My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Scott, I think for now, unless the alternative treatment talk is stressing you or your wife out, I would simply let MIL talk it out. She is trying to deal with her stress as well and sometimes talking about different treatments may help her stress level. In the event it is causing distress to you or your wife, you can gently tell her that you will follow treatments as they come up.
Having said that, I am a believer in both a complementary and conventional treatment plan. I do research things that may help me along with the drug I am put on to minimize side effects etc.
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So, I am starting to think about wanting to get a small job on the weekends because I just find that trying to fill my time is hard to do. I am on a fixed income with some money put aside from my house sale. I would like to have a little money coming in. The only thing standing in my way is what do I say about my illness. I have been off work since 2016, used to do customer service calls from home for a cell phone carrier. Horribly stressful. I grabbed an application at a little grocery store near my place because I thought a little grocery store job would be good for me.
Does anyone who is working or who has been able to get a job after Stage IV have any advice as far as reentering the job market with cancer and how much do you tell an employer.
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Mara~ you're amazing. I'm impressed with your energy and drive. Youre pretty damn wonderful
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Scott the ladies here have given you good advice I think....basically allow MI her say but gently steer in the direction you need. This is Shelley's thing and it's really up to her what she wants, with your's and her parent's support and guidance hopefully.
My MI had to be told quite frankly by me, not my DH - her son, what's appropriate. Basically she attempted what we considered to be a bullying approach, which is her normal MO, along with constant stories of other people's cancer 'journey's' for want of a better word. We nipped this pretty quickly and have been fine since....but I'm only her DIL and not her daughter!
My own mother who was with me all the way through initial treatment 12 years ago, sadly and unexpectedly died in 2016. Miss her terribly... she was there to support, guide, advise and frankly drag me out of the black hole, but would never have presumed to influence my decisions or impose her will. That's what's most appreciated I think.
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Mel, thank you. I did look up how much I am allowed to earn on disability. Unfortunately, I would only be able to work about 8 hours per week before it would get clawed back so a job is out of the question. I think I will just make some money from the online sites I use now. Although disability does not pay much, it does cover me for drugs, dental and I believe I can get glasses amongst other things. Would be preferable to keep it. It is too bad but the province I live in changed the rules of how much you are allowed to earn starting just this year.
If I need to get something to do, volunteering will be the way to go. I will get my next scans done first and look into that. No point trying anything until I have another clean scan.
On an unrelated note, I actually concocted a delicious dinner for myself. Shocking because I am in no way a cook. Threw together cooked liver, a cooked hamburger, spinach and black beans. I ground everything up in my little chopper. Put it on a plate. Used queso cheese and tortilla chips. I was worried about the taste because the liver smelled GROSS but when I combined everything, it was delicious. I felt so proud of myself. I am not adventurous when it comes to eating so this was stepping out of my comfort zone. Yay! I also had a lovely lunch out with my DB and SIL. It was good too.
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Hi Karen, hope all is well! Good to see you!
Mara, I'm sorry darlin. I wish it were more for you..good job on your yummy meal
Moomala~ How are you feeling? Hi Simone. Hi Tanya! Hi Lainie!
Candy~ I get the chills weekly like that. Happens all the time! I'm starting month #40! Nothing I do helps. Just have to wait it out.......
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when I get a chill I love to take a hot shower and get cozy under the blankets. I am usually hot flashing like cray like 95% of the day but when I am tired and hungry, my Qi is low and I get chilly.
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Good for you Mara! I can’t do liver (it’s actually not allowed to be cooked in my house) but I do enjoy a good meal. When I’m not cooking the foods I know well, I order Hello Fresh boxes in an effort to try different foods and cooking methods. Here are some of my favorites 😋
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<<<<<officially hungry. Very hungry. Well done Mae. I've always wanted to try hello fresh. Is it of great expense?
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Those definitely look good Mae, we have Hello Fresh here too. I will have to look into that for sure.
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Illimae- I might have to look into Hello Fresh, too. Great food pics.
Got my Christmas tree put away today along with the other Christmas decorations. Felt like I had accomplished something!
Expect to get a phone call with date for next MRI tomorrow and hopefully will get a start date for rads. Ready to fight. Just need a plan.
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Hello all. Just wanted to say hi to everyone. I read all the time, post less often. Mel there is such a mix of highs and lows in your living room, joy and sadness. And through it all Mae keeps eating! Gotta love her! Hugs all around.
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So, I tried hello fresh because I got an $80 coupon, $20 off per week for 4 weeks. I ordered 3 meals for two people and it was about $40 after the discount. I quickly found that each dinner could easily feed 3 instead of two, so one box lasted me at least a week, often dinner with leftovers for lunch. I like a good deal but the best part was the taste. They come with recipe cards, so I remake my favs on my own.
