My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Hi Shetland,
So good to see you. You captured EXACTLY what I do every day....lots of things on the list, but not much getting done. I like the idea of patting yourself on the back for the things you do get done. Puts a positive spin on it!
Another beautiful day in FL. I am SO glad I moved here (even though I never got to meet my Mel!). There is something very soothing about palm trees. I’ve always loved them. I can sit and watch them every morning from my chair....coffee and palm trees. Ah, I am grateful today. Most grateful for all of my MBC sisters.
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Shetland Pony, I often set grand goals for myself too and find that I may not get them met. That is OK with me. Laundry is never an issue as for some reason it is my favourite house chore. I find excuses to do laundry. Getting some exercise can be a chore because before I start it, I think oh I do not want to. I will do it today as I need some groceries. That is approx a 30 minute walk there and back. Don't need much but need cheese and milk at least.
I also cancelled the portable washer that attaches to a bucket. I decided I don't need it while mine is working, was a silly purchase. Better to get cat food and litter and stop buying stupid stuff at amazon.
Hope everyone has a good day.
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I do the same thing, set high expectations for myself and I end up doing a mere Fraction of them. Most days the fatigue is bothersome and I feel sludgyand like I drag myself just to stay awake for any reason. I would love to be able To put cancer on the rear view mirror. With corona. I don’t want to be holed up in my house all spring and summer. I turn 50 on Memorial Day. This will be my Excuse to ignore it. I am Happy to see 50 for sure because when I was diagnosed they told me three years to live. I don’t want 50 more. But I’d like at least 30 more to love my DH. And see my kids and not yet born grandkids grow. That’s all I could ask for.
I’m going to ask For a pool like maes. For my Birthday, my dh won’t be able To say no. But..... have pool people suddenly show up. Like my crazy son and his friends I wouldn’t mind my daughter or chiefs momma. I’d hang with them. It might be nice. Mind is thinking. What do they even go For ? Looks big.
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It is nice and sunny today so I did make it out to the grocery store and am amazed I stuck to my list with the exception of a small chocolate bar. Have stopped buying the big ones as I am not disciplined enough not to eat the whole thing. The walk was nice, not liking the bees (frightened of them not allergic)though but got through it. No lineup to get in which was nice. Will probably walk after lunch as I am quite bored now and it is supposed to rain the rest of the week, though I will probably walk those days too. Need some fresh air as when it is hot, less time will be spent outdoors except when I have to go out to appointments or groceries.
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ShetlandPony and BooBoo1– thanks for your posts. I feel so much better reading I am not the only person who starts the day with a mental list of things I want to accomplish but MBC pains and SE keep me from daily completing my mental list. I do feel great success for the tasks I do complete but sad by the items I no longer have the ability to do. And, I have learned that some tasks require a break during the task
I do start each day with a mental list of things I want to get done (like laundry or paying bills or vacuum, etc) and work to complete my list. I have learned my new norm means shorter lists. Shorter lists means more successes!!
Mel— I, too, would love a pool like Illimae. Imagine floating on a raft, relaxing during the summer!!
Mara51506– wish I had your energy for all the walks you take. I used to walk 6 miles a day but back and hip pain makes walking from backyard to front yard a challenge some days.
Illimae— fishing in your pool.... so funny!
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Dodgersgirl, I use mind over matter to get my butt moving and today is lovely so it was easy. Only been to the grocery store so far. Probably going to walk again as well because this week is crappy. I also am not dealing with pain. I don't think my energy level is so great, but I am stubborn with myself. I also am not a fast walker, I take my time and when I walk on the treadmill, I tend to go slow. Not a brisk walker at all.
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FYI, I ordered it online from target for $162.
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Hi to all.
I'm feeling really down today because my latest blood work (last Wednesday) showed my tumor markers up again -- 4th month in a row. I was supposed to scan again in June, but my MO now says I should scan before my late May appointment because of the uptick. There is just no joy in this disease, is there? I had stable scans in late February (CT) and early March (abdominal MRI) but clearly there is something going on that those scans didn't pick up. If I had to guess, I'd guess that it's something with my bones, because those results have been ambivalent at best since last fall. And lobular disease, which I have, displays very differently on scans than ductal. Just feel like crying right now, and feeling like I can't get my head above water.
