My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Candy, I just had a zoom appointment with MO on Tues, and she said she’ll call me with the biopsy results. I did see them on my portal today so the call would be more to hear her plan than the results. I think she’ll want to wait for the Foundation One results to hopefully give more info. She said it’s usually 2-3 weeks for those. It just seems strange to continue on with meds for ER+ now that I’m now ER-. I wouldn’t be opposed to a week or so with no meds, as I’m reading triple neg is pretty much “real chemo” like taxotere or Abraxane. I have to learn more about antibody drug conjugates. Thanks.
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kikomoon, I sent you a PM
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mae: you are a powerhouse. I pat myself on the back for being a pretty decent interior house painter but it stops there, My DH is not a handyman so as Old Farts we prefer to hire a pro. Brava, Mae
Rosie: I hope you start to have less pain and get an appetite back.
Katyblu: You are still relatively new to MBC so anxiety is still high. I wish I could say it will totally go away but I haven't found that. It does get better. I am sorry for your loss of your step grandfather. It is a sad time for you.
The loss of Rabbit was a shock. Too soon. Too young.
I wasn't sure whether to post this here or in "A Place To Talk About Death and Dying" . I had a weird dream just before I woke up this a.m.. I was in a room planning my cremation. I told the woman I was MBC and okay today but who knows what tomorrow might bring so i wanted the stuff done in advance. She gave me all these weird questionnaires to fill out and we had a heated discussion about Freud and Jung and I was arguing in favor of Jung and said Freud was too hung up on Oedipus complexes and women's sexual fantasies. I think it was what is called a "current event" dream. We had lost Rabbit and Freud and Jung were in the last episode of The Murdoch Mysteries. I told my DH I dreamt about cremation plans and he freaked out until I told him about Freud and Jung as well.
Still pouring here. I hope the snow never comes back but stays on the mountains, makes the skiers happy and ensures we have lots of snow melt for the reservoirs come summer.
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Kikomoon - I'm sorry to hear that news. I'm glad you have some options. I hate this disease too. The longer I live with it the more I try to focus on living life as normally as possible. This thread helps me feel connected to others who share similar struggles. Hugs to you.
What a weird couple of days. Yesterday I was sitting working on my laptop and the tower fan I have in the corner of the room randomly came on. The remote for it is in the drawer of the coffee table so I have no idea. Maybe a power surge? I have a local trail near me that is a reasonably easy hike and usually pretty well traversed so it's not too creepy for me to go myself because there are typically plenty of people walking their dogs etc. It was taped off because they found skeletal remains! This is the second body that has been found on local trails in the last few months. I decided to walk around the neighborhood instead.
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Emac, I love true crime and ghost stories. Now I’m thoroughly creeped out and I love it, thank you!
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emac: yup, that is creepy. Periodically we get dogs on trails going into the bush and coming back with a thigh bone or some other remains. For a while we had a spate of right foot bones in a sneaker found on beaches. It was always a right foot and always in a sneaker and far as I know they have never found why/who.
It is actually really sunny and quite warm right now. I went out and did some local shopping on the High Street a block from my place. I walk along the residential streets until I need to make a left to hit the shops. That way I can carry my mask and be maskless for a few minutes. Real air not filtered.
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Elderberry - Murdoch Mysteries? How extremely Canadian of you. Hope you survive the waiting. I think dreams are very telling. I believe dreams like the one you describe (how can you remember it so well?!) carry messages we need to heed. Of course sussing out what those messages might be is the trick.
Mae - is that traditional fiberglass or is the rock wool? I did a lot of things when we built our house but fiberglass was not one of them.Kikomoon, Rosie, thoughts to both of you.
Mel - stay safe! Make chicken soup while muttering incantations and doing a little shuffle / hop to bring in the good juju.
I am cooking beets in the crockpot and the sweet smell is filling the house and making me hungry. Hugs to all.0 -
Runor, it’s rock wool, fire is our primary concern up here. With a single 4x4 road, the winds on the ridge line and a very dry climate, we went with the extra expense of that and hardi plank siding.
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Rosie and Kikomoon, I am thinking of you both and wishing for a new potent treatment to knock back this sh*tty disease.
Thank you all for your condolences. I’m less than six months into this journey so I’m hoping my anxiety continues to decrease. I thought I was doing better, and I guess I am, but it still crops up. I tried to soothe it this time with ice cream, it worked for a little bit.