The service for the MBC friend was yesterday, nice but very sad, followed by a couple hours at home, then off to DH’s friends 50th birthday party. Today we had friends from out of town over for dinner and tomorrow is back to the gym. Nothing else planned for the next couple weeks unless that new MRI gets scheduled soon, I’ll be on the lookout for it.
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Mae, I am sorry about your friend. Happy Birthday to your DH and will be in your pocket whenever your MRI is scheduled.
Nothing much for me on the agenda. Am waiting for amazon to deliver a couple of things and riding my stationary bike in between. Decided I need to use it just as much as my treadmill. Did some wrist exercises for some carpal tunnel plus a gentle TENS treatment on them. My fingers have been triggered in the past so need to do my best to avoid it getting worse. I have braces etc that help. I also stretch and gently massage and exercise fingers.
I have also decided to put a call into my disability case manager to find out rules for working directly. As mentioned earlier the rules changed in my province thanks to my stupid provincial government trying to get people on disability back to work. If I can earn a reasonable amount, I would start small at the little grcery store nearby. I would just like to beef up my income a little bit. Might as well ask the person who would know.
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Guess I must be a lawbreaker at heart because I was thinking that you could also be paid cash for certain work.... like babysitting or per sitting...? Pet sitting can be really well paid.... plus you get out for a walk!
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Those are good suggestions. I will keep the pet sitting in mind for sure. Thanks for the ideas santabarbarian.
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Mara this is exactly why I chose to go with my SSI instead of disability. I am allowed to make more money on SSI. Disability was a bit more limited. The amounts for SSI and SSDI were similar so I went ahead and did retirement SS.
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Moomala, I heard back from my disability case manager and my government has not put changes in place yet. We don't have SSI here. I could work a couple of days a week on what I am allowed to make so if scans are good, I can move ahead with a little job on the weekends which makes me happy. If I go over here and there, I don't lose all benefits, I just don't get odsp. It should work out. If I somehow lived to 65, I would receive old age pension plus an income supplement. A little job would be more than enough to cover me. I have a small rent and don't pay utilities so that helps quite a bit.
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Mara - I second the pet sitting suggestion (for cash). The semi-retired lady who looks after our two has a roster of clients in her area and there are more than a few people who need someone last minute who they KNOW is always around. Alternatively, house sitting to pick up mail/water plants and turn lights on and off wouldn't be a bad idea either. You can manage how many folks you want to take on at any one time, and its cash in hand with no real set hours. Either way - good job for exploring this as well!
After feeling so tired and heavy yesterday, today at lunch I banged out my first short circuit (short lap 'around the block' sort of a thing) without using crutches. I mean I held them in my hand but I moseyed along like always with no leg stiffening, shuffling, pain or pelvic weakness. Took about 4 minutes, and after that I did another 20 minutes long and short circuits with one/two crutches. Worked for a bit and then decided I was in good enough shape/strength to go to the store to get chicken and chorizo to make stew for dinner. Crutch crutch crutch, shop, crutch crutch crutch home but its definitely, definitely getting there. One of the local bus drivers (my route to the hospital) recognized me and honked and hollered if I needed a ride, but I was going home past the bus stop where he was waiting. Still - it was nice to know they are looking out for me
Mel - if you need a hobby, give wool felting a try. I was so bored I got a couple of kits and its been a bunch of fun and fairly rewarding. It is also something you can pick up and put away easily, with low mess and fuss, and the outputs are pretty small. I love fiber and textiles working, but I have zero patience for knitting or quilting - this seems to have stuck!
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Thank you for the suggestions Sondra. I will keep those in mind for sure. Also, good job on all the activity. It would certainly have to feel good doing all of that. Good for you.
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Runor~ lol at you ,Mae still eating. And partying, I thought the same thing and smiled. That’s why I want to live through her. Vicariously!! She sure does have a flare for life. But so do you my friend.
miss you around.Hello dodgersgirl! Hope all,is well. For you. Will be available for, pocket duty at call for,Mae and you both!
Mara~I would love the pet sitting idea, except for,It would have to be limited to smaller dogs. I’ve already been taken out by a large dog during a walk in my neighborhood with my own dogs. Bruised my pelvis and ribs. KO! Be careful. That’s my first thought! They must be walked, unless you have a fence. Then that’s different. But dogs are tough around. Other dogs. That’s a scary thing to go through. I was very injured for 6 months. Barely could walk. Hit my head on the stop sign and was blanked out. Dogs are, strong!! Be safe if you choose that!Santabarbarian~Hello to you too,, nice to see you.
Moomala~ hope you and BooBoo feel better!,!
Sondra~A big hello to you as well. Been so dreary here I have no interest in anything. I slept all afternoon. I guess I needed it, I don’t like to be in bed too much. Bothers me. .
Philly~ Hello there to you lovely.
Tanya ☺️🥰~ you doing ok?
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Micmel— taking you up on picket duty for tomorrow morning. Got the call this morning that insurance has approved an MRI to the pelvic region and due to a cancellation, I am scheduled for MRItomorrow morning. NPO after midnight. No pain meds before MRI. Pocket duty will surely take my mind off that hard table under my back.
