In Favor of Feminism: Share Your Views
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Divine, thank you, I needed the laugh this morning.
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Divine - I loved reading your posts today. thanks for making my day!
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Brilliant. I use Cover Girl and a shiv. I'm cheap. 😃
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I love that thread! Thank you for sharing!
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I'm posting this here though it intersects with several threads.
Just watched My name is Pauli Murray. "Overlooked by history, Pauli Murray was a legal trailblazer whose ideas influenced RBG's fight for gender equality and Thurgood Marshall's civil rights arguments. This is a portrait of their impact as a non-binary Black luminary: lawyer, activist, poet, and priest who transformed our world." Pauli used she/her pronouns and Negro as descriptors. She died in 1985 so we don't know her thoughts on evolving gender pronouns. Just because their name is not widely known does not make their life less extraordinary and influential.
Maybe some of you may already know of Pauli Murray and been influenced by that knowledge.
Pauli Murray College is a residential college for undergraduates of Yale College in New Haven, Connecticut. Welcome | Pauli Murray College (yale.edu)
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magiclight, thanks for the reminder about Pauli Murray. I saw something about it somewhere earlier, then forgot. I plan to watch it this week.
Anyone who has Amazon Prime can watch it for free:
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Great post divine! I like statistics
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Divine good reminder of how far women have yet to go to reach equality with men.
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A little laugh from Instagram today
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I will never forget working as a legal secretary in the 1980's and writing a legal document that described a spinster as a woman who had never married - meanwhile there was no description of a man as such and feeling like something was wrong. Fast forward to birthing a daughter who I groomed to be a warrior who majored in women and gender studies in college, went to law school and is an Assistant AG and then I gave birth at 42 to another warrior daughter who is in college and getting ready to go to law school. These are some bad ass bitches - RBG would be proud
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A man who never married - "Confirmed bachelor". Sounds so much more positive and autonomous, yet still tantalizingly available, than "spinster", eh?
Historically, "spinster" didn't carry as much negative connotation as it does today. It used to refer to a person whose job was to prepare and spin fiber for yarn or thread, like "smith" or "baker". Because the job didn't require expensive equipment, unmarried women who didn't have much of their own resources would take on these jobs. Over time, and as automation took over the fiber industry, the term became associated with the unmarried women who did the job rather than the job itself. So in reality, a "spinster" is a woman who pursued a trade to improve her state independently rather than getting married right away.
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Interesting details on the origin of spinster.
wrenn, I hope you no longer view yourself as weak for your failed marriages.
Here's a follow-up story over the women's Olympic team that fought their uniform rules:Norway's beach handball team wins fight over sexist uniform rules
Female players will now only be required to compete in "short tight pants with a close fit," and a "body fit tank top," the International Handball Federation says in new rules.
Nov. 1, 2021Female beach handball players will no longer have to compete in bikinis, the sport's international federation has decided some three months after a decision to fine Norway's team for wearing shorts instead of the regulation bikinis triggered widespread outrage.
From January 2022, women will be required to wear "short tight pants with a close fit" and a "body fit tank top" when competing, according to the new regulations published by the International Handball Federation. The rules were updated Oct. 3 but have only now begun to garner widespread attention.
Female players could previously be fined or disqualified unless they wore midriff-baring tops and bikini bottoms "with a close fit and cut on an upward angle toward the top of the leg." Male players, meanwhile, were allowed to play in tank tops and shorts no longer than 4 inches above the knee.
Norwegian Handball Federation President Kåre Geir Lio called the change "both a real and symbolic step" toward combating gender inequality in the sport.
"I think it's good for the game, but first of all, it's good for the women, and it's good for how we treat each other in sports," he told NBC News by phone from Bodø, Norway, on Monday.
While the new uniform regulations still differ between men and women — women's shorts are still required to be fitted, whereas men have no such rule — Lio said that the female players had told him they played better in the tight shorts, and were "very satisfied" with their new ability to choose the length.
The Norwegian women's team had received support from all over the world after its players wore their preferred thigh-length elastic shorts during a match July 25 to protest against the regulation bikini-bottom design that they said made them "very uncomfortable." The team was fined 1,500 euros ($1,700).
The Norwegian Handball Federation has pushed for a change to the uniform rules since 2006, but the women's protest in July was a turning point, Lio said.
American musician Pink offered to pay the fine imposed on the team by the European Handball Federation for the rules breach, but that hadn't been necessary, Lio said. The federation ultimately donated the money "to a major international sports foundation which supports equality for women and girls in sports," it later said.
Lio and and International Handball Federation President Hassan Moustafa held behind-the-scenes talks during the Tokyo Olympics later that month on the issue, and sports ministers of Norway, Sweden, Finland, Iceland and Denmark called on the federation to finally take action on the issue in an open letter in September. By the beginning of October, the council had agreed to the changes.
The influx of global support was "quite special," said Lio, who called the sudden media attention "a new experience" for him and the team, which represents the comparatively small sport for a country of just 5 million people.
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Great topic! So much interesting history on here!
Reminds me of a story my mother told me about the train station in Belfast (I think?) when she was young. There was a waiting room for Ladies. Women had to wait in a different area. Classest implications, Ladies in 1st class didn't have jobs outside the household. Women worked. I am from a long proud line of working WOMEN.
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Such a low bar! Men have no requirements to wear "short tight fit" and "body fit tank top." Is the current change for women good? Yes? Does it remain sexist? Yes.
That women players must accept sexist dress and call it a win is truly disappointing.