Chicogan - I’d love to do that trip now but we need to save up a bit for it and work on the logistics. Maybe next year rather than 2024. We do try to live life normally and do what we want though
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runor: sometimes dreams are messengers but sometimes they are just dreams. I have already written up where to go and such. Maybe I should be paying in advance now. I remember that one because I woke up during it -- in fact as I came to I thought "damn, I wanted to see where this went"
Yeah - I like a lot of CBC shows. "Pretty Hard Cases" is a favourite and happy to see it back for another season. .
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It sounds like everything is a waiting game. However, late this afternoon I had an upsetting call from a worker from my sons group home. I thought something had happened to my son. As it turns out another worker that was there from the first day we transitioned him to the group home is in hospital dying from cancer. Her name is Debbie and she had been off work for about 7 weeks due to pain in her leg. She would go to physio but she was feeling worse. It would appear she finally went back to the doctor and after tests found out she was full of cancer. Her daughter made it home from England where she lives. Debbie does not have long to live.
I have cried until I can't cry anymore. No telling her what she meant to us. No telling her we loved her and no thank you for being a second mom to our son. No goodbye.
What is worse? We have to continue to live a meaningful and thankful life.
Right now my heart is broken. Why is it the good ones are taken in such a cruel way?
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Oh, Deb, how heartbreaking. There is so much grief and sorrow right now.
(((hugs)))
Carol
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Living, I'm so sorry. Life is sometimes so unfair. All the things people are going through.
Elderberry and Emac, y'all have some creepy stuff going on there. We heard gunshots last night, 4 or 5 shots somewhere in the distance. We are in the heart of the city. I was saying my prayers at the time, big ass deep pre-result scan prayers, and it sounded like someone was knocking on the neighbors back door. Nope, DH said gunshots.
I'm so glad for all you ladies and all the stories, cancer related or not we can share. Because of you all and your suggestions, I did not have to struggle so much with the "big d" this go-round, which means I did not have to take immodium, which means my rear end has had a chance to heal. I took fiber thanks to emac, I cut back the green smoothies thanks to Illimae, and I shoved witch hazel where the sun don't shine while texting my friends, thanks to Runor. And I understand my medoptions thanks to Moth!
I can't remember my dreams anymore except last week i dreamt Kevin Bacon was my boss, Flatliners Kevin Bacon. I brought him reports in a red wagon.
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Kikomoon - reports in a red wagon?! That made me laugh outloud!
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LivingIVLife, I'm so sorry. There has been quite a bit of sadness these last few days. I can't imagine. I'm sorry you don't get to say goodbye and tell her what she meant to you.
Mae, love that you're getting so much done. I'm like another poster. The thread is moving so fast, I can't remember who. My husband and I are a comedy team when it comes to doing stuff together. Just imagine something from Ikea with pictures only and no instructions. I will tell him what he needs when, he will get frustrated, we will scream at each other, it gets done, and we go get dinner or something like nothing ever happened. Driving is another one. Whoever is driving, the other feels the need to let them know they're not driving well. More arguments. Lol. We are a lot alike. That's the problem.
I have a blood clotting disorder. All of my siblings have it too, except for one. My daughter also inherited it. I didn't know I had it when I was pregnant for her, so no shots after she was born. She knew, so she had to give herself shots after my grandson was born. The only way we found out we have it is because my oldest brother had two episodes where he had clots that went to his lungs. We were then told to test. Since Rabbit passed because of blood clots, I think to myself they may get me before the cancer does. I've been very fortunate to not have any episodes. I hope that continues.
I'm still going to enjoy each day. I think with how Rabbit described what was happening, it may be a way to tell there is something wrong. I will definitely keep an eye on headache situations. I'm having the best week with my grandson. He loves the country, and we are wearing him out daily. Lol.
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Living~I am so sorry to read your post, that's heart shattering.this disease is so cruel. Wrapping you in a hug.
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Living-I am sorry to hear about Debbie. Could you write her a note/letter that could be given or read to her? I would think it would be very meaningful for her to hear how important she was to your family. Recently a dear professor friend of mine died. I had no idea he was ill but in the last week of his life, his daughters went on FB. The many people he touched were able to write him messages and his daughters read them to him. It gave comfort to him and his wife to hear the impact he had had as he lived his final days. It felt good to me to be able to tell him how much I had appreciated his kindness while he was still alive to hear it.
