Buckle up ladies, Puketober is upon us
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This is such an interesting post to me...
When I was first diagnosed, stage two a few days after my 38th birthday, I was bombarded with pink. After my first and second lumpectomies, I received gift bags at the hospital filled with pink items. I had a patient navigator assigned to my case-there to walk with me through the maze of appointments. I never bought myself pink items/shirts etc. It felt so odd...like it linked me to a club that I didn't want to belong to. When I hit year five, I thought I was a survivor. I thought I had made it....up until that point, I just knew it was going to return. I exhaled at year five...silly me.
Now, I'm 45 and diagnosed stage IV and you know what...there are no pink filled gift bags. There are no parties or bell ringing celebrations. There definitely isn't a patient navigator assigned to my case helping me explore options, fight for a second opinion, or facilitating transportation to appointments. But when I got on a Delta flight a few days ago, the crew had traded their signature purple uniforms for pink. I teared up...I felt supported. They had no idea that I am currently undergoing treatment. But the simple gesture of wearing pink made me feel like I wasn't in this alone-I wasn't forgotten. I can hide my cancer well...I haven't lost my hair, I can draw my eyebrows on, I can throw up in mostly private places, and I can nap when I'm home. I share my diagnosis with whom I choose.
A few years ago, my son played high school football. The coach had me (and my mom ) share our stories with the boys before allowing them to wear pink on the field. Sharing personal "why's" and being the "who"... It was such a special experience/opportunity.
A mammogram didn't find either my or my mother's cancers. I found a perfectly round patch of cellulite, my first go-around. Back pain triggered scans for my second trip. My mom's bra started fitting her a little bit differently and she hadn't lost or gained weight. Each of our stories are unique. The significance of pink means something different to each of us. So, for those of us that hate pink, well, here's to puketober and for those of us that appreciate the pink, let's rock it!
Thank you to each of you that shares on these boards. You are a constant support to me!
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Any Canadians here? Have you seen the Breast Cancer research ad? The voice over has kNOw Breast Cancer. I think the choice of which way you hear it is deliberate. Okay, there's pinkish towel involved as a woman stands in front of a mirror and touches her upper chest. Man, woman and doctor in office looking frightened and sad. kNOw Breast cancer repeated. Then several images of women who have gone flat and have bright and beautiful tattoos on their chests. Yeah yeah it is a breast cancer awareness ad (the more we know about breast cancer...) but no rah rah rah save the ta-tas. Nope, there it was - HUGE scars and no ta-tas.
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That is one great football coach!
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mamadetres, I’m glad you felt supported on the Delta flight. And your son’s football coach, well I have to say that’s a nice surprise to hear that he used the wearing of pink gear as a teaching moment for the young players and reached them on a personal level asking you and your mom to speak.
50sgirl, I’m glad that you had an oncologist who told you from the start that you were not to blame for the breast cancer diagnosis.
I don’t feel as bombarded with Pinktober this year as in years past. Maybe I’m just traveling in different circles and not being as exposed to it. Dh and I mute a lot of stuff on tv which includes any commercial or news or talk show segments on bc awareness month (we mute all the Verzenio/Kisqual/Ibrance commercials too). I sure love that mute button!
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I've been noticing that too actually. All the pinktober stuff I've been seeing is in cancer groups! Not much elsewhere.0
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Shifting blame to the patient makes people feel better. It makes them feel like if they tick all the boxes, they're safe. It's a delusion that I'm sure I've had in the past.
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We were in the city last night at a show and I took a picture of one of the taller office buildings projecting pink ribbons on the LED screens or whatever it is on the top of the building.
This is is within easy view of a major teaching cancer hospital (my old one, in fact!)
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Sondra, that must have been pretty to see. There are actually some Pink-tober things I don't mind. That would be one of them.
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"Awareness? Yes please, make us all aware about breast cancer. It's important for women to check their breasts regularly, and get regular mammograms to ensure early detection. But what about men? After all, the disease is genderless."
https://www.survivingbreastcancer.org/post/pinktober-raising-awareness-or-just-pink-hoopla
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I did take a photo! Can we post pictures on here? I may have to figure out how to post from my phone tomorrow (en route to mammogram! haha)
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traveltext, AMEN to that! BC IS a genderless disease. Thank you for posting the link.
Carol
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Yes, you can post photos (just not bare breast photos) . In the box where you type your reply, look at the little tool bar on the top edge of the box. One icon looks like mountains . Click on that and it’s self explanatory after that.
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The Philadelphia Inquirer in its Sunday edition posted and article "A coach's message: Men get breast cancer, too on the front page. It was written by Wendy Ruderman and really gets the message out there that men develop breast cancer. It also mentions with the increase in obesity in men, there is an expectation that breast cancer in men will also be diagnosed more. There is a second article that discusses BRCA gene in men. The coach ended up having a bilateral mastectomy. Interesting article and not a pukeoctober message.
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And yes, here we are again - the vast majority doing the fundraising and deciding how it's done have never had breast cancer - but they will let us know what's appropriate and how this cancer should be portrayed. I've seen the usual - dressing up in pink, pink superheroes - like that's supposed to impress me or make me feel like they know what I've been through. They don't have a clue, and they don't want to know. "BBQ for Boobs" - Donald Trump would love that wouldn't he? Boobie pins, and people that work in a local doctor's surgery who have never been kind of supportive of me, all decked out in pink for the month with the usual ridiculous excuse - "Awareness". Awareness of what exactly? Boobs? Boobies? Pink? Anything but the reality of this ugly deadly cancer. Want to hear about the reality of this cancer? No of course they don't.