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Women Veterans Issues A Historical Perspective: Women Veterans were the best-kept secret for many years. The 1980 Census was the first time that American women were asked if they had ever served in the Armed Forces, and an astonishing 1.2 million said "yes." Because very few of these newly identified Veterans used VA services, Congress and VA began a concerted effort to recognize and inform them of their benefits and entitlements. Activities were initiated to increase public awareness about services for women in the military and women Veterans. Soon after the 1980 census, Congress granted veteran status to women who had served in the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps (WAAC) during World War II. In 1982, at the request of Senator Daniel Inouye, the General Accounting Office (GAO), conducted a study and issued a report entitled: "Actions Needed to Insure that Female Veterans Have Equal Access to VA Benefits." This study found that: Women did not have equal access to VA benefits. Women treated in VA facilities did not receive complete physical examinations. VA was not providing gynecological care. Women Veterans were not adequately informed of their benefits under the law.
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Right on Wrenn!!! Kudos to that doc for talking directly to the woman patient even if she had nominally seceded all control to the husband.
Interesting to note about myself - I originally wrote 'seceded all control to the male half'. But I caught myself remembering that couples could just as likely be same sex and power issues may be in effect even it isn't from the patriarchy. Chances are from your post that it sounds like a man. And there's my prejudice showing again. I almost wrote "typical man".
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Introspective day. Interesting to stop & peruse our own thoughts!!!
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Devine- this is so true- I do think that men are so used to only competing with men (mostly white) and are shocked when women who create more than 1/2 the pie of life want ANY of it. It is maddening and I get it that if you are privileged you have to give something up when you have to share-
not sure how it is going to look moving forward- but, men seem to need to suppress women all over the world- they are very threatened by women and men of color. I read a book recently (Sapiens?) where he tried to figure out what makes men like this and rules out all sorts of theories and the only think he can come up with is testosterone.
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Sorry to say I think most women are 'enablers'. I have one friend who can be washing the floor on her hands & knees and if her DH says he wants to go out to lunch now, she jumps up & grabs her purse. She doesn't even tell him she'll be through in 15 minutes. Many others who work a full day, then after coming home & making dinner, race to the fridge if their DH says he's out of of iced tea.
We were raised by generations of Mothers that women have the responsibility to make everything right for everyone all the time. It is a role that is exhausting and guilt producing - and very hard to change. My Mother told me I could be & do anything I wanted if I worked hard enough, but I was still supposed to see men as superior.
Granted - there are some men who actually do "help", but not many who would notice or take equal responsibility for whether there is any milk in the fridge.
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Minus, I agree and I too am an enabler. It wasn’t intentional but I’m naturally more organized and DH worked away from home most of the year, so I handed everything. Unfortunately, it resulted in DH not having many household responsibilities and becoming more dependent. Cancer has changed that now and I’ve taken big steps back. He’ll miss me when I’m gone but he won’t be completely lost. I feel no guilt, never have but the need for control and desire to be helpful landed me in a situation less balanced that it should be.
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I think that's how most of us get caught Mae. We want to see things under control in our daily lives and we want to be helpful - especially to people we love.Fortunately I don't have guilt either, but I have lots of friends who seem to wallow in it.
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MinusTwo, I've always joked that I never know how much milk is in the fridge because it's something dh always makes sure we don't run out of, so I don't worry about it.
I could not imagine having the kind of marriage where my husband expected me to wait on him hand and foot. My marriage is always a work in progress, tho, and the last several years I've really learned to advocate for myself. Dh is very domestic and helps with cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, does his own laundry, packs his own lunch and more. But after I became aware of the patriarchy, I noticed how conditioned I was to allowing dh to minimize the work I did, sometimes even taking credit for it or not acknowledging it or even seeing it. I refuse to take a back seat any longer and learned to place much more value on all I bring to the table and I speak up a lot more to make it visible. I call dh out now whenever he tries to claim credit for something good that was my doing.
Another big turning point for me was when we moved dh's elderly mother into a house across the street from us about six years ago and dh started treating her and his sister (who chipped in to help with their mother) as more important than me. I knocked myself out for decades being the wonderful wife and then they waltzed in to become his priority? I wasn't having it. I was indignant and insulted to be treated that way. Change had to come from within me, which meant standing up for myself over and over and over. My mother in law eventually moved in with her daughter, but I was never going back to my old ways of making dh a bigger priority than me. I'm learning to check in much more often with myself about how I'm feeling and what is it I want to do and not just go along to get along. I only wish I'd advocated for myself a whole lot sooner.
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I haven't checked into this thread in a while, the "foundation recommendations" aka We Riot at Midnight, had me laughing out loud! Thank you, Divine, for sharing that!
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wren...agree wholeheartedly re: shared emails. When I call my SIL her husband (my brother) often talks over her and wants to be part of the conversation which is another of his control features.
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I get what you're saying about joint emails, but I know a few couples who have a joint email and even social media account and due to some of their history, I surmise it is a case of the wife not trusting the husband to stay on the up and up. Sometimes joint access is a way the wife can keep track of the husband's interactions.
In more recent years I realized how often dh would take over many of the conversations I started with others. For him, it wasn't about control, it's about wanting to be the center of attention. He has an insecurity where he won't make the first move to put himself out there but instead lets me get the ball rolling and then he steps in as if it were my job to set the stage for his entrance. I used to think so little of myself I didn't see this. I was so conditioned to acquiesce. Now I'm more mindful and do things to try to prevent it from happening.
I also go to another room when I'm on the phone.
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Alice, I love that!
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