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, but I know that you all will understand.
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BevJen~Of course we would. This disease doesn't even deserve a name. Everything is a challenge and our emotional strain is ridiculous. It's a game NONE of us ever wanted to play. I am sending you hugs. And hoping it's just inflammation. Hugging you gently.!!!!
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Wow, so many of us have similar experience with goals and expectations. I do find it best to focus on what I do get done, rather than what I don't. And take breaks. And I acknowledge that it is unfair that I can't do what I ought to be able to do, but I try not to stay there. If I had to sum up the stage iv daily life, the word would be adapt, adapt, adapt. I had one of my little fevers yesterday, so I did not get the kitchen ready for grocery processing, so this morning was a little crazy. DH stepped in to help then went and picked up the order. I wiped everything I could with bleach water, took a break to eat, and next I have to wash the produce in soapy water. It's tiring. You know what else is tiring? Extra cat care stuff like giving meds, cleaning up, special feedings, calls to the vet. My kitties are getting old. I try to be patient. As if I didn't have a hard enough time. Some evenings I run on fumes and love.
Booboo, I'm enjoying the image of the palm trees. The more I seek out these kind of moments, the better I feel. I'm gonna go out and check on that rose bush...
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Shetland~I can relate completely about the care for an older pet. I have two Dogs, one is 11 who thinks he's still a puppy. And old man who we really aren't sure of his age We know he's old. His back legs are failing and he needs help getting up any steps. We use a sling and become his back legs. But it's exhausting. Slow eater.... reacts slowly to everything. Can't be left alone too long. Is fragile. Weak and grey. It's difficult when dh is gone during the weeks and I'm all alone It wears me out. I love both dogs but , I won't be getting anymore animals.
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BevJen sorry about tumor marker news. Sucks badly-those feelings fear and speculation. Deep sigh.
Booboo yes I love Fl weather too. Especially in isolation. I walk in the back yard and putt around my gardens and little starter plants. I planted and replanted yesterday so today-watering and plant food.
mel and booboo I love walking around home goods too and miss it!Mae your DH and I have the same float lol. The pool is a bargain for 162.
Shetland I dread all this washing and spraying stuff.Mel thanks for sharing the info about Philly. Have you heard anymore about Gumdoctor?
Dodgers my list doesn’t include all the sitting down between tasks.
Waving hello to everyone.
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BevJen- So sorry to hear they are moving up your scans based on your rising TM's. Praying for you. Hugging you from here.
Tanya- Any news on your scans?
Like BevJen posted, sorry I am a Debbie Downer tonight. Had a crappy day. And I feel like crying too. I don't know, just very aware of the cancer today. Started out the day with my MO phone call visit. "How are you doing?" "We will schedule your next CT for the month of May and will call you with the results". The call/visit lasted a whole whopping 7 minutes (looked at timer on phone as hanging up). $200 for 7 minutes, whoopie. Then went to the office for my labs and injections. Temp check as I went in the door. Waited in waiting room for 10 minutes or so, but only me and 2 other ladies. But then went into the infusion center----full of patients in their chairs getting chemo. MAYBE 6 feet apart. Took longer today. Port wouldn't give blood, so they had to draw from arm. Then instilled the clot buster in the Port to clear it. Had to wait 30 minutes for that to do its job. Then had to wait on lab results to check calcium level before getting Xgeva injection. I really felt like a cancer patient today. The staff asked if I wanted a blanket as it was cool in there. I declined and covered up with my sweater I brought. Sitting there surrounded by chemo, and hearing the IV pumps beeping. I thought "I don't want this". God, I want my old life back.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.
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Tanya~I lastheard that her husband brought her home for hospice care. She’s at home now as far as I’ve been able To tell. The liver mets thread is where Grannax is in touch with her DH.
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Candy~ My port gets persnickety as well, annoying is the word. I am
Sorry you’re sad today. I’m sending gentle hugs.
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BevJen, I'm sorry to hear about your increasing tumor markers. My MO doesn't run them but I imagine it can make anyone crazy to wait for that report every month. I definitely know the feeling of always wondering when the shoe's going to drop. Hopefully it helps some to know all of us here understand what you're dealing with. Please let us know when you get scheduled for the scan.Mae, Great pool! Glad you're enjoying it.
