My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Moomala,
You got hit with a couple of immune stressors, the dental thing, then the pneumonia, and of course the Afinitor/Aromasin. I think if you could get some time between you and these things (excluding the A/A) you might start feeling better. Any chance the back pain is tied to the pneumonia coughing?
Enjoy your wine, cheese and white pants!
Feeling a bit out of gas on this whole thing myself, but let’s all hang around for 2021!
Best wishes to all!
Stavey
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Thanks Stacey you are so right. I've got to remember that I've been sick with something for weeks and weeks and that the Afinitor is kicking my ass a bit. I wore the white pants proudly and had a wonderful time with my very best friends. Going to that party and seeing my friends after several months and getting loved on by everyone - well - Nothing like it. You've got a deal for 2021 and beyond! Let's do it!
BooBoo my heart just broke a bit but you are so right. You need to be with people who support you. I have a child with an addiction and believe me I know just exactly what you are talking about. My cancer is all about her and how she feels. I am constantly taking care of her and her emotions and I told her last week I cannot do it anymore. I just left her there on her ass. Her behavior since has been quite attention -seeking but she is a fully grown woman with children of her own. She can handle it herself. She will figure it out. But a marriage. you are indeed one of the strongest people I know. Let me help you finish this crappy evening with a giant hug and a little push into 2020. I will be your friend all the way.
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Jen, love love love Daphnie, sooooo cute!
In your pocket dodgersgirl and anyone else with upcoming tests. I have another brain MRI on Friday, fingers crossed.
Unfortunately, I lost another from my group of young stage IV MD Anderson girls. 6 of us met almost 2 years ago for dinner and margaritas, now it’s down to me and one other. Stephanie passed on 12/23 and I had a mini meltdown thinking of her family dealing with unopened gifts, just broke my heart to think of that. The service is Saturday and it’s going to be super hard, I over identify with others pain and cry easy, I’ll be a mess but will try not to be a distraction.
Anyway, happy 2020
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Laurie, I too am so sorry to hear about this. PM me if you need additional ears.
I did not make it to midnight but the year came anyway.
This is 2020. Happy New Year.
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Mae~I am sorry about your friend, I know how that feels. I have no words, only support and love. She was lucky to have you for a friend. I am also Uber emotional. As you have seen I’m truly sorry. 2020 had better be better. I’m avail for pocket duty!! Snacking away.
Sbaaron, nice to see you here and I agree some red herrings going on. Back pain/chest pain for sure causes muscles to spasm. Had it happen to me! Give it some time .(Moomala)...
Mara~ was asleep at 11:30 p.m. did not care. Time marches on. Rest is what we need A lot of people were sick around here, so a lot people stayed home! I am glad I did . It’s windy and cold outside. Brrrrr yuck0 -
Mae, my condolences on the loss of your friend.
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Mae, I’m also sorry for your loss of your friend. I hope you and the other surviving member can be of comfort to each other. In your pocket for Friday
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Illimae— so sorry to read about another member of your MBC group passing before Christmas. Hugs to you. Also, will be in your pocket Friday for your MRI.
BooBoo1- sending you strength as you move away from your hubby. Lean on us as you need. You are not alone.
Rosie24- omg— I could feel what you had to endure with your breast MRI. I would have said it was a sign I wasn’t supposed to have the darn test.
Moomala— sending you well wishes for your orthopedic doctor appointment and your oncology NP appointment in regards to your back. May they have answers and help for you. Also sorry for the loss of your friend from your MBC group. Also hope all is going to be fine reference your daughter’s imaging.
Micmel— sorry for your friend’s (like your aunt) recent dx. Seems there are just too many people being diagnosed in 2019. Prayers for your niece that someone will find a path to a solution for her medical condition
Went to be long before midnight but woke up about 5 mins before midnight so did see the new year arrive from the warmth and comfort from my bed.
Had big plans for things I wanted to get done today but instead woke up with a stiff neck and have issues using my left hand so didn’t try too many tasks today. Left arm and shoulder feeling much better this afternoon. Believe this pain is from my MRI yesterday where they asked me to pull my hair back while I was flat on the table. Felt a twinge in my neck as I lifted it to tuck hair in behind my head.
Returning to work tomorrow. Took a few vacation days after getting MBC dx.
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One of my gifts from DH! Love it so much....trying to be thankful for each and everything and everyone more!!
Dodgers~ sorry about the sore neck. Suuuucks......
