement I have done in two weeks. Pretty tired now and resting, but monitoring work email (nothing really to monitor!)
I was feeling sorry for myself and then decided today sounded like a good day for Nacho Night. Think I may challenge myself to step away from Cancerland for the weekend and work on other personal projects that have gone by the wayside in recent months. Time to reclaim SondraF the person from SondraF the cancer patient.
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SondraF you are amazingly strong to make that walk after what you’ve been through. Enjoy your C-free time!
I had the talk with DH last night hospice where the will is nobody can just take or go through my stuff etc. Hospice in back room if hospitalized visits every day. No tears just clear instructions. Stage 4 is real. Don’t wait for anyone to come for the funeral except my mom and then bury me, so she doesn’t have to wait for anyone. I think I will write it all down. Just taking a page from Muddlings planning.
Mel I don’t understand who Mike is that you’re referring to.
Candy I’ve had the talk with my kids and I think they understand but choose not to live with that reality daily. I try to have days weekends of denial like sondras planning.
Tanya
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Mara how’s your cleats and treadmill walking 🚶🏿
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I believe we set the tone of what is "allowed" to be said by our loved ones. They often follow our lead.
I made a real effort with my kids-- to say things like "If I should die from this,...." or "It's ok to bring up your fears, like worrying I might die..." I brought it up somewhat regularly so they would know it was an ok topic and did not freak me out to discuss it. I also used the opportunity to say, " If I do die, please know how much you have meant to me.... that you are so important to me." For me a deep conversation is the ESSENCE of friendship.
I had a couple of friends who cried in front of me and apologized for being a downer, but I would say, "I am ok with your fear, I am ok with your sadness, these are normal feelings and I am glad we can speak freely and honestly; that's what I value about you." My sister blubbered.... I comforted her.... but t made me feel loved, not bummed out.
Some people are so scared to say the wrong thing that they say very little. But when we can step into the silence and say what WE feel, it can open the door.
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I'm not great with words. I never really know what to say. I am so happy we are all here for each other. It's easier for our friends and family to not think about it. When we talk about it, it make them think about the inevitable suffering and loss of a loved one. I feel inept and helpless when it comes when I can't "fix" something for someone and too often, I also avoid or move quickly from the subject. I have ears, hugs, and wit (sometime dark with inapprpriate laughter). I "hear" all your words and wish I could change this for all who are feeling the support they need. I am here everyday, lurking, feeling supported but wishing I could give more back.
Wow, that's a lot of "I"s
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I am sorry to hear about Mike's wife as well. He also posted in the brain mets thread from time to time.
Candy, I hear you about sugarcoating that other people do about our reality. Part of it is for them I think, part of it they think is to cheer us up. They are uncomfortable. I am not excusing it, but I can understand it. It does not make our reality easier. I do believe that we need to release our fears, vent about SE, the future, people we have lost. Others listening just need to hear us, not required to have sage advice or really try to make us feel better about things.
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Yeah, mikes update was really hard after muddling. I began to cry after reading his part about climbing out of the rubble and moving on. DH asked what was wrong, I told him and that I worry about what he’s going to deal with eventually. He hears me and he researched prognosis early in my diagnosis but somehow seems to think I’ll live forever. All I can do is try to balance a fairly normal life with MBC and the reality that my current state is temporary at best.
Hugs to you all 🙂
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