Sondra, Hope your move goes well. That's great timing that you've been feeling so good with all the work that moving is.
Mel, You are so sweet with your older dog. I know they're family but the challenges show your family is so caring.
Booboo, Florida sounds perfect right now. We have several days of rain coming, maybe hitting the 60s!?.
I go out for a walk when the weather cooperates but that's about all I do for exercise now. We took a short drive to see an eagle on a nest with new hatchlings. It took binoculars to see much but it was spectacular. DH got some great pics with his camera and a long lens. You may be able make out the chick's heads. We also went to a heron rookery in a local park. They're not birds you usually see in trees (maybe I'm wrong?) but they're getting ready for the young to hatch.
Saying hello to everyone!
Trying to figure out why no pics. 🙁
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Re caring for older pets, I can see that you have an added challenge, Mel, physically assisting your old doggie who is not a small little guy.
Candy, we can relate. I bet you have also looked around and thought, “I am too young to be here.” That used to strike me at my first (early stage) support group so often. Tomorrow will be a better day.
BevJen, please don’t think I was ignoring your post. It shows up before mine now, but oddly did not appear until long after we both posted. Anyway, I am sending you hugs. Seeing rising TMs and trying to figure out what is going on deserves some tears. Tell by our onc what your intuition is saying. I hope your onc will fight for a PET scan.
Yeah, Tanya. DH and I divided the labor, so I disinfect the groceries, and DH sprays the mail and deliveries, taking boxes directly to the trash. Like we need things added to our plate, right?
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candy I’ll be at Onc appt and hopefully get my blood drawn port flushed shots and results. About 6 months ago the Onc office started separating ibrance shot ladies from IV chemo. I don’t go in chemo room unless I get a zometa infusion. I don’t miss the scary room. It makes me nauseous just to write to you about it now. Memories- PTSD - triggers
Tanya
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I don't miss the mean scary room Either Tanya... the smells get to me. My port I call my third eye . I've had old faithful for 3.8years now. I need her to Run perfect I have no Veins! Destroyed. AC/red devil. Took care of that. Absolute PTSD
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My port is still running after 5 years. I have never had a break from the chemo suite since Herceptin is still infusion for me. I am waiting for when canada gets the injectible Herceptin. I don't mind chemo suite since I don't get drugs that make me super sick or weak. The Herceptin does stink while flushing out of system when in washroom but overall, I get REALLY hungry post infusion, no idea why. I used to have the sick feeling when on AC and did not last on Taxol due to allergic reaction and my refusal to risk anymore reactions. Other departments in hospital for CT and MRI scans need my port accessed or they cannot do it and I refuse to allow it to go through my hand or my right arm due to lymphadema risk.
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Just posted on Liver Met Thread---
8 minutes ago Grannax2 wrote:
Our strong friend Gumdoctor passed away last night at 10:30. Her husband just texted. He said he and one of her sisters were with her when she passed. As far as I know, they did not have any children. I think she had two sisters and two SIL.
Fly Away Home, Gumdoctor💞
May she rest in peace.
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Gum doctor Rest In Peace thanks Grannax
Tanya
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Rest in peace, gumdoctor.
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This news is so gut wrenching. I am so very sorry to hear it. I’m glad she is now in peace withno more pain. She will be greatly missed.
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Tears for gumdoctor and family. Rest in Peace.
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Rest in peace Gumdoctor, free of pain at last.
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Not great news to wake up to after my nap. I’m crushed to read this. I’ll miss her flower pictures always trying to cheer someone up. I feel gut kicked. She will always be our strong gumdoctor. Fly with Patty, Dianarose,Gracie, Lita,Keetmom,Zarovka. They will show you the ropes! They are waiting to show you things. Free fromCancer
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We knew this was coming, but its still tough to read. She's been in my thoughts through the last few days, and I hope she and her loved ones all find their own peace in time.
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rest in peace gumdoctor
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always love to see you stillivin. Warms my heart to see you post. Strong hugs! My friend. Hello to pots! As well!
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