My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Dodgersgirl~welcome to my Second home, with a set of wonderful, kind, funny clever friendships and ladies. I am sorry you have to join us here. I am glad that you chose us to hang with. Carve out your niche and relax. One day at a time sweet woman. One. Day at a time.. hugs to you.
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Runor you have me laughing so hard...thank you for getting me out of my chemo induced funk......
I spent the day at the hospital getting my first Navelbine infusion and a Doppler examination of my legs to exclude blood clots...not my favorite way to spend the day...the thought of having to go to the hospital every Friday makes me want to cry...
Moomala, I hope you feel better and get home soon!
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Micmel, I'm not kidding. Threading is a real thing! A real painful thing...but real. You should watch some youtube videos. It's mind boggling how fast they go at it! But I think its an easy, cheap way to do it yourself de-hair your face. I'm going to keep practicing. My thighs are next!
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Dodgersgirl- Welcome. Any questions just let us know.
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But, Frisky - DID YOU GET THAT SANDWICH AFTER? I need an update, stat!
Candy - its a pain to do all that (and I hate getting on the phone to deal with anything with insurance or appt setting - family trait) but in the end it will be worth it for a better MO who really gets it. Tanya's sounds amazing with his (unfortunate) background, but that's what you want, not someone rather flip due to the abstractness of both the treatment and the disease itself.
Dodgersgirl - sorry that you have to join us, but this is the place to be for general chat. Give it a few weeks to work through the emotions, cry and yell when you need. Eventually things settle down after all the scanning and once you start the pills well.... it is pretty anticlimactic after all the testing and appointment drama and you start to get back into a (new) groove. Do you need to do hormone suppression as well (goserelin or the like)?
Mel and Runor - I get my eyebrows threaded as its fast and easy (and honestly not that painful - it sounds worse than it is) if you get an experienced person to do it. You also dont get that after redness like with wax.
Has Philly checked in lately? A bit worried for her - perhaps I missed her update?
Feeling pretty grotty today which *checks calendar* its been a week and a half so I guess I'm due a wipeout day (Day 16 of Ibrance). I made a banana bread last night, maybe that level of exertion did me in. Oh and the sausage roll at dinner was perhaps a bit much for the ol' stomach (but it was so tasty!). I did spend quite a bit of time last night planning our Christmas menu and looking up recipes and building the grocery order. Its fun, but have to be aware that I don't have the energy/mobility as in past years and need to maybe scale it back where possible.
Have a good weekend all!
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Who drinks coffee in Mel's livingroom at 3 am? Me, of course. Once again I fell asleep early in the evening and am now awake early in the morning. I'm considering some early morning Christmas shopping but it's cold out there.
Runor, you make me laugh Thank you.
Moomala, I hope you feel better and get out of the hospital soon. The hospital is no place to get any rest.
Welcome Dodgersgirl.
Candy, I really don't like dealing with insurance and schedilng. Hopefully everything will settle will settle once you get everything sorted out.
Frisky, I'm sorry you have to go to treatment so frequently. Do you have someone to go with you?
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Sondra, I hope everyone who joins you for Christmas pitches and you should let them help. I like to help but don't always know where to jump in. I like it when someone tells me how I can help. Did you say banana bread? Yum!
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SondraF, no...I didn't get my favorite sandwich this time because they didn't give me the dexa as pre-med. Without turning super-ravenous and supercharged, I wanted to get home quickly and get to bed, all different SE to deal with now...
I end up having to ice my hands because they got really hot...when that was over, I made myself a delicious buffalo burger that I ate over a freshly made, chopped tomatoes sauce, and sourdough bread. It was so good, I'm going to prepare it again this morning...as we speak...I woke up with appetite....
Dutchiris....having company won't resolve the problem, because the infusion takes only 10 minutes, and my real need is to not have to go to the hospital so frequently....especially at this time of the year, with people getting sick with colds in such great numbers...
Philly, I'm thinking about you and hoping all is well
Dodgersgirl, I was saddened to read your story...I hope you get a lot of milage out of Letrozole/ Ibrance....it's an effective and long-lasting treatment for many women.
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SomdraF- no goserline shots needed. Had total hysterectomy in 2018.
Frisky— thanks for the kind words I, too, hope I/L works for a long time.
Micmel—just wanted to let you know I left a full pot of creamy, warm hot chocolate in your virtual living room. Please share with everyone who drops by.
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Welcome Dodgersgirl! So happy you found us. Lots and lots of support here.