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Wishing everyone a fabulous 2020 with NED or NEAD perfect scans and a new way to draw blood without sticking a damn needle in and absoluetly no side effects from any treatments. Thank you Mel for having such a great living room to stop by in. You are all marvelous women. Dodgers I am really sorry about the neck pain - heat and gentle stretches can help (I have lots of neck pain from moving the wrong way). Booboo I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I spent a number of years as an addiction therapists and I know how hard it is on spouses and family. You are one strong lady for staying this long. You deserve a whole lot better and I believe you will find it. Big hugs - you are beautiful and special and you deserve to be treated that way. Illimae I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. This disease sucks beyond reason and tends to leave a whole lot of pain in its path. You and your friend were lucky to have each other. There is no crime in crying - she mean't something to you and her family and friends, you all lost her, there is every reason to cry. Now I wish everyone much happiness for 2020 may it be mostly laughter and little reason for tears..
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I second that! Better year for us all. Takes a strong woman to see the real things that may not be the easiest for your own person to even see. I arrive eventually. But it takes me a lot of time to figure shit out. I think you’re amazing for even figuring out what was missing! Hugs to you.
Giddy up. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
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Thanks all, I really appreciate the kind words and pocket duty.
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Mae,
I am sorry about your friend’s passing. I will be thinking of you on Sat. and sending strength and love to get you through.
After much discussion and many tears, etc., hubby is willing to go to rehab. He said he does not know why he drinks so much, but will do whatever it takes to get sober. He does not want to throw away 33 years of marriage, so I’m hoping and praying that he will get the help he needs. Maybe 2020 really will be a new start. As you said, Mel, one day at a time.
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BooBoo! Some men (and women) make excuses. Sounds like a plan. I wish you the very best. It can only help IMO. Sending you hugs!
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Booboo that is really great news and I hope you will consider going to Alanon. I am not very religious and so the higher power aspect did not resonate with me but I still found alanon to be very helpful. I tried a few meetings in various places and settled on two meetings per week that I attended for several months before my diagnosis early in 2019. I can't say enough about how helpful it was to understand my role in our addict's disease, how the addict's illness had made our family ill too and helped me understand a bit more about myself. Couples counseling would also be super helpful. I wish him all the best in rehab - it is not easy. All this sounds like tremendous effort and maybe expense too but it will be so worth it if both of you are successful. 33 years is a very long time and you have a relationship that can be fixed! I applaud both of you and I hope this makes you feel a little bit better.
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90% of the time problem drinkers drink to blunt painful emotions, or keep them out of awareness... stress, anger, loneliness, grief, worry, sadness, etc. The irony is, it generally makes the problems worse, to drink to excess. Many drinkers had be (or appear) perfect-- with no problems or needs-- in their early life (demanding parents or ignoring parents) and early on, suppressing negative feelings became a handy way to be perfect. In adulthood alcohol supports the suppression.
I am so glad your husband is willing to get help.
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booboo1
I am overjoyed to hear that you and your husband have hope. Knowing that he has the desire to stop drinking is a great start.
I am a recovered alcoholic with 15 years sober. So when I read your post about your husband and his drinking pushing your marriage to the breaking point, I was so sad.
I may be able to give you some tips to help you and your husband get his drinking problem into a solution.First things first. If he is an alcoholic, He MUST want to stop drinking. He probably doesn’t even know why he drinks. He may have thousands of excuses why he does, but no clue as to the real reason why he does. That will be addressed in rehab.
Second he will need to get into a program that will help him to maintain sobriety. He has probably been to AA. And has the whole it doesn’t work and those people are not like me attitude. I know I felt that way too
Getting sober is going to be the hardest thing he, himself has ever done. That’s where you can be beneficial to him. If he is serious about stopping, he will have to step up and take action. You can’t make him want to get sober, you can only make it extremely difficult to drink. The best way for you to do that is by setting firm non negotiable rules. One being if he drinks at all he is not welcome in YOUR home “PERIOD”! You cannot fight with a drinker, it useless. So if he is drinking he cannot be home. Also you will be most helpful if you are stern but not accusatory. Question him with could you or can you. Telling him he “ you should, or you need to, will make him feel pressured. This approach can assist him into thinking this is his idea. Which goes a long way with a self centered person. Trust me I know.
Ask him a couple of questions. 1 “Are you serious about getting sober?” Could you go to AA? CAn you go today? If he says yes to all three, Tell him that will make you happy. Then make sure he knows this is one of the non-negotiable rules. If he doesn’t go right a way. Then tell him that he said he would go! This puts it all back onto him of not being serious “I thought you were serious?” He is going to fight the action of getting sober. But the harder you make it for him to procrastinate the better.
