Log in to post a reply
Sep 17, 2021 10:22PM
Dear Nancy and everyone who has prayed for me, thank you so much. I am on another new medication and I thought I was making great progress but had a setback today. My depression is getting better but I had an awful anxiety attack today with HBP and racing heart and shaking and the worst part was I was driving on the busy highway not far from us. Some of you may know I have 10 grandchildren and one of our granddaughters is getting married the third week in October and I don't have a dress yet. I've searched the internet for hours with no luck so I decided today I was actually going to go shopping at the big mall about 10 miles west of us. I was okay until I went to the second big department store and started to feel a hot flash and SOB. I Managed to find a dress that might work if I can get the right size but got very tired walking back to the parking garage, so sat a few minutes and then got on the big highway to go home. I made it, but by the time I got here, I was a nervous wreck and my BP was very high. So, I'm asking you all to please pray for me and my DH, not only am I concerned about this anxiety but the wedding is In Idaho and they have the 2nd worst vaccination rate and a big Covid surge right now. I really wish they would postpone the wedding but I don't think they will and how can I miss my first granddaughter's wedding? Just to add another worry, DH just found out his carotid artery is about 80% blocked so now I'm concerned he will have another stroke. The doctors seem to think he can wait and check it again in six months, they say he's in the “grey area", surgery or not. Is it any wonder I'm having anxiety? I know God must have a plan and it will be okay but it's so hard to wait. This note below was in my daily devotional emails yesterday and seemed to be there just for me. I think it will speak to many of you so I am sharing it.
“There are few people who teach as passionately about love as scientist, scholar, and Franciscan Sister Ilia Delio. At the CAC CONSPIRE conference in 2014, the audience was able to witness and share Ilia's enthusiasm for, and trust in, the "love energy of God," which makes any of our typical notions of hell quite impossible. She said:
Everything that exists speaks of God, reflects that love energy of God. But God is more than anything that exists. God is always the more of our lives. We can't contain God. If we try to control God, that's not God; God always spills over our lives. So, God is our future. If we're longing for something we desire, it's that spilled-over love of our lives that's pulling us onward, that's luring us into something new. But we don't trust this God [of implanted desire] often. We were pretty sure that God's there, [and] we're here, and we just need to keep [on] the straight and narrow path. . . .
What Francis [of Assisi] recognized is God is in every direction. That you might arrive, you might not arrive. You might arrive late; you might arrive early. It's not the arrival that counts. It's God! It's not the direction that counts. It's just being there, trusting that you will be going where God wants you. In other words, God is with us. Every step of the way is God-empowered love energy. But we tend to break down and start controlling things: "If I go this way, I'm going to get lost. Well, what if it's wrong? What will happen to me?" Well, what willhappen to you? Something will happen. But guess what? Something's going to happen whether or not you go; that's the whole point of life. So, it's all about love.
So, it's not like we've got this, "Here's God; here's us. God's just waiting till we get our act together and then we'll all be well." That's a boring God; that's not even God. God is alive. God is love. Love is pulling us on to do new things and we need to trust the power of God in our lives to do new things. . . . We need to unwire ourselves to recognize that the God of Jesus Christ is, you might say, the power beneath our feet, the depth of the beauty of everything that exists, and the future into which we are moving. . . .
Every one of us is written in the heart of God from all eternity, born into the stars, born, you might say, into the galaxies, born on this earth in small forms, developing and coming to explicit form in our lives, given a name. It's a fantastic mystery of love."
I've been absent for a long time and I'm sorry, but I always pray for all of you and try to read as often as possible. I feel so fortunate to know that I have you as my prayer warriors. Thank you all so much for being here. I can often feel that your prayers are working.
I've gone on too long but I guess I just needed this outlet. I will try to be more faithful in writing in the future.
Love and prayers for all.
Faith (in the future
1/1991, Left, Stage IIIB, 8/26 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
1/4/1991 Lumpectomy: Left
2/4/1991 Mastectomy: Left
1/2016, ILC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to lungs, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH)
1/22/2016 Femara (letrozole)
1/23/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib)
Reconstruction (left): Nipple reconstruction, Nipple tattoo, Silicone implant, Tissue expander placement
Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)