Good news — I have a start date for rads so soon maybe my T8 vertebrae will calm down.
Starting tomorrow, I have at least 1 and some days 2 medical appointments for everyday over the next 13 days (excluding weekends) it means moving forward and starting a plan of attack. I feel better already
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I am glad things are starting to come together for you Dodgersgirl.
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Things in my world have changed dramatically for the better! Hubby followed through and is seeing a drug and alcohol counselor. He’s doing outpatient therapy, so I’m hoping that will be enough to help him. He really connected with his counselor and has not had a drink in over a week. PTL. He opened up a bit and told me the counselor said with all he’s been through (my diagnosis, his job loss, our move to FL, his DUI, etc.), he’s surprised my hubby isn’t worse. He said because he’s stuffed his emotions and can’t seem to verbalize his needs, he’s using alcohol to dull the pain. He’s got ways to go to understand and put into practice the tools for recovery, but he is getting some excellent help.
I feel a bit guilty. I have not really stopped to consider what he’s been going through. This disease has made me a bit selfish, so I’m learning along with him.
I am one week away from meeting my new MO. I can’t wait. I am in a good bit of pain. I know the mets are growing because they are pressing on the nerves in my back. I am almost over the pneumonia, although I still have lingering head colds. But I can handle all of this...nothing is too bad.
I’ll report for pocket duty to whoever needs it.
God bless you all. Don’t know what I would do without you.
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I am glad things are starting to come together for you Dodgersgirl.
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Booboo, it sounds like you’re a really good hearted person going through some difficult times with MBC issues and your DH’s issues at the same time. His willingness to try to fix his problems to keep your marriage is a testament to how special you are to him. I’m not surprised that your cancer and your pain have ruled your head recently, how could it not? Hopefully the therapist continues to help your DH to see the bigger picture and to empower him over alcohol.
Dodgersgirl, so glad things are finally starting to happen for your treatment. Doing something feels so much better than waiting.
Mel, omg that dog incident sounds awful! And what a long recovery for you 🙁.
Mara, I hope you’re able to get a small job. It’s a perfect way to make some extra money and give you a bit more activity out of the house. You’re very logical!
Sondra, Good for you getting out for that pretty long walk. It’s a nice accomplishment considering all your walking difficulties previously. Keep on doing as much as you can.
I could use some pocket support on Thursday. I’ll be having an mri to look at my liver mets. I’ve only had CTs since my dx about a year ago (mri then) so it will be interesting to see what shows up. IR ( not sure of her title) appt next week to discuss possible local treatment depending on mri and possible rads after lumpectomy. I have no idea if more treatment is worth doing
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Dodgers girl I’m on pocket duty with you this morning. Blueberry lemon 🍋 muffins.
Rosie I’ll be with you Thursday and will have to concoct some snack ul licious ness.
Booboo so happy your marriage is getting some help. You guys truly have love between you. Take care and good luck with new MO next week.
Waving at everyone
Tanya
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Morning all.
Doing monthly blood work this morning--check those white cells to see if I can start cycle 26 of Ibrance tomorrow. Yeah my cycles begin on a Wednesday--weird, but hey ok. Do labs on Tuesday and doc in office to read results.
Mara- I think a small job to give you something to do is a good idea. I volunteer, first at food pantry last summer, then now at the church. I like the idea of volunteering because I want flexibility that being an employee wouldn't give me. The extra money would be nice, I am not wealthy. But the flexibility is more important right now. I hope you find the right thing for you.
DodgersGirl- In your pocket for the MRI and yeah the schedule for the next couple of weeks sounds rough, at least things are moving, right.
Boo- Happy for you and DH. Prayers that things will get, and stay, good.
Rosie- Pocket duty Thurs with M&M's.
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Dodgersgirl, sorry, I’m def on pocket duty for you tomw! Although I’ll be waiting outside the machine since I’m in the next day, too much noise.
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I am thinking about volunteering. I have scans for my neck down this Friday. If I am still clear, I will look into volunteering first. Have to start small, have not had something scheduled except appointments for a long time. Would probably want to volunteer at my cancer centre since I know it well after 5 years now. I like to help people, whether they just need a chat, or a cookie in chemo or just a smile and an ear. That only asks 3 hours a week which would be a good start for me.
I just got home, little happy with myself. Found a pet store within one bus ride but with about 15 mins of fairly steep hills and valleys. Went in, got some cat food then got groceries, put them in my knapsack and walked back to the bus stop with all that stuff. It was hard but feels good having done it. I don't usually push myself physically but decided I needed to do this. My cats will be happy too because it is a better brand they used to get.
I am doing pocket duty for dodgersgirl as well. I brought warm cinnibons for anyone who wants them and coffee and tea with milk, sugar and creamer. Hugs to everyone here.
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