My wife and I are both alcoholics and we could not imagine what our lives would be like with her havingthe fight of her life and either of us drinks.
We will pray for you! and your husbands sobriety we will pray a different prayer.
God bless you both.
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Welcome to 2020 all. I've been reading and sometimes crying with you all and reading and smiling, sorry to say mostly emotional.
Giddyupgirl yes I'd love stickless blood tests and SE free medication that cures and heals in 2020.
Mae I'm sorry about the loss of your friend most recently and all the people in your group. That's a gut wrenching reality. The unopened presents got me too... I'll be in your pocket tomorrow. I can't bring sweets bc I'm trying to get that under control but I'll bring NY pizza and a big hug for everyone.
Booboo rehab and all the therapy that goes with it is a great plan for 2020. 33 years is a big investment. My dad was an alcoholic and he did rehab after rehab and fell several times until he finally got sober. I have your back whatever you decide. Alcoholism is a tough disease.
Scott that was so kind to share all of your post addiction knowledge. I've had a lot of it over the years in my family. It stemmed back generations.
Santabarbarian you're absolutely on point about drinking reasons. It's marketed as such a fun celebratory nip but it's so devastating for many and their families.
Moomala I'm glad you went out for a bit and got all your New Year's hugs from friends. I'm sorry I didn't get to see you in your winter white pants. Sorry your back pain is flaring. It's good to see you getting stronger since the pneumonia though.
Mel I see you showing off that cool Ipad very niiiiice.
Dodgersgirl I hope your neck is feeling less painful. I do all of those MRI Pet tests in tubes with valium. I used to do them with my own positive thoughts but now I have so much anxiety with the spread of this disease....
Mara I hope you enjoy the movie again. I did laundry again yesterday bathroom mats and stuff, today bed linen. Everything is staying relatively clean bc we a paint project going so we are quarantined out of certain areas.
Rosie24 one MRI sucks and two is riveting. That happened to me in Sept. Two in one week. The second time I could barely crawl off the table.
Well, I have to go back at least two pages to catch up on this lively bunch.
Tanya
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Candy it was so sweet of you to let the group know that you'd be around the last and first days of the years. I was so exhausted after treatment Thursday (blood draw, faslodex needles, no blood from port and five sticks later blood). I went to acupuncture afterwards bc it helps me with pain and reduces the SE from the faslodex blast. When I got home I passed out. I hope that you are feeling well today and enjoying some activity.
Tanya
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Hello all.
Hi Tanya.
I did get out this morning--to the church for a couple of hours. Still in limbo about secretary job at church. It started out as interim the beginning of November. Regular secretary still recouping and still unsure if coming back to the position. So.... I am still covering. I wish a decision would be made, one way or the other. The secretary still has personal pictures in the office and I hate to go through her desk looking for stuff. And I have ideas about organizing the office, but not my place to change anything IF she is coming back eventually.
This afternoon just doing stuff at home-- phone calls and such since Holiday is over.
Boo--- So sorry you are going thru all this.
Moomala- Doc appts today?? Let us know how they went.
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hello dear ones!
I am still here...just been taking lots of breaks from the internets lately...and (confession) I have been more active on social media like FB and IG...trying to promote my two businesses.
Wishing a HAPPY NEW YEAR to all!!!!!!!!!!!!
Life is going well - very pooped from an insane amount of holiday activities but all good things.
Still awaiting an approval for a Petscan...My MO doesn't think that having a short window of waiting time is a huge deal...it has been a little over 2 weeks now and still waiting...trying to remain calm and patient and trust in the process and trust in my MO and recognize that the holidays may have slowed the process down. Scary to think that I may be having progression and it is not getting treated but I am taking deep breathes.
Have other had the experience of a long wait time for insurance approval of a Pet? They sent me a letter dated back from 12/18/2019 saying that the "Approval for a petscan has been COMPLETELY DENIED..." in bold black lettering. Yikes! Geesh! Whats the deal?
hugs and love to all!
Philly
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Philly that denial letter is scary. I hope it’s gets resolved soon.
What’s the business that you’re promoting?
Tany
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Hi Tanya - it is scary!
I am trying to stay calm. Insurance is so annoying! The confusion is around that my MRI and Bone scan both show progression and the CT scan doesn't. So we are hoping for a Pet scan to be able to clear up the confusion. the MRI shows possible bone marrow involvement and a few new spots lighting up that weren't before as well as a messy area in the lumbar spine and the bone scan confirms those findings. But yup, that darn CT scan is throwing us all for such a loop!