Runor, the other option for the chin hair battle is something called a “No No” (I’m still not sure why it’s called that, but maybe you can figure it out.). It uses a beam of light to burn the hair off. Sounds bad, but it actually works pretty well. Only problem is you don’t want to use it and then go out somewhere immediately after. I did, and my friend at dinner said, “I smell smoke. Is something burning?” Ain’t no way I was going to tell her what I had just been up to!
Tanya, thanks so much for your support, my dear. I am so happy and glad I changed MOs. I’ll tell you at our next lunch some of the things that happened at that practice—so unprofessional. Hope the painting and disorganization doesn’t drive you too crazy.
Frisky, you are making me hungry with the description of those burgers!
Mae, how’s the cabin coming along?
Thinking of you, Moomala. Get well soon.
Love to all
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Booboo, I have heard of the No No too. I thought it was too pricey to try if I did not like it so sticking with shaving. I know I get stubble after about a day but there is no one stroking my face so the razor is it for me. My niece told me about the burning smell, but that totally makes sense given how it works.
Dodgersgirl, glad you found us here too. I will have some of that hot chocolate you brought us and add cinnamon rolls with icing as well. Might as well live it up.
I am not doing a lot, it's rainy and cold here. I have been walking to the odd song on the treadmill. I am also being silly and trying to find ways to wash large blankets in a small portable washer. Discovered if I can spin dry them, I can put them halfway in and then just put the other half in about halfway through the cycle with the rest of the blanket hanging out. The one blanket I cannot spin dry will just get regular steam cleaning with my clothing steamer and then tossed in my dryer. Blanket does not fit in the spin dryer so no way I am washing it here. Cannot be bothered carting it to the laundry so the regular steaming will have to do. Figure if I do it a couple times a week the dust and cat fur are kept to a minimum.
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Wish our virtual living room was real right now. Hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls. Yum.
Today spending inside. Been a busy week and more than ready to rest today. Today rainy and cold here too. So doing laundry, ran the vacuum, and watched an old TV show this morning. Have on sweats and those fluffy socks. My cat is sleeping on my bed. All is calm. Just thankful right now that the cancer is stable on I/L. Yeah I feel icky at times, but I could be so much worse. Just feeling thankful for the moment. And praying it lasts.
Hugs to all. And prayers sent up for all who are struggling right now.
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Candy, enjoy the sweats and the fluffy socks. I made myself too hot with running the dryer so opened the window. Had to throw on a wig since DB and SIL are coming for a visit. I expected they would be coming so at least showered earlier after all the walking I did.
I imagine they will bring me hot chocolate as they usually do. I don't drink coffee at all so that will be nice.
I may also need to purchase some of the pilsbury cinnamon rolls and make those as now I have a wicked craving for them.
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I really want to hang out in Mel's living room. I'll bring a Fraser fir crackling candle (by Woodwick). We have a cold, rainy/sleety day here so I'm happy to stay home and work on the crossword puzzle from our local paper. The Saturday one is a tad hard so It may last a while.
Hello to everyone!
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Oooh, hot chocolate (I'll add peppermint schnapps to mine!) I am baking cinnamon buns. I'll be right over as soon as I get them out of the oven.
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At my dad’s baking Christmas cookies. As the cool, I am putting some in a storage container to bring over to share with everyone.
Runor, hope you have enough peppermint schnapps for others! I am sure you do.
Rosie24– I can smell the candle and hear the crackling of the wood. So cozy
We are supposed to get a bunch of snow Monday. Trying to line up someone to clear the snow. Maybe I should make some more hot chocolate for whomever clears my sidewalks
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Decorated our tree today. Kids didn’t want to be in picture. The last 3 1/2 months have been up and down, progression to liver, drip chemo, Xeloda (yuck!), cdiff (more yuck!), bald now, hospital stay, to much fluid given. Still on diuretics to lose the water weight ( 20 lbs. ) so far. Now the up , liver tumors microscopic now (yay!), no more Xeloda, going to do 3 more taxotere, first grandbaby - a boy - due in 2 weeks! I was so glad, 2 weeks ago, my daughter came over to pull out the Christmas decorations and liven up my house. So, I am VERY thankful to be able to share this decorated tree.
My best to everyone on this - Mel’s living room thread - even though we don’t know what each day has in store for us, we all seem to pull it together to make it one more day. Much love - Suzy
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Lovely tree Suzy. Glad your daughter was able to help you out.
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Hurray I was discharged today! What an ordeal! I was in ED for 23 hours waiting for diagnostic testing and then for a bed. Finally got up to oncology unit yesterday and this was so much nicer and quieter. Not a fan of staying in the hospital. I was diagnosed with pneumonia but they also think they are viewing some subtle progression in my lungs. I am only 8 weeks into AA and MO told me this morning, she would like for me to finish the 12 week protocol, scan and if there really is progression, I'm on to another drug. She's testing me for the mutation for Piqray. Blarg. So I'm a little scared of what's happening but I'm setting it aside until the MO tells me I have something to worry about. I don't have scans until end of January so I'll just wait it out.