Hate this month. Hate all of it, like most of us. Funny how our voices are drowned out by women who've never had breast cancer - just know someone that did/has
What gets me the most is that the majority of women don't feel comfortable speaking up, as it's the feeling of being ungrateful. These people know this - don't criticize I'm helping - you must be negative.
I am grateful for help and support. I do think that raising money for research is good. However, it should be done respectfully. I'm not being negative, I'm speaking out about a serious subject, and trying to have my voice heard which I feel is warranted in terms of the hell I've been through and what I will endure now for the rest of my life!
I think it's time we stopped worrying about not seeming grateful and started to get this message across. We are, I am, but so many women remain silent - it's so sad that this nonsense abounds and squashes them down.
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The problem is also many of the women who had an early stage cancer, especially DCIS. I got into an argument the other day with someone in a non-MBC group who refused to understand why focusing on boobs was so gross. It didn't matter to her that so many people think the focus should be on saving the person. She just kept insisting that it wasn't a problem to talk about saving boobs. "Well, if we find a cure then people will get to keep their boobs too, right?" Ugh. Posts about pink clothing and fundraising walks get tons of interaction while posts about MBC get nothing. Nobody cares.
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Parakeetsrule - exactly. Women who've had a low grade, or DCIS are part of the problem in my opinion. If you don't have to worry about cancer having spread, you are ignorant of what someone with MBC goes through and has already endured. This being about "boobs" infuriates me, and I think it's incredibly sad that so many organisations raising money focus on that. Speak up - you're being negative and they don't care.
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I agree with most of you about the people who champion puketober have probably never experienced the cancer the way we have. My experience has been that women with lower stage bc are so wrapped up with getting rid of the cancer with diet, exercise, vitamin D, etc. In a few months, they are NED, but you will hear their bc story again and again afterward.
Being Stage 4 for so long, most people are used to it. No one asks about it and some have forgotten. Not that I want sad reactions or a cheering section, just some acknowledgement of what I'm dealing with..
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What are all of you considering "low grade"? Is it anything less than stage 4...is it stage 0-1? Just curious.
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wrenn. I'm pretty sure people all bc stages dont hate Pinktober. Quite often early stagers are caught up in the hoopla around the disease. All my Stage 4 friends hate the month because, for them, a cure is far away and you have charities sexualising and trivilializing this serious disease. I agree, men's cancers, such as testicular and prostate don't go big on the sexual issues. I see the difference on forums for my prostate and breast cancers.
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Nobody is saying it's a universal thing. We've just noticed that there's a gap between people who were early stages and Stage 4 when it comes to breast cancer awareness. I'm in groups for both and the difference is obvious. The non-MBC groups are primarily pink-waving fluffy tata stuff and the MBC groups are about puketober and wishing people would stop focusing on saving the boobs. There's some overlap. But not much. And like I was saying earlier, trying to share anything Stage 4 or recurrence related in a non-MBC group is basically a lost cause. Most don't want to hear it. They just want to focus on being "cured" and saving breasts.
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Got a new T shirt today and am seriously considering crashing some pink/komen events
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Amazing 😍. I would be happy to contribute to your bail money for causing a riot.
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Great one illimae.
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Awareness? Yes please, make us all aware about breast cancer. It's important for women to check their breasts regularly, and get regular mammograms to ensure early detection. But what about men? After all, the disease is genderless."
https://www.survivingbreastcancer.org/post/pinktober-raising-awareness-or-just-pink-hoopla
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Traveltext - I always appreciate your insightful contributions.
In the spirit of awareness, let's change "get regular mammograms to ensure early detection" to "...increase early detection." I'm sorry to say mammograms don't catch everything. Who knew? I've seen the assumption on this site, "She didn't get her annual mammogram (on time), so she was diagnosed de novo." It's very frustrating for someone whose de novo cancer wasn't caught on (an on-time) mammogram . And there are some who had to persistently advocate for themselves to get a dx.
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Mae….🤣
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Illimae count me in to contribute to the bail money! That is the best
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Wanted to mention today is metastatic bc awareness day. I don't post about cancer on social media except I always acknowledge October 13 with a meme, without explanation. I agree that women's bodies are objectified. We are supposed to want to “save our tatas" so we look appealing to men. Well, it's not about that. We have to change the patriarchal view that breast cancer is mainly about appearance. The focus should be on women living fully for themselves because they have so much to contribute, to experience, to live for. I hope the MeToo movement is helping society see that the hypersexualization of breast cancer is fundamentally disgusting. Sure, help women look their best but that is not the main goal. Women want to be seen beyond their physical appearance, that we are so much more than our female body parts, that our lives will not be trivialized and our self-worth is not wrapped up in being a pair of breasts.
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I hate all of the "Save the Ta Tas" and similar crap as well. I also feel that those of us that were diagnosed with breast cancer at less than stage 4 were told that once we reached a certain number of years of cancer free had really really low risks of it coming back. My recurrence as stage 4 was at 9.5 years after my initial stage 2B diagnosis. When I looked for MBC information after getting that diagnosis, I think it is 25% chance. Sorry but I think 25% is a pretty significant number!
I did not realize that today was MBC Awareness Day. Like divinemrsm, I don't post about my cancer on my social media and I would say that many of my friends that don't live near me don't even know that I am dealing with stage 4 cancer. If anyone has a good meme or information for MBC, please let me know so that I can pass that along as an informational post.
Here's the shirt that I got last year as a reminder for all that I have been through and continue to go through dealing with cancer and its's lasting damage. It doesn't mention cancer at all but the people that do know what I have dealt with heathwise think it is the perfect shirt for me. That is a model wearing the shirt as I don't have a picture of me in the shirt
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This is the thread that gets me through this month! I ordered this last year, will be wearing this to work this morning:
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