So my businesses
I am an acupuncturist - here is my website if you'd like to check me out! https://levintherapeutics.com/ I have been in practice as an acupuncturist and Chinese herbalist and integrative nutritionist for 4 years now and as a shiatsu massage therapist for 13 years now! I can't really believe it myself.
On the side, I have a fun and light-hearted business called Sparkle Hair. I weave/tie beautiful sparkles of light (like fairy hair) into peoples hair. Here is my instagram/FB page if you'd like to have a look (it needs some work, hence my spending more time on the internets lately...because I am trying to be better at self-promotion)...https://www.instagram.com/sparklehair999/
I love what I do and I very very grateful that both are successful! I feel very very lucky!!!!
Love
Philly
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All,
Thank you so much for your knowledge and wisdom with regard to alcoholism. Hubby called a place near us, and he got an appt. with a counselor right away. I was shocked that he actually followed through. (I come from a long line of family alcoholics, so I did not expect that he would act so quickly.) I know there’s a long, tough road ahead, but I am excited to see what life holds for us without alcohol. Thank you for your kindness and support Moomala, Scott, Tanya, Candy, Santa, and Mel (I hope I didn’t miss anyone). I cannot express how much I appreciate all of you.
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Philly, please please ask your doctor to push for you to get that PET scan... my husband has metastatic cancer and I’m constantly having to advocate for him (he is also due for a PET scan this month and they said they would schedule it last month. Tomorrow I will call to get the ball rolling.) I’m going to check out your intriguing businesses now!! I’m impressed with anyone who can run their own business!!!!
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Thank you April for your insight. I have heard so much conflicting info around the Petscan. There is this one woman on a FB group who was declared as having MBC 15 years ago and is now NED. She has never had a Petscan and she (and others) seem to be of the mind that we don't really need them...it is so confusing to me, the differing scans and why some show some things while others don't. If I don't hear anything by Monday I will call. Thank you!
Booboo - so glad you hubby is checking himself in. Its a long and arduous road, but it is also incredibly beautiful and spiritual to get sober. I hope he finds it to be so. I got sober when I was 22 years old and a wild partying machine. I almost died many times from drugs and alcohol overuse. I went to rehab and was in the programs (AA and NA) for a long time. I love sobriety, and I love the program (even though I am also not religious)...the emotional/spiritual work is the best and ANYONE (addict or not) can benefit from working those steps! It works if you work it! Hugs as you embark on this journey...
xoxo
Philly
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Praise the Lord.
Booboo1. I am so happy for you both that your husband made the call. There is hope. As an alcoholic, it brings me to joyful tears when someone takes the action to get sober.
He can and will, if we let Him!
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Hello peeps! It so nice to ,go on and see all of the people supporting each other. I ,love it. Scott, great points made for our BooBoo. I'm so pleased he chose to act on his words. So important. I'm happy because as was said, 33 years doesn't grow on trees. Hugs BooBoo!
I'm hoping for us all that we can have a good year of uneventful health issues. It just gets exhausting. They don't call it a battle for nothing. I love you all. I love our little living room where we all know we have the best at heart for us all. You're all amazing people. I'm honored to share my second home with you all here.
Happy New Year 🎊🎆🎈 best to everyone,,!
Hugs to Philly! Good to see you hon
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Laurie, I am so glad your husband is checking in to take care of his addiction. Sending strength your way.
I did enjoy myself at the movie with my friend and she really enjoyed it as well.
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Got a call from a couple I know this afternoon. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She is in that state of panic and disbelief that we all know. Her head is spinning and she has decisions to make. I talked with her, told her my 'story' and then advised her to log onto BC.ORG to read the opinions and experiences of tens of thousands of other women. I said every topic, every fear, every treatment, every choice is shared there. It is a wealth of information that she needs to tap into.
And then I remembered. Ah, she's blind. She can't read a book or recognize a face. Here she is, like all of us, a breast cancer patient, but the resource of BCORG is not available to her. Because she can't see.She said she would get her husband to read to her, but it's not just the reading. I spent literally months glued to this screen reading and skimming over topics and posts, searching for what I wanted to know. Sometimes you don't know what you're even looking for until you come across it by chance, especially in the beginning, when you are learning your way around the site. Can she expect her husband to sit for hours beside her reading bits and pieces out loud looking for the one that might be of interest to her? That is not workable. It would work if she knew where to direct him but even learning that takes time and searching around.
Is there some Siri type app available at BCORG that can read the posts to someone? I felt so stupid sending a blind woman to a website. Yet this site is exactly what she needs.
Feeling sick for her, horrified at what she is going through and sad that she is on the outside looking in. Ugh.
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