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I just hate the thought of my Family and what it will do to mY kids. My DH is a strong man. He will keep it together because that's who he is. I know he will be greatly effected but he looks at things like that as a duty. Honoring one or another. When he is alone I don't know how it goes. I've seen several break downs. But sometimes I think he forgets I'm sick sick. I'm scanning in early March I fear progression just as we as know and have felt. Sometimes I still can't believe this is my life. It's like trauma every day.
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Kikomoon: can I say as a Canadian most of us don't even know what a gun shot sounds like? When a crazy attacked Parliament most of those within earshot didn't know what that sound was. The Sergeant At Arms had been in the police for for something like 25+ years before he become the SAA. In that time with the police he had never drawn his weapon until under the attack on Parliament. I guess I am happy to be on this side of the Border. Staff safe everyone!! A red wagon? Was it a Red Flyer? --- I think that was then name of the best wagon.
Crazy times!
.
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KBL, I had no idea it was a blood clot that took rabbit, so strange. Do you know if it was a known issue or related to meds or something? Either way it’s sad. Reminds me of jaycee49 who was recovering from WBR, then had an MS flare up or fitztwins who had so many years with stage IV but passed due to a fungal infection, if I recall correctly. You really never know.
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Mel, Even though you’ve been stable and NEd ( I think) for quite a while, I see how your head goes to wondering how long it will last. I truly hope it lasts forever for you, and you have many, many years until you die of old age. Knowing the reality of MBC does allow us to not be shocked at things that happen but it still causes anxiety and fear. You’re one of the best at telling it like it is. Cancer sucks and MBC really sucks!!!
I’ve noticed since my progression news that I’ve just enjoyed being home with DH and wanting it to keep on going. He isn’t very worried about my situation at this point, which is ok. I do all the reading and tell him small bits of info. He does know that losing my ER receptor isn’t good. I’m definitely worried about my path now. Trying to soak up all the happy times I can. (Sorry, didn’t mean to make this about me, but I get your sadness.)
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it's about us Rosie~. We are all in the shit stew. Together.
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mae: it is so hard to understand the "why". Why a blood clot? Why a fungal infection? why? why? why?
Rosie: Mel is so right. It is about all of us. Savour every moment with your DH.
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I know we don’t know each other in person. But I can honestly say that there have been times where I’ve laughed. Cried. Smiled. Understood and felt better from your ladies Sharing here. It’s a special thing out of a crappie thing.
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Thank you for your thoughts and hugs. I do love the suggestion of writing a letter to Debbie but at this point she is in a semi coma. I do know she can hear but I think I will write it and give it to her daughter somehow. We are not allowed in the hospital to visit because of covid.
Mel- you are right. This is a place where we can laugh, express our feelings and cry. We are all in this shit together.
Hugs to everyone.
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Mel- I completely agree! I've never met any of you but I feel like I know you all and look forward to sharing in your lives, the crappy stuff we all deal with and the weird and funny stuff too.
Elderberry- I'm fascinated about the fact that no one recognized the sound of a gunshot.
So far so good. No further electrical weirdness. Since they just found the remains the other day it's too early to tell anything about age or gender. The news isn't saying much right now. As far as I know they don't suspect foul play. The body they found a few months ago was buried in a shallow grave on a marijuana farm so that one is a little more suspicious. It's not too unheard of here to find hikers and hunters that succumb to the elements. That may be what happened.
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emac~that’s some wild television shit there! Scary. Why can’t people just leave others alone? Like our Mara and the murder trial. Like wow! Our society is failing
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emac: we are not a gun culture. Pretty much the only hand guns are in the hands of drug gangs and they kill each other. Assault weapons are banned. In fact the government added a bunch more of banned weapons. We had one mass shooting in NS that had the entire country reeling. The weapon came in from the USA. Illegally. Our Government declared The Proud Boys a domestic terrorist organization. I am ashamed to say the founder of that organization was a Canadian. I don't know if he changed his citizenship but I never want to see him back on this side unless it is prison.
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Mae, yes, she had blood clots in her brain. I wonder if they ever keep track of cancer patients who die with cancer but by some other anomaly. I am sure the cancer caused the clots or the fungus that Fitstwins had or the flare-up Jaycee had. It sucks because it gives little warning. I told my husband that I really don’t want to go that way, I want to die at home so I can say goodbye to everyone. I think they did let Nathan in to say good-bye. That’s what I thought I read. Still so sad
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