I'm so happy to be home. I missed my husband and my dog SO much. Every night when my husband left the hospital to go home I was so sad and lonely. You can't really rest at a hospital. Looking forward to my bed tonight. And super glad to be back HERE!!!! I will catch up tomorrow after some sleep.
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Moomala glad your resting in your bed...like Dorothy told us a long time ago...there’s really no place like home!
Hopefully, you won’t have to change treatment, sometime pneumonia is just pneumonia...
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Moomala
Welcome home! What an ordeal. I missed the party above. It we’ll go to the next one.
Stillivin thanks for your beautiful words pulling it together for one more day.
Trying to make it to a graduation party this afternoon with DH. Already have my exit strategy in place so I can get home to my bed.
Tana
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Hello lovelies~I am warmed to see so much activity in my Living room, you have no idea how much you all mean to me. Moomala~ so glad you're home Soooo glad!!!!
stillivin~Hello my sweet friend. I am beyond thrilled to see you checking in and I love your Christmas tree They are all so beautiful and magical. I have been very melancholy this weekend. I always seem to Get this way around this time of year. love love seeing you and I am hugging you big time. Where is Pots?
as far as Christmas, I've been feeling always at this time of year, Will I see another? What about all of my things? Where will they go? Who will take what? Will it be painful? Will I realize what's going on? They all snow ball into self depression and sadness and id cry at the opening of a Kmart. But it seems worse.This disease is so cruel. I feel sick everyday and I am forced to soldier on like you all are as well. Slap on a smile and some lipstick and we ride sally we ride Because we have too. I honestly believe people Get truly annoyed with hearing how sick I feel. So I simply just have to stop saying it. But then. Will they expect more from me? Cuz guess what. I ain't got it. The tank is empty and will remain empty for every hour, once mister adderall wears off. Even then I have to box my time in quarters , like a football game. I've got four quarters to do good things. Then I'm Spent. I'm sick of being sick and tired of being tired. I want to be a better mate and partner. It's just gone. And don't get me started on the desires that have just upped and walked off. Even if let's say Brad Pitt wanted something from me. I'd be like Meh. No thanks. I'll stick with my Loving sweet DH. But I feel sorry for him. He does so much and I cannot Match his pace. Talk about feeling like a hole in the bucket. I HATE that feeling And I get it a lot. Ugh!!!!! Tissue time!
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I am choosing to soldier on this Christmas myself without my mother and younger brother's family. Though I am sad to be without my nephew and have reached out to him, I am not going bang my head on the floor either. I will wish him Merry Christmas. My younger brother and I have not spoken verbally or phone text for almost a year and at one point I had to tell him off on this site when he was snooping. I have not heard a peep so am not worried about him anymore. I hope he is happy and living his best life. Not going to relive what happened between us however. Part of my forgiving is letting go of my anger which is good for me.
It will be difficult without my mother this year, first Christmas without her. She was very sick last Christmas so she really did not enjoy it at all. I am determined to enjoy myself. My older DB and SIL are making sure I am not alone. Been invited to Christmas Eve at SIL mothers house with her family which is nice and then Christmas at older DB. It will be nice to be with people and should make it easier. Thanksgiving was enjoyable and not a lot of sadness about Mom. She would want it that way.
As far as my own cancer, I am not overly bothered by my own situation. Not sure if it is because I don't have a husband or kids. That I can definitely see being more difficult for people who do for sure. For me, although I know my older DB and SIL and their family would be sad, they would quickly heal from it. That gives me comfort. I would have had more stress leaving my mother behind than anyone else had she outlived me. I still worry more about everyday ailments and have a cursory awareness of my cancer dx. I have made final plans and have the legal stuff necessary for everything.
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Difficult thoughts in the last couple days. DH and I went to a concert in the park downtown Friday night, The Skatalites, one of the original 1960’s Jamaican ska bands (known for the James Bond theme). During their cover of Bob Marleys 3 little birds, I was hit with “This could be the last time I see them play live”, ugh. Then yesterday I heard I’ll melt with you by Modern English on the radio, which is our song and immediately imagined what it’s going to be like for DH hearing after I’m gone. Damn, it’s gonna be really sad 😢
Anyway, on to normal things... Back to the gym next week and maybe a movie date night.
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Candy~It’s my first everything without my father, so I can understand how you’re feeling. It’s not easy...
Mae~I’ll melt with you. That song is legendary for my age group and the movie “valley girl” with Nicolas cage when he first started out. I loved the movie and still love that song every time I hear it. It will have extra special meaning now..... I think of things like that all the time. Last night there was a couple planning their retirement home in a Caribbean island. Two rocking chairs. Two kayaks. Two watching the sunset from boogie boards. I cried silently as I could. I hate always bringing him down. But I feel so sad more days then not. I can’t help the fear that lives within me.
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Hi all, one thought to keep in mind when we get down on our predicament is the reality that no one knows when the sht is going to hit the proverbial fan...
I was diagnosed almost 5 years ago....do you realize how many young and healthy people have unexpectedly died since? Millions!....and they didn't know what was coming...dancing and drinking beer one moment, or shopping at Walmart and being mowed down by bullets the other...imagine what their last thoughts must have been like...oh shit!! What about heart attacks...the number one killer...how many people are caught unprepared...unable to say goodbye to their loved ones....
There's a solution to the holiday and cancer blues that I find helpful....appreciating and celebrating every moment, because ultimately, it's all any human being and living creature really has—sick or healthy...Don't forget, we thought we were healthy once, and then reality told us otherwise...
I find great freedom in not having to worry about global warming, the federal budget, who will win the elections...totally irrelevant to peace and joy....so let's just appreciate and be grateful in this moment for everything and everyone that surrounds us...
my first mo died suddenly two months after I started seeing him..he was younger and healthy...I'll never forget that!!
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micmel, whenever one of us hears the song on the radio when we’re not together, we video the chorus and text it to the other, it’s very sweet.
Frisky, I was in a rollover car accident in 2011 and the moment before impact I thought I was going to die, my words were “oh fuck” lol, just like you’d imagine. I also agree about the weird freedom of not worrying about the future much, it’s a relief of sorts.
Hi to everyone else 😁
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Frisky, such good points.
My personal approach to looming worry is not projecting my thoughts too far forward. Be in the moment as much as possible, and don't worry too far in advance. You will have time to worry later when it's real.
For example I got a bad pap smear last week and need to go back for a second test in 2 weeks. I have had "what if" thoughts pop into my brain, but I just shoo them away. My policy is to defer the worry till my second test results actually come in. I had a bad pap about 15 years ago which that cleared up upon the second test, and this one will probably turn out the same... But if it doesn't, I'll deal with that then, when I actually know.
There is a level of mild worry I might call vigilance but to me that is a healthy level, that benefits us: makes us take precautions, give ourselves good care, and pay attention to our bodies.
Some of my lack of worrying may also be due to the fact that my brother died when we were in our late teens. I believe this affected me very strongly. I had to heal from a very big blow and that developed my resilience and my mental control, learning to dismiss terrible, self-torturing thoughts. You can really hurt yourself by dwelling in self-harmingly painful thoughts (guilt, anguish, regret etc). You have to get off your own back and feel as happy as you can to begin to heal. Which then brings guilt-- due to "getting over" the tragedy, even though you know you have to.
Sometimes I feel I've already *had* 40 years of gravy making it to 58. No matter what life can throw at me, I am already WAY luckier than he was.
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so...Illimae...what happened? Did you get out of that car accident all in one piece? Whaooo...I've been only in little ones and those were scary....
Santa, sorry to hear about the loss of your brother at such a young age...I lost my brother to a deadly car accident in 98;and it was a very weird experience because I lost three other close people that year. He was seven years younger. I hope your Pap smear, like before, turns out to be nothing to worry about...
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Hello all visiting Mel's Living Room this Sunday.
It is snowing here--just started. I came home from church services and cleaned out my clothes closet. In the organizing mood. Kind of sad, though. Looking at clothes that don't fit anymore. Now with 1 boob, the scars, the Port. Kind of put the clothes in categories--- pre cancer and post cancer. Thought "Well I will give to Goodwill this week" "That was my old life, never to return again".
Moomala- Glad you are home. Praying that it is just pneumonia and not progression. Maybe when the infection clears, the concerned areas on the scans will look ok.
Mel- I am sorry you are having one of those days. We all have them, don't we. The 'what if's', the 'is this the last time I will do …'. I too understand about people in our circles getting tired of hearing our gripes---tiredness, feeling icky, etc. I "look healthy" but I cannot do things like I used to and people just do not get it.
Mae- Yep. "Is this the last time...".
Frisky--- Very thought provoking, your post. True that anyone can go at anytime--- accidents, sudden illness, mass shootings, etc. None of us know when our time is up. We with MBC just have it forefront in our minds. While others probably don't really